Now This Changes Things
by NarutosBrat
Summary: A single decision that changes the course of history.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I have Tsunade as Naruto's mother, what does that obviously tell you.**

Prologue: Lucky Brat

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16 years before that night...

Our story begins with a decision, that brings with it a change of destiny.

"No, oneechan, I want to earn it." Said Nawaki. "Hang onto it for me, and I'll take it when I become Hokage." Raising an eyebrow, the beautiful blonde asked.

"You sure?" Nawaki nodded at his sister, who placed it on her dresser.

"Besides, it's been all between your boobies, and I want to give it a chance to air out." Nawaki said with a grin that would become famous on someone else dear to her.

"Why you little." The chase began...and ended shortly after with Nawaki's face smothered in said boobs, via a head lock, while he squealed like a pig. A white haired man, who happened to be visiting the buxom blonde stopped, and frowned.

"Lucky brat!"

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8 years, three months before that night...

"I'm sorry Dan, but there's nothing that I can do." Tsunade said to her best friend, sans Jiraiya. Their team had been ambushed by four teams of Iwa Anbu, and were swiftly wiped out. Only her and Dan had remained, while more than three quarters of the enemy survived. Dan had sacrificed himself to take out more than half of the remaining group, while throwing their plans into disarray.

"It's okay hime," He said, coughing up blood. "At least we got those bastards, eh." Tsunade looked at the dozen or so Iwa nin that were slowly, but surely regrouping.

"Yeah, you got'em." She said smiling. "I love you Dan." Dan let out a small sigh before smirking.

"I love you too, Tsunade-koi. Do me a favor, take care of little Shizune, will you," Dan requested. "And make sure you're the only one that leaves this battle." He added. Tsunade nodded, and let a tear fall as the life left one of the only men she felt she could ever love (and no she would never tell Jiraiya, because he'd never let it go). When Tsunade stood to engage the enemy, the look on her face told the Iwa nin that they were ass fucked...without lube. Tsunade certainly earned her title as one of the Sannin, when she butchered the nin without receiving so much as another scratch; in her rage, creating the strength technique she would become famous for.

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5 years before that night...

"I present to you, the Yondaime Hokage, Senju Nawaki." Sarutobi said to the masses. The village cheered, relishing in the lull in fighting. As Sarutobi stood back, and listened to the new kage address his people, he began to make plans. It was time the God of Shinobi return to the battlefield. Regardless of his age, he was still a force to be reckoned with. Besides, his eldest daughter had been raped and murdered by enemy ninja, and he was itching for some payback. Next to him, his former student, and newly published author watched his teammate kiss her little brother on the cheek.

"Lucky brat!" He grumbled, to which Sarutobi chuckled.

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A little less than a year before that night...

As the Jounin took a seat in the bar, he thought back over the report he had just finished reading. He knew that death was a part of war, but losing a student hurt almost as much as losing one of your own kids; moreso when you didn't have any biological ones of your own. So lost was he in his thoughts, that he didn't notice that someone had sat next to him, nor that said person was the woman he'd crushed on since he'd first met her- an incident involving his sensei being punched across the village.

"You look like you could use a drink, kid." Minato looked up to find Tsunade sitting next to him; her loose top showing unhealthy amounts of cleavage for any straight man.

"Ts-Tsunade-hime." He stuttered out, blushing. Luckily in the poor light of the bar, his red tint couldn't be seen.

"Ugh, don't call me that, it reminds me of your pervert sensei." She said. "He knows I hate it when he calls me that." Fighting the urge to stare, he turned his eyes back to the bar.

"Sorry, Tsunade." He murmured.

"So, what's got you so down?" She asked.

"Rin, she died on her mission." Minato explained. "I had thought she was ready for a solo mission, I should have known. She was a medic, not a real fighter. First Obito, then Rin, I feel like a failure as a teacher."

"You can't let things like this get to you." Tsunade said. "When I lost the man I loved to enemy contact, I nearly shut down. My sensei told me that war is death, and that no one is safe from it. I didn't understand, or really didn't want to understand at the time, but now I see what he meant."

"I know, I just want to forget right now." Sighing, Tsunade poured him a cup of sake.

"All right, but you'll eventually have to face it, and move on." She said.

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Three hours later, the plastered pair were still sitting at the bar with eight empty bottles of sake sitting in front of them. The drunk Jounin looked at the blonde haired woman, and had the sudden urge to confess something he'd been hiding.

"H-hey, Tsss-undade(1)," He started. "I think...I'min...I'm in lllove wiyou." Many of the words in the drunken confession were punctuated by points of the finger. "I wan'ed you since I was a Genenin(1)." Tsunade, who was even less sober than her drinking partner, gave him a drunken smile.

"How ba' y'wan' me?" She returned. She gave a hiccup, and swayed dizzily.

"Mor'en Ero-sen...hic...sensei." He said. "Bu' I wan' mar'y you. Mizzi and Mizzer Sen-Senju Tsunadade(1)." Tsunade barked out a drunken laugh, before giving Minato an appraising eye. He wasn't bad looking, in fact he was rather sexy, and she hadn't been laid since Dan died. Now she'd never have considered this sober, but it seemed like a good idea at the moment.

"C'mon, les get outta here." She said taking his hand.

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Next Morning...

Tsunade woke to bright sunlight, and a pounding headache. Groaning, she sat up, allowing the covers to slide off her nude torso. '_Huh, nude torso?_' Looking down, she found that she was indeed naked from the...she pulled the sheets up to find she was completely naked. Looking over she saw that she had company, in the form of Namikaze Minato, her teammates most gifted former student. It was about this time that her brain processed the pungent scent, and the feeling of the still slightly damp sheets. As the events of the day before came back to her, she groaned even louder. '_Kami, I really hope I remembered the contraceptive jutsu._' She thought, rubbing her throbbing temples.

Sitting on top of the Hokage Tower with his telescope out, a certain member of the Sannin giggled pervertedly...at least until he saw a shock of blond hair laying next to the nude woman.

"Damn it, that lucky brat."

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Eight months before that night...

The latest ninja war was ended swiftly and brutally. The Sannin, the God of Shinobi, the Yellow Flash, the Crimson Death, and the newly famed Copy-cat Kakashi, along with a hundred other shinobi of Leaf, decimated the remainder of Iwa and it's allies fighting force. It was the only battle Konoha fought without aid of allies, and the only battle where they didn't suffer a single casualty.

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Seven months before that night...

"Congratulations Tsunade-sama, you're..."

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Jounin Minato Namikaze was heading towards the Hokage tower to ask if there were any new Genin graduating soon that had any promise. He'd gotten his team after they'd all reached Chuunin, and thought it might be nice to start from scratch this time around. With the war over, he had finally had time to come to grips with the loss of 2/3 of his other squad. Just as he was passing the hospital, an ominous feeling washed over him, followed by a bellowed yell.

"WHAT?" He heard a familiar voice say, and chuckled at the unfortunate bastard that had drawn her ire. That is, until he remembered the ominous feeling. Deciding retreat was the better part of valor, he began to pick up his pace, only to freeze mid-step when a highly pissed off Tsunade landed in his path; leaving a two foot wide, and six inch deep depression in the road. He heard her knuckles crack as she balled up her fists, and just closed his eyes. He didn't know what he'd done, but he knew this was going to hurt...a lot. "You bastard." He heard her growl, before being knocked a quarter mile away, through three walls, and landing in a convenient stack of empty boxes inside the back room of a small newly built ramen stand. Minato thanked Kami for that stack of boxes, knowing it could have been a much worse landing (her aim was impeccable, seeing as his sensei always seemed to land in the women's hot spring when she hit him, which usually led to another beating). Deciding to take the road less traveled, he just laid there, luckily avoiding further bouts of her wrath. His sensei wasn't so lucky, for when the news of Tsunade's condition reached him, his comments about being both jealous and proud of his student landed him under the scope of Tsunade's anger, and a trip to both the women's hot spring (where Anko, Yuugao, a pregnancy induced hormonal Kushina, and Kurenai just so happened to be communing), and the hospital.

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That night...

"Damn you Minato," Tsunade yelled as she pushed. "I'm going to cave your fucking chest in." Minato paled. '_She's already broken my hand, now she's going to cave my chest in too? Man, maybe I should have just gone out with Kushina like everyone said._' Minato gulped as he saw the railing of the hospital bed bending and contorting under the woman's strength.

Um, let's fast forward a bit, shall we.

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Forty-three minutes later...

As Tsunade sat breast feeding her son, her Naruto, her thoughts began to wander. First was how she'd allowed her son to be named after one of Jiraiya's characters; never mind the fact that it was for once a noble one. She completely forgot- or rather pointedly ignored- the fact that it was also part of a ramen dish, a fishcake at that. Then was her greatest fear, just under the sight of blood, which after butchering a few Iwa nin months ago, had lessened considerably. When she'd lost Dan, she had truthfully given up all hope of ever having children. Who would have thought that a drunken mistake would be the best thing that ever happened to her. Looking over to the door, she caught the boy's father looking away. Why he insisted on pretending he wasn't staring, she didn't know. She was a Kage level shinobi, and after having dealt with Jiraiya for over twenty years (yes she knew she was a very late bloomer, having not started having significant breast growth until she was sixteen), she could feel when someone was staring at her.

She still couldn't understand why he proposed to her. Was it because of Naruto, or did he really have feelings for her. She knew he had a crush on her, like teacher, like student after all, but had his feelings grown to more? She put those thoughts to the back of her mind for now, and returned all of her attention to the suckling baby. Tsunade let out a shudder, because this was going to be rough on her. The last thing she needed, was to get aroused while trying to feed her child. She'd always had sensitive nipples, hence her hatred and lack of use of bras- never mind the fact that finding one that fit was always a chore. She'd always preferred somewhat loose bindings until even that wasn't an option anymore. He'd definitely be getting weaned as soon as possible. Tsunade felt the eyes on her again, but ignored them this time. The fact that the stare was more a loving caress, than a perverted glean, made her want to give him a chance. Not to mention, that the majority of the gaze was on Naruto, not her. The pain of loss, however, was still too much, even after five years. Even if she had gotten over the death, it still affected her personal life.

Minato waited a few moments after being caught staring. Shaking his still sore hand, he made a mental note to have Jiraiya hold her hand next time. Holding the hand of a kunoichi giving birth was painful (his friend Kushina had proven that), doing so for a Kage-level kunoichi who was known for having super strength, was just plain crazy. She'd literally crushed his hand, and the medic had almost been unable to fix it afterwards. His thoughts then turned darker. Why was she so stubborn? He loved her, he loved his new son, why couldn't they be a real family? He turned back to the woman feeding his boy, and he couldn't help but smile. '_The little bugger. Not even ten minutes out, and he's already getting more play from my girl than I am. Lucky little brat._'

Giving a grin, he stood, and joined his two favorite people; Jiraiya had been bumped to third. The fact that he was understanding of the situation scared him though. If his sensei was maturing, then surely something huge and life changing was about to happen. Arriving at Tsunade's side, he gave his suckling son a caress on the head, and caught up in the moment, Tsunade received a kiss on the top of her head, and on her shoulder. '_Damn it,_' She thought. '_He's really making it hard to keep saying no about now._' Giving her a charming smile, he said.

"You know, he's probably the luckiest guy alive right now." Tsunade gave him an unusual curious look. "Think about it Tsunade, what's he doing, that every guy on the planet has dreamed of?" Tsunade sighed.

"You see, it's comments like those that remind me why I rejected your marriage proposal." The Eldest blonde replied. "As smart as you are, you still got corrupted by Jiraiya." For a second, Minato's eyes glazed. She'd just shifted Naruto to the shoulder opposite of the breast he'd been eating from, to burp the baby, and her breast was just sitting there begging to be taken back in mouth. Minato shook his head, exorcising the perverted thoughts of his sensei from his brain.

"Really love, everyone's a little perverted, otherwise, there'd be no babies; and at least I'm not one to the extent of my sensei." Minato replied, while reaching down to cover her bare boob with her gown. '_And you weren't complaining about it that night we spent together._' Although he'd never say that bit aloud.

"One can only be so fortunate I guess." While she'd said that, she was also cursing at the fact that he'd covered her instead of staring. It was sweet gestures like that, which again made him hard to resist. They sat in companionable silence, while she burped her small bundle. Afterwards, Minato took his son, to give her a rest. Just as Tsunade started to drift off, a medic ran into the room.

"Minato-san, the Kyuubi has breached the outer defenses, Hokage-sama requests your presence on the battlefield." Minato hung his head, and looked at Tsunade.

"I don't know how this seal of yours works, but I do know that the user is going to die." Fighting back the tears at what she knew was coming, she said. "Minato, either you or Nawaki better bring my son back to me." He nodded. "Alive!"

"I promise Naruto will be fine, Tsunade-hime." He then added, as he was leaving the room. "And even if you don't believe me, I do love you. I felt you should know; just in case I don't get the chance to tell you later." Tsunade then knew that she loved the man. She tried to speak up, but the words caught in her throat. Instead, she just cried, cursing not having told him that she too loved him.

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Another hour later...

"It's okay, hime, let it out." Tsunade cried on Minato's shoulder. Jiraiya calmly rubbed a comforting hand on her back, while he held their son.

"Just remember, a person is never truly dead, until they are completely forgotten." Jiraiya wouldn't know how much his words had affected his teammate until later. "He gave his life to save the village; a sacrifice like that will never be forgotten, and even if it is, his friends and family will never let his memory die." After she'd cried herself out, she looked up into blue eyes identical to her son.

"Minato-kun, could you take me home?" Blushing slightly at the endearment, he began leading her towards the house she shared with her brother and apprentice. She stopped him with a hand on his arm. "No, take me to our home."

"Ts-Tsunade-hime, what are you saying?" He asked unsure. Jiraiya, having figured it out, chuckled at his student. The boy was a certifiable genius, a gifted ninja beyond even he and his teammates, and had mastered everything put before him, whether jutsu or politics. Yet here he was, as clueless as one could be when dealing with women.

"I'm saying that life is too short to waste precious time." Grabbing the back of his head, she brought his head down to hers, and kissed him. "And my answer is yes. I think I will marry you." The Jounin's eyes went wide, before he passed out. Jiraiya snorted.

"You know that he's had a crush on you ever since he was little right." Tsunade raised her eyebrow. "You just made the kid's dreams come true for the second time." He then grumbled something that sounded suspiciously like, 'Lucky Brat'.

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Six years later...

Six year old Naruto raced up the stairs to his father's office. All he'd been told, was that his dad and the Old Man had a surprise for him for his birthday. When he reached the floor, he blushed as he passed the secretary's desk. She was a pretty lady the same age as Anko-neechan, and just as flirty. Both liked to smother him in their chests, but Satoshi Lia had a much bigger bust to smother him with.

"H-hey Lia-chan." The secretary looked up from the file she was reading, her brown eyes bright with mischief.

"Oh hi cutie." She said. "Your dad wanted me to tell you that he'll be a few minutes. The Council needed him for something." Naruto inwardly groaned. This meant he was going to be subjected to the flirtations of his dad's secretary. Even though he was young, he was smart enough to know what she was saying, and that she really didn't mean most of it. That still didn't make her comments any less effective at making him blush like a tomato. "You know, you really are a cute little something. I bet you and my little sister would be so cute together."

"Lia-chaaan, don't say things like that." Naruto said, pouting cutely. Grinning, the teen said.

"Too bad you aren't older, or I'd have to snag you for myself." Neither had noticed the other two people in the room.

"Now, now, Lia, no flirting with the little ones." Minato said, smiling. Lia and Naruto looked up to find both the Sandaime and Godaime Hokages standing near the stairs.

"But Hokage-sama, he's just so cute." She said winking at Naruto, gaining another blush, and a smile from the two men. "I just wanna squeeze him like a little fox plushie."

"While I'm inclined to agree with your earlier statement, I don't think you should be setting your sister up with Naruto just yet." Minato said. "Both Naruto and Tenten are much too young to be thinking about relationships." Turning to his son, he said. "Come along, Naruto, we have a surprise for you." The two elder nin entered the office, followed by Naruto. Just as he was crossing the threshold, Lia called his name.

"Hey Naruto-kun." Naruto turned, swiftly wishing he hadn't, for Lia had blown him a kiss. When Naruto entered the office, his face was redder than the flames on his father's haori.

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Five minutes later...

As Naruto whipped out the door, and down the hall cheering about his new career, his father was having a serious conversation with his predecessor.

"Sarutobi-senpai, I need to ask you a favor."

"What is it Minato?" The young man looked distressed. "You know I would help you anyway that I can."

"I was wondering if you'd consent to taking one last student?" Minato gave a sad sigh at the frown on his mentor's face. "I know that you said you wouldn't, not after Orochimaru, but if anyone can remove the stain that he left on the village, it's Naruto. Having the Kyuubi sealed in him, he has so much potential, and you and Jiraiya are the only ones who could train him to his full potential. Jiraiya has already agreed to take him as a Genin, and won't be back till then- something about a spy network, and a new novel series- I need you to teach him until then."

"What about Tsunade? Surely she can train him."

"She has taken over the hospital, and is still busy restructuring it, as well as trying to train field medics." Minato decided to nail the coffin shut. "Besides, the boy soaks jutsu up like a sponge, and who better to teach him than the Great Professor, the man with a knowledge of all the village's jutsu. You know you love teaching, you're always imparting knowledge onto people."

"Surely you can ask this of someone else." Sarutobi said. "You wouldn't want it to seem like you're playing favorites, would you." Minato sighed.

"You know I would do this myself, but my time is swamped with paperwork, meetings, clan drama, and correcting the corruption within the council." Sarutobi sighed. "If I were not the Hokage, I'd be just like every other father preparing their child to be the best they can." Minato smirked, about to play his trump card. "Perhaps you'd be willing to resume your duties for a few years, so that I can prepare Naruto for the shinobi life ahead of him?" Fearfully, Sarutobi changed his mind. '_The threat of paperwork prevails again._' Minato thought to himself.

"I-I will teach him as you have asked," Sarutobi said, sweating from the ten ton bullet he'd just dodged. "But only under the premise of tutoring, and only if Naruto asks me himself."

"Thank you, though you should be warned that he'll have severe difficulty learning the Bunshin." Minato said. "I'd do that last."

"Yes, the boy does seem to have more chakra than he can control." Sarutobi agreed. "But I think I have something that can help him. I'll probably start him on Taijutsu and chakra control anyway."

"Speaking of taijutsu, there is one thing I do want you to teach him." Minato said. Sarutobi gave him a meaningful look. "I understand, but I also know my son. I've paid close attention to my son, especially after he learned to walk. His mind is much too free to make use of the academy style, or any real traditional style. I've been working on something especially for him, that plays to his unpredictability, and his ability to think on the fly. It's a style that only he could use, and it suits his preference of just winging it, instead of elaborate planning."

"Oh, do tell."

"I started with an ancient civilian style. You may have heard of it, The Way of the Intercepting Fist?" Sarutobi nodded. "Right, I used the main principles of this combat system, because the flexibility suits Naruto better than any style I've ever heard of. I also added elements of my own Butterfly style, this will give him attacks and defenses that he can use in high speed combat."

"High speed?" Sarutobi jibed.

"Basically, if Naruto decides to learn the Hiraishin." Minato explained. "The style I currently use was developed around the technique, and makes great use of the jutsu's speed, as well as my own natural speed."

"I see, continue."

"I've also been able to incorporate some of Tsunade's own style, to of course utilize her monstrous strength, less powerful enhanced attacks, or even medical techniques in combat. His already sizable reserves may prevent him from having the control to use his mother's strength or the latter in such a situation, but the options will be available to him. This is the only thing that I ask you to specifically teach him. Everything else is at your own discretion." Minato handed him the scroll.

"It is a very interesting concept, I look forward to seeing it in action."

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First day of class...

"Hey ojisan, could you help me with some stuff?" The eight year old Naruto asked. "I'm having some trouble with chakra control, and I don't like the academy taijutsu. It's too crampy." Sarutobi frowned.

"Did your father put you up to this?" Naruto shook his head.

"No, was he supposed to?" The blond asked. Sarutobi sighed, and beaconed for him to continue. "I need help with my lessons, but while kaasan and tousan do help, they can't take too much time during the day, cuz they are always busy with important village stuff. I figure since you helped kaasan get so good, you could help me at least with the easy stuff. I don't want it to seem like special treatment." The former Hokage couldn't help but smile.

"Alright, how about you show me what you can do, and I'll figure out what to do to help." Naruto nodded, then got a scared look on his face.

"Ano, can I bring Hinata-chan with me too?" He asked. "She's having problems too, and I promised her I'd help her if I could." Sarutobi grinned. '_Well that solves the favoritism problem, it seems._'

"Yes, and tell Hinata she's welcome to join whenever she likes." Naruto's smile was brighter than his hair at that moment.

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1. You know what's funny, I hadn't intended those to be misspelled. They were all typos that I figured fit in at the moment, so I just left them.

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I don't want Naruto to be super great too early, so I'm trying some things. Academy Naruto will be about naturally as good as early Genin Hinata, but stronger, more ninjutsu, and with chuunin reserves and stamina. Since Hinata sometimes joins Naruto for training with the old man when she can, she'll be pre-timeskip level as a Genin. Naruto and Hinata figure out early on that she's not that good with the pure Hyuuga style, and learns a variation of Naruto's style. When they become Genin under Jiraiya, they will learn that she flourishes when she mixes it with another style. Sarutobi works on his chakra control and taijutsu for the first two years, strength, speed, agility, stealth, tracking, trapping, and etiquette the next three, and then teaches him ninjutsu the last two. While Naruto is doing his ninjutsu training, Hiashi and Minato rework Naruto's style for Hinata featuring Jyuuken. I decided to put this particular note up, because I likely won't be going back over their training, never was good with all the training montages.

Isn't it weird how it takes reading a fanfic to make you notice things about the series. I'd just finished reading a portion of chapter 4 of the story 'Gift of Fire' by Black Saint, and just so happened to be looking up something in the manga for one of my own stories. Tell me why I stumbled upon a panel in chapter 238 (panel 13, I think), that had a picture of all four Hokage; and wouldn't you know it, but the Yondaime held a real resemblance to the Nidaime. I also noticed that there was a picture of the Yondaime on the first panel of chapter 238. If you put Naruto's whiskers on that picture, they look almost like clones of each other. You know what would be totally messed up, is if Minato was like Tobirama's grandson, resulting from a child that came from an affair that he never knew produced a child. Then Kushina was a descendent of a fling that Hiruzen had while away from Konoha during one of the wars; perhaps with a kunoichi from Whirlpool Country. Then through some wild twist of fate, one of the doctors doing a routine checkup on Naruto (likely Shizune to make it more humorous), finds a discrepancy with Naruto's blood work. She finds that he has a partial genetic match to all five of the village's Hokage, with the Fourth being the most obvious one; being his father and all. Oh the chaos that could cause. Now I'm not one to pimp out my story ideas, but I would be very grateful if someone were to take this up. It's a comedy just waiting to happen.


	2. Genin Hoe!

**Disclaimer:** Naruto's mother is not an extra hot redhead from Whirlpool, but an even hotter, huge breasted blonde trained by the Third Hokage. Enough said.

Fair warning, I'm not going to bother with very many physical descriptions. If you're enough of a fan to be on a fanfiction site, then you should already know what the people look like. If not, then you can easily check out one of the many sites dedicated to Naruto. The only things that will be described, are things relevant to the story, or things that have been otherwise changed.

Also, there will be some light Sakura and Sasuke bashing in the beginning. Personally, I don't really condone bashing that doesn't serve a purpose; making them realize they've been ass holes, or blatant comic relief, etc. (see Chunin Exam Day by Perfect Lionheart). Doing it just to hurt them for the sake of hurting them is stupid (which is why my story idea Sarutobi's Mistake will likely never be written by me), since you're holding grudges against people that don't even exist. Anyway, slight bash warning, but you'll see the reason, and there is a purpose to it.

Later on, you may notice something very familiar if you've read Chunin Exam Day by Perfect Lionheart. Lionheart's policy of giving credit and a link in exchange for using his/her ideas is in effect. I am giving him/her all credit for the 'purpose of D-rank missions' idea.

I'm also trying to institute a new line break system to help you better understand the passage of time in my fics without having to keep doing it. System will go as follows.

1- Will stand for the passage of hours of a day, most of the time it's no more than a couple. If it's more than that, it'll likely be mentioned.

8- Will stand for the passage of days. Same rules apply as hours. It will usually be mention how long has passed for more than a week.

**Genin Hoe!**

The sun was shining brightly on this beautiful Konoha morning. All was calm and peaceful, with nary a worry in the world...unless you were one of Konoha's Elite Shinobi tasked with capturing the Hokage's son. While no where near either of his parents, the little brat was still pretty quick on his toes. What's more, was that his unpredictability made things even more difficult. The leader of the squad cursed when they hit another dead end. This little bugger was even more elusive than that damn cat of the Daimyo's wife. He was definitely shaping up to be a fine shinobi; but that didn't help their current situation at all, it actually made it worse. Just then, he saw a mop of spiky blond locks- one that could only belong to two people in the village, and it wasn't tall enough to be the Hokage- turning a corner. Directing his squad, they darted to the end of the street, and around the corner to find...nothing.

"What the hell, how did he just disappear?" The Anbu Captain groaned.

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As this was happening on the other side of the village, an elderly man in comfortable robes stood staring at the Hokage Monument, shaking his head. Never in a million years would he have expected Naruto to pull something like this; nor had be expected him to be able to, considering it was done in broad daylight. So this is what he'd look like if he'd attempted Naruto's Oiroke no Jutsu. He was duly impressed, yet inwardly, Hiruzen was a little disturbed at how hot his former sensei looked; as well as the fact that it seemed the statue was winking right at him. Sarutobi felt a presence approach from behind, and gave another sigh. Turning his head, he saw the Godaime Hokage standing there. The man's son was just as much a hassle as his father had been. He sometimes often feared what Naruto would have been like had Minato and Kushina Uzumaki actually gotten together. With Minato and Kushina's combined pranking tendencies in his blood...Sarutobi shuddered at that possibility.

"You okay." Minato asked.

"Just thinking of how much worse this would be if you and Kushina had hooked up." Minato paled at that. When it came to pranks, that woman had been hell on two legs; two very shapely legs, but he was a happily married man, and that wasn't an issue.

"So, any idea why he did this?" Minato asked Sarutobi, looking at the Hokage Monument, more specifically his own face.

"I challenged him to test his stealth abilities." The aged Kage said. "I figured that he would do so in the form of a prank, but I never thought he would do something like this. Pulling this off in broad daylight, I believe he may have surpassed even us Hokage stealthwise."

"Well, at least we know that we'd look good as ladies." Minato said. Both he and Sarutobi began with slight giggles of the perverted nature.

"Downright hot if you ask me, though I'm starting to get this weird feeling from the Nidaime." Jiraiya said, writing in a notepad. "Any idea how he did it?" Sarutobi shrugged. He knew that the paint was where the facial features came from, but the pigtails and the voluptuous features were a mystery to even him.

"Not sure, but I doubt it was a Genjutsu." The former Hokage said. "While he's not bad, I doubt he'll ever be skilled enough to pull off one of that size or style." The younger two men nodded.

"So how long has he been going?" Jiraiya was admittedly. "The record so far is nearly two and a half hours, broken up by Iruka."

"About ten minutes shy of three hours." Sarutobi said. "A new record I believe."

"I guess it's time to deploy the Anbu?" Minato asked. The former Kage got a sheepish look on his face.

"I deployed them over an hour ago." This caused the Hokage to frown. "I know, an academy student outwitting Anbu. Either he's very good, or the Anbu Corps. needs tougher training." Minato sighed. He never should have taught his son the Kage Bunshin, but he had way too much chakra. For someone his age and skill level, there's no way he'd have developed enough control to do a simple Bunshin.

"Give him another hour. If they haven't caught him by then, then get Gai's team on it, B-rank mission; he always did enjoy chasing Naruto around the village, said it was a most youthful workout. If they haven't found him by dinner, then I'll use the Hiraishin seal I put on his great-grandfather's necklace."

Minato then took to the roofs, to go try and vanquish his greatest enemy since the Kyuubi: paperwork; even Kage Bunshin didn't help, as it seemed paperwork did the same technique to multiply itself when he tried it. Raising his right hand, Sarutobi summoned an Anbu in a falcon mask. Even though he was retired, Hiruzen still commanded a considerable amount of respect as the longest reigning Kage in the Elemental Nations.

"Report." Raising his mask, the man revealed milky white eyes.

"He stopped at Ichiraku's nearly an hour and a half ago. After eating a sickening amount of ramen, he created ten Kage Bunshin, and ran off in ten different directions. I lost track of him then."

"Where is he now?" Activating his Byakugan, the man scanned the village, before freezing, his jaw on the ground. "What happened?"

"He just took out an entire Anbu squad with a single jutsu." The other two men stood with shocked expressions.

"What, how?" Jiraiya asked. Sarutobi just groaned, thinking of the jutsu that had taken even him by surprise.

"He turned into a naked woman." The Anbu said. The younger of the two older men was surprised that the jutsu actually worked like the boy had said it would.

"Heh, and Tsunade said it was a useless jutsu." Jiraiya said, grinning. "Then again, he did call it the pervert killer."

"I hear that you're going to be taking over his training as a Genin." Sarutobi said.

"Yeah, and I've been meaning to ask you what I have to work with." He said. "I know that you're a good teacher, turning out three Kage level students speaks for itself, but he's not his father, nor his mother, nor any of our former students for that matter."

"True, but he is not without tremendous potential." Sarutobi said. "His taijutsu needs work, but with the style that his father created for him, he just needs some more practice; Kage Bunshin is helping that along nicely. I was impressed that he decided to learn the style without them, the same with new ninjutsu. Speaking of, his ability with ninjutsu will likely surpass you, his father, and myself. If I didn't know his family personally, I'd have sworn he had a Sharingan active during our ninjutsu training; he devours them like he does ramen." Jiraiya's eyes went wide. "Given his condition, his chakra control makes Genjutsu almost a non-factor. As I said before, he'll be able to learn a few E or D rank Genjutsu, and maybe even get dispelling down, but that's about it. His chakra control is coming along though, since one of his goals is to learn medical ninjutsu. I would suggest using the Kage Bunshin method of training to help with that."

"What about basic shinobi skills?" Jiraiya asked. "You know, stealth, tracking, trap making."

"As you can see, his stealth could give a run to many of our top ninja. Not to mention, he's outwitted the ninja of this village for nearly three hours. His tracking needs some work, but it will come along. Given his penchant for pranks, the only thing that needs to be done is teach him to make his pranks lethal." The Anbu next to them spoke up.

"I can certainly vouch for that. He and Hinata-sama stole, and dyed Hiashi-sama and the Hyuuga Council's underwear pink, and replaced it without being spotted." He smiled, fondly remembering that council meeting.

_**Flashback jutsu**_

"Hiashi-sama, something must be done about this." One of the Elders barked. "That little brat is corrupting Hinata-chan." Hiashi just glared, though he inwardly smirked.

"While that may be true, it is also true, that he is helping bring her out of her shell." He replied.

"But at the cost of our dignity?"

"You will find, Hiroshi, that the lengths to which a man will go for his child, are limitless." He then let an uncharacteristic smirk pass his features. "Besides, I agree with young Naruto. It has been too many years since we've had any humor around here. People are beginning to think we're arrogant, uptight, and have sticks up our asses. I, for one, do not enjoy being mentioned in the same sentence as a stick being up an ass, nor anything up there, for that matter."

Having his wife still around had done wonders for Hiashi's personality.

_**Flashback end**_

"If I didn't think Tsunade'd kill me for it, I'd have Naruto do my research for me."

"You'll never corrupt me you big perv," A voice said to his left. The men all looked down, and were shocked to find Naruto. "Oh, and kaasan wouldn't kill you, Ero-Sennin; she'd beat you to a pulp, heal you, then beat you again. Then she'd heal you, tell all my neechans, and let them have a turn." Jiraiya paled at the prospect.

"Naruto, how did you get over here?" Sarutobi asked. "I thought that you were knocking out Anbu in the market district with your jutsu."

"Nah, that's just a clone; I knew I couldn't outrun them for long. That's why they can't catch me, because when they do corner a clone it dispels." Sarutobi smiled at Naruto's ingenuity.

"Well, let's go find Hinata, and I'll teach you tree climbing." Naruto grinned. "By the way, where were you."

"I've been at the Inuzuka clan house helping Kiba prank Hana." Naruto then gave a devious grin. "What Kiba doesn't know, is that I've erased all possible traces of my participation, so it would seem as if Kiba worked alone." As the two walked away, Jiraiya looked at the Anbu next to him, and said.

"I can tell teaching him is going to be a lot of fun." Jiraiya said, retreating.

888

Had he not seen it with his own eyes, Jiraiya might not have ever believed it. His grandson- in every way that mattered to him- was likely the most charming kid on the planet. Sure, the Uchiha brat had the hearts of many a fan_girl_, many following him around like lost puppies, but Naruto was practically a ladies man. Most women, kunoichi and civilian alike, were taken by the boy's bright attitude, and winning personality. If one were able to bottle and sell Naruto's ability to charm the ladies, one could be quite well off; perverts would flock from miles around to buy bottled chick magnetism.

Currently the boy was surrounded by nearly half a dozen women at least a decade his senior. They were enraptured as he gave over-exaggerated tales of his training with Hinata and the old monkey. As Yuugao, Shizune, Kurenai, and Anko chuckled at whatever it was the boy had just said, Hinata added something that caused him to pout, and everyone to laugh. Each of the women in the group considered Naruto a little brother, and each had an interesting story to go with their induction into the ever growing Senju-Namikaze extended family.

Shizune, who'd been around Naruto since he was a baby, was gaga over the munchkin. She was the first to see and fall in love with the ball of blond energy. Iwa's first attack on Naruto had come when he was two. Shizune was looking after him, when an Anbu from the Hidden Rock had come knocking. He learned that day, that hell truly hath no fury like a woman scorned, especially when you were attempting to kill her little brother. It was the first time he'd seen an Anbu, an A-rank in the Konoha bingo book at that, taken out by a Chuunin. Then again, being Tsunade's apprentice, her skill level and rank didn't exactly coincide with each other. While attempting to assassinate the Hokage's son was grounds for war, there was little they could do. The men had belonged to a rogue faction of ninja much like Danzo's Ne, and the Tsuchikage was able shift blame away from their village. That they were under his command was unknown to even his own people. This also led to the disbanding of Danzo's Ne organization. If others knew about them, and were using them as an excuse to assassinate his son, then they'd outlived their usefulness.

Anko and Yuugao- who was assigned to Naruto as protection after the first incident, and was only away from him when her skills were needed for outside missions- were the next two. Naruto and Hinata had needed a sitter for the day, and Anko had been volunteered in a random draw. She'd complained about the job, until Naruto told her he thought her snakes were cool. After being ostracized by many because of who her sensei was, that was enough for her to fall for him. Unfortunately for the blond, being liked by Anko, meant being on the receiving end of her flirtations, something that he was unprepared for. It was bad enough with just Lia; with Anko added, he was liable to die from breast asphyxiation before he reached puberty. Five year old Naruto and Hinata were at the park, when a two man team came calling. Kakashi, who was known to secretly tail Naruto sometimes when he wasn't on a mission, had, unfortunately for the attackers, been there as well. From two different sides of the park, the two assassins were sensed and taken out. One lost his head trying to keep up with the two kunoichi- he luckily wouldn't need it after that battle- while the other received the shocking experience of facing Sharingan no Kakashi.

The most unexpected one, and one that no one save Naruto had actually seen, had been the Kyuubi; yes you heard right the Kyuubi. During his second year in the Academy, Naruto was assigned with hiding from the Sandaime for stealth training. Unfortunately, he was a little too good at that, having lost his protective shadow as well, and found himself surrounded by three ninja with a strange teardrop symbol on their slashed hitai-ate. In a phrase made famous by Mr. T, 'I pity da foos'. As the Nuke-nin attacked Naruto, the boys seal glowed red, and malevolent chakra began leaking out. In the time it took for the nin to traverse the five meter distance, a red foxlike apparition had formed, and left nothing but three smoking, charred hunks of flesh.

Kurenai had been a complete accident. Naruto was eleven, and the Tsuchikage had decided to make one last attempt, despite what his council, and advisors said. His brother had been killed by the Yellow Flash, and he wanted payback. What was supposed to have been a prank for Kakashi, had been stumbled into by Anko. Little brother or not, he was toast. The Chuunin had chased the blond all over the village- followed by Kurenai to make sure she didn't do something to draw the ire of two Hokage and two of the Sannin. Only judicious use of Kage Bunshin and Kawarimi had saved him from numerous snake bites. When he'd finally been cornered, they had been interrupted by two Nuke-nin from Kusagakure. While Anko was having little trouble, Kurenai, whose main offense wasn't working against a man immune to such, was struggling- her speed was the only thing saving her from the much slower, hulking behemoth. In the aftermath, Naruto had further earned Anko's respect when he'd stuck a kunai up the ass of the man Kurenai had been fighting; one that was loaded with an explosive tag- how he'd gotten a hold of one, was still a mystery. It also meant she owed Kakashi ten ryo.

Pulling his gaze away from the show, Jiraiya slipped into the office window, grinning at his former student.

"Is it me, or do older women seem to be sweet on Naruto?" Jiraiya asked. Minato smirked at his sensei.

"Jealous?" He asked.

"To be honest, quite a bit." Jiraiya answered. "But then again, I guess it runs in the family." Minato rolled his eyes. What our dear Yellow Flash didn't know, was that nearly all the women who were sweet on Naruto, had once had childhood crushes on Minato.

"So what can I help you with?"

"You asked me to pay you a visit, brat." Jiraiya said. "Genin assignments."

"Right, forgot, you know how foggy the mind gets after several hours of paperwork." Minato answered sheepishly. '_Why do you think I never took the job?_' Jiraiya thought to himself. "Right, the reason I asked you to come, is because I wanted to finalize your Genin Squad." Pulling out three files, he opened them. "I know you asked for Naruto and Hinata, so I was thinking that to round it out, we could add Sasuke Uchiha; this years rookie."

"I'm sorry Minato, but I'm not taking the Uchiha brat." He said to his once student. "Let him be trained by Kakashi."

"Why won't you take him Jiraiya?" Minato asked, "And you know Kakashi asked for Naruto as well."

"I've already talked to Kakashi about that." It was more like shut him up with threats involving Icha Icha, but it got the job done. "As for the Uchiha, brat doesn't fit my style. He's arrogant, spoiled, and full of himself and that Sharingan. He believes that things should just be given to him because of his name alone, and doesn't understand the principle of hard work. I told you that he should have been placed with a caring family, but the Council in its infinite wisdom, decided to leave him alone, and give him anything he wanted." Jiraiya sighed.

"I want all of my Genin to be able to fight without having to rely on their bloodlines; their first six months with me they won't even be allowed to use them, unless it's an emergency, and it's needed. That's how I taught you and your teammates, and that's how I'm going to teach them. Hinata will go along with it, because she'll likely be able to see the logic behind not being dependent. Naruto won't care, because so far as he knows, he doesn't have one."

Minato nodded at that. They still didn't know if the Shodai's Mokuton and demon suppression abilities were a true bloodline; no one else had shown any signs of the ability prior or since.

"You know Sasuke won't accept that, and that's the main reason he won't make a good student; for me at least. Don't get me wrong, the kid is good; Itachi is the only other Uchiha I know of to activate the Sharingan before graduating the Academy. Thing is, I don't like cheaters and thieves; the only Uchiha I've ever heard of that learned without it are pre-Konoha Uchiha, Itachi, Mikoto, and the ones that didn't have it."

"So why do you really want Naruto and the Hinata? Other than the bet you lost, of course." Jiraiya smiled, and for once, it lacked the perverted flare.

"Regardless of who that brat's parents are, or the training he got from Sarutobi-sensei, he still thinks that he needs to improve, and that's the mark of a good shinobi. He likes learning, and works at everything until he gets it, without taking bloodline shortcuts." Minato shook his head, even more proud of his son than he normally was.

"He wants to follow in the footsteps of his family, and he's committed himself to working towards that goal. As for the Hyuuga girl, she's not worth training according to the clan elders; Hiashi and I want to prove them wrong, and knock their arrogant asses down a peg. She's kind-hearted, shy, and basically everything that the Hyuuga are not, which makes her a better student than most of what comes from that clan. I also noticed that she has a bit of a crush on Naruto, and looks up to him. She'll work hard to keep up just to impress Naruto, and that's as good as you can ask for."

"Are you sure that won't affect her performance? Her having a crush, and trying to impress him, I mean." Jiraiya smirked.

"Unlike the Yamanaka and Haruno girls, her desire to impress Naruto has nothing to do with her looks. I swear Kushina would be rolling in her grave if she knew how her daughter turned out." Jiraiya said, shaking his head. "Hinata's desire to impress Naruto stems from her wanting the gaki to see her as a kunoichi worthy of his attention. While she does want to impress Naruto, she's also serious about being a ninja. While they may not be geniuses like you, those two have as much potential as you had at that age, maybe more, and can be real assets with the right guidance."

"And the Uchiha won't." Minato questioned.

"I don't doubt that he will, once he gets over himself. He's no Itachi, but Sasuke has the tools to go far, if he ever gets rid of his attitude." Jiraiya answered. "The fact is, I can't teach someone with his kind of avenger mentality, and I damn sure don't have time for that asinine Uchiha superiority complex. Dealing with his attitude, and having to get him over himself will take away from time that could be better spent training my students." He then smirked at his former protege. "Besides, you know my philosophy..."

"Yes, it's no fun teaching geniuses." Minato said with an eye roll. "What about me, then?"

"You were the only exception, because you were such a goof off, and knew that there was a time to be serious, and a time to have fun." Jiraiya answered. "I'd take a no talent, hard worker, over a lazy genius any day; they're far more entertaining. I'd have taken Lee if Gai hadn't snatched him up already."

"I understand, sensei. Pick a third, and I'll give you those two." Jiraiya shook his head.

"Won't need one. Before you say it, I don't plan on nominating them for the Chuunin Exams, unless they show me something special." Jiraiya said. "And after having you, Shibi, and Yoshino, that's not likely to happen."

"What about missions?"

"D-rank missions can be performed alone." Jiraiya said. "And I don't plan on taking them on anything higher for at least a month or so. If that's all, I'll see you later, I've got to get some things ready for tomorrow."

"Good day, sensei." Minato said, and then added as an afterthought. "Oh, and Jiraiya, I'd advise you not to turn my son or Hinata into perverts." Minato joked, before turning just a bit serious. "Tsunade would not be amused, and she just may kill you." Jiraiya absently rubbed his jaw.

888

The day of team assignments dawned bright and sunny, and Naruto was up with the giant ball of light. Unfortunately, as ninja, one is trained to sleep lightly, so when Naruto began his day, the others were forced to as well. As a result, Naruto awoke the entire house nearly two hours early in his excitement. He was up and dressed in record time, nearly bouncing off the walls. In the master bedroom, Tsunade groaned loudly.

"Damn it, he's just like Nawaki was." She grumbled. "I'm almost tempted to put him in a medical coma so I can sleep another hour." Holding her from behind, her husband chuckled.

"Like you weren't excited for your team assignments." His breath on her neck sent those goose pimple shivers up her spine. Turning over to kiss her husband, she replied.

"I was, but I didn't wake everybody in the house up two hours before normal." Minato gave her a mischievous grin.

"That just gives us two hours extra for some morning fun." Returning it with one of her own, Tsunade ran through some seals, and smacked the wall above the bed. The pair watched as seals spread out and covered the wall, before converging on the door, which flashed. Grinning the two pulled the covers over their head.

Right outside their door, Naruto saw the wood turn red, and felt his stomach turn. He knew what that meant, and let out a shudder of revulsion. The small part of Naruto that had been corrupted by growing up around Jiraiya knew that objectively, that would be a hot scene to witness, but the fact that they were his parents, just kind of ruined that. Thus, why he turned immediately, and went to find Shizune. He tried the door to her bedroom, only to find it locked. He snickered knowing what that meant. With a loud knock, he called.

"Morning Shizune-neechan." He heard a muffled reply, and snickering, called out. "Morning Iruka-sensei." Inside the bedroom, two people blushed heavily, then groaned. So much for the secret.

Naruto decided then to head on out, and see if Hinata was awake yet. They'd catch some Ichiraku's on the way to the Academy. Grabbing his gear, he left the Senju Estate- ironic how the night of Naruto's birth Tsunade had decided to move into Minato's small home; then came the attacks on their son, and Tsunade moved her family back to the better protected Senju Estate, but that's another story- and ran the couple blocks to the Hyuuga compound.

Slipping over the wall, he stealthily avoided the guards until he reached the Main Family house. Sneaking around till he found her window, Naruto applied chakra to his feet, and climbed to the second floor where Hinata's bedroom was located. Slipping through the open window- and unknowingly past an alarm seal, one his father had placed after her attempted kidnapping, that recognized him as a friendly- Naruto made his way over to Hinata's bed. The young kunoichi was still fast asleep, snuggled up to a stuffed fox Naruto had picked out for her fifth birthday. Naruto gently shook her shoulder, earning a response that made him blush.

"Mmm, Naruto-kun, what if my father sees you touching me there." Hinata mumbled, before rolling over, and dozing even further.

"Hinata, wake up, we got team assignments today." Hinata bolted upright after that. Seeing that it was just barely light enough for a ninja to read, she looked over at her clock, and frowned.

"Naruto, it's 6:23 in the morning, what are you doing here?" Naruto frowned as well.

"Team assignments, remember." He replied. Hinata giggled, before rolling her eyes.

"We're supposed to be at the Academy at 11, we agreed to get up at 8, and meet at nine to get breakfast, and some light training in." She told him. "I repeat, what are you doing here?" Naruto slumped, and sat on her bed.

"I don't know, I guess I couldn't sleep." Giving a sigh, Hinata raised her sheet, and beaconed Naruto to lie down. While he did so, he still proclaimed. "I still won't be able to..." His words cut off as Hinata gave him a light Jyuuken tap on a pressure point. He was out like a light seconds later, allowing Hinata to return to sleep and her dream about Naruto. It was made all the better, with a life sized Naruto plushie lying next to her. Hinata wasn't a pervert by any means, but never let it be said that she couldn't take some advantage of given opporunities.

In another room in the building, Hitomi Hyuuga was tempted to prank her husband; a rather unfortunate result of being visited by Konoha's number one prankster so often. His reaction to her waking him up, and telling him that his daughter was sleeping with young Namikaze would surely be memorable. In the end, she decided to let them sleep, since they'd decided that they would be the ones to wake Hinata that morning. Letting him find the two himself would be much more memorable. She lay back down with a wicked smile on her face.

111

At 8:11:32 am sharp, the entirety of the Hyuuga Clan, those that weren't already up, were awakened by the loud, frightened, shrill screams of Hiashi Hyuuga in the midst of a panic attack. Of course, one really couldn't blame the man. He'd gone to wake his lovely twelve year old daughter, only to find her in bed snuggled up against a boy with whom she had a well documented crush. Not only that, but the boy was the son of Tsunade Namikaze, the one woman, other than his wife- and sometimes Anko- that he truly feared in Konoha.

That's not to say that there weren't any women he was scared of; these were just the ones that he couldn't put aside his fear and stand up to. For those wondering, his fear of Tsunade had little to do with her status as a potential Hokage, though that didn't hurt. No, his fear had more to do with the threats upon his manhood should something that she didn't approve of happen to her son while in the Hyuuga's care. The fact that she was a potential Hokage only came into effect with whether or not she could pull it off, and how much stock he'd put into the threat. Given that she could very easily follow through with her threats, and repair any damage so that she could do it again, he was always sure to be extra cautious.

Getting back to the matter at hand, Naruto losing his virginity at such a young age was definitely something Tsunade wouldn't approve of, and Hiashi was fearing for his manhood as the two teens stirred. The Clan Head began to relax when he saw that both of the youngsters were near fully clothed; Naruto in his shinobi attire, and Hinata in her pajamas. Slumping against the door to Hinata's room, his heart still racing a mile a minute, he let out a relieved sigh; his wife stood behind and to his left giggling up a storm. Something told him she knew this was going to happen.

Hinata woke first when she heard what sounded like her father screaming. Sitting up, she began to wipe the sleep from her eyes, followed swiftly by Naruto. When they saw who was standing in the doorway, Hinata turned beet red, and Naruto gave a bashful wave.

"Um, I'm going to go wait in the courtyard." He said, before bolting from the room via the still open window. As her mother closed the door and led her father away, Hinata grabbed her clothes, and quickly made for the bathroom to get ready. Half an hour later, she left her room to meet up with Naruto.

111

When the young Genin arrived in the courtyard garden, she could hear loud squeals of laughter. Rounding the corner, she found Hanabi pinned underneath her blonde best friend/crush, who was in the process of tickling her little sister. The girl squealed and squirmed under the onslaught, while their mother looked on with a small smile. Coming to stand next to her mother, Hinata let out a giggle at the scene before her. The young Hyuuga had slipped out of Naruto's grasp, and had climbed onto his back. Sensing her eldest daughter's presence, Hitomi called a halt to the tomfoolery.

"Okay, Hanabi-chan, that's enough." She said firmly, gaining a pout from the girl. "Hinata and Naruto have to get going. They're getting their team assignments today." Grumbling the whole way, Hanabi climbed down, and gave Naruto a hug, before moving to follow her mother inside. "Now, now, none of that. You start your own training today, remember." The once dour six year old immediately perked up at that. Hitomi decided not to ruin the girls disposition by telling her that Naruto wouldn't be able to play with her as much anymore either because of his new team.

111

After a very filling breakfast, and a light workout, the two youngsters found themselves in their former classroom, awaiting their former sensei. It wasn't long before the Chuunin entered the room with a scroll in his hand. He smiled at the bustling group, almost sad at what he knew was coming for most of them. Naruto and Hinata noticed the man's entrance, and immediately began paying attention.

"Alright class, settle down." He called. When his request went ignored, his finger swiftly slipped into a half tiger seal, and gathered chakra for his patented technique. Naruto and Hinata quickly covered their ears, as did Shino. "I SAID SHUT IT YOU LITTLE MAGGOTS!" The room instantly went silent, and Iruka continued on as if he hadn't just used the Big Head no Jutsu. "Good, now that I have your attention, it's time for your team assignments." As Iruka began rattling off the teams, Naruto went back to his map of the Hokage Office, listening for his name with half an ear. One of his life goals was to successfully prank his father without having to sacrifice other victims in the process. Iruka paused as he looked at the next team, and didn't envy their sensei one bit.

"Team Seven will be Hanako Sushigawa, Sasuke Uchiha, and Tetsuya Utatane; your Jounin sensei will be Kakashi Hatake." Naruto snorted a bit. He didn't know who to feel sorry for, Kakashi-nii or his Genin; or rather, he would have had be been listening. Naruto hadn't really been paying much attention to who was on what team. He already knew that he and Hinata would be on the same team, just not who their sensei was. It wasn't until team eight was announced, that he even made any comment about the teams.

"Team Eight will consist of Shino Aburame, Sakura Haruno, and Kiba Inuzuka; your sensei is Kurenai Yuuhi."

"What, dog-breath got Kurenai-chan as a sensei?" Naruto groaned. "Lucky bastard."

"What's so great about Kurenai?" Ino asked. "I heard that she's a new Jounin. I wouldn't want to be on someone's first Genin squad."

"Tch, Kurenai's hot; talk about the ultimate motivation to learn." Said Jounin had just entered the room.

"Thank you for the compliment Naruto-kun," Naruto blushed hearing her voice. "But I think you're a little young for me." Asuma, who had arrived with her, added.

"Yeah, so stop hitting on my girl, munchkin." Naruto pouted at Asuma, who chuckled, before his grin returned.

"You're early, Kurenai-neechan, Asuma-sensei." Naruto said.

"Well, I'm excited about having my first squad." Kurenai said. Asuma grinned when Naruto turned to him.

"Meh, I didn't have much choice." Asuma said shrugging, "Kurenai wanted to come early; only a guy batting for the other team could say no to a hottie like her."

"I bet Sasuke would." Naruto mumbled, just a bit too loudly. The meaning of the comment was as obvious as Naruto's lineage, and there were many snickers from the male end of the gender spectrum.

"SASUKE-KUN IS NOT GAY, YOU BAKA!" Sakura yelled. It should be noted that she didn't take a swing at him as one would expect. Aside from the fact that she wouldn't have been able to with her current skill level compared to his, Hinata would have intervened on his behalf. Naruto had always had issues hitting girls that weren't enemies, so the one time that Sakura had swung at him, Hinata had been the one to show her why it was a bad idea.

"Are you sure? He didn't even try to deny it," Naruto said, much to the annoyance of a few fangirls who noticed that. "And he was the only guy that didn't even blink when Kurenai-neechan came in; even Shikamaru woke up. Plus you have to admit, ignoring all the pretty girls who like him really doesn't look good for your argument." Blushes adorned many a scowling face. True, they were annoyed at his jibe at their Sasuke-kun, but they were still flattered at the compliment. He was, after all, the Omega-Hottie-Hokage's son, and ranged from a close to distant third on the hottie meter after Sasuke, depending on the fangirl. Hinata's argument didn't help either.

"Especially from a guy who's only ambitions are to kill his brother, and revive his clan; in that order, mind you."

"Yeah, what happens if his equipment gets damaged before he kills his brother or finds a decent brood mare?" For Naruto didn't see Sasuke viewing women as anything more than a means to revive his clan. Several pairs of eyes glared at the blond, but he only grinned harder. "Oh please, my Kaasan is scarier than all of you combined. Those glares are like flirtatious smiles compared to her." Asuma, Kurenai, and Iruka all shuddered. When angered, Tsunade Senju-Namikaze had a stronger KI than any two Kage combined; and when pushed too far, any two shinobi in history. It is often rumored and speculated, that had she not been giving birth at the time, she could have turned the Kyuubi away with her killing intent alone (2).

"Don't let your mother hear you say that, brat." Jiraiya said from the windowsill. He ignored Naruto's cry of "Ero-Sennin!", and the snickers that accompanied it. "I'm already on thin ice, because I commented on how nice she looks in her medic uniform." Iruka blushed, he'd been one of the lucky few to see her in that uniform during a period of backed up laundry in the Namikaze house. He'd needed a blood transfusion during the entire procedure, and it was only a simple check up. "From today on, she's gonna blame me for anything you do that annoys her."

"What, how come?" Jiraiya rolled his eyes.

"Because as your sensei, she'll figure that any bad habits you pick up, you will have learned from me." Naruto and Hinata grinned, which caused Jiraiya to flinch. "Shit, I shouldn't have told you that." He didn't like those looks, not at all. He just knew there was a severe beating very soon in his future.

"How come _he_ gets special treatment?" Ino growled. Naruto looked confused.

"Yeah, how come Sasuke-kun isn't getting training from a Sannin." Sakura said, offended on her crush's behalf. "He's much better than Naruto." Shikamaru, ever the voice of reason, shot in.

"Why would he need it?" Sakura and Ino just gaped like fish. "If he's so much better than everybody, like you say, then he'll be great no matter who his sensei is, right." Ino, hating the fact that the lazy bum was right, sat and huffed.

"Besides, Kakashi-niisan is a former Anbu Captain." Naruto explained. "Other than the perv, he's probably the strongest sensei taking a squad this year." Sakura, for all her supposed intelligence, wouldn't let it go.

"It's because he's the Hokage's son, isn't it." Both her and Sasuke's smug look disappeared with Jiraiya's answer. He gave a glare to Sakura.

"If she were still alive, your mother would be so disappointed to know you're a fangirl?" He said, making the girl flinch. "If I'm not mistaken, Kushina swore that no child of hers would be a fangirl or boy. As for your brilliant deduction, no." Jiraiya said to the shock of everyone. "It's because he's my Godson, so I was going to eventually take him as my student regardless. I figure I might as well take him now, instead of having to correct someone else's screw-job later. Not to mention, Tsunade can be very convincing."

"Kaasan threatened to hit you didn't she?" Naruto said, to which the Sage grumbled what sounded suspiciously like 'brat'.

"Besides, I like making projects of kids with little talent, but lots of potential." Jiraiya said. "Given that your _Sasuke-kun_ has talent, he doesn't fit that bill, while the gaki does." He then turned a smirk to Hinata. "And I'm sure that Naruto would have nagged me into insanity if I'd tried to split him and his hime." Naruto and Hinata both gave him blushing glares.

"Hey, screw you Ero-Sennin." Naruto growled. "And what do you mean, special treatment? This guy's the biggest pervert on the planet; writer of Icha Icha." Naruto complained. "We'll be lucky if we get five minutes of training before he's off peeping on one of the hot springs." He then turned to Kiba. "I still say you're the lucky one, Kiba," Naruto said. "You still have the hottest sensei ever." Kiba gave him a silly grin.

"That's true, unless you count your mom." Naruto let out a frustrated groan. The women of the Namikaze and Inuzuka clans, more specifically Naruto and Kiba's mothers, were prime teasing points for the two boys. Both were world renowned MILFs, and had induced their fair share of nosebleeds; both domestically and abroad. They were also part of the reason both boys got along so well, both taking every chance they could to ogle the other's mother (and sister in the case of Kiba). Having finished his current bag of chips, and looking to stop the verbal spar- that was sure to kill a pervert- before it started, Chouji asked.

"Um, whose teaching the rest of us?" Iruka looked startled, but then caught himself.

"Oh, right," He looked down at the page. "Uh, Team Nine under Maito Gai is still in circulation, so the next group will be Team Ten. "Chouji Akimichi, Shikamaru Nara, Ino Yamanaka; your sensei is Asuma Sarutobi." Turning to Jiraiya, he added. "Hinata Hyuuga and Naruto Namikaze, Team Eleven, are with Jiraiya-sama, as stated before. Since most of the Jounin are here, I'll leave you to them. Good luck." At this point, Naruto noticed that the room had indeed added several Jounin to its number. After the team assignments were done, and he was back in his office with a nice cup of sake, Iruka would thank Chouji for the bullet they'd all just dodged by stopping Naruto and Kiba early. Comments such as, 'I bet your mom's massive udders still squirt milk', and replies of, 'Well, I bet your mom gives doggytsyle a whole new meaning', would have surely left Naruto and Hinata without a sensei before their ninja careers could really take off. Before that however, he would face one last Naruto embarrassment.

"Come on brats." Jiraiya ordered. This would be followed by a last parting shot from the blond as he followed his sensei out the window.

"See ya, Iruka-niisan." He said. "Hope you and Shizune-neechan used protection." What made it worse, was that things were so heated last night, he didn't remember if they did.

111

A small hop and a skip, then another skip, and a rather large jump found the trio at a large gate, where Jiraiya retrieved from a pocket a small vial with a red liquid in it. A small swipe of the blood on a seal, and an additional one from the three shinobi granted them entrance. A further five minute walk found them in an old abandoned training ground.

"Welcome runts, to training ground zero." Jiraiya announced. "This was the training ground of Naruto's great grandfather and great uncle. It's also where sensei trained as a Genin, back when he was a kid."

"Cool." Naruto whispered.

"Even though we're all adequately familiar with each other, for tradition's sake, we'll start with the usual introductions. I guess I'll go first."

"You're the sensei." Hinata shot in. Jiraiya gave a meaningless glare.

"I am Jiraiya of the Sannin. I like Fuinjutsu, and the band of misfits that have become like a family to me." Naruto grinned at that. "I dislike stuck-up prodigies and geniuses, traitors, and people who don't like my books. My hobbies are writing, and doing the research for my writing. My dreams for the future are to see you two become Jounin at the least. Blond brat, you're next."

"My name is Naruto Namikaze. I like ramen, Hinata-neechan, my family, and the chases that come after a successful prank."

"You would." Jiraiya muttered.

"I dislike blatant perverts, egotistical clan kids, and people who treat me differently because of my father or the fox." Naruto continued. "My hobbies are training, pranks, helping kaasan and neechan at the hospital, and annoying the baka kitsune in my gut." There came a deep grumble from said gut. "My dreams for the future, are to prank my dad, surpass my parents, and become a better Hokage than all my family combined." Jiraiya gave a whistle.

"So you want to be a better Hokage than the first, second, fourth, and fifth Hokage's combined." Naruto nodded. "How about we start with something simpler, like just being better than all of them. Then you can try for combined. Okay, little hime." Hinata gave him a glare, but the affect was ruined by her blush.

"My name is Hinata Hyuuga. I too like ramen, Naruto-niichan, and tea. I dislike perverts, mean people, and those who judge. My hobbies are pulling pranks with Naruto-kun, tea ceremonies, and working at the hospital. My dreams are to become clan head, unite the family, and abolish the Caged Bird Seal."

"So I've got a pair of big dreamers." Jiraiya said, annoyed. "That means that I'll have to work extra hard to get you brats up to scratch. Right then, let's move on. Unlike your classmates, I'm not going to bother with the second test." Naruto sighed in relief. He'd heard his father talking about the test he'd had to take with Jiraiya. There's no way he and Hinata would have passed that test. "I already know that the two of you make a decent team, and that's all I need to know." He pulled out two scrolls. "These are your assignments for the week. You are expected to complete your assignments, as you will receive a new set each week. Your assignments will include certain exercises, and training methods that you must complete, as well as a set number of missions you will need to take. At the end of each week, you will spar with each other, to see how much you have learned. Now, it's time for your first lesson. When you are sparring against comrades, whether you win or not doesn't matter. Your purpose is trying to teach, and learn from, one another. Giving advice, and pointing out mistakes, helps you gain a better understanding of not only the lesson, but of each other." The two Genin nodded. "Any questions so far?"

"Are we doing missions on our own?" Naruto asked.

"Yes and no." Jiraiya answered. "You will perform C-rank or above missions with me when I deem you ready for them, but D-ranks will be apart of your weekly assignments."

"How come we have to suffer, and you don't?" Naruto asked.

"I take it you don't know the true purpose of D-rank missions." He said, gaining two shaken heads. "The true purpose of D-rank missions, is to simultaneously teach teamwork and train your shinobi skills. I'll go on a few to show what you're supposed to do, but after that, you're on your own. You with me so far?"

"Hai sensei." The two Genin responded.

"Good. Now also unlike other sensei, I won't be training your physical attributes but once a week." The two looked ready to protest, but he waved them off. "Not because you don't need it, but because it won't be necessary. I'm going to place a resistance seal on the two of you that will do most of the work for you."

"Great, another seal," Naruto groaned jokingly. "First the fox, then my chakra, and now this."

"You're the one who wanted to learn medicine without the proper chakra control." Jiraiya retorted. "Hence the need for the seal to regulate your chakra flow when you do it. Now if you're finished interrupting."

"Please continue." Hinata replied.

"The idea of the resistance seal is pretty simple. It affects every muscle in the body, applying a set amount of resistance to any force exerted by the muscle. The amount of resistance is dependent upon the strength of the muscle, and the amount of chakra in the seal. The result is a more thorough workout with even the most basic of exercises."

"Why not just give us weights?" Naruto asked.

"Because weights will only work certain areas, and strengthen certain muscles; while resistance seals work the whole body, and any muscle that you're using at the time. Not to mention, weights can throw off your body weight and balance until you get used to them. Resistance seals give you the same workout, as well as adding strength and speed training as well. Another secret many don't know, is that your chakra network is also like a muscle. When you use chakra, this will put resistance on that as well, strengthening your chakra system, and increasing your reserves even as you do such mundane things as eating." Jiraiya's lecture was well received. "One last thing. I want you to deactivate your seals at the end of each work day. You'll also train without them a couple days a week."

"But why, Ero-Sennin?" Naruto asked.

"Because, you need to get used to moving without them. You won't get the full effects of their usage, if you're not used to functioning without them." Grinning, Naruto said.

"So a resistance seal puts a stress on everything you do, so you get a workout no matter what you do?" Jiraiya nodded. "Seems you're as smart as you are pervy." Hinata giggled at the man's frown.

"I'm going to take that as a compliment, brat." Jiraiya said, not realizing just how big a compliment his God/grandson had just given him. "Now, I want you two to spar, I want to see for myself how bad you are. I'll put the seals on you afterwards."

Three hours later, after a somewhat impressive spar, and the application of the seals, Jiraiya dismissed his pupils. As the two headed off to the hospital, Jiraiya smirked to himself. This would indeed be fun.

His smirk faded when a sudden stab of pain hit him, and the Sage gave a long suffered sigh. Another day of training, had brought more stress for the Sannin; though that had been more from having two fingers shoved up his ass when the two had actually caught him off guard. '_Note to self, torture Kakashi, and ask for Anko's help._' A quick Shunshin brought him to the Hokage's office. Looking around, he found the object of his ire missing.

"Where's Kakashi?" He asked.

"Bell test." Was the answer, and that was all that need be said. Speaking of said Jounin, his tardiness was grating on everyone's nerves, so he may have some more help. While most of the Jounin had done their tests the very same day they received their squad, reports were held up because Kakashi insisted on his little bell test. Moments later, Kakashi finally came in to give his report for the group of Genin he'd been given. Getting things swiftly under control, Minato started the meeting.

"So Jounin, how did they do?" Minato asked. As usual, nearly all of the teams failed. When he got to the last four teams, those with the clan kids, he looked hopeful.

"Team Eight passed, but barely." Kurenai stated. "Shino performed exceptionally as one would expect of an Aburame. Kiba is a little rough around the edges, but I believe Naruto's words earlier may come into play. Not to sound arrogant or anything, but having an attractive sensei will definitely motivate him; though the fact that he seems to think with his genitals is detrimental for his future. Sakura...Sakura is going to be an issue. From what I've seen, she has chakra control on a level nearly equal to Tsunade, but reserves that are almost laughable, even compared to Academy third years. I agree that she's probably one of the smartest graduates the academy has produced in years, but her physical abilities are almost non-existent, and neutralize any edge her intelligence gives her. Anything above a few untrained bandits could easily overwhelm her, and we're looking at a dead, or worse, kunoichi. It's almost like she didn't even try to improve herself the entire time she was in the Academy. In her pursuit of the Uchiha, I fear she's convinced herself that her looks are more important than her shinobi skills."

"Is there anything good you can say about the girl?" Minato asked, highly disappointed in Kushina's daughter. His best friend would be rolling in her grave if she'd heard that.

"Her only saving grace, is that she has the potential to excel in Genjutsu, of which I specialize." Kurenai answered. "I'm also going to recommend that she look into being a medic. As a result of her extremely poor performance, I've put her on a one month probation." Minato sighed. '_I guess that's what happens when your mother dies in childbirth, then your father remarries, and picks a civilian whose an Uchiha Clan groupie as his new wife._' He wouldn't be surprised if the woman was trying to live vicariously through her step-daughter, and was indeed the unintentional cause of Sakura's poor shinobi attributes.

"Terms?" Sarutobi asked, more familiar with the practice.

"She has until the new term starts at the Academy to prove she wants to be a proper shinobi, or I'm recommending she be sent back for another year." The Jounin replied. "She must bring her physical skills, as well as her chakra reserves, up to something even approaching Genin level."

"And what of your team should she fail?" Jiraiya asked. "What will you do with Kiba and Shino?"

"I don't know." She said. "As a rookie with my first squad, I wouldn't be allowed to continue with just the two Genin." Scratching his chin, Jiraiya gave it some thought.

"If Sakura fails, then I guess I can take your other two." Jiraiya said. "It'll take some time to get them caught up, but it's doable." Kurenai nodded, hoping it wouldn't come to that.

"Thank you, Kurenai." Minato said, dreading the paperwork this would bring. Probations, no matter what the circumstances, brought a heavy paper load. Minato could almost see his pile growing in anticipation as he stamped the file on Team 8 to make them official. "Please tell me you have some good news, Asuma."

"Like Kurenai, I've been stuck with an Uchiha fangirl." Minato groaned. "Unlike Sakura, however, Ino at least knows what this job entails, and shows that she is serious about being a kunoichi. While her reserves and physical strength are laughable as well due mostly to her foolish diet, she shows the will to improve herself. As far as Chouji and Shikamaru, they show all the signs of typical members of their clan, though they do have prodigious potential." Minato gave him an expectant look. "They passed." Minato nodded, stamping the file for Team 10.

"Sensei?" Minato asked.

"I didn't bother with any test, because we both know they can work well together."

Minato winced as he remembered what had become of Mizuki the year previous. He had broken into the Hokage Tower with the intent to steal the Forbidden Scroll on the same night that Naruto and Hinata had snuck in to prank his office. He'd made the mistake of deciding to kidnap the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki for his new master. In a narrow hallway that favored the two children's smaller size, the end result hadn't been pretty.

"Yes, I remember."

"By the time they become Chuunin, they'll probably be able to hold their own against any Jounin in the village together." Minato didn't have to stamp anything with that team, because he'd known they'd pass and done it already. Tsunade wouldn't let him do his suicide test, so there was really no question of it.

"Kakashi?" The Jounin shook his head.

"Team seven failed...miserably." He replied.

"Even with Sasuke?" The Hokage asked.

"He's one of the reasons why the team failed." Kakashi answered. "Both the Uchiha and Utatane are primadonnas (1), who believed that their clan name meant they would automatically pass; Utatane-san's grandson especially." The woman frowned, and made a note to...talk...to her grandson. "Sushigawa is a fangirl even worse than Sakura and Ino, with the exception that she apparently took her training seriously. She and Utatane spent nearly the entire time fighting over who would get the bells, and they didn't even have them yet. Uchiha came at me alone, and told me flat out that he didn't need any help to get a bell."

"And you asked me why I didn't want him?" Jiraiya asked his former pupil. "So what happened with the back up test?"

"Given his poor attitude, and a certain comment, I tied Tetsuya to the post," Kakashi was interrupted.

"What comment, if I may Kakashi?" Koharu asked.

"When I told them that they had failed, he had the nerve to tell me that I wasn't allowed to fail the grandson of a Council elder." The eye twitch the woman developed almost made Kakashi feel for the brat. "I gave the other two their lunches and instructions." Kakashi sighed. "Hanako wasted no time eating her lunch, and even teased her starving teammate; Uchiha spent the entire time glaring off into space muttering Itachi's name."

"Right, everyone dismissed, except Kakashi." Minato said. The group that remained was quiet after the others left, until Sarutobi sighed.

"Kakashi, I know you will probably disagree, but I think you should just train them, or at the very least, Uchiha." Kakashi was about to argue, but Sarutobi reluctantly agreed.

"Unfortunately, I have to agree." He said. "If Danzou gets wind of this, then he's going to offer to train the boy, and we can't let him get a hold of Uchiha."

"Understood." He replied, before leaving as well to find the three Genin. It was lucky that Kakashi went after Sasuke first, because Danzou had already heard, and sent one of his agents for him.

888

The next day, Naruto and Hinata met their sensei just after 9am. Telling the two to sit, he detailed the plans for the day. They'd start with the day's lesson, then he'd take them on a couple D-rank missions to get them started. Afterwards, he'd work with them on one of their weekly assignments for an hour, then he'd teach them a technique that he thought they might need. With that in hand, they got started.

"Okay brats, today's lesson is going to be on elemental manipulation." The two Genin perked up. Anytime he started a lecture by calling them brats, it was always something to remember; whether they were on or off duty. "Tell me what you know about elemental chakra."

"Elemental chakra is an uneven balance of the physical and spiritual energies." Naruto started. "Ones elemental affinity is based on the mixture that naturally occurs within the body, when not trying to mix it evenly. It goes from heavily spiritual in composition to heavily physical of the same. When composed of more spiritual energy, you're looking at Wind and Fire affinities, with Wind being the greatest composition of spiritual energy possible. Then you have the heavily physical energy composition, which gives you your Water and Earth affinities; Earth being the high point on that side."

"What about lightning?" Jiraiya asked.

"Lightening is one of the most rare elemental affinities to have naturally, right along with wind." Hinata replied. "This comes as a result of having no natural mixture of physical and spiritual energy. Naruto's father is one of three ninja in the village to have had this type."

"Good, you paid attention in class." Jiraiya said. This had been one of Minato's better changes for the village; now if that damnable council would accept the other change, that prospective Genin have proficient ability in at least one jutsu in four of the five main elements. "Now I want you to forget all of that for the time being." The two teens were flabbergasted. "Don't get me wrong, what you learned is true, but only in a head to head clash. If you were to try and pierce a piece of rock with a lightening jutsu, then what you learned would be perfectly accurate. If, however, you tried to electrocute a rock, then what do you think would happen?"

"Nothing, nothing at all." Naruto said, starting to grin.

"Now, not all of the rules have exceptions, but some do, and it's best you learn them." He taught. "First off is earth. This is probably the one element with the most situation based results. Let's take it's weakness against lightening, as well as water. Separately, both water and earth are weak against lightening pierces. However, if you combine them," Jiraiya paused to let his student make the connection.

"Then the mud could blanket the lightening, and nullify it." Naruto said.

"Good job, gaki." Jiraiya said. "The same could be said for the cutting abilities of wind." For the next hour, Jiraiya instructed his students of the more intricate facts about elements. Once he'd finished with his lecture, he brought the day's lesson to an end. Pulling out two slips of paper, he said. "How about we find out what affinity you two brats have?"

The three ninja watched in anticipation as the younger ninja channeled chakra into the slips of paper. Naruto's paper reacted first, splitting cleanly in half. Hinata's followed by splitting as well, though only a couple millimeters at best. Next, to both Naruto and Jiraiya's surprise and excitement, each half slip had further reactions; one crumbling the other became wet. '_So he does have his family's affinities after all. Maybe he will be able to develop the Mokuton at some point _(3)(5).' Hinata's paper also had another reaction; becoming so saturated that it dissolved in her hand. In his mind, Jiraiya was amazed at the strength of Hinata's water affinity. He was also wondering if perhaps that rumor about the Nidaime having an affair with that Hyuuga woman was true after all (4). '_I'm definitely having a talk with sensei about that one._'

Naruto was staring at his own card, or what was left of it, trying to control the hopeful grin on his face. Not only was he a rare fuuton type, but he actually had both a suiton and doton affinity. This revelation almost immediately sent his mind back to a conversation he'd had with his family about bloodlines, and whether they had one.

_**Flashback**_

"Our family doesn't have any known bloodlines," Tsunade started, only to be interrupted.

"Unless you count certain physical endowments, but that's not something you need to worry about now." Jiraiya snickered, and got a smack in the head for it.

"Still, we're hoping that our suspicions are correct." His dad picked up. "You see, most bloodlines start off as specialized genetic abilities, and end as such, while others are strong enough that they can become familial traits; like the Senju elemental affinities.

"Most members usually also have a strong earth or water affinity." Tsunade told him. "I myself am water, while your uncle had an earth affinity as strong as our great uncle's water."

"Traits like these usually go dormant for a few generations; popping up sparsely as weaker versions of the original, then becoming stronger and more frequent, until they become a true bloodline. We're hoping your great grandfather's ability to combine Doton and Suiton into Mokuton has done this, since neither your grandfather, uncle, or mother had it."

"The Kyuubi is also an X-factor as well." Jiraiya mentioned. "Given it's affinity for suiton and doton (6), it may help push things along, or the corrupt nature of it's chakra could make it impossible for it to show."

"What we're really interested in, is the ability to control the biju." Minato informed him. "We really hope that you will manifest this at least, as it will make it easier for you to control the Kyuubi's power, and possibly use it as an ace up the sleeve."

_**Flashback End**_

As he came back to the present, Naruto gained a look of determination on his face. He had the affinities, now came the hard part: strengthening and learning to combine them. He was broken out of his thoughts by his sensei.

"Okay brats, next lesson." He started. "What is the purpose of D-rank missions?"

"To annoy Genin?" Naruto asked jokingly.

"To help promote teamwork." Hinata added.

"You're both right, but only partially." Jiraiya answered, earning a frown from Naruto; he'd only been joking after all. "D-rank missions are actually shinobi training tools when done correctly. Follow me for a lesson that you'll never forget." The two Genin were away with their sensei.

111

After a trip to the Hokage's office, and a gathering of several missions from the D file, the trio stopped at the home of an elderly woman.

"First mission, painting the fence." Jiraiya said. "Which one of you can tell me how this will help?" When neither had an answer, he continued. "Figured as much."

"That's why you're the teacher, and we're the students." Naruto said, getting a nod of agreement from Hinata.

"First of all, we aren't going to be using paint brushes." He said to the shock of the students. "Wet paint, while differing in many properties, is still a liquid at its core. This mission teaches a shinobi to control water without the use of tools."

"How do we do that, sensei?" Hinata asked. Jiraiya formed a single handseal, and a glob of paint leapt from the bucket and onto the fence, before smearing itself evenly.

"So we're getting paid to learn how to do that." Naruto said. "Cool." Following this, he taught them the handseal, and showed them exactly how the technique worked.

"Right, now I'm going to help you get this done so we can move on." With this method, and a judicious use of Kage Bunshin, which Jiraiya told Hinata she would be learning when her chakra levels were higher, they finished in just under an hour. The next assignment was to clean up the trash in the park.

"It's the same thing here, only for fuuton training." Jiraiya drug a large garbage receptacle towards the pair of Genin, and pointed out over the litter-strewn park. "You use wind to blow trash on the ground, out of the bushes and trees, and into a pile instead of gathering them with your hands. When you are really good, you can blow them directly into the container, like so!" He formed a handseal, and an empty bag of chips dislodged itself from a bush, and went fluttering towards the trashcan. While the Sage's aim was a little off, the two still got the point. After showing them what to do, and again with the help of Shadow Clones, they finished pretty rapidly.

The next mission, to empty a septic tank, was a little disturbing to the two preteens. Not for any real sick factor, but the smell was by far the worst they'd encountered. Even worse than the stink bomb they'd used on Sasuke, after helping Kiba clean the Inuzuka kennels.

"Okay you two, the sludge inside this tank is a form of mud, so what principles are we looking at?" Jiraiya asked.

"Suiton and doton." Hinata answered.

"Right, now as you know, the majority of doton techniques use mud; mostly because it's more mobile and responsive than dry dirt; followed closely by sand, but that's a Suna specialty." He said. "There's also another bit of motivation to get this right. I doubt you want to get any on yourself, because that smell ain't coming out of clothes."

"How do you know?" Naruto asked cheekily.

"Ask your father." He replied, making the kids chuckle. "He had to burn everything he was wearing afterwards." Instead of jumping right into it, Jiraiya pulled them back out of easy splash range. Again, they followed the tried and true method; Jiraiya showing them what to do, and then using Kage Bunshin to get the job done quickly. Unfortunately for a certain Uchiha, Naruto got the hang of the technique enough that he was able to save enough of the waste material for three stink bombs. He was curious if Ero-Sennin was right, and he had three perfect guinea pigs. Besides, Kakashi had asked him for the favor, and all three of his former classmates were more than deserving, so why not.

The next mission had to do with fire manipulation, something that neither had an affinity for, but was more useful than not to have at least some ability to use it. The mission was to help out at the local bakery. As a former shinobi, the owner used fire chakra to help heat the ovens. Heating them with chakra to just the right temperature, and maintaining it there was hard work. Still the training was valuable, and they were able to help the man prepare for the lunch rush. Speaking of said rush, they stopped for a break, and lunch. As they were eating, Jiraiya told them the purpose of the rest of the main D-rank missions.

"Baby sitting, dog walking, and helping out the elderly have all of the same elements as your typical bodyguard missions." Jiraiya taught. "Pet recovery, such as the infamous Tora mission, is excellent practice for later search and retrieval assignments; all valuable, practical lessons on future shinobi life. Now, using that information, what do you think could be learned by grocery shopping?"

"Ano, intelligence gathering?" Hinata asked, Jiraiya beaconing her to elaborate. "You have a set amount of money and time, and any savings you make without a reduction in quality, is money you get to keep." Naruto continued.

"Right, and finding the best buys is crucial, but you can't take too long looking or you fail the assignment." Jiraiya looked at his students in approval.

"Maybe you brats aren't hopeless after all." Jiraiya said. He had a feeling that Sarutobi was responsible for this deductive reasoning capability, and was thankful for it. "So, what would you say about gardening?"

"Survival traiing," Hinata said. "Learning how to recognize edible plants, telling them apart from weeds, could keep you alive in the wild if you ever have to forage for your own food. What better way to learn how to recognize them, than by handling the actual plants." Jiraiya applauded them, well in his head anyway.

"Delivery missions are normal assignments for even Jounin," Jiraiya said. "The only difference is the content, and level of danger associated with the package. Properly done, D-rank missions teach more than just teamwork, but how to function on missions you will be taking every day as mature ninja. One of the most beneficial, yet underused D-rank missions is helping out at a slaughterhouse, butchering animals. No better way to get acquainted with blood and carving flesh beforehand, than in killing and carving apart meat animals for sale. Those who have done this mission are far less liable to freeze in any combat scenario. Sadly, the only Jounin I've seen take this mission since the last war ended, is Gai. You won't need to worry about this one as an assignment, because I plan to take you on this one myself. It's always good to do this with someone to help you through it."

"But what about enemies?" Hinata asked. "For the other missions, I mean."

"Yeah," Naruto joined. "There will be enemies on a real mission."

"True, and it's one of the areas where many Jounin have failed their Genin." Jiraiya said. "What most teachers forget, is that teams are only supposed to do the 'practice missions' a few times, to get the basics down, before they split the team up; one Genin acting as an 'opposing force' for testing the rest of their team. The 'bad' Genin tries to prevent the other two from completing their mission assignments, with their Jounin on hand to stop anything from getting out of hand. Each time should be a different Genin, until they all have experience in both performing against an opposing force, and opposing the mission. Rotten fruit, water balloons, paint balls, anything that's enough of a marker to say 'if this assignment had been real, your client would have been dead'. One has to be careful to either be stealthy, or take down the guards first, because as ninja we can be expected to try to attack targets who have bodyguards. We also must prevent enemy extraction teams from capturing our agents, stop enemies gathering intelligence to use against us, or intercept valuable packages they are trying to deliver, as often as doing those things ourselves; this means we have to practice both sides of each style of ninja assignment. A truly thorough instructor will have his team continue on in these mission training exercises until he has two opposing Genin for each test. It teaches them how to think out situations where they are on the defensive, and outnumbered."

"What about us, there's only two of us." Naruto said.

"You will take the missions just the same," Jiraiya started with a grin. "But when you are ready for opposition, you sill face me. Don't worry, I'll go easy on you at first, but each success will mean the missions will become progressively harder. On top of that, since your D-ranks are part of your assignments, you won't know when I decide to oppose your mission." The two teens paled. "That's right, it will teach you to be aware at all times."

After lunch, he worked with them on water walking for an hour, and was glad to see them both get the hang of it in that time. Once they were able to do it without thinking about it, he'd start them sparring on top of the water. That was always a good source of entertainment. This was followed by teaching them the Shunshin. Jiraiya's excuse, it cut down travel time; the real reason, he hated traveling the old fashion way. While it would take them both a few days to get the jutsu down, and even then they were limited in the distance they could travel with it, the jutsu served its purpose.

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The next day, the two Genin were shocked to find themselves at the slaughter house. When the mission was over, he gave the two the rest of the day off, to think about things, with a final piece of parting knowledge.

"Taking a human life is far different than a cows or pigs." He informed them. "But at least this way, you won't freeze up at the sight of blood."

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And so the two Genin got into a routine. Three days a week, they worked with their sensei, three days a week, they had to themselves to work on their assignments. Fridays and Saturdays, they trained without their weights, and Sunday was their off day. This was usually spent at the Hospital helping out where they could. During this month, Jiraiya had proved to have a touch of clairvoyance. He had been correct about that prediction he'd made the day of team assignments; the one referring to a future beating. Tsunade had happened upon the teens, noses buried in a certain orange book, and immediately left to thrash him. What she didn't know, was that they'd taken the cover for Gutsy Ninja, and replaced it with the familiar orange of Icha Icha. It wouldn't be until just over a month after they got started, that the routine would be broken for what their sensei deemed a true test of skill. Getting his squad's attention, the old Sage gave a manic grin.

"Okay brat's, I've got two words for ya."

"Suck it?" Naruto asked.

"Be jealous?" Hinata added. Jiraiya let out a groan. He didn't know when or how those two got started watching that fake taijutsu grappling, but he was definitely going to have to put a stop to it; if only for his sanity's sake. He was going to kill the creator of that rot if either one of those brats ever came at him with a chair.

"No," He said. "Tora, record." Three identical grins followed.

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Across the village, a certain cat felt a shiver go up her spine. Maybe it hadn't been such a good idea to run away this time.

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1. Not sure if I spelled that right because my computer has a pathetic spell check.

2. Considering an AU side fic to this based on just that occasion. What do you think?

3. Still haven't completely decided, but added this so that it doesn't just come out of no where if he does.

4. For those wondering, yes it's true. Just as Tsunade is the Shodai's granddaughter, Hiashi is the Nidaime's grandson.

5. While this may contradict what I said earlier about elemental affinities, think of it in the terms of the human body. The body has different organs, muscles, etc. doing different jobs, so why can't the energies of the body do the same thing. Besides, I already said that the Kyuubi is an x-factor. If the former isn't a good enough reason, then just blame it on the alcohol...ahem, I mean the Kyuubi.

6. I'm basing this off of the tails creating earthquakes and tsunami's thing.

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**Non related Omake...**

Akatsuki pushes Naruto too far...something silly like getting ramen banned or having the color orange outlawed...and he snaps. Scares Kyuubi so much that the fox gives him complete control over its chakra so long as Naruto leaves him alone. Opens with Akatsuki members mid-escape. Tobi is not Madara, post rescue Gaara, pre Asuma death.

Kisame stopped, gasping for breath as he caught sight of Tobi and Zetsu. As he neared the rendezvous point, the shark man couldn't help but notice that several members were missing, most notably their leader.

"What happened to the others?" Zetsu asked. Kisame shook his head.

"I don't know." He said. "All I know, is that when we split up, Kakuzu and Deidara never made it out of the base." Tobi being a good boy elaborated further.

"You remember when the base exploded?" Kisame nods. "That was Deidara-sempai." Kisame paled.

"Itachi?" Zetsu asked.

"He caught up to us in Kusa, it was horrible." Kisame started. "Itachi tried to use his Mangekyo Sharingan, but..." The blue man shuddered.

"He escaped?" Kisame shook his head.

"Worse, he turned it back on him." Kisame muttered. "First Itachi tried Amaterasu, but the monster turned it back on him. He then started using Kyuubi's chakra to heal him, so that Itachi would suffer. In a moment of desperation, Itachi tried to use Tsukiyomi, but he took over , and made Itachi suffer through three days of being raped by Orochimaru, before finally letting Amaterasu take him. The last thing I heard was Itachi screaming 'No Orochimaru, your tongue doesn't go there,' and then a scream." The other two men shuddered. "What about leader-sama and Konan?" He asked. "They weren't even at the base." Zetsu spoke up.

"He came to Ame and defeated Pein-sama as if he were a mere Genin." Zetsu said, left unsaid, was how the hell was he able to accomplish both attacks, seeing as one of the attackers had to have been a Kage Bunshin. "Konan gave herself to him rather than face his wrath." Pushing back the nosebleed at the thought of those possibilities, Kisame got to the matter at hand.

"How the hell did he do that?" He yelled, before he was swiftly shushed. "He's unbeatable, likely as close to a god as you can get without being one. Not to mention that one of the attackers had to be a damn clone."

"The boy beat him to death with a napkin," Zetsu replied, before shuddering at the memory. "Please don't ask me for details." Deciding to change the subject, he turned to Tobi. "Where's Hidan? I though for sure he'd make it." Tobi shook his head.

"Hidan is dead too." Tobi answered to the shock of his comrades.

"How the hell did he kill an immortal?" Kisame asked.

"With a peanut, a spatula, and a stick of chap-stick." A menacing voice answered. The three turned to find a certain blond with nine tails of the same color waving behind him dangerously, poised to strike at a moments notice. A blue haired woman with an origami flower in her hair stood next to him, wearing a kimono so tight, it was obvious she wasn't wearing anything beneath it. The next word uttered by Tobi was very fitting.

"Mommy."


	3. Making Waves

**Chapter 3**

**Disclaimer: Since killing stupid people is against the law, it can only mean one thing...the people who made the laws are stupid too! I'm broke, and own nothing.**

**The fish"dicks" joke and the Gayfish song are the property of SouthPark (funny ass episode). The song I'm on a Boat belongs to The Lonely Island. Finally I'm pretty sure the Handy Dandy notebook is the property of Blues Clues (annoying fucking show, and one of the reasons I don't want kids, or like babysitting; something is seriously wrong when the dog is smarter than the owner, and the owner needs the help of toddlers to figure things out).**

**A/N: Going back to normal passage of time cues.**

**888- short passage (hours)**

**888888- long passage (days)**

**8888888888- passage of more than a week**

**Also, for future reference, I'm making Jiraiya and Tsunade slightly better fighters than what they did in the series. I figure, with Minato still alive, and all three living in Konoha, they have someone of their level to spar and train with, so wouldn't have gotten rusty.**

**MERRY FUCKIN CHRISTMAS! Here's more of the story.**

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One month...one month, and he was already finding himself becoming impressed with the brats. He'd known they had potential, but this was ridiculous. The rate at which they absorbed techniques rivaled Minato's, and had they had his natural talent, the Chuunin Exams would be a cakewalk. It was easy to see the talent of the paternal sides of the kids. Hitomi and Hiashi's genes were alive and well in the girl, and Minato's were obvious in Naruto. He was most definitely looking forward to when Tsunade's genes kicked in, other than the brat's personality. There had also been quite a few changes in them the past month, and all of them for the better.

One of the major changes of the two since he'd had them, came he began trying to sabotage their missions. Their attitudes towards their jobs had taken a significant turn. Where once it had been their passion, they became even more serious about reaching their goals. They'd even undergone a major wardrobe transformation specifically for missions; and it had only taken one opposition mission to convince them. Now, while nowhere near the hideous jumpsuit we're all familiar with, Naruto's attire still contained an unhealthy dose of orange for a shinobi to be. Jiraiya had taken full advantage of Naruto's outfit, and the Hyuuga blind spot, to launch attacks from a distance where they couldn't find him. He also noticed that Hinata's coat was making it harder for her to dodge some of his attacks. While glad that the two were able to complete the mission regardless, it was much more difficult than necessary. Once the mission was over, he took the two aside before they started their next one.

_**Flashback**_

"Now do you see how much of a liability that orange is?" Jiraiya asked.

"Yeah, but I never had this problem before." Naruto complained.

"That's because your opponents were trying to capture you alive," Jiraiya answered. "They were also actively hunting and engaging you, and were therefore forced to play by your rules. An enemy won't care about your well being."

"Yeah, yeah, I get the point." They were both shocked when he turned his scrutinizing gaze to Hinata.

"Hinata, that bulky jacket gets in the way too." Jiraiya mentioned to his kunoichi. "It makes you less flexible and agile than you really are." Placating the two, he stated. "I don't really care what you wear in the village, but once we start taking missions outside the village, you'll need to change into something less of a liability." Now one may wonder why a Sannin would be placating to a pair of twelve year olds. The simple answer, is that he knew that any sort of mutiny with those two would involve him becoming intimately acquainted with a prank, Tsunade's fist, or worse case scenario, both. After a few minutes of useless, but still highly adorable pouting, Hinata reluctantly agreed.

_**End**_

Gone were the orange jumpsuit and bulky coats that restricted movement. They'd been replaced by far more fitting shinobi attire, suited for nearly all occasions. While they'd initially only changed for missions, they eventually decided to just stick with their new attire, much to the acceptance of their peers, particularly of the opposite sex.

For Naruto, he'd gone with beige shinobi pants, with his headband tied around his left thigh. Up top, he now donned a black, long sleeve, anbu style shirt, with the sleeves being just a bit baggy. Rounding out the simple ensemble, were black all purpose sandals, and a plated fingerless glove on his right hand. Hinata on the other hand had played to her figure, while still maintaining her modesty. She now wore a long sleeve shirt, with baggy sleeves, that was cut off a couple inches below her bust, leaving her mid-drift visible. The torso of the shirt was indigo, while the sleeves were a deep red. Dark shinobi pants and sandals rounded out the look; her head band tied round her neck. Both had pockets sewn into the pants to hold their kunai, shuriken, throwing knives, senbon, and exploding tags; the numerous pockets allowing them to carry nearly twice the number most carried. Both still carried their standard equipment pouches, but these now held medical supplies, a couple scrolls with numerous trap making tools, and various pre-prepared scrolls for storage.

They'd also gotten storage seals tattooed onto their persons, and no one but the two Genin (and their future spouses) knew, or would know, where these were located. The seals held a scroll lined with many smaller seals that had a backup of everything they carried on them. When Jiraiya had told Minato of this, it became a mandatory standard addition in the Anbu corp., which led to a lower mortality rate for the elite shinobi. The seals, which were placed within the Anbu standard tattoos, were well hidden, and inconspicuous; providing the ninja with the tools to stage a more successful escape, and prevented them from running out of supplies as often. Another thing they'd done to help, was making an offhand comment that lead to the creation of special explosive tags using blood seals instead of the normal chakra seals. These came in handy when dealing with chakra inhibitors.

Skill wise, the brats were coming along well. While they didn't have anywhere near the natural skill of his first official team, they worked hard enough, and learned fast enough. They'd gotten the Shunshin down in just over a week, and as of last week, could use it to travel anywhere in the village. Speaking of jutsu, The old Sage was curious as to how far they'd gotten on their homework.

"Okay runts." Jiraiya said. "Lets stop for lunch and we'll do a little sparring afterwards." The three collectively Shunshined to Ichiraku's where Jiraiya spent half the time ogling Ayame who was wearing a sundress that accentuated the slight curves of her slender frame.

"How have you two been getting along with your jutsu training?" Jiraiya questioned as they ate lunch.

"I've learned both of mine." Naruto said. "I've started using Kage Bunshin to master them."

"Even that A-rank." Jiraiya asked, to Naruto's nod. "Impressive, your wind affinity must be stronger than I thought."

"I have mine at a good level of proficiency as well." Hinata said. Jiraiya was in a bind. He hadn't expected them to learn those jutsu that fast. Maybe he should have taken into consideration how strong the brats' affinities were. Deciding to just bull shit until he could think of a few more jutsu for them, he turned back to his students.

"Good, now I want you to switch scrolls, and try and learn as many of your teammates jutsu as you can as well." Jiraiya instructed. "Even if you can't learn the jutsu, it's good to have an understanding of your comrade's abilities, so that you're more effective in battle together. I also expect you to help each other with these. I don't expect you to master all of those jutsu, just gain an understanding of them. I'm going to check with you in a couple weeks, and we'll see about starting on jutsu from elements that you aren't attuned to."

The Genin grinned. This was followed by a loud clang as a large black skillet- wielded by Ayame who had little tolerance for perverts, and was sick of being eye fondled- clashed with Jiraiya's skull. A second later, a poof of smoke revealed that Jiraiya was three feet away, calmly munching on his noodles. He'd used a Kawarimi, but with what. Looking down, they saw a middle-aged man laying on the ground unconscious. Naruto was about to tear into the man for using innocent people as replacements, when his sensei turned serious eyes on him.

"Looks like your first domestic attempt, Naruto." He said, motioning to the pocket knife laying beside the man. "The question is, why?"

"Hey, this is the guy from the bakery." Naruto said, gasping.

"He used to give us free cookies when we were little." Hinata mumbled. "Why would he?.."

"That's what we need to find out." After summoning a toad to retrieve either Tsunade or Shizune, the two Genin did what they could to stabilize the man. When Shizune arrived, she healed the slight skull fracture, and gave him something for the concussion he was sure to have. As an Ninja Academy dropout- the sight of blood made her ill- Ayame still packed quite a punch.

Turns out the man was under a hypnosis jutsu; one synonymous with the Uchiha clan, Shisui Uchiha in particular. The blow to the head had thankfully brought him back to himself. When asked what happened, he only remembered an older man, with bandages covering the right side of his face, coming into the bakery, and then suddenly feeling the need to kill Naruto. Jiraiya and Shizune had a feeling they knew exactly who the man was referring to, but without more proof, they couldn't do anything. Though with Danzo now coming into the picture, and him having access to a Sharingan, they'd have to be even more careful.

8888888888

Jiraiya had had his students now just over four months, and against his better judgment he was impressed with them. Not enough to enter them into the up coming Chuunin exams, but enough so that he'd treat them like students, instead of brats. Naruto's chakra control had gotten to the point where he could actually use the Bunshin no jutsu. He still had to create several dozen to help bleed off the excess chakra, but it was an accomplishment nonetheless. Hinata had also shocked him with how quickly she'd learned the Kage Bunshin no Jutsu. Then again, he really should have expected her reserves to be higher than the average Genin, given that the family's entire style was based on chakra; whether it be activating their bloodline, or using it in taijutsu strikes. Not to mention the Kaiten used a tremendous amount of chakra, and she'd learned that just before team assignments. While she was only capable of one, it was still an accomplishment. As he thought about it, he guessed he couldn't really be surprised with Naruto's increased control either, given that he spent so much time with Hinata, and there were Hyuuga who were a rather closer second to Tsunade in chakra control than you'd believe.

Jiraiya snickered. That thought had brought up a rather amusing memory. As soon as she discovered just how good the Hyuuga chakra control was, she'd drafted nearly a quarter of the clan into medical training, and there was nothing anyone could do. Tsunade on a mission was something that you were best advised to move out of the way of; and wisely, all three of the recent three Hokages and the Hyuuga Clan Head had done so. The Hyuuga Council had been stubborn enough to require a hospital stay- a couple had gone into cardiac arrest after a dose of Tsunade's legendary KI- and were easy to convince afterward of the benefit of the Hyuuga medical draft. With their bloodline, they really were the ideal medics.

Getting back to his students, he watched them try to expel a flame from their mouths. He was right that they'd have a bit more trouble learning jutsu that weren't attuned to them; they'd taken a month to learn the Dochuu Eigyo. He'd given them the Dochuu Senkou as homework, since it was basically just adding to the first one. He came back from his memory just in time to see Hinata spit out a fist sized flame, and the two stop and huddle together to discuss how she'd done it; just like they'd done for every new jutsu anytime one of them made a breakthrough. He was again surprised by how far along they were on this fire jutsu. Two weeks, and they could already spit fire, just not enough to warrant a certificate of completion. Considering how fire and their affinities connected, he was duly impressed with the progress. Deciding to call it quits, Jiraiya got his brats' attention.

"All right, that's enough for today." He told them. "I reserved the Tora mission for tomorrow, and I want you two rested up. After that, we'll spend the next two days sparring without weights, and I'll see about getting you an easy C-rank mission."

888888

The next day found Jiraiya and his two Genin in the missions office, a certain blond and Hyuuga grinning at the blonde's father radiating Mischief Intent. The elder blond shuddered; he hadn't felt MI like that since his best friend Kushina and he were Genin. He almost felt sorry for Tora.

Once outside, Naruto and Hinata began to strategize. After a few minutes, the pair had formed a workable plan. Activating her Byakugan, Hinata began her search for the wayward cat, while Naruto headed to the local pet store. They also sent a bunch of clones- well Naruto did, Hinata just sent the one- to set up a clearing for the capture. When the time came, Hinata would be engaging the tripwires.

By the time the two reunited fifteen minutes later, everything was set. The two set the frequency on their headsets, and prepared for battle. Hinata, who'd kept a close eye on the infamous Tora, led Naruto to where she was hiding. Once there, Naruto let out a loud yell, and ran after her. Tora bolted, and Naruto immediately understood why Tora was so difficult to capture. She was small, fast, and agile, which made getting your hands on her difficult. Then when you did, she'd claw you apart until you let her go. The problem was, Naruto had spent the better part of his formative years doing the exact same thing to Chuunin, Jounin, and occasionally Anbu.

After a half hour of chasing, Naruto managed to coax her into the prepared clearing. As soon as Tora entered the clearing, where a certain blunette had been waiting, Hinata cut the safety string, and all of the traps went into ready mode. As soon as Tora stepped on a disturbed piece of dirt, she was forced to spend the next ten minutes ducking and dodging numerous sharp, pointy things, and even a few explosions. What the poor terrified cat didn't realize, was that none of the projectiles would have hit her. Regardless, by the time the girl with the cat treats came, her favorite she noticed, she was rather eager to go back home. Being hugged to death was preferable to being...whatever she'd almost been. When she saw the whiskered boy that had been chasing her, she stiffened, until he began scratching behind her ears, and talking to the girl. When they arrived at the room where she knew her Mistress was waiting, she was shocked to find that the fat woman wasn't there. She was surprised and grateful when they spoke with the man behind the desk, and left the building with her. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.

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It was easy for Jiraiya to find his students, the explosions were enough of a give away. Why Minato had ever let a psycho like Satoshi teach his son explosives, he'd never know. He just hoped the man didn't teach that pyromaniac daughter of his...the village wouldn't survive. Catching up to them, he tailed them and watched them chase the elusive cat. He watched with just a hint of amusement as the cat dodged and escaped all of their attempts at capture. The two had even started using light jutsu to try and slow the aged cat down, but it continued to dodge. If he didn't know better, he'd have thought that cat was a ninja, the way it was evading their attacks. It wasn't until they took to the trees that he began to get suspicious. The cat was jumping from tree to tree with an ease that should have been impossible for a cat not of summoning origin. When the cat suddenly stopped, turned, and started forming handseals, he froze. When the cat unleashed a miniature fireball, multiplied itself into three, and then collectively Shunshined in three different directions, he realized that he'd been had. When he finally found them at the hospital, where he figured they'd be, he gave them both an annoyed glare.

"Well, I hope you're happy." He grumbled. "Since you decided to play that prank, there's no way that you even came close to breaking the record." A stern voice ordering quiet comes up from behind them, before swatting Jiraiya in the head.

"What are you talking about?" Tsunade asked. "They've been here with Tora visiting patients for nearly an hour. They've already checked in with Minato, so stop worrying."

"Annoying brats." He grumbled, earning a smirk from Tsunade.

"You're the one who took the students." She teased.

"Because you threatened me with bodily harm."

"Po-tay-to, po-tah-to." She tossed back, ignoring him in favor of her next patient.

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A few hours later, after returning Tora to Madame Shijimi, Hinata suggesting that maybe she shouldn't squeeze Tora so hard, as that seemed to be the reason she ran away, and a generous tip from a thankful Daimyo's wife (once she'd stopped squeezing, Tora had amazingly stopped struggling), Naruto was sitting in his room, holding his pay stub. Opening his, currently empty, book of Great Shinobi Accomplishments, Naruto taped the already cashed stub slip into the book. Thinking fast, he crabbed a pen, and scribbled a note on it.

**Lost Pet "Tora"**

**Search Mission**  
**Rank:** D  
**Type:** Search  
**Client:** Madame Shijimi

_new record 1hr 9min 47 sec_

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Meanwhile, in the Hokage's office, two Kage were pouring over missions. Most of the Genin had gotten to the point that they were capable of low level C-rank missions, so the two were separating C-rank missions that were of little risk to the rookies.

"This escort mission to Wave seems to be simple enough." Sarutobi commented. "Escort the client to Wave, and protect from bandits."

"I think there's more to this mission than meets the eye." Minato replied. "I'm no Hiashi, but I know when I'm being lied to, and he was definitely withholding information."

"Hmm." Hiruzen started. "So he lied about the mission difficulty."

"And with good reason." A voice interrupted. The two Hokage turned to see Jiraiya climbing in through the window.

"Don't you ever use a door?" Sarutobi asked his student.

"Mah, doors are for people who can't get in through the window." Jiraiya waved off their looks; he knew that his logic was skewed at best.

"Now what were you saying about that Wave Mission?" Minato asked.

"It's easily an A-rank mission." He replied. "I tapped the network recently for information on Akatsuki, and they told me about a disturbance in Wave. About a year ago, a shipping magnate named Gato initiated a hostile takeover of the small country. The people tried to fight it, but without a military force, and Gato having deep enough pockets to hire mercs and missing-ninja, he easily took over. Then he executed anyone he thought might be a threat to his rule, or who might inspire the people, in the middle of the town square. Once that was done, he began bleeding the economy dry, absorbing all of the countries wealth and resources into his own accounts. Since their primary source of income was their shipping industry, and Gato bought up all of their companies, they have no way of replenishing their coffers. Tazuna, the client, began building a bridge to the mainland; one that they hope will return trade, and wealth to the country. Gato caught wind of this, and realizing what the completion of this bridge would mean to his control of the country, set out to stop it. He placed a bounty on Tazuna's head, but so far no one has collected. Just last week, he hired Zabuza Momochi to kill him."

"So why hire a simple C-rank mission?" Minato asked. "Does he realize the kind of risk he was taking. We'd have sent a squad of Genin on a Jounin mission."

"It's probably all they can afford," Jiraiya said. "There's also the possibility that he doesn't know Zabuza is after him yet, though I doubt that."

"So the question is, what do we do?" Minato asked, mostly to himself. "We can't very well send a Genin squad, and it would be stupid to send Chuunin with Zabuza in the mix. The only Jounin we have that can deal with Zabuza have squads, or are needed for more important missions."

"I'll take it." Jiraiya said. "The kids can handle any bandit we may encounter, and I'll deal with Zabuza when he shows up."

"Are you sure, Jiraiya?" Minato asked.

"Yeah, we can handle it. Zabuza is good, I'll admit, but he isn't a Kage level ninja." Jiraiya mentioned, and the two Kage had to admit he was right. "Tell the liar we're leaving in two days."

888888

Jiraiya couldn't help but smirk at the excitement rolling off of his two students. After four months of training, D-ranks, and overall legal abuse at the hands of their sensei, the two had finally been deemed worthy of a C-rank mission.

Outwardly she was calm as she'd been trained to be, but inside, Hinata was giddy. There was nervousness, yes, but it was more nervous anticipation. Had he not been held in place by his best friend, Naruto would have be bouncing off the walls in his excitement. He and Hinata had finally earned the right to go on a real mission. After four months of torture, they were finally going on a C-rank mission. They'd found out the day before that they were the last of the rookies to go on one, even if it was only by a couple hours in the case of Team 7.

Minato looked at his son, and pseudo-daughter, and grinned. It didn't take much to see that they were excited about the prospect of their first real mission. No point keeping them waiting.

"All right you two, your mission is to the Wave Country." He started. "You will be guarding the bridge builder Tazuna back to his home, and as he builds his bridge."

"We'll be the best guardians ever," Naruto boasted. "Even better than the guardians of the fire lord." Smiling, Minato ordered the client to be brought in. A man entered smelling heavily of sake.

"Are these the brats supposed to protect me." He complained. "Their just kids." Minato frowned. He was getting the impression that the man knew what kind of danger he was in.

"I assure you, they are more than capable of taking care of bandits." Tazuna glared at Naruto, who glared right back. It was therefore understandable that he never noticed Jiraiya creep up behind him.

"For someone who lied about the difficulty of this mission, you have a lot of nerve to complain." The Sage whispered. "Rest assured, you have nothing to worry about." Leaning back, he said aloud. "Meet at the east gate in twenty."

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Twenty minutes later, Jiraiya was waiting at the gate with Tazuna. Naruto and Hinata both came up the road, talking in excited whispers about what they were going to encounter. Tazune looked at the two Genin, and noticed a distinct lack of any supplies. How were they supposed to protect him if they couldn't even pack their own supplies. It wasn't until they got closer, that he noticed something dangling from each of their hips that he'd not seen before in the older blonde's office.

"You two get everything?" Jiraiya asked. The two nodded, holding up what appeared to be scrolls.

"Yup, got everything sealed." Naruto replied. Hinata gave her silent agreement, and the quartet set off. As they walked, Jiraiya was forming a plan on how to deal with the situation. Wave was three days walk for civilians. They'd be able to make the trip in a less than a day if it weren't for Tazuna. He'd continue travelling this way for an hour, just to see how far they could get at this pace.

888

Just over an hour later, Jiraiya was sick of the slow pace. He could also tell that his students were as well. He was about to prepare a travel summon when he noticed a puddle on the ground. A look at Naruto and Hinata showed both had noticed the poor Genjutsu. He did nothing, curious what they'd do. Less than a minute later, two shinobi popped out, and attacked Naruto who was the closest. A razor sharp chain wrapped around him, and just as it was slicing into his skin, Naruto grinned. They didn't know what was happening when the blonde's eyes began to glow, but they did know it wasn't good. When the clone ignited, they covered themselves as best they could, and braced for the worst...that never came. Using the distraction, Hinata released her weights, and struck. Several taps to the two Chuunin, and they were no longer a threat.

At that moment, Jiraiya and Tazuna reappeared, the former clapping. He was duly impressed, and for a second had actually thought the blond had somehow learned the Bunshin Bakuha. Maybe he'd teach him that for the Chuunin Exams. It would be fun to see the chaos Naruto could cause with a jutsu like that in his arsenal. What had really gotten his attention, was that Hinata hadn't used her Byakugan for those Jyuuken taps. If his anatomy was correct, she'd attacked nerves and pressure points instead of the tenketsu. Oh yeah, that was going to hurt for awhile; especially if he hadn't imagined those strikes to the groin area. Now to deal with the liar.

"Now why don't you tell us what's really going on, Tazuna?" Jiraiya said with a glare.

888

An hour and a toad ride later found the quartet riding on a boat. It also found them listening to the most inane song ever written, being sung by none other than the Hokage's brat.

"I'm on a boat motha sucka take a look at me/

straight floatin on a boat on the deep blue sea/

bustin five knots wind whippin at my coat/

you can't stop me mutha sucka cause I'm on a boat."

Just as the clone he'd created for the duet was about to pick up, Jiraiya intervened. "Naruto, must you?"

"It's either this or the Gayfish song." He replied. Not knowing what it was, but also not quite trusting what Naruto could mean, he looked to Hinata for advice; who was waving her arms, and shaking her head. "Fine, whatever." And so Naruto continued his song. It wasn't until near the end of the song, when Naruto mentioned a bout of fornication with a mermaid did the old Sage perk up. With a sudden splash of inspiration, he pulled out his Handy Dandy Notebook, and began writing furiously, giggling all the while. Tazuna looked at his group of protectors, and was once again fearful. Compared to this, maybe death wasn't so bad.

888

When the boat was still a few meters out, the boat owner told them that was as far as he was going. The group climbed out, and waded to shore, before continuing on to Tazuna's house. About twenty minutes away from the destination, Jiraiya felt a small spike of chakra.

"Get down." He ordered, as a whistling sound came rapidly towards them. The two Genin looked up to see a massive sword coming their way, yet their sensei was still standing. When the Head Cleaver got close enough, Jiraiya snatched it out of the air, like it was a simple kunai, and stuck it over a foot into the ground. No one noticed that his eyes had flashed yellow, with a horizontal pupil.

"Nice try brat, but if you want your little tanto back, then you'll have to come get it." Jiraiya spat. A tall, not quite as tall as Jiraiya, but taller than the kids, man dropped to the ground in front of them. The Toad Sage cracked a grin. "Zabuza Momochi, Demon of the Mist; wanted for the attempted coup de etat and assassination against the Mizukage. Shame you didn't succeed; that guy is a real annoying blowhard."

"Jiraiya of the Sannin, and you ain't the first to tell me that." Zabuza said, realizing instantly why the Demon Brothers had failed. "So, are you going to give me back my sword, or do I have to take it back?"

"Do you think you can?" Jiraiya called back. Zabuza sighed, knowing he probably couldn't, but his sword was a matter of pride, and he was going to try damn it. With s swift Shunshin, Zabuza appeared on top of the lake, running through a short sequence of seals.

"Kirigakure no Jutsu!" He declared. Suddenly a thick chakra rich fog began to settle over the area. Moments later, the area was saturated with a huge killing intent to match the mist. If he could have seen his opponents, Zabuza would have been shocked that the only person affected by his KI was Tazuna. He was about to go into his Silent Killing speech, when he was cut off by snickers.

"Impressive killing aura kid, but it needs some work." Jiraiya was interrupted.

"Yeah, this is nothing compared to my mom." Naruto interjected. Jiraiya disperses the mist with a concentrated blast of chakra.

"It's true." Jiraiya explained to the shocked Zabuza. "Being around a temper like Tsunade's kind of immunizes you against most killing intent." Jiraiya slowly began leaking a concentrated amount of KI towards Zabuza. "But enough talk, I have a job to do. Leave now, so I can do my job."

"My sentiments exactly." With a single seal, Zabuza appeared within the Genins' formation. "Die." Faster than anyone in the area could track, Jiraiya pulled a shuriken, threw it, then disappeared. The Shuriken imbedded in Zabuza's throat just as he was swinging his sword, dissolving him into water. When Jiraiya reappeared, he had another Zabuza in a choke hold.

"You're good kid, but you still have some learning to do." He followed this by snapping the man's neck. This also proved to be a clone, and turned to water. Jiraiya, good as he was, didn't have time to dodge as Zabuza's blade sliced through his mid-section. Or rather, he hadn't even bothered. As soon as the blade connected, Jiraiya dissolved into a pile of mud. "Like I said, you have a lot to learn." Zabuza grumbled when he found the man standing a few feet behind him. Well, at least he'd managed to reacquire his sword in the mayhem; although if he was truthful, it didn't seem that the man was trying very hard to keep it from him. The thought hurt his pride, but also made him worry.

"Hmm, I'd heard tales that the Sannin were of a class all their own." Zabuza said. "Seems the stories of your skill were true. Let me guess, you created that Mud Clone, and hid before you evaporated my mist. To think that a mere clone had that much power. It's obvious I won't be able to out-sneak someone of your experience. I guess there's nothing for it, I'll just have to do this the hard way."

Using incredible speed, the Mist Jounin charged forward, and swung his sword. Surprised by the Jounin's speed, Jiraiya knew he didn't have time to dodge backwards; he also knew that jumping in the air was the worst thing a ninja could do. As the sword came near, Jiraiya ducked the massive blade. Knowing that he wasn't going to connect, Zabuza went with the momentum. When his sword went behind him, he dug it into the ground, and continued spinning. He switched his sword grip to the other hand as he came around, and made to deliver a spin kick to Jiraiya's exposed back. Had he been another run of the mill Jounin, the ploy would have worked, but not against someone of Jiraiya's level; well not completely anyway. Zabuza's foot came within a foot of connecting, before it was stopped by a solid surface. Looking down, Zabuza found his leg in the firm grip of the elder ninja. Yanking back, Jiraiya pulled the other nin towards him, and stuffed his fist into the former Mist ninja's gut. Zabuza let out a grunt as the air in his lungs left him. A follow up kick to the back sent Zabuza flying into the lake. Jiraiya began running through a set of seals.

"Daibakuryuu no Jutsu!" He whispered. Right where Zabuza was standing, a whirlpool began to form. Jiraiya smirked a bit in remembrance. This had been one of Kushina's favorite jutsu to use on Minato after flooding the training grounds when they sparred. Zabuza let out a curse as he was sucked underwater by the swirling current. Jiraiya stopped feeding the jutsu chakra; depending on how much one used to perform it, the jutsu was fairly self sustaining. There was a sudden buildup of chakra, before the Mist nin began to climb out of the whirlpool. Jiraiya had to admit, the man was a stubborn one. A quick Shunshin took him out of harms way. At the same time, Zabuza immediately went into a long series of handseals. Noticing the seals immediately, Jiraiya began some of his own. One of the little known facts about the Sannin, is that even if they couldn't perform a jutsu, they were well versed in all kinds of jutsu, and there were few universal jutsu that they couldn't recognize even as they were being sealed.

That being said, they also all had very large jutsu repertoires as well, and secrets that many would kill to have. While Jiraiya may not have been as easily capable of using jutsu that weren't his affinity like Orochimaru, he had something he felt was better. His sensei had taught him a special ability- shortly after Orochimaru had left- that allowed one to counter any jutsu, even with its weakness, so long as they used enough chakra to overpower the jutsu. The trick was condensing the chakra, changing it's nature until it was more potent. Now he could have easily countered with an Doton wall, but the Suiryuudan was maneuverable enough to go around it. The two ninja finished at the same time, regardless of Zabuza's headstart.

"Suiton: Suiryuudan no Jutsu!" Zabuza called. The water around the Jounin began to shift and form until it took the shape of a massive dragon. Taking its direction from Zabuza, the dragon bore down on the Toad Sage with a vicious vengeance. At the same time, Jiraiya was unleashing his own jutsu...one that had everyone watching thinking he'd gone senile.

"Katon: Karyuudan no Jutsu." At least, they thought that way until the attacks connected. While it didn't overpower the water dragon, neither did the water dragon overwhelm the fire dragon as it usually would.

'_Shit, I should have known that wouldn't work._' Zabuza thought. '_But to neutralize a Suiton jutsu with a Katon; the power of The Sannin is no exaggeration._' Snapping out of his shock, Zabuza tried to use the steam created to hide his attack, but Jiraiya was expecting it. He'd been planning to do the same thing, and was disappointed that the Jounin brat got to him quicker. Zabuza tried to push his sword to gain leverage against the kunai the elder shinobi held, but the man was just too strong. Leaping away, Zabuza went though some more seals. Again Jiraiya recognized the seals as another Mist Jounin favorite. This time though, he wouldn't be able to use the same trick, because this jutsu was a wide area jutsu, and would be harder to counter. Again utilizing the chakra technique, Jiraiya began to gather chakra into his palm.

"Daibakufu no Jutsu!" Zabuza called, unleashing his jutsu. Bringing up his hand, which had a swirling ball inside it, Jiraiya retaliated with.

"Rasengan!" Again Zabuza was frustrated that his jutsu was having so little effect. There was a small fissure in the massive tidal wave where it should have been colliding with his opponent. Thinking quickly, Zabuza decided to try and capitalize on the distraction Jiraiya's defense was providing. With a quick Shunshin, he appeared next to Jiraiya, and made an upward left, diagonal slash at the Sage's midsection.

"Shit!'' Jiraiya cursed. The brat had pulled a fast one on him. Jiraiya was caught off guard, but still managed to avoid the majority of the slash. With a speed that was born from years of training, Jiraiya spun to his right with the blades momentum, a move that would allow him to right himself facing his opponent. Still, the surprise was great enough, that he got a good enough nick to his left shoulder that it couldn't be played off as a miss. Spotting the blood on his blade, Zabuza couldn't help but to gain confidence in his chances.

"Hmm, so it would seem the invincible Sannin are human after all." Zabuza gloated. Jiraiya looked at the cut in his sleeve, and the slowly growing red stain. While he had been taking the fight seriously, he hadn't been taking it as serious as would against someone like Orochimaru or Itachi Uchiha. Looks like the brat was better than he thought.

"I guess this means I'll have to really get serious then." That's when Zabuza felt it. Unless his chakra sensing abilities were off, the ninja in front of him was way out of his league. He'd never get to the target alone, so it was time for a sneak attack, and escape.

"Haku, kill the target." Zabuza yelled. Before anyone could react, another person appeared, and two senbon were thrown, which lodged in the throat of the client. Zabuza's face grew smug, until the man disappeared in a puff of smoke. "Kage Bunshin? Fuck!" Jiraiya went into sensei mode.

"Naruto, Hinata, keep the brat busy." Jiraiya was fairly confident in his student's abilities. They'd gotten to the point where they could give Kakashi a workout. They still didn't merit the Sharingan, but he'd been forced to take them seriously. "As for you, no more Mr. Nice Sage."

888

Haku sized up the two youngsters, not knowing what they were capable of. They were only Genin, but they were trained by Jiraiya-sama, and that was something that needed to be taken into major consideration. Seeing how quickly that Haku character had come from no where, Naruto knew he'd have to release his weight seals to keep up. Hinata was right behind him in doing so. From the looks, and grace that the young shinobi carried themselves with, Naruto guessed that it was a kunoichi he was dealing with. This made her even more dangerous, because not only were kunoichi naturally more flexible and agile than their male counterparts- a lesson he learned from many spars with Hinata- but a slip of the hand touching something inappropriate, and the whole dynamic of the fight could change. Pulling a kunai, Naruto charged Haku, studying his opponent to see how she would react. The kunoichi dodged, and drew a senbon, and attempted to stab him in the shoulder. Naruto blocked, and the two came to a dead stand.

"I don't want to have to kill you..." A husky, feminine voice came from behind the mask. "But you won't stand down, will you?"

"I'd be piss poor shinobi if I did." Naruto retorted.

"It's too bad." She said. "You won't be able to keep up with my speed for long. Plus I've already gained two advantages."

"Is that so?" Naruto asked.

"The first is the water all around us." Naruto looked around and noticed the small puddles left from Zabuza's last Suiton attack. "The second is that I have occupied one of your arms. You will only be able to run from my attacks." Haku then began rapidly doing one handed seals. Naruto looked on stunned.

"Okay, that's cool." Naruto said. He was brought back to the gravity of the situation, when the water around them shot into the air, and began to transform.

"Hyouton: Sensatsu Suishou!" Haku called. The water, which had now formed into a bunch of senbon, began to rain down on Naruto.

888

Hinata had stayed in the background, waiting for the opportune time to interject herself into the fight. She too was amazed by the one handed sealing, but realized that this opponent just became an even bigger threat than they'd thought. There was also the chance that this kunoichi had a bloodline, which would only add to the problems. When she saw the needles form, and saw them all aimed at Naruto, she acted. Arriving at her teammates side, she went into a rapid spin.

"Kaiten!" She called, as she repelled the needles. Haku, who had been in the blast radius of that chakra dome, jumped away to avoid injury. As soon as the spinning kunoichi stopped, and the dome disappeared, Haku was forced to dodge again. This time, a fireball from the boy she had just been in deadlock with. As soon as she ducked the fireball, that was headed her way, she found the white eyed girl was upon her, and received a sharp kick to the chin that sent her flying backwards, skidding across the ground.

The girl rolled with her momentum, and flipped back to her feet.

"At this rate, we'll be driven back, we can't have this." Haku said. "It would seem that I must get serious." Haku placed her hands in a slightly altered tiger seal, with her pointer fingers poking through, and began drawing chakra. The area around them developed a chill, as the jutsu formed. Suddenly a mirror made of ice formed, then another and another until the two Genin were surrounded.

"Hyouton: Makyou Hyoushou!" Haku intoned. She then stepped forward into one of the mirrors, and suddenly appeared in all of them.

"Okay, this isn't good." Naruto said. "You got any ideas for this." Hinata shook her head, all the while trying to find the kunoichi, and figure out what the jutsu was supposed to do.

"You two are fast, but you cannot match my real speed." With that, Haku drew a senbon, and attacked. The two preteens cried out in pain as Haku's first pass opened up numerous cuts on their flesh. Ignoring the pain, Naruto ran through some hand seals, and sliced his finger at one of the mirrors.

"Fuuton: Kaze no Yaiba." Large arcing blades of wind erupted from Naruto's slash. The blades crashed against the mirrors, making large cracks that immediately began to repair themselves. Haku was shocked that someone had actually caused damage to her mirrors, but was unsurprised that the attack didn't have the desired results. Naruto ran through a few more seals, and tried his newly developed fire jutsu.

"Katon: Endan no Jutsu!" Naruto exclaimed. This had worse luck than the wind blades.

"You can't melt this ice with that level of fire." Haku admonished. That much was painfully obvious to the trapped duo. Naruto had a feeling that a combination attack would likely work, but Hinata's fireball wasn't yet big enough to work, even with a Fuuton jutsu fanning it. Plus, her Reppushou wasn't strong enough to make his, admittedly pitiful, flames strong enough to be useful. The Kaze no Yaiba wasn't really a jutsu you could supplement a fire jutsu with, without causing yourself some damage as well, and water jutsu would likely only make the jutsu stronger. They'd have to think of something else, and fast.

Haku leapt from a mirror to their left, and sliced at the two Genin again. A few more passes, and the two Genin's clothes were sporting large gashes that revealed a lot of scratched skin. While Naruto's wounds were already starting to heal, Hinata wasn't so lucky. The wounds weren't enough to warrant much attention, yet the fact still remained that untreated wounds could become infected, and so long as they couldn't treat Hinata's cuts, the wounds were a low to mild risk. Hinata also had to crush her embarrassment when she found that her breast bindings were showing as a result of all the senbon slashes.

"You have made a decent effort, but I can no longer allow you to stall my objective." The husky voice came from behind the hunter-nin mask. Suddenly, all of the mirrors were full. Before the kids could react, they were peppered with senbon. It was only because they had dodged that they avoided some of them, but it didn't help much. When the dome of needles came again, Hinata went into another Kaiten.

"Again you use that deflection jutsu." Haku said. "But you will run out of chakra long before I get tired of throwing senbon."

"Um, is it possible that you'll get bored with throwing senbon before she runs out of chakra?" The answer was another wave of senbon, followed by another Kaiten.

"Naruto-kun, I'm starting to feel the affects of too many high power jutsu." Hinata said.

"Okay, what do we know about this justu?" Naruto asked. "I don't think she's in all of them at once, unless she's using Mizubunshin."

"No, it's just her." Hinata said. "Only, she's able to move at even greater speeds than most Jounin can go inside those mirrors."

"Hey, can you use your Byakugan to figure out the chakra flow in the mirrors?" Naruto thought aloud. "Maybe disable them."

"No. Besides, I'd only be able to do one at most." She said.

"Well, maybe you can find a way to track her. It's better than what we're doing now." This statement was punctuated by more poorly dodged needles.

"You're going to have to give me a chance to do it though." Naruto grinned.

"No problem." Naruto made the familiar seal, and called. "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu." At the same time, Hinata made the single sign, and activated her Byakugan. She began studying the way the chakra flowed in the jutsu, and became frustrated. One thing she did notice, was that she could detect the other kunoichi's chakra within the mirror anytime she moved. That would help. Hinata heard another call of Kage Bunshin, and thanked her lucky stars that her teammate had more chakra than most Jounin even knew what to do with. Hinata watched one particular clone attack the mirror the girl's chakra signature was coming from, and was shocked when the kunoichi jumped to another just as the clone reached it. While the movement was very fast, Hinata was just able to track it. Still, until she got a better read on it, there was nothing she could do.

"This jutsu uses the mirror's reflection to transport me." Haku said. "From my point of view, you're moving in slow motion."

"Well damn, that sucks." Naruto said. "You think maybe we can talk about this?"

"Naruto, be serious." Hinata growled. She knew he was being serious, but sometimes, odd banter could throw opponents off their game. It had worked on Mizuki anyway.

"I...do not like killing." The young woman said. "But if you continue to persist, I can kill my heart, and become a true shinobi. My dream, is to make Zabuza-sama's dreams come true. For that, I can become a true shinobi. For that, I can kill you."

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Several minutes later, and Hinata and Naruto were still on the run from Haku's needles. They had avoided the majority of them due to judicious use of a few Kage Bunshin shields, but that wasn't getting them any closer to getting out of this jutsu.

"Damn it, all we're doing is running around in here, dodging her attacks." Naruto growled. "We need to find a way out of here, before we slip up and get hit." Hinata huffed, as she continued to study the mirrors, dodging when she needed to. It was then that she noticed something. The mirrors were reinforced on the inside, but not the outside. If one of them could get outside, then they'd be able to mount a better offense. When she divulged this plan to Naruto, he again questioned how they were to escape the mirrors. With no other answers, Hinata muttered.

"Um, Kawarimi?" Naruto looked at her, blinked, then dodged as the kunoichi took that moment of distraction to attack.

"It can't be that simple...can it?" Naruto asked. Shrugging, Hinata made the seals, and disappeared, replaced by a small log. "You have got to be fucking kidding me (1)."

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Haku knew that it was time to stop playing around, and took aim at the boy's neck. He was the one doing most of the defending; take him out, and the other would fall swiftly. Drawing her arm back, Haku actually paused mid throw, at what had just happened. Had anyone seen the look of utter shock and surprise on the young ninja's face, they'd have laughed themselves into a coma. Luckily for our two Genin, Haku was wearing a mask. This definitely bore some thought. It wouldn't do if people figured out that a simple Kawarimi rendered her jutsu completely useless. Seeing her second opponent escape the mirrors, Haku realized the futility in keeping them up. No point wasting the chakra when they weren't doing anything. The mirrors shattered, and fell to the ground in a soft sprinkle. The scene was oddly tranquil given the circumstances.

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Naruto watched their opponent carefully. It wouldn't do to get caught by something right as they freed themselves from that jutsu. He chanced a glance at his sweat glistened teammate (fighting a small blush at the way her shirt clung to her at the moment), and knew they had to end this quickly, or Hinata would collapse from exhaustion, and become an easy target that would only make fighting this chick harder. Suddenly, a devious grin came to his face as the memories from a Kage Bunshin came to him. That small action sparked in Naruto the idea that would effectively end the fight.

"Hey Hinata, how are you on chakra?"

"Depends on what that look was." She muttered.

"You got enough for one more Kaiten?" She nodded. "Good, cause I have an idea." Naruto created a swarm of Kage Bunshin to attack the mystery kunoichi while he set his plan up. By the time his last clone was destroyed, Naruto was ready, and Hinata was looking at him with more than a little anxiousness; more like someone would look at a pyromaniac in a room full of match boxes and gasoline tubs. For those wondering why Hinata was looking at Naruto as if he was insane, one would only have to look at his arms and torso; all of which was wrapped in explosive tags. He then proceeded to create over two dozen clones, that surrounded both the Genin, and Haku, all sporting the same wrappings as the original. Shortly thereafter, the original Naruto removed his tags, and made a giant ball of boom, which he then gave to a clone that had hung back from the first group.

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Over the course of the next several minutes, Haku was forced to dodge explosive clone after explosive clone. At last, her luck ran out, and a clone holding a head sized ball of explosive notes appeared right in front of the ice user.

KABOOM!

Rapidly moving through seals, Haku leapt backwards, forming several ice mirrors in front of her for protection. Alas, the desperate attempt was only enough to prevent the explosion from being fatal, and causing too much injury. The blast tossed the young ninja, who was sent careening head over heals, until she slammed into a tree.

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Naruto and Hinata watched his clones attack the enemy nin, for a few minutes, until the clone next to them disappeared. As soon as that happened, Naruto shouted.

"Now, Hinata!" The girl didn't hesitate, and went into a rapid spin, expelling all of her remaining, expendable chakra into her Kaiten.

KABOOM!

It was a good thing she did, because the blast still knocked them off their feet, and several yards away from where they'd been standing.

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As the kunoichi struggled to her feet, she knew that she was no longer in any shape to continue this fight. When the two Genin began stalking towards her, she prepared for her final, likely futile, defense. As the two neared, Haku heard her name called.

"Looks like we will have to finish this another time." She said, before disappearing in a swirl of water.

"Okay, I gotta learn how to do that." Naruto said, to which Hinata gave him a look that blatantly asked, 'Are you retarded?' They both already knew the Shunshin no Jutsu, so what was he referring to, you ask? "Come on, even you have to admit that was cooler than displaced leaves." Hinata's head drooped as she shook her head, giggling at her friend's silliness.

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Meanwhile, at the same time, Jiraiya felt the explosions, and realized that this fight had dragged on long enough. If those two were blowing things up, they'd gotten in over their heads. A short exchange later, and Jiraiya was standing several feet away from Zabuza, who was holding injured ribs, the man's sword again in his possession.

"You know, this is the second time I've taken your little pocket knife from you." Jiraiya teased, hoisting the Zanbato onto his shoulder. "Maybe it's time that you cut your losses, and retreat. When you're in a more agreeable mood to negotiate, come find us." Zabuza wouldn't ignore the offer a second time.

"Screw this, that fat midget ain't paying me enough to fight one of the Sannin." He said, trying in vain to ease some of the bruising to his assaulted ego. "Haku!" The boy appeared in a swirl of displaced air, breathing heavily, sporting numerous cuts and bruises, and favoring his ribs. "We're leaving!" Two more swirls, and they were gone.

"Hinata, check the area." The girl nodded, and pushed her Byakugan to its limits.

"Their gone sensei." Jiraiya relaxed. Naruto immediately pulled out his med pack, and began emergency treatment of Hinata's wounds. They'd do a more thorough job once they got to their destination, but this would suffice for now.

"Where's the client?" Naruto grinned.

"Hinata came up with the idea to use the cover to escape. We both created a Kage Bunshin to protect the client, and I created a few more for different jobs."

"Like?" The Sensei raised an eyebrow at the sinister look on his student's face.

"Well, you know about the clone that I henge'd to look like Tazuna." Jiraiya nodded. "Well, I created one that would dispel once they got to Tazuna's so we'd know where to go, or if something went wrong." The grins became even more sinister at this point. "I also had a few to set up some traps behind them, in case they tried to follow us."

Almost as if this were the cue, the group heard a loud explosion that shook the ground. Jiraiya almost felt sorry for the Mist nin. Naruto had a tendency to lay traps within traps, a style that he hadn't seen since Gennou of Kagerougakure; who Naruto ironically looked up to in that field. Laying trip wire that served no other purpose than to make you dodge right into the real trap was something that very few even considered. Interconnecting half a dozen different traps, so that even the ones you avoided could be triggered by another set of traps made his pranks devastatingly efficient. Only Minato and Iruka had remained unscathed, unless hit by a multi-target prank. No amount of skill could avoid those massive area chaos bombs. Making that chaos lethal would prove to be a burden for his enemies.

"Okay you two, let's get to the house before we have a bad turn of luck." Jiraiya said once Hinata had been taken care of. The three disappeared with identical swirls of leaves. Thinking back to the number of explosions he'd heard, as well as the massive one after the fact, Jiraiya made a mental note to find out where the gaki was getting all those tags from. There was no way he should be able to afford them on a Genin's salary and his allowance

888888

It had been three days since they'd arrived at Tazuna's, and the three shinobi were about ready to say the hell with the mission. It wasn't because of the client, no he'd been pretty complacent since the two encounters with the enemy ninja. It wasn't the man's daughter, she was nothing but kind and helpful. When they'd first arrived, she had answered the door, and almost immediately Jiraiya began drooling. Naruto could admit the woman was exceptionally beautiful, but she was old enough to be his mother; which was ironic, because his mother was old enough to be his grandmother. Tsunami was a widow twice over, having lost both the father of her son, and her later husband to violence. In any event, she wasn't the reason the shinobi were so annoyed. No, that distinction belonged to the woman's bratty son, who just wouldn't shut up about how bad Gato was. Every five minutes, he was sulking or yelling at them about Gato and how they'd all die. What had made it even worse, was when Naruto heard the story of the boy's father, and the man's last words to the boy. His sacrifice had been wasted on Inari with the way he acted. Finally that morning, Naruto had had enough.

"I can't take this kid anymore." Naruto growled.

"Shut up!" Inari cried. "You don't know anything about what we've been through. You should just go away, cause Gato is going to kill you all." Naruto had always had an issue with people who complained about how bad things were, but made no effort to change things.

"I'm going to go train some, before I do or say something that I might regret."

Naruto surprisingly held his tongue, but glared at the boy with not a small bit of killing intent. He left the house, climbing to the rooftop to get away from the brat who kept glaring daggers at him. Jiraiya had taken that day's guard duty, as the young Genin had yet to come down. Since then, the boy could be found in random places crying and sulking, being even more obnoxious. After another couple days, Jiraiya and Hinata were starting to overly sympathize with Naruto on the matter.

888

Elsewhere

Zabuza glared straight ahead as Haku treated his wounds, despite the discomfort the action was causing his own. This was not good. Despite watching the first part of his fight with the Sannin, Haku hadn't been able to glean anything useful other than that Jiraiya never wasted a single motion. Problem was, he'd been able to tell that much on his own. The fact that the man either sealed too fast to get a feel for the jutsu, used variations of jutsu that he'd never seen, or used jutsu that didn't need seals at all, made figuring out and countering the man's techniques near impossible. Then there was the fact that the brats had made major nuisances of themselves, and had actually countered Haku's mirror jutsu. How was it that two kids were able to figure out what Anbu and Hunter-nin could not? That they'd managed to injure Haku was another issue that was bugging him. Not only had they underestimated the brats in the battle, but also afterwards as well. When they'd noticed that the bridge builder wasn't there, they'd guessed the brats had taken him to his house. Since they'd scouted that place out already, they knew where it was. Unfortunately, the brats had planned for that case. The traps that awaited them were enough to traumatize a normal man, and had he been any less of a shinobi, he'd have been dead. He did give the little whelps credit, though. That sneaky delayed explosion was rather clever.

Zabuza shot a glance at the boy who had become like a son to him, a son who had a disturbingly feminine beauty, but a son nonetheless. Less and less could he see the tool Haku had been raised to be, and more and more was he seeing the son that he'd never allowed himself to have. The Kiri missing-nin knew the life of a nukenin wasn't really for Haku, and was beginning to wonder if maybe he should find someplace to settle. Maybe after this mission he'd see what Haku thought about finding a permanent home. While he'd still love another crack at that damnable Mizukage, the more Haku became like a son to him, the less the endeavor really mattered to him. Fucking Kisame had warned him this would happen. Oh well, nothing he could do now, but try and get he and the boy through this disaster of a mission. Almost as if he were summoned, Gato came strolling into the hideout, and nearly lost his head when Haku reacted as he'd been taught. The boy calmed seeing that there was no threat. Gato and a couple thugs weren't a threat even when they were banged up.

"Heh, so you came back defeated." Gato spat as soon as the senbon was no longer at his throat. The glare that Haku sent him made it plain that the senbon that was previously at his throat, could easily be returned. Gato, seeing the bandaged duo, arrogantly thought that his two mercs would be plenty to protect him, and ignored the glare. "Looks like Kiri ninja are pretty pathetic." Gato nearly growled when he was ignored.

"You couldn't even avenge those men of yours. And you call yourself a devil." Zabuza turned his head, and focused a mild Killing Intent at Gato. The two samurai with him immediately placed themselves in front of him, and reached for their weapons. Hands on grips, the two prepared to attack if Zabuza so much as moved; not like it would have mattered any. Shrugging his way through, Gato stayed the two. "Hold on for a second." He ordered. "Listen here, I paid good money for you, so you follow my orders."

"Listen here you little turd." Zabuza growled, sitting up, revealing the bandaged areas that were injured in his run in with the traps from hell. "You may have paid for our services, but you do not own us. Second, you paid me to kill a bridge builder that might have shinobi guards. You did not, however, pay me enough to fight against one of the Sannin."

"I don't care who this senen is, I paid you to do a job, so you will do it." It was when Gato said this that Zabuza knew he'd made a mistake in taking this job. Anyone worth their shit knew who the Sannin were, and the threat they could pose to any operation, especially two bit criminals like Gato. For Gato not to, plainly stated that he was just some flaunty thug billionaire playing at criminal, who thought he was wholly untouchable, and that his money would take care of all his problems. "You get one more chance, and that's it. Do your damn jobs...or I'd hate for something to happen to you because you couldn't follow orders." The two samurai (read thugs) next to him began to draw their swords in threat. There was a blur of movement, before Gato found a senbon once again poised at his jugular.

"You would do well to remember just whom you are trying to threaten." Zabuza said, sitting up. "Now get out of my sight before Haku's hand slips." When the fat little bastard had left, Zabuza looked up at his apprentice. "Pack up, that little shit ain't paying me enough to compensate for the risk of fighting Jiraiya again."

"Hai, Zabuza-sama." The teen replied.

888888

Naruto was once again sitting on the roof avoiding the annoying midget like the plague, as well as trying to cut a leaf with his wind natured chakra. Jiraiya had told him that first night, that if he was going to sit up there, he should at least be doing something while he was. He'd then showed the two Genin the brginning exercises for strengthening their elemental affinities. Naruto with the leaf cutting exercise, and Hinata trying to make small puddle of water move with just her chakra. Naruto's enhanced hearing heard an unnatural rustle in the trees, and when looked up, he saw two shadows in the forest several yards away. Quickly creating a Shadow Clone, Naruto sent it into the house where Jiraiya was getting ready for guard duty. As the two shadows broke through into the daylight, and revealed themselves to be Zabuza and Haku, Jiraiya exited the house with a steady calm. His pose wasn't threatening, but he was still ready to react should the pair try anything. On the roof, Naruto was joined by Hinata, and the two were ready to attack should it be required to do so.

"Ah, Zabuza-chan, what can we do for you?" Jiraiya asked.

"We've come to negotiate." He replied. "Gato made the mistake of pissing me off."

"Is that so?" Jiraiya asked. "Then you and your little girlfriend wouldn't be opposed to a couple suppression seals, just to make sure, right."

"What? Zabuza growled.

"For the protection of our client, and just to make sure you don't get any funny ideas." Jiraiya said. "So long as you don't give us a reason to, we won't be forced to take advantage of the seals." Zabuza glared for a moment, before a tug on his wrist by Haku made him reluctantly agree.

"I'm not doing this because it's the right thing to do." Zabuza said.

"No, you just want your giant letter opener back." Naruto said from the roof with a grin.

888

As the two older ninja talked in one of the upstairs bedrooms, the three teens sat in the living room in awkward silence. Naruto, never able to take unnecessary silence for too long, decided to break it.

"So how'd you end up with a guy like Zabuza?"

"Zabuza saved me from an existence of living without a purpose." She said. "Do you know what it is like not having a dream, to be unneeded?" Haku paused to remember her early life. "In Mist, bloodline clans were used as weapons during the wars. Afterwards, they were feared and treated as threats to the Mizukage's power. My mother was from one of these clans, and when my father found out, he killed her. He then tried to kill me, but I subconsciously activated my bloodline, and killed him and the mob he had gathered. When Zabuza found me, I was starving, and searching for food in a dumpster. He took me in, and told me that I would be his tool."

"And you still followed him." Naruto said.

"For me, having someone acknowledge me when I was unwanted..." Haku trailed off, but the two younger teens knew what the girl was going to say. "Even with my blood, blood that everyone hated, I was wanted by someone, and Zabuza became the most important person in my life."

"Sorry." Naruto said, while Hinata remained quiet.

"Don't be." Haku replied. "I believe that what happened was for the better." It was times like these that Hinata wished she was a little more outgoing. While she'd come out of the shy shell she'd been confined to in her childhood, she still wasn't one to just out and make friends with new people like that.

"Well, this is kinda awkward."

"May I ask you something?" Haku asked, earning a shrug from the pair. "Why did you become ninja?"

"I don't know, I've always figured I'd be a ninja." Naruto said. "Everyone in my family is a ninja, we come from a ninja clan, and I'm related to four out of the five Hokage, so I guess I never questioned it. My dream though, is to surpass my parents, and become the best Hokage ever."

"M-my mother is a medic ninja, and I wanted to be able to help people like she does." Hinata replied. "I also want to be a good Clan head someday."

"A noble dream." Haku said. "You two are very strong, but why do you really wish to continue growing? Surely you have come to understand what being a ninja entails."

"My dream has not changed, but I do understand what it will take to actually accomplish my dream." Hinata said.

"When I first became a ninja, I didn't really have a purpose for it." Naruto revealed, earning a shocked look from Hinata. "I'd thought about being Hokage, but I hadn't really considered what it meant. Old Man Hokage taught me what it meant to be Hokage. Loving the village as if it was your family, and protecting your village with everything you have, even if it means your death." Haku gave a soft smile.

"I see you understand." She said. "When one has something important to protect..."

"That's when they truly become strong." Naruto finished. "My parents, my neechans, Iruka-sensei, Ero-sensei, Hinata-chan, they are what's precious to me. If anyone tries to harm them, I'll make them regret it." Naruto's eyes got hard for a minute, before returning to their playful nature. "Though I'm afraid that I might use that as an excuse to make that little brat come up missing." Haku raised a delicate eyebrow.

"Tsunami-san's son is a bit of a brat." Hinata explained. "He keeps nagging about how we're going to die, and how our training and coming here is useless."

"What do you think?" Naruto asked. "Is protecting Hinata from having to listen to him blubbering about a good enough reason to make him disappear?" Haku gave the boy a soft smile, before shaking her head.

"I do not believe that qualifies." She said. Naruto sighed dramatically, before staring intently at the smiling young woman.

"You know, you're probably the prettiest girl I've ever met." Naruto said, causing both Hinata and Haku to frown, for obviously different reasons. Thinking he'd offended the girl, Naruto quickly stammered. "I don't mean anything by it, it's just that you're really pretty."

Standing, Haku gives a sideways smirk to the blond. "Before you make a fool of yourself, you should probably know that I'm a boy (2)." Naruto froze in horror for a moment, before developing a tick above his left eye. Hinata stared for a moment, before she started to blush. Leaning over, Naruto whispered.

"That's creepy; he's even prettier than Kurenai-neechan." Hinata nodded her agreement. Haku was very attractive, even more so than her crush. Suddenly, an idea of Naruto and Haku writhing together, with her in between them, came unbidden to her mind. The young kunoichi squeaked and turned red, something she hadn't done since she was six, and started having regular play dates with Naruto. While Hinata balked at the image her inner pervert was showing her- she was still rather partial to the Naruto/Hinata/Naruto sandwich- she couldn't deny that it was a rather nice image. Of course, having the two images popping up side by side invoked a much louder 'meep' sound, with Hinata turning even redder, poking her fingers together, and her eyes slightly glazed over.

"Hinata?" Her teammate questioned, but she just rapidly shook her head. Naruto shrugged, and hoped that she wasn't going to start acting weird again like she used to. Deciding that retreat was the better part of valor, he decided to go see if Tsunami needed any help in the kitchen, leaving Hinata alone to her naughty thoughts.

888

An hour later Jiraiya and Zabuza came down the stairs, the latter holding his sword as if it would disappear again. After gathering Haku and the slightly drooling Hinata, Jiraiya and Zabuza laid out the plan for the rest of the mission. Starting that day with Zabuza, and for the next few, the three teens would be put through teamwork drills. None of them liked the evil look on Zabuza's face as Jiraiya headed off for guard duty, but the warning that Jiraiya had given the man before he left placated them some.

"Don't hurt them too badly." Jiraiya said. "Or I'll drag you back to Konoha, and let you explain to Tsunade why her son is in that condition." Still, that didn't help all that much. The first day of exercises, if you could call the torture sessions that, proved to be very informative. While the three worked surprisingly well together, mostly helped by Naruto and Hinata's training together, their different fighting styles clashed with Haku's, and made it difficult to execute maneuvers with any real amount of coordination.

That night, bodies, and egos to a much lesser extent, bruised, the three sat down and talked. They refused to take that kind of beating again, and were determined to have a better showing. They discussed strengths and weaknesses, and ways to combine their unique techniques into even more devastating attacks. The next morning with Jiraiya, the trio put their plan into action...with explosive results. The two Jounin+ shinobi were pleasantly surprised with how seamlessly the trio worked after that. It was a credit to their training that they'd been able to figure out what was wrong, and figure out how to correct it in such a short amount of time. Soon, they were able to take on multiple clones of the elder shinobi, not with ease, but with a lot less difficulty.

Something else, an event that would spark a change in a small boy, happened that first night as well. After suffering through Zabuza's thorough abuse, disguised as training, Naruto was in pain, and on a bit of a short fuse. It should come as no shock, that when Inari came to engage in his daily grumblefest, that Naruto finally snapped.

"It doesn't matter what you do." The brat spoke. "Gato will kill you, and make those two his personal slaves." Naruto's eyes flashed red for a second, and killing intent poured off the young ninja. Jiraiya shuddered, and couldn't help but mentally note that he was definitely Tsunade's child.

"All right, that's it, this brat is toast." Naruto growled, before grabbing the child by the collar, and Shunshining away. Tsunami screamed, while Hinata and Jiraiya gave chase; the latter cursing up a storm. They knew he wouldn't harm the child, but with his level of annoyance, they weren't so sure the child wouldn't be mentally scarred after this. The rest soon followed, Zabuza and Haku carrying the civies; Haku blushing up a storm with the woman's breasts pressing into him. His face became even redder as the cool night air puckered the nipples pressed into his back.

It wasn't hard to find the blond, for Inari's screams of agony carried through the forest easily. When they finally found the two, they had to stop and just stare; Hinata and Zabuza struggling not to laugh outright. Standing in front of them, back turned, was Naruto. What they couldn't see, was his crossed arms, and the satisfied smirk on his face. What everyone had seen, and what had them so shocked- and Tsunami glaring daggers- was what had become of Inari. The boy was strung up a tree...dangling by his underwear and a kunai. It was the Atomic Wedgie...shinobi style. Jiraiya groaned about how he was going to get hit for this, before climbing the tree to take the boy down.

"Hang on a second, sensei, the brat needs to here this first." Naruto said. Glaring up at the kid, Naruto spoke in a clear tone. "My dad once told me, that to abandon your duty is not courageous. Below the courageous, there is nothing. If you want to act like the star of a tragedy, and cry all day long, then go ahead and keep crying forever you little sissy. I'm not like you. I have something worth protecting, and I'll protect them with my life, with my two hands. Even if I die, I'll know I protected those that are precious to me." With that, Naruto walked away, leaving Jiraiya to go retrieve the boy. On the way back to the house, Jiraiya had a nice long talk with the boy about the facts of life. Not those, the ones about fear, and overcoming it.

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On the day that Zabuza had originally going to be making his attempt on Tazuna, we find five shinobi standing on the bridge. The elder two watching the younger three engage in a light taijutsu spar, which showed one of Haku's few glaring weaknesses. After about half an hour, they feel a presence at the end of the bridge.

"Are you here to kill Tazuna?" Jiraiya asked. "Sorry to disappoint, but the only ones here are us."

"Kukunochi Hayate...A-rank missing ninja from Kumogakure." Zabuza gave him a smirk. "Wanted for impregnating the Raikage's daughter." So he didn't have some glamorous story for the Missing Nin Chronicles. As he'd always said, being branded a traitor for knocking up the Raikage's hot daughter...

"Well worth it." He replied, smirking. "I'm guessing that you're what's standing in the way of completing my mission."

"That's about the gist of it." Jiraiya said, shrugging. He takes one look at Jiraiya and Zabuza, and snorts in derision.

"The Gama Sennin Jiraiya, and the Demon of the Mist." The man said. "Pfft, that little midget ain't paying me enough to fight one of the Sannin; adding Momochi, this is just suicide." Zabuza gave him smirk.

"Same thing I said when I saw him." The swordsman agreed. "And that's not even counting the fact that you'd have Tsunade of the Sannin and the Yellow Flash after your ass for threatening their brat. And that's if you survived." He added pointing a thumb to Naruto who grinned and waved.

"If you'll excuse me, I have a midget to kill." He was about to leave, when Jiraiya called him back.

"Hang on a second." He said. "How long do you estimate before Gato gets here?" The ninja thought for a moment.

"Not too long I suppose." He said. "Said he likes to check up on his investments. Why?"

"Gato doesn't strike me as a very trustworthy individual." Jiraiya scratched his chin. "Nor does he seem the type to really pay the price for ninja services, which would explain why he hires Nukes," '_Aside from the fact that none of the villages will deal with people like him._' "They're expendable, no one will miss them, and he can collect the bounty increasing his own fortune. He's likely expecting us to fight, and either wear ourselves out, or kill each other off. He is likely on his way with his entire merc force to pick off any of us still alive."

"Even a ninja can be overwhelmed by numbers, especially when exhausted and injured." The man admitted.

"I wouldn't be at all surprised if he even has a couple of low level ninja with him; ones willing to accept low pay. I say we bait him in, and then get rid of the little bastard once and for all. Us old folks will take care of the ninja, and the brats can handle the mercs." It should probably be mentioned that Jiraiya had gotten some info from his spy network in that last couple days.

"You sure they're up to it?" The Kumo nin asked. "Genin against that many mercs is bit of a disadvantage."

"Tell me, do you happen to know the Kage Bunshin?" Hayate nodded. "How many can you do at full strength?"

"Up to fifty depending on how fast their made." The Kumo nin replied. "Why?"

"Quadruple that, and it's less than half what the brat can do without breaking a sweat." All of the foreign ninja just gaped at the blond.

"What, I've got a demon in me blowing up my chakra coils; it's not like I can help it." Naruto said, petulantly. The Kumo nin raised an eyebrow.

"So that's what happened to the Kyuubi." The man said with a smirk. "I'd stay away from Kumo if I were you, kid. They've got the Nibi and Hachibi. Kiraa Bii, who has the Hachibi, is likely to try and challenge you to a spar, and you better pray it's physical and not verbal. Then there's Yugito who has the Nibi. Both she and that cat are drawn to powerful men, and Jinchuuriki level chakra; she's liable to try and rape you." Naruto's eyes widened, and he gulped.

"Thanks, duly noted." Jiraiya made a note of the vessels, as well as a special note about the girl. A meeting between Naruto and this Yugito woman could prove to be very interesting. The research potential alone was well worth the beating he'd get from Tsunade.

"So, looks like you both failed to get the job done." A voice yelled, five minutes later. The conglomerate of shinobi looked to the end of the bridge to find a short man standing in front of nearly a hundred fifty armed men. The man was dressed in a business suit, and holding a cane in front of him, but it was obvious that the cane was just for show. "Oh well, it doesn't matter, I was going to have you killed anyway." Gato said. "Hiring Missing-nin is easy, because I can have you ninja fight each other, then kill you off with numbers when you're weak. I even bought me a few low level ninja to even things out. Great plan, huh."

"Yeah, only you made a slight miscalculation in your plans." Hayate said. "You didn't factor in that the nin we'd be up against was Jiraiya of the Sannin, and that neither myself nor Zabuza, nor any intelligent shinobi really, is dumb enough to try and fight him without a very good reason or the skills to back up the bravado." Zabuza looked sheepish but he and the Kumo nin chuckled.

"Anyway, the point is, we knew you were going to betray us." Zabuza said. "So we decided that we were going to kill you instead."

"What, three ninja, and three kids, are going to take on my ninja, and my mercenaries." Several Shunshins later, and five ninja were standing on the bridge. Only one was of Jounin level, the rest were low to mid-level Chuunin.

"I'll take the one in the middle, since he seems to be the strongest." Jiraiya said. "You two think you can handle the others?" Zabuza just pulled his sword, while the other ninja unsealed a pair of daggers. "You brats take care of the rest of them. First one to Gato gets a free autographed copy of my book."

And with that, the battle was on. As the three elder ninja engaged the shinobi, the younger nin charged the mercs. The confidence in their victory slipped when the white eyed girl became three, the blond became fifty, and the dark haired teen disappeared altogether. Needless to say, Gato's campaign was a lost cause. Should one wish to, Gato himself could be found at the bottom of the sea, a needle in his neck paralyzing him from the neck down. Later when Jiraiya gave the book to Haku, it would be confiscated by Zabuza. His excuse was to prevent Haku's innocence being corrupted. The bloody bandages found in the trash later would reveal his true intentions.

When the gaggle of shinobi headed back to the main town- minus the former Cloud ninja- they found a rather odd sight. The townspeople, led amusingly enough by Inari, were attacking the fleeing mercs that Gato had sent after them. Aside from the group he'd taken with him to the bridge, Gato had also sent a couple dozen of his thugs to teach the people a lesson for hiring ninja against him. What he hadn't counted on was the people being inspired to defend themselves, and fighting back. The group of thugs found not complacent cowards, but armed civilians that outnumbered them at least 15 to 1, and that excluded the young people that were helping their relatives.

8888888888

As the quintet approached the gates to Konoha, Jiraiya still couldn't figure out how Naruto had gotten the bridge named after him, nor how he had convinced Zabuza and Haku to come back with them. Now the only problem would be whether or not Zabuza'a status as a criminal of Mist would affect his joining Konoha. The young boy, and here Jiraiya shuddered, wasn't registered under any governments, and had no identity that was distinguishable other than his mask and clothing. That Naruto and Hinata had adopted him as the unofficial third member of their squad, helped his case.

Jiraiya also found himself thankful of the boy. Both Naruto and Hinata had been worked up once the adrenaline wore off and they realized they'd taken a human life. Haku had talked them through the post traumatic stress of the action. While they were still somewhat subdued, they had accepted what they'd done, and that it would likely happen again. He smiled, proud of how his students had handled their first mission, as well as their first kills. They were growing up to be fine shinobi. Just as they'd passed through the gates, Naruto decided it was time to act like...well his father.

"Hey, Haku, do you like fish sticks?" Jiraiya sweat dropped at the seemingly random question. Still, given how long he'd known the boy, he should have been more suspect. The fact that Hinata was having a giggle fit should have also been an indicator that this would probably traumatize him for life.

"While I prefer sushi, they are quite delicious." Haku answered him sincerely. Naruto gave him a sly grin, before asking.

"What are you, a gay fish?" It was at this point that he motioned for Zabuza to follow him, and they left the cackling, giggling, and gaping youngsters behind.

888

Later that evening, Naruto sat with his accomplishment book out. Looking at the pay stub for his first real mission, Naruto again made a note on the stub before placing it in the book.

**Protection of Bridge builder Tazuna to Wave**

**Escort Mission**

**Rank:** C  
**Type:** Escort  
**Client:** Tazuna

_Rank A Difficulty_

Placing the book on the shelf, Naruto let a small grin cross his features. Now that they had a full squad, things were going to get very interesting around Konoha. The best part, was that they wouldn't just be saddled with some random Genin when they took the Chuunin exams, they'd have someone they knew they could work with.

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1. This is something that I started wondering about the Ice Mirrors when I went back and reread that arc for my story. Was there something that made it so they couldn't do it, or is it just that no one think of it? Anyway, the thought bugged me until I figured, might as well inject some random humor here. I'm willing to bet upwards of a hundred bucks that no one else even thought of such a simple solution to countering that jutsu.

2. Before anyone makes a big stink about this, Haku is a boy in this story. When he was being referred to as a girl, it was from Naruto's and Hinata's points of view, and at the time they thought Haku was a girl.

* For information about the jutsu in this story, I'd suggest checking out the ninjutsu portion of leaf ninja . com (remove spaces)

**Jutsu they know so far in order of learning...**

**Naruto**

Henge

Kawarimi

Kage Bunshin

Reppushou

Shunshin

Bunshin

Kaze no Yaiba

Mizuame Nabara

Dochuu Eigyo

Dochuu Senku

Endan

**Hinata**

Henge

Kawarimi

Bunshin

Mizuame Nabara

Shunshin

Mizurappa

Kage Bunshin

Reppushou

Dochuu Eigyo

Dochuu Senku

Endan

**There you have it, chapter three of Now This Changes Things. Hope you enjoyed it; if not, then that's just the breaks ain't it. I'll admit that this chapter seemed a little forced, but what can you do? Writer's block to authors is just like paperwork to the Hokage.**

**By the way, I'm a recovering jackass, so please don't make me relapse with stupid reviews (i.e. useless flames). If you decide to flame me for this chapter, make sure it has a point, and you aren't just bitching at me because I did something you didn't like. Telling me that I should have done something will result in me telling you to write your own story (you can even use a few of my story's premises if you want, or ask and I'll give you one of the many ideas that I probably won't ever get around to) so you can do it the way you like. When you post it and get more reviews for it than I have for this, I might consider changing it. The way I see it, most of the people that seriously review this way- not just posing a curious inquiry about what would have happened had something else happened- have little to no creativity of their own, and spend their time bitching about stories that they "would have done differently" or "so much better".**

**Finally, since so many people liked the omake at the end of the last chapter, there's some more.**

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Non related Omakes...

Three weeks before events of last Omake...

In a hidden cave, nine figures stood in a somewhat convoluted circle. This because some were standing on higher levels of the cave than the others. There were many murmurs and whispers as to why this meeting was called, before Mr. Swirly Eyes- no one but Tobi had been crazy enough to call him that to his face- motioned for silence.

"You are all no doubt wondering why I have summoned you here." Pein said, getting nods of assent. "Since the Nine Tails continues to elude us, we shall instead make him come to us."

"How do we do that, Leader-sama?" The apparition of said good boy asked. Pein looked at him.

"By forcing him to see things our way." He answered. "I have placed spies in every government, with instructions to ban ramen. If he wants his precious noodles, then he'll have to come to us to get them." While all of the others thought it a simple, yet sound idea- the boy was after all addicted to the crap- three members of the criminal organization were apprehensive of this idea. Tobi, who loved ramen himself, didn't like it because it meant he couldn't go out and gorge himself anymore. Konan as the only female, had taken the big sister/mother role, and restricted his ramen habit. Konan, who would normally agree with Nagato, felt something off about this particular idea. Not only was it a huge risk on the Uzumaki front, she was also very fond of the tasty confection. While nothing like Tobi, and not even close to Naruto, she could put her fair share away in a single sitting. Itachi, who'd known the boy in his youth, was highly fearful of the consequences this would bring. Uzumaki may be an easy going guy, but there were two surefire ways to set him off- something that was a risk to your health if you were the cause of said setting off. Threaten his precious people or his ramen, and only Kami himself could save you. Itachi decided to speak up.

"Sir, I don't think this is a wise idea." He was silenced by a glare.

"Itachi, you have no say in this." Pein growled. "As you have failed to capture your host, I will do so my way." Itachi sighed, just knowing this would end badly, and mentally making a note to update his will, and have it sent to the Hokage. Once the meeting was over, Tobi ran from the room.

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Hours later, Konan was strolling the halls of their current lair.

"Man, Nagato really needs to upgrade this thing." Konan grumbled. Since their normal place of residence in Ame had been infested with termites (that creepily enough reminded her of Orochimaru), they'd had to stay here until the pests were removed. As she walked, she stumbled upon an interesting scene. Tobi was trying to coax one of the messenger birds down from the ceiling, but it seemed that the only ones available were the ones that were rather fond of making his life difficult.

"Come down here." Tobi said impatiently. "Tobi must warn Naruto-sama. Tobi cannot be a good boy if you do not cooperate." It was this that caught her attention, and that made her intervene.

"And just what are you warning Naruto-kun about, Tobi?" She asked, menacingly. Surprisingly, the man didn't even flinch at her 'Female Aura of Doom'. '_Odd, that usually works on him._'

"Tobi must be a good boy, and warn Naruto-sama about Pein-sama's lapse in sanity." Tobi said turning to her. "To have ramen outlawed is a crime against all things right in the world. Forgive me for saying this, but Pein-sama must be stopped." Konan looked at him for a full minute. The challenging stance he'd placed himself in just dared her to try and stop him; and while normally he'd be little challenge for someone trained by Ero-Sennin (she'd have to thank Itachi for sharing that particular anecdote with her), she doubted she would win this time; especially given Tobi's passion for ramen. In all honesty, she agreed. Nagato had lost his mind, and this suicidal plot was the proof of that.

"Do what you must." She said before calling one of the birds down so Tobi could send his missive. Turning to leave, she was called back.

"You did the right thing, Konan-san." The man nodded. "Your karma has risen, and you may just be able to weather this coming storm." Shaking his head, attaching the letter, and sending it off, the childlike Tobi returned, waved, and skipped out of the room. "See ya neechan." Konan raised a delicate eyebrow at her associate as he left. Once he was outside the room, she shuddered. The only thing that came close to the creepiness that was Orochimaru, was when Tobi got cryptically philosophical; well that and his mood shifts.

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A week later, and the order was passed. With the whisperings of the Akatsuki spies, the Elemental Nations banned ramen for the foreseeable future. In Konoha, it hadn't even taken much effort to convince the hateful civilians on the Council to ban the confection. Tsunade had been shocked when she found out what they'd done. They'd jumped at the chance to stick it to the demon, and were the first to pass the law, no matter how much their shinobi counterparts tried to fight it. This marked the first time that even Danzo (bastard that he is) was cooperating with his fellow shinobi without ulterior motives. It was such a petty law to pass, just to spite the boy who loved the confection so. It was also a very dangerous thing to do, but the civilians didn't seem to think of that.

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The next afternoon, after a vigorous day of training, Naruto stopped by his favorite stand to fill up on his favorite food. He arrived, only to find is second two precious people staring forlornly at the stand.

"Hey, Teuchi, Ayame-nee, what's going on?" He asked.

"We're closing down, Naruto-kun." Ayame said, sadly.

"How come the stand is closing down?" Naruto asked. "You were doing really well." A frown marred the former ramen proprietor's face.

"A new law passed across the Elemental Nations." He groused. "Ramen has been outlawed, and our stand has been shut down." A look of horror passed across Naruto's face, before it was replaced by a look of anger. Without a second thought, Naruto bolted for the Hokage tower. Upon reaching his mother figure's office, he barreled through door.

"Obaachan, what happened to the ramen?" He asked in a panic. "Is there really a law?"

"I'm sorry Naruto, the council passed the law late last evening." She said.

"Overturn it." Naruto said. "You can do that right."

"No, I can't."

"Why not, you're the Hokage." Naruto was close to losing it now.

"Naruto, while a Hokage has complete control of military matters, the council deals with the majority of civilian matters." She then gave him a sigh. "Not to mention that it's happening all over the continent." Tsunade got a worried look on her face, as Naruto looked on the verge of a panicked breakdown. Suddenly Naruto calmed, but what she saw scared her even more. The boy looked like a part of him had died just then.

"Okay, obaachan, I'm gonna go train some more then." Shoulders slumped, Naruto walked out of the office, past a concerned looking Shizune.

As Naruto exited the Hokage Tower, he heard the call of a messenger hawk above him. Surprisingly, the swooping bird targets him, as the addressee of the note. Pulling it free, Naruto reads the note, before seeing red. For those wondering, it was a simple note that read...

_Akatsuki is behind the ramen going away._

_Anonymous ramen lover_

A rage deeper than anything he'd ever felt, fell over the blond. First they tried to kill him, that he could let go, he was a ninja after all. Then they captured and killed Gaara; but his friend was okay so it wasn't that big a deal anymore. This, however...this was unforgivable. For taking away his ramen, they would suffer. While it could have very well been a trap, it was a consensus that using ramen to set a trap was akin to kicking newborns. Naruto headed to the training ground, not noticing the numerous ninja and civilians passing out due to the KI he was emitting, or the plants that seemed to wilt as he passed. After finding a place in the training grounds, he removed his jacket, settled down on it, and began to meditate.

The next moment, Naruto was standing in the familiar sewer of his mind. Angrily, he made his way through the maze until he found himself in front of a cage.

"FOX!" Naruto bellowed, but received no answer. The reason for this, was that the Kyuubi had sensed him coming a long time ago, and was in the back of it's cage, cowering away from the massive KI. "FOX!" With a whimper, Kyuubi came into view, it's tails tucked, and it's ears flat against it's head.

"What can I do for you Naruto-sama?" The fox asked. Had Naruto been less angry, he'd have likely noticed the Kyuubi's change in attitude, as well as the way it addressed him. Since he was completely pissed, he missed it just like he'd missed Hinata's obvious feelings for him.

"They took my ramen." Naruto growled. Kyuubi didn't have to ask who they were. Only people who had gained his unflinching hatred were given such titles. Orochimaru was now officially referred to as _He_ or _Him_, and the Akatsuki had been deemed as _They_ or _Them_. "They will pay. Give me your chakra." Without hesitation, Kyuubi sent as much chakra as it could without killing himself hurtling out the cage. It's hope, to get rid of the angry blond as soon as possible.

The mass of red malevolent chakra, that was usually so oppressive, was not so this time. Given the fox's current terror of it's jailer, the chakra was equally submissive, and the results were something that no one would have ever expected. When it entered Naruto's chakra system, and mixed with his own chakra, the submissive nature of the biju chakra allowed for a never before seen perfect symbiotic relationship. The two massive powers combined, and set off a change deep within Naruto.

As soon as Naruto awakened, there was a massive surge and spike of sinister chakra that drew every shinobi, retired or active to the training grounds. The group that arrived found Naruto hunched over, and the sinister chakra swirling around him violently. The shinobi of Konoha were shocked, when suddenly, the sinister intent of the chakra disappeared, and was replaced with a feeling of chaotic comfort. They watched in horror as four tails of chakra shot out; followed swiftly by five, six, then seven tails.

They noticed that his body also began to change; his build becoming more leanly muscled, as evidenced by the added definition to his mesh top. They noticed that the ground beneath him began to crack, almost as if he was gaining weight. What they didn't know, was that his bones were becoming stronger, more dense. As an eighth tail began to sprout, they were gifted with another shock, as the violent violet chakra began being absorbed into his skin. When the final tail sprouted, Naruto's eyes snapped open. To their further amazement, while his eyes were slit, they were still blue. That's when the blond in front of them began to change; starting at the top.

The hair on his head began to grow, and the golden spikes became even wilder, if that was even possible. His ears began to grow, until they were about four inches, and pointed at the tip. When Naruto stood, they saw just how much he had changed. Where once he had been only slightly taller than Tsunade, he was now close to Shino's height. Those with heightened senses, also noticed that he had an earthy scent wafting off of him, that was stirring certain urges in the females of a certain dog-like clan. They were then shocked by what happened to the tails of chakra swaying behind him. They began to solidify into actual tails, starting with the innermost layer of bone. Then came the muscles and vessels, and finally the dermal layers, complete with blond fur. Once everything was complete, the chakra began to settle, until it disappeared.

There was many a swoon in the crowd as the handsome blond became even more so. A certain dark haired medic was looking at the tails, blood trailing heavily down her face; thoughts of tentacles running through her mind, and hoping her mentor/mother figure wouldn't mind. A purple haired Interrogator was entertaining thoughts of making it with a real 'demon'. A certain pair of Hyuuga heiresses, both with activated Byakugan (they were prepared for a fight after all), lost consciousness; one with a blood covered face, the other with a saturated pelvic region.

The matriarch of the Inuzuka clan was thinking that there was finally a bigger canine in the village that would be able to dominate and mount her- possibly her daughter as well. As for our pink haired sex symbol (feel free to laugh at that), since I'm sure you all want to know, we're just going to pass on that one. Trust me when I say it's bad. Fine, you asked for it, but it's your funeral. Let's just sum it up like this...Naruto's current form, Kage Bunshin, and her reaction to Konohamaru's knockout jutsu...the second version. The end result, she looked like a combo of the two passed out Hyuuga heiresses, only she was forming visible puddles.

A certain mask wearing Jounin was taking in all of the reactions, as he was taught to do, and couldn't help but notice the looks on the faces of a certain dog clan, Tsume and Hana Inuzuka especially. It's to be expected that his thoughts would run away from him with the look of obvious lust they were giving his sensei's son.

Considering Naruto's tails, and the 'bitches in heat' look the Inuzuka ladies were sporting, it was only natural that the first thought that went through Kakashi's mind was Naruto-Inuzuka Bestiality. And of course his face erupted, spraying the unconscious Sakura; who was sprawled beneath the tree he had been standing in, a lump forming on her head. I say had been, because when he finally finished spraying, he was laying in front of the former Ichiraku Ramen stand. Ahem...anyway, back to the story.

Naruto gave a deep purr that sent shivers down many a female spine (even the unconscious ones), before stretching his new muscles. Seeing the rippling muscles move beneath his mesh shirt resulted in there not being a single pair of dry female panties in the area. Finally, Naruto turned slit blue eyes to Tsunade. Flexing his now clawed hand, he said.

"They took my ramen, they must be eliminated." He growled. Tsunade began to prepare for a fight she knew they'd lose no matter what the numbers. Naruto had the full power of the Kyuubi at his disposal now, and nothing short of a demon could stand against him; and that as debatable. Still, she couldn't just let Naruto kill the council, no matter how much she wanted to strangle the bastards sometimes. "Akatsuki must perish."

Tsunade took on a look of confusion as to what Naruto meant, but got no answer. Then, without so much as a twitch, another Naruto appeared in a puff of smoke. After a silent communication, both of the blondes disappeared. After the blond had gone, she dismissed her subordinates, and just noticed all the unconscious women sprawled in the clearing. She was just about to summon Jiraiya to find out what the hell was going on, when she noticed a slip of paper. After reading it, she gave a sigh of relief. Luckily for the civilian council members, Akatsuki would bear the brunt of Naruto's rage. Still, she should probably try to rectify things before he got finished with Akatsuki.

**To be continued...**


	4. Developing Bonds, w a Side of Mayhem

**Before we get into the story, I heard an interesting thought (can't remember where now), and I wanted to post the thought to the readers. "Am I the only one who thinks that there's something wrong with the ending of Disney's Snow White, and the message it sends. I mean, what possessed the prince to just up and randomly kiss a corpse. I don't know about you, but that's necrophilia if I ever saw it. Was he just riding around kissing women's corpses hoping one would rise up, or was he getting a rise himself?"**

**Disclaimer: Minato is the Godaime, what does that tell you?**

**A/N: I don't know if I'm the only one to notice this, but at the beginning of Chap. 139, when they showed an up close view of Itachi's eyes, did he look extra pissed or what. I know his face was probably all Uchiha stoic, but with the bottom of his face covered, and showing just his eyes (which looked narrowed), Itachi looked like he was ready fucking skewer someone.**

**Also, my Tenten is largely based off of the Tenten in Andrew Joshua Talon's story Boom!, and the thing with Anko at the end isn't some perverted thing, it's my plan to make Orochimaru an irredeemably sick bastard.**

**Finally, because the first exam is boring to me, I've decided to skip it in a creative way.**

**Just a mention, the flashback captions are in Dutch, and I had to translate time reverse instead of flashback. Given that I don't speak Dutch, I may have it grammatically wrong. If you do, then by all means, tell me how to correct it.**

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The first week, as well as month, back for Team Jiraiya was very interesting to say the least. Halfway to the tower, Jiraiya and Zabuza picked up an Anbu escort, and were led to the Hokage's office. After several hours of talk, as well as a bunch of political bullshit dealing with the Council and Danzo's backdoor scheming- including a few painful probings in the case of a couple kunoichi under his command- Zabuza and Haku were made Leaf ninja; the former on provisionary terms though. It almost didn't happen.

Danzo kept insisting that Haku either be placed under his command, or applied for the Clan Restoration Act. Those on the Council that supported him adamantly agreed with his proposal, and several others that normally wouldn't, surprisingly made the jump as well (namely the restoration act, since Konoha civies seem to get hard ons for advanced bloodlines). It wasn't until Shikaku pointed out that Haku did not hail from a Konoha Clan and that he did not qualify, that Danzo's sails began to lose wind. This was followed by Zabuza declaring point blank that his 'son' would not be placed under the control of the likes of Danzo.

"I've heard a lot about you, Danzo," Zabuza growled. "And none of it I've liked. You also remind me too much of Gato, and don't strike me as a very trustworthy person. Besides, the only reason I came here was because Haku made friends with the gaki and the girl. We _don't_ have to stay here."

"That is enough." Minato finally said. "This Council's only input into this situation is to help me decide whether or not Zabuza and his charge will be allowed to become citizens of the Leaf. The final decision, as well as the stipulations of their citizenship, especially as they are shinobi, is entirely up to me. Now, what does the civilian Council say?"

"We don't care, so long as he is a boon to the village." Their spokesman, a man who thankfully despised Danzo, said.

"Elders?" The three former teammates were in agreement on this one.

"We believe that Zabuza-kun would make a good addition to the ranks." Sarutobi said. "Provided his loyalty can be proven." Minato looked over to his Anbu Commander, and received a nod.

"Shikaku, what do you think?"

"I think that once Mist finds out, things will get troublesome." After sharing his opinions, and thoughts on the matter, Minato was able to figure out a plan.

Zabuza and Haku became Leaf ninja- following which, Haku was officially made part of Jiraiya's Genin squad- but Zabuza had to make some consessions. Not only did he have to deal with the probationary period for becoming a Konoha nin, he also had to pay his respects back to Mist; although that luckily didn't include execution, considering he was under Konoha's protection, and Kirigakure was under new management.

The Godaime Mizukage's stipulations for acceptance, was that he spend thirty days in the Kiri prison for his attempt (having been at risk most of her childhood, she could understand his feelings of the Yondaime), as well as relinquishing his sword back to the village. Ironically enough, giving up his sword was to his benefit. When he'd gone to the Satoshi Weapon Outlet, he was met with the son, of the last apprentice, of the creator of the Shinobigatana's weaponry (1). He ended up with a new sword, of a sturdier make, that was also able to easily conduct chakra.

It didn't hurt that he got to spend the night with the woman after complimenting Kiri's choice of Mizukage; telling the woman that she epitomized what a kunoichi meant- sexy and deadly- helped his case very much. Luckily for both Konoha and Kiri, the result of that night would end up forging a strong alliance between the two villages. After all, when a woman as deadly as Mei Terumi tells you that you are to be her husband, if one is smart, they usually don't argue. Although, given how impossibly sexy she is, one would be considered foolish to do so.

With the one issue resolved, the next one wouldn't even wait a full day before popping up.

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Hinata Hyuuga was embarrassed. No, scratch that, she was more humiliated than any other time she'd been in her life- even that time she discovered she could see through clothing, and had been caught by Naruto (it wasn't her fault that her friend was so drool worthy)- and quickly becoming mildly irritated. If you're wondering why she's so embarrassed, it's because she finally became a woman...well in one sense anyway. She'd known it was bound to happen soon, had been expecting it since she started developing breasts (though medically, no one could figure out how the latter started without the pre-requisite), and yet she'd still freaked out.

Hinata Hyuuga had started her first period. She'd awaken that morning feeling something warm and sticky between her legs, and was worried that she was having nocturnal emissions without having the proper dreams to cause them. When she'd gone to clean up and change, she found the stickiness was red, and started screaming bloody murder. Her parents, her little sister, and nearly a dozen Branch House guards had burst into her room, and found her standing in the middle of her room bare assed, staring at a pair of bloody panties.

After being calmed down by her mother, and realizing the reaction she'd had to something she knew was coming, as well as how she'd been found, Hinata had felt horrible. The shame and embarrassment from her extreme reaction, as well as the looks of pity and shock she was getting at breakfast had slowly started turning her embarrassment into irritation.

Hinata stalked angrily down the road towards her team meeting. She was trying to take deep, calming breaths, knowing that taking her irritation out on her teammates, while somehow socially acceptable in Konoha, was still very wrong. As it would happen, the young heiress was in luck.

As luck would have it, she would run into the one person that she could stand less than the Uchiha and his fangirls. While normally, she'd try to avoid the bastard, today...today, she was almost hoping he'd notice her, and tempt her into violence. And of course, he did notice her, and he did tempt her.

"Well if it isn't the little Hyuuga from the reject squad." The young Utatane's grating voice announced. "Heard you and that loser just got back from your first C-rank. We've already had three."

"Yes, well our sensei decided to train us first, instead of sending his team on missions they weren't ready for." As much as she wanted to, she couldn't just hit him for no reason. "Now, unless you have something relevant to say, I have more important places to be." Hinata shrugged past him, and continued on.

"Such an attitude." Tetsuya spat. "What are you, on your period?" With her back to him, Tetsuya did not see the rather large sinister grin that appeared on her face. He did feel the ominous chill that ripped through the air as Hinata turned blazing Byakugan eyes on the boy.

"You...will...hurt." Hinata growled, before letting loose a loud war cry as she lunged.

A little later, we find the two boys of Team 11 at their training ground, waiting on their female teammate, and their sensei. The latter of which had suddenly just appeared looking very afraid.

"Hey gakis, I got a messenger from the Hyuuga." Jiraiya said. "Hinata is officially a Code Red, and was very irritated when she left the house this morning." Naruto paled, shuddered, and nodded. For the next week, Hinata would be treated like a princess. Well a warrior princess, anyway. The former would only further irritate her, and cause them undue harm.

"Code Red?" Haku asked.

"It means I've started my period, and to treat me like a princess." A voice called from behind them, causing all three to wince. "I'm also guessing you were warned that I was in a bad mood. Don't worry, I'm okay. I ran into Tetsuya on my way here, and I feel much better now."

Naruto's eyes snapped to her, and took on an awe filled gleam. If there was one person that annoyed him more than Sasuke, it was Tetsuya. Tetsuya had all the arrogance of the Uchiha, but very little of the skill his teammate had (which Naruto at least felt lessened his annoyance of Sasuke). A swift seal later, and two Kage Bunshin appeared, before turning into an overly opulent throne. Naruto ushered his female teammate onto said throne, sat in front of her and said.

"You will tell me everything that happened."

When Hinata reached the end of her story, at which point Hinata had Jyuukened Tetsuya in the nuts, Naruto didn't know whether to wince in sympathy, or cheer loudly. What he did know, was that he was sorely tempted to kiss his teammate after hearing about her minor massacre of one of their greater annoyances.

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The week had been just as rough on the newest member of Team 11, and by day 6, Haku was just on the upper side of highly annoyed. Ever since he'd come to the village, he'd been getting lecherous stares from men of all ages. So what if he looked like a girl...okay a very dainty, petite, attractive girl...that didn't give them leeway to undress him with their eyes. Maybe he should have taken Naruto-kun's advice, and worn a sign on his back that said he was a boy.

Ignoring the stares, Haku continued towards the training grounds he'd been shown the day before. He still had quite a bit of time before he had to be there, so he was taking his time becoming familiar with the village; at least the things on this path to the training grounds. The complete tour would be on one of their days off. He'd just turned the corner when a voice echoed from nearby.

"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? 'Cuz they must be missing an angel."

Haku's teeth clenched as he turned to face the person, and that term was used very loosely, who'd spoken to him. What he found was a wild looking boy his teammates' age, with red triangular markings on his cheeks. Haku also noticed he was wearing a gray fur lined coat that had an admittedly adorable puppy peeking its head out the neck. Haku didn't bother even glancing down to see what else he was wearing; no need to give the boy the impression that he was being checked out.

"You must have me mistaken with someone else." Haku intoned with as much calm as he could muster. "Now if you will excuse me, I must be going."

"So soon?" The young man kept going. "How about you and I have a seat over in that cafe? I know your feet must be tired and hurting."

"What makes you think that?" Haku's irritated tone of voice was completely lost on the boy.

"They have to be; especially considering the fact that you've been running through my mind all day."

"I'm sorry to inform you." Haku said, not at all sorry. "But I'm a boy." Kiba sniffed near Haku, making the teen lean back in revulsion.

"I'm not buying it." Kiba said. "You certainly don't carry the scent of a male."

"Then maybe your nose needs more training, mutt." An amused voice behind him said. Turning, the young Inuzuka found the grinning faces of both Naruto and Hinata. "Haku may be way prettier than either of us, but he's got the same junk as we do."

"Are you telling me that that's really a guy?" Kiba yelled loudly. Naruto nodded.

"Yep, we made that mistake the first time, too." Hinata replied, snickering behind her hand.

"I think I'm going to be sick." The boy walked away, skin paler than even certain dark haired pasties on canon Team 7. Naruto having noticed all of the horrified looks that resulted from Kiba's outburst chuckled.

"Well, at least you don't have to worry about the looks, and being hit on anymore." He said, pointing.

"I am not amused, Naruto-kun." Haku replied in a frosty tone. Hinata couldn't help herself.

"I am."

Unfortunately, the stares didn't end for Haku. Once word got around, he began getting the same lecherous looks from the fairer sex; a fact that earned him no small amount of teasing from his teammates.

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The very next morning, Naruto woke up to a veritable forest in his room. Vertically, horizontally, diagonally, everywhere you looked you would find elongated branches; coming from and stabbing into numerous surfaces all over his room. With a very squeaky, unmanly yell, Naruto called for help.

"Kaasan!" Moments later the room was charged by three Kage level shinobi (KI aplenty), a Jounin medic, and a High Chuunin Academy instructor. The sight they were met with upon arrival shocked them all to a standstill. Jiraiya was the first to recover, and find humor in the situation.

"Wow, gives a whole new definition to morning wood." Jiraiya quipped, and received a smack from Tsunade.

"Now is not the time." She growled.

"Come one hime, maybe this is a sign that the gaki is finally hitting puberty." Sighing, Minato took charge when he saw that Tsunade couldn't break any of the branches, and was about to substitute his mentor's limbs just to hear a satisfying crack.

"Jiraiya, go get Tenzo, we're going to need his help with this." Smirking, Jiraiya did just that. "Shizune, you and Iruka go get Hayate and Zabuza, in case we have to cut this down." With a nod, they too left. Finally turning to his wife, Minato gave a wry grin.

"I know you hate his perversions, and I'm aware that it was a completely inapprpriate time for it, but you have to admit, Jiraiya was right."

"What was that dear husband?" Tsunade asked, just a little too sweetly. "Did you say you wanted to sleep on the couch?" The Hokage gave his wife a smile that would have better fit his son's face, before suddenly appearing behind her, and nibbling on her ear.

"Oh, you know you'd miss me too much to make me sleep on the couch." Minato said. Tsunade had to suppress a moan and frown, because she knew it was true.

"Okay, gross." Naruto said. "At least don't do that in my room." Sadly, the two blondes were so focused on either trying to make their spouse giggle, or trying not to giggle, that they didn't hear their son's plea. Fortunately, Jiraiya was fast, and Tenzo was predictable, so Naruto was spared having his room christened by his parents...with him as a witness.

"Hokage-sama, I'm...here?" The man froze at what he saw. Minato quickly broke away from his wife, but not fast enough for Jiraiya not to have gained several seconds of delightful research. His philosophy...the brat had stolen his girl (inside joke), so he lost the research immunity Jiraiya had titled him with when he became his apprentice.

"I need you to see if you can remove this forest." The man nodded, and set to work, ignoring the fact that he'd seen his Hokage's hand being pulled from Tsunade's well filled top.

Training that day was cancelled as they tried to learn the extent of Naruto's new abilities. With Tenzo helping, they hoped that Naruto, along with several dozen Kage Bunshin, would be able to get at least a reaction. Haku was even brought in, because his Hyouton was very similar to Naruto's Mokuton, only with a combination of different elements. Hinata was even there to add her support to her friend. Sadly, it was all for naught. No matter what they tried, Naruto just couldn't reproduce the results of his 'Morning Wood'. What further annoyed Naruto, was that everyone who knew about the occurrence had started referring to it by that name.

And thus, a very hectic, and crazy first week back came to an end. It would be later that month, however, when things started to get really interesting in the lives of the new Team 11.

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It was now three weeks since their return, and Team 11 had fallen back into their old routine, only this time with a full squad. Jiraiya had felt it was time to start them on some things that he'd thought it well past time they learn.

"Okay brats, listen up." Jiraiya said. "Today's lesson is going to be a bit easier; no physical workouts for Naruto and Hinata. We're going to play a little catch up. I learned from Zabuza that Haku here already has a basic grounding in seals, which is what today was going to be about. In turn, both of these brats know a certain technique that could possibly be very useful to you."

"What technique is that, sensei?" Haku asked. It felt kind of awkward to refer to anyone other than Zabuza-sa...Zabuza as sensei. That was also another bit of awkwardness he was still getting used to. Zabuza had told him that it was time to stop referring to themselves as master and tool, but now as father and son.

"Kage Bunshin." The man responded. "You'll probably want to release your seal for this. You'll need access to all of your chakra to learn this, and you still probably won't get it."

Jiraiya pulled the two youngsters away, and got them started on trying to make explosive tags. While they both already knew how to use them, it was about time that they learned to make their own. In an odd twist of irony, Naruto, who had struggled with the simpler storage seal months ago, easily mastered the more intricate explosive tags.

'_Why am I not surprised._' Jiraiya thought to himself, while overseeing Haku's attempt at the Kage Bunshin. '_Considering that Minato's first mastered seal was an engraving seal, I should have seen this coming._'

It wouldn't be long before a discovery was made. When it came to seals, Naruto was his father's son, and showed a real talent for the art. Little did the Sage know, but Naruto would eventually start experimenting with them (something which resulted in several different lectures, most about how stupid that was, from every woman in his life), and stumble upon an array that would allow for them to store elemental chakra. Deciding that it was far too dangerous for Naruto to currently be working on, he'd be forced to put it on hold until he was more proficient with Fuinjutsu.

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It didn't take long- especially with Kage Bunshin- before Naruto got so good at making them, that he'd become the official tag maker for the team; both explosive and flash. After all, buying the paper and ink in bulk was a lot cheaper than buying the tags in bulk; and for an explosive happy team like theirs, it was definitely to their benefit. Besides, it gave Naruto a chance to create what he and his teammates would call...the Super Boom. It was your standard tag, with a small variation. An extra line in the containment field allowed for a more potent kind of chakra to be used in the seals. With this addition, Naruto began making tags powered by Kyuubi's chakra, giving them three times the power and blast radius with less chakra used. These were held in red scrolls that the three began to carry in their storage tattoos. It was somewhat worrisome to Minato, Tsunade, Iruka, and Sarutobi that Naruto was so talented in such destructive seals.

They'd been back for about six weeks, when Naruto, Hinata, and Haku were called to the Hokage's office.

"Glad you three could make it." Minato said. "I'm afraid that I had to send Jiraiya out on a mission. Some information has come in from the border, and I need him to check a few of his contacts for me." The trio gave a dejected look. "Don't worry, I've found someone who'll be able to help you till he returns." The door opened to reveal a somewhat tall man with a very familiar, massive sword.

"Heya brats, I'm back." The trio left the office, and headed out to one of the more secluded training grounds. As Jiraiya was the only one who knew how to key someone into their usual training ground they'd been forced to go elsewhere. As they settled, Zabuza wasted no time getting started.

"Since the pervert is out of the village for a few days, the blond gaki's pops thought it would be funny to dump you in my lap for the time being." Zabuza's smirk told them the truth. "For the next week, you two are going to be learning a trick that I taught Haku a long time ago...one handed seals."

"Awesome!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Now, all hand seals have a one handed equivalent, it's just easier to do with two." Zabuza lectured. "If they're good enough, most jounin can perform hand seals with one hand, and the really good ones can perform two jutsu at once this way. If you're better, you can perform jutsu without needing to perform all of the seals for the jutsu. When you've mastered a jutsu, or element, to a high enough degree, you won't even need the seals to perform certain jutsu. They will become so instinctual, that sealing becomes unnecessary."

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Sadly, Zabuza turned out to be only just better a sensei than Kakashi was. While he was much more inclined to teach the three youngsters things, once he'd taught them, he left them to their own devices. Luckily, Haku was already proficient with one handed seals, and the other two both had an ace up the sleeve in Haku, and a way to cheat like nobody's business. Still, they weren't going to go so far as to use Kage Bunshin to do the work for them, just speed things along.

It took a couple of days to actually learn the one handed seals, and be good enough to run through them without faulting. After that, they put it to the Kage Bunshin speed learning, so that the seals would become easier, faster, and more automatic. By the end of the month, they were confident enough in their ability to perform the seals, that they began picking through their jutsu to figure out which ones they were going to start one-handing first.

With Haku's instruction to start with the easiest ones first, Naruto and Hinata went back to the beginning. Hinata decided to start with the Acedemy three, and one of her easier elemental jutsu, Mizurappa. Naruto did likewise- of course he traded Bunshin for Kage Bunshin, but that's understandable- and decided to add Reppushou. Both had thought about Shunshin, but since it was already a onehanded seal, with only a single handseal, they decided to make that the first jutsu they learned to do without seals; whenever they got around to that.

The time was also spent taking D-rank missions on the side, just to keep up some pocket change. The routine was only broken by a mission to Neck Country. They were shocked when they were allowed to take on the mission without a commanding officer. The group decided that Haku would lead the mission, having the most skill and experience of the trio.

It had started out as a rather simple mission...but it swiftly got complicated by two things. First, was the more serious fact that the mission soon proved to be much more than it seemed at first. Hinata's comment that she hoped this didn't turn into a recurring thing with their team's C-rank missions was very much agreed upon by the boys. The second complication came from Naruto's issues with the super-natural. Haku found this rather ironic considering he was housing a super-natural being inside of him. That the inside of the castle constantly changed, and attacked them didn't help Naruto's wigging out.

When the castle tried to eat them and the ghost of Kouza Kubisaki showed up to guide them to his summoning scroll, Naruto went into complete spas-mode. His fainting spell, which turned out to nearly equal the epic one Hinata had the very first time Naruto hugged her (back when she was still crushing entirely too hard on him to be healthy), was only ended when Hinata firmly told him she was telling Anko when they got home. He had snapped up, and seemed completely unaffected by the super-natural goings on around him from then on.

It was as Hinata was performing the seals for the Endan, that Naruto got one of his most brilliant ideas ever. It was only because of this idea that Naruto would be forgiven for his complete dive into spasmania, and would not face the firing squad when they returned home. What was the firing squad? Why, that would be any combination of Anko, Hinata, Naruto, Jiraiya, and sometimes Kiba, tearing into one of the aforementioned individuals with a merciless teasing assault after said individual embarrassed themselves in a way that deserved to be teased.

Anyhow, back to Naruto's epic idea. Well, it went a little something like this.

Tijd Achteruit

_"Wait a second, Hinata." Naruto said. "Does your family have a Summon Contract?" She shook her head. "Then why don't you sign this, instead of destroying it? Give you an ace up the sleeve that no one knows about. Matter of fact, why don't we all sign it? This could be our team summons that no one knows about. Something to further bond us together as teammates."_

_"Aren't you supposed to be signing the Toad Contract at some point?" Hinata asked._

_"Yeah, but everyone will suspect that I can summon either Slugs or Toads, but this will throw them off." Naruto said. "By the way, I think mom is planning on letting you sign her contract too, Hinata. We'll have to see what we can do about you, Haku."_

_"So, does anyone know how to summon?" Haku asked. When all three answered in the negative, Naruto grumbled._

_"Great, something else we'll have to learn when we get back." Hinata giggled. "I'll have to figure out how to trick Ero-sensei into teaching us without giving it away." After signing the contract, and then dismissing the giant chameleon after exiting it, the trio headed home._

Eindtijd achteruit

This was how Team 11 acquired the aid of the lizard summons.

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Over the next month, the Genin again fell back into routine. Mostly training, with a few D-ranks thrown in for pocket change. Naruto had, as promised, inquired about summoning from his father. He was told that Jiraiya was the current holder of the Toad Contract, and that he would decide when Naruto signed the contract. As a result, Naruto wasn't able to get enough information out of his dad for the trio to start getting acquainted with their new summons. Instead of working on summoning like they'd planned, they started working on different formations, an idea Hinata had gotten from Team 10, and battle combos that could be used in battle. One of the first they'd come up with, one they'd called Unlucky Ducky, involved Haku's Ice Mirrors.

Jiraiya had also, after cursing his negligence, taught them a technique for detecting enemy ninja. The irony of the whole situation, was that the jutsu had been created by Tsunade to locate Naruto when he'd started effectively evading the village's Chuunin after his pranks. The technique, which was like a chakra sonar, operated by the user covering their body in chakra, then sending it out in a wave away from themselves. Whenever the wave hit another chakra source, it would send back a easily detectable pulse.

Separately, they each had started learning a few new techniques that they felt would be useful. Hinata had learned Mizu Bunshin from Zabuza, and now had a clone technique she could abuse like Naruto. Tsunade had also decided that they were ready to begin learning some of the more advanced medical jutsu. Both Naruto and Hinata were started on the Shousen, and later in the month, she'd also been taught a jutsu to remove poisons. Unfortunately for Naruto, he didn't quite have the control for the second jutsu, so added two new fuuton to his repertoire while Hinata was learning it. The Shinkuu Gyoku and Shinkuuha had been surprisingly tough to learn, given his affinity, but that came more from his lack of control. Haku on the other hand, was already proficient with medical techniques, and wasn't really all that interested in the two chakra intensive wind jutsu. Instead, he decided to go back and learn the jutsu that Naruto and Hinata had been taught before they'd met. He realized that having a few unexpected tricks up his sleeve was a good idea. The wind and water jutsu came easily, but the two earth, and one fire jutsu took him almost two whole months to get down.

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It was also during this time that teenage hormones began to start kicking in for two of the members of Team 11. The first to experience hormone related issues was of course the eldest.

Haku had made the mistake of going into Ichiraku's Ramen stand with his hair down, and had nearly been molested by the waitress of the establishment. With hearts in her eyes, she had openly flirted with the young man, her amorous intentions very clear. It didn't hurt that he was close to her and her father's favorite customer. Hinata and Naruto, of course, weren't going to let this prime teasing point go. It had been Naruto, however, who'd gotten the biggest reaction. His comment of-

"If you think he's handsome now, you should see him without a shirt." -had resulted in Ayame fainting, sporting a very prominent nosebleed. Teuchi didn't know whether to laugh at his daughter's reaction, or glare at Naruto for putting such thoughts into his sweet Ayame's head.

As it happened, the young woman started coming around just as the trio of ninja finished their meal, and were paying their bills. Faster than should be possible for a civilian (though they were unaware that Ayame was actually a Shinobi Academy washout), she leaned across the counter until her lips were right next to Haku's ear.

"I certainly wouldn't mind seeing you without a shirt on." She whispered. "I'll even make it fair and let you see me without mine on." Haku's face turned beet red as he stumbled, before bolting from the stand. The younger two members of Team 11 looked from the grinning Ayame (who was mimicking Kisame at the moment), to the empty space that held Haku, back to the waitress. Their eyes then locked on each other's before they too ran out the stand, intent upon finding Haku, and finding out what Ayame had said.

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THUNK! THUNK! THUNK! Tenten sighed. Perfect again. Sure, she was proud of her exceptional aim, but that was only against inanimate targets. Against human targets it dropped to about 83 percent considering their insistence on blocking and dodging. Either way, it didn't give her much to practice, especially without a practice dummy. Sure, she could work on her Taijutsu, but in order for her to get any real results from that she'd have to find a style that suited her fighting style. Sadly, the Taijutsu system that her sensei had recommended, was one of the few that he didn't know, so she was stuck until then. Walking over to the nearly shredded training log, Tenten began pulling her kunai from the wood. Just as she had retrieved the last one, she heard a small explosion in a nearby training ground. Curious about who it was, and what they were doing, expecially in regards to the explosions, she took off in that direction.

Arriving in the training ground, she found a boy with somewhat familiar blond hair standing in a small smoking crater looking a bit worse for wear. His clothes were rumpled, and both they and his hair was partly singed. Using a bit of wind manipulation, the figure blew the smoke away. Now that she could see him better, she instantly recognized him as Naruto Namikaze, the son of her idol Tsunade Namikaze and the Godaime Hokage. Seeing that he was mostly unharmed, Tenten took a look around to try and figure out what had happened. Noticing the ink, brushes, and paper, she decided to find out what was going on.

"What are you doing?" Asked the slightly amused kunoichi.

"Just a bit of experimenting with explosive tags." Naruto answered as he climbed out the crater, not noticing the rather enthusiastic reaction the young kunoichi had. "Not having much luck though."

"You know how to make them." She asked startled. It was rare that you saw a rookie Genin with the ability to make an intermediate tag like that.

"Yeah, I make all the ones my team uses because it's less expensive." Naruto points to a bunch of clones a few yards away writing up seals on strips of paper. "It's not exactly hard, y'know." Naruto was suddenly taken aback by the blinding, radiant smile that graced the girl's features. He had to admit, she was very pretty when she smiled.

Tenten watched as the clones wrote up seal after seal at a rather astonishing rate. Sure, they were going slow enough not to make any mistakes, but they were still drawing them a lot faster than what she'd seen done before. To be fair though, the only person who she'd ever seen make them was her father, and he was far from a master of seals. Someone like Jiraiya, Minato, or Kushina could have done a dozen easy in the time it took her father to do three. As it was, the group of Narutos were each doing them at twice her father's speed. Turning back to the blond, she saw that he was again seated on the ground, this time making frantic notes on a piece of paper that seemed to have a bunch of other notes on it. It was at this time that an idea came to her; a way around certain restrictions that had been placed on her.

"Hey Naruto-kun?" She asked suddenly kneeling next to him. Naruto, having already been made wary of that tone by the numerous women in his family (immediate and extended alike), and taking note of the sudden use of an honorific, answered with caution.

"Yeah?"

"I was wondering if you could make some for me." She asked. "Storage scrolls are easy, but I don't have a steady enough hand to draw the explosive tags, and Gai-sensei won't let me buy them in bulk anymore." What Tenten didn't know, was that she'd had a seal placed on her while she slept that caused her hand to gain a minute case of the shakes anytime she attempted to make an explosive tag; enough of one to make trying to draw explosive seals a futile exercise for her.

"How come?" Naruto wasn't exactly sure he should be making them for her if her sensei was against her obtaining them.

"I had an accident on a mission, so he forbade me from having them." Naruto gave her an expectant look. "Okay, so I kind of like explosions...a lot, and I may have gotten a bit carried away, and tossed a big ball of them into a bandit camp just to see how big an explosion it would make." Naruto grinned.

"How big a ball we talking?" Naruto asked.

"About nine centimeters in diameter." She said, bashfully. Naruto's face lit up.

"Sounds like that would have been awesome to see." Naruto said. And with those nine words, Tenten knew they would get along very well. It didn't hurt that he was kind of handsome, and the son of her idol. Definite boyfriend material...once she got to know him better, of course.

"So will you make me some, please?" Tenten asked, eyes in full puppy pleading mode.

"Meh, sure, why not." Naruto said. "But you'll have to provide your own materials."

"Thank you, Naruto-kun." She gushed, hugging him, before pressing her lips to his cheek. Naruto blushed at the feeling a pair of soft lips against she cheek provided, as well as from the soft bumps being smushed into his shoulder.

"By the way, I never did get your name." Naruto said, his face still a little red.

"Tenten...Tenten Satoshi." Naruto nodded, before smiling back at her.

"Nice to meet you Tenten-chan." He said. "I should have them ready a day after I get your raw materials."

Little did either of the two teens know that they would bond so greatly over a love of explosives, nor that a certain Hyuuga would take such a great offense to the happenstance.

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Pain is what Naruto felt. Pure, unadulterated, all encompassing pain. What had started as a breakthrough in the field of ninjutsu, was now just a painful reminder of his stupidity. His entire body ached, he had cramps, he felt bloated, and he had been bleeding uncontrollably for the past three days. How Hinata dealt with this every month he didn't know, but he now knew that he would never use this version of the Sexy Jutsu ever again, unless there was absolutely no other choice. If you hadn't figured it out by now, Naruto is feeling one of the negative side effects of his new jutsu. Let's take a look at how this came about, shall we.

Tijd Achteruit

_Two months before, Naruto and Hinata had been at Ichiraku's (Haku was hiding out for a couple days, having finally been introduced to, an overly intrigued with his beauty, Anko) when he'd overheard Shikamaru, Chouji, and Ino talking about the upcoming Chuunin Exams. Shikamaru of course thought they were troublesome, and Chouji was wondering if they were ready. Ino, of course, was as confident as she always was that she'd wow everyone with her amazing skill, and be promoted, no matter how...untrue even that possibility was. She was also blabbering on about how she couldn't wait to see Sasuke-kun, because she knew he'd make it, and that Forehead would be so jealous when she found out about it. Little did Ino know that Forehead had gotten a rather rude awakening from her sensei, and was much more prepared for the exams than she was; but I digress._

_When Naruto and Hinata had confronted him about it, their sensei had told them that he didn't think they were anywhere near ready (regardless of the fact that of the rookies, they were the most ready). After days of badgering, Jiraiya finally cracked; adding that third brat to his team was especially more problematic than dealing with just the two menaces had been. He'd come up with a brilliant plan that would help strengthen his students, give them a chance to put their creativity to good use, and get them off of this Chuunin Exams kick. He, The Toad Sage of the Densetsu no Sannin, would enter them into the Chuunin exams if they were able to create their own jutsu. It didn't matter what shinobi field it was in, but it had to be an original technique. With only three months left until the Chuunin Exams, and the fact that it usually took years, and a lot more skill than the brats had, it was practically impossible. He'd left the room rather confident with his plan. Even if they did have the skill, they wouldn't have time to do it. At least, he'd thought so, until._

_"Well, Haku has created a few jutsu of his own already." Naruto said to Hinata. "So he's already in; and he can help you and me with ours. With Kage Bunshin to help, we'll have them ready in no time."_

_"Damn, I forgot how resourceful that brat is." Jiraiya muttered, just outside the door._

_"Sucking toes again, I see. (2)" Tsunade said, coming up beside the man who'd become like a brother to her over the years._

_"Because he's not as naturally talented as you and Minato, I keep forgetting that regardless of this, he is still your son." Tsunade burst into a gailic laughter that caused her bountiful chest to do very pleasant things. Jiraiya was fortunately able to peel his eyes away from the jiggling orbs before she stopped laughing and caught him staring._

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_Barely a month after the ultimatum, Hinata had the first major breakthrough. Her idea, was to combine the offensive properties of the (Sixty four plams) with the defensive capablilities of the Kaiten. Having already been learning the first technique, she'd been able to almost easily come up with an initial idea. The problem that she'd kept having had been keeping the two different chakra manipulations going at the same time, while simultaneously performing the chakra spin of the Kaiten. In the end, she cut the Kaiten spin out completely, and concentrated on using the super fast strikes of the Hakke Rokujuuyonshou. Ironically enough, it was a derisive comment from Neji that allowed her to finally complete her technique. Using her natural flexibility to compensate for the spin, Hinata was able to create a 360 degree defense just as effective as the Kaiten, that also doubled as a true attack._

_From start to finish, the technique took her just under a month and a half._

_The day that Hinata's new technique was unveiled, Team 11 met in the small training grounds of the Senju Compound. Attending the unveiling was Jiraiya, Haku, Naruto, Hiashi, and Hitomi. After doing a dry run of the technique, showing the basic motions at a slow pace. Naruto created a team of Kage Bunshin that surrounded his best friend._

_"Ready Hinata?" Naruto asked. When he got a nod, he and his clones let loose their projectiles. Suddenly Hinata's eyes activated, and her hands began to glow._

_"Shugo Hakke Rokujuuyonshou!" She said, before her arms became a flurry of motion. Chakra spewed forth from her palms as her arms swung in a sweeping pattern. Her movements created a dome around her much like the Kaiten, but was more of a mesh pattern. The shuriken and kunai that Naruto had thrown were swiftly cut to pieces of scrap metal as they penetrated the protective sphere of chakra. Seeing Hinata give the signal, a simple nod, Naruto rejoined the spectators. The chakra being expelled increased, and the group was gifted with the sight of a sharper, stronger, and more flexible weave of chakra striking out, and swiftly reducing Naruto's clones to puffs of smoke._

_"I can honestly say I feel sorry for the bastard that gets hit with that." Naruto said, shaking his head. "Even the memory of being killed like that is disturbingly uncomfortable."_

_"Congratulations, Hinata, you've qualified for the Chuunin Exams." Jiraiya said. "It's all on you now, Naruto. No pressure of course." Naruto just smirked at his Godfather's taunt._

_"Don't worry, I'll be done soon." He boasted. "And when I'm done, it's going to change the way ninja do transformations."_

_Seeing Hinata's kickass new jutsu completed, Naruto was kind of disappointed in his creation. Still, he had plenty of time to try and top it, now was about creating something for the Chuunin Exams. Seeing Hinata's completed jutsu also lit a fire in him to complete his own jutsu, even if Hinata and Haku's jutsu kickassness was currently superior to his own._

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_Several days later, a rather odd mix of shinobi were gathered in the Namikaze (formerly Senju) family home. The reason, Naruto had finally finished his original jutsu. The furniture had been moved back, and Naruto now stood in the middle of a room that included his teammates, his parents, his neechans Anko and Shizune, Zabuza, his sensei, and even Old Man Sarutobi._

_"Well, we saw what Haku is capable of creating in Wave, and we've seen Hinata's new jutsu, what have you got, gaki?" Jiraiya asked of his Godson, wondering why he'd asked that they'd come back home to unveil it._

_"Oiroke no Jutsu!" Naruto exclaimed. When the smoke had finally cleared away, Naruko (he still hadn't figured out a good name for her yet) stood there in place of Naruto. Haku blushed heavily (he still couldn't believe that Naruto-kun had chosen that), while Zabuza, who'd never seen the jutsu before flew out the window, flipping the couch, and spraying red as he went. The others just rolled their eyes, both at the jutsu and the elder nin's reaction. Even with a small nosebleed of his own, Jiraiya wasn't very impressed._

_"Sorry kid, but even as nice as that little Henge of yours is, I've seen it before." Jiraiya said._

_Sarutobi (who was very curious at what Naruto's inate cleverness would come up with) and Minato, the former sporting a small bleed of his own, just shook their heads. When Naruto said he'd had something that was going to change the way ninja performed transformations, they'd been hoping for a bit more._

_"Oh really?" Smirking, Naruko cupped her sizable bosom, and bounced them up and down a few times. Then she grabbed Hinata's hand, and placed it on the left one, and made her squeeze._

_"I-it's real." The young Hyuuga squeaked, her face turning red at what her friend was having her do. "I c-can actually feel Naruto's b-br-breast." And with that, two men, one teen, and one purple haired woman joined Zabuza in dreamy bye land, collapsed against the walls with red faces. The father of the buxom young woman just collapsed in a dead faint from shock. Tsunade and Shizune were on him in a second, groping, poking and prodding._

_"Naruto, this is amazing." Tsunade said. "How did you do this? What's the theory behind this? Do you know what this could mean for the shinobi world?" Naruko rolled her eyes cutely. Obviously she did considering her bragging earlier. Naruto actually froze for a moment as the reality of what he'd just been thinking struck him._

_"Uhh, Kaasan, you realize this is a real change right?" Naruto asked shakily, to which Tsunade nodded. "So, um, given prior experience, you must realize how it feels to have someone groping and rubbing you like that, right?"_

_"Huh?" Tsunade paused with her finger brushing against the blonde girl's nipple. "Oh Kami, I'm sorry. So that means, this is a full body change...even the plumbing?" Naruto shrugged._

_"I don't know, but I'm guessing I should clear my schedule tomorrow, and report to the hospital for some tests." The smirk Tsunade gave him made him sigh._

_"My baby boy knows me so well." She replied. "Or is it girl, now?"_

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_The next day found Naruto sitting in a hospital room, again being poked and prodded by his mother (a couple of times in places that more than embarrassed him). Tsunade and Shizune spent several hours running every test they could think of, minus some of the more gynecologically in depth ones, on the, for now, young woman._

_"Okay, now explain to me how you did this." Tsunade said._

_"It's kinda a combination of your Youth Jutsu, and the Henge." Naruto explained. "I pretty much just applied the logistics of that jutsu with what I know of the henge, and bam."_

_"Mind being a little more specific?" Tsunade griped._

_"I got to thinking about how your jutsu allows you to look and feel whatever age you want, and wondered if there was a way to apply that same principal to transformations in general." Naruto said. "After a bunch of trial and error, and several traumatizing memories from clones, I figured out what I was doing wrong. I was trying to create a ninjutsu, but I was still treating it like a Genjutsu."_

_"So how did you fix it?" Shizune asked._

_"You know how with henge you condense a layer of chakra over your body to simulate a change." Naruto said. "Well, I was wondering what would happen if I gathered my chakra like for Ninjutsu, instead of just layering it over me like you do with Genjutsu. I also had to change the seals, because the Ne-Tora starting-ending combination always produces a Genjutsu. I ended up using the starting and finishing seals for your jutsu, and the anchor chain from the Henge, and voila."_

_"So is this the only thing you can transform into?" Tsunade asked._

_"No, just the first I tried." Naruto explained. "I can change into practically anything. The best part is, once you've got down the intent of the jutsu, it's as easy to master as the Henge." Half an hour, and several animate and inanimate transformations later, Tsunade gave her son, 'the frown'._

_"Naruto, this is by far the most ingenious and stupid thing you've ever done." She said, causing him to gape._

_"What do you mean stupid?" Naruto balked._

_"It's stupid, because the body wasn't meant to change in the way this jutsu forces it to." The buxom blonde sighed. "While the human to human changes are probably safe, I'm pretty sure that anyone other than you would have destroyed their bodies making some of those other changes to themselves; especially to the non-living things. I'm guessing having that fox inside you worked to your advantage this time."_

_"Oh." Naruto said, dejectedly. '_I guess teaching this to Hinata and Haku is out then._'_

_"It's ingenius, because this makes completely undetectable changes, adding a completely different level of stealth to infiltrations. Now, so long as we stick to human transformations, I think this could be a new secret weapon for the village. The only problem, is that it's so chakra intensive to use initially that it'll more than likely end up on the Forbidden Scroll. Now, how long can you hold this?"_

_"As long as I want." Naruto replied. "Since the change is on a cellular level almost, it's pretty much self-sustaining once it's activated."_

'So it burns a lot of chakra to preform, but almost nothing to sustain...interesting.'_ Tsunade thought. _'We'll have to have someone we can trust test it to see if it really works that way, or if that's only the case for Naruto, whose reserves are so huge he doesn't notice the drain.'

_"Okay, I want you to maintain that form for as long as you can, or for the next week." She said. "Whichever comes first. I'd like to see just what kinds of limitations and effects this jutsu has before we classify and archive it." Naruto frowned._

'Just great.' _Naruto thought. _'I have to spend the next week in a form that's going to give two people on my team uncontrollable nosebleeds, and leave another one blushing so hard she'll probably pass out from all the blood rushing to her head. Oh well, it's only a week as a girl. What's the worst that could happen?'

Eindtijd achteruit

Indeed, what was the worst that could happen? Naruto had then spent several days straight in that form, getting teased by Anko mercilessly about being a pervert and just wanting to cop a free feel of a woman's body. When he tried to explain that his mother was forcing him to hold the transformation- one of her experiments on just how versatile the jutsu was- it didn't seem Anko really cared about the facts, just the teasing potential. Her favorite being that Tsunade had wanted a daughter, and she was going to soak up the experience while it lasted.

As a result of his mother's meddling curiosity, he now knew that his new jutsu did indeed change the insides, outsides, and all the plumbing that went with it. It would of course be just his luck, that he was a late bloomer. It would also be just his luck that he just so happened to officially hit puberty during his mother's forced experimentation, and he was now stuck in the midst of PMS. While one may ask why he didn't just change back...well Naruto wasn't sure what the effects would be, and he wasn't taking any chances. He did know, and he would say this as many times as it took to make his point, he was never using this jutsu again, unless it was an emergency.

To further add to his pain and humiliation, his mother just so happened to begin making assessments on his form that were rather foreboding.

"Hmm, if he got a period with the jutsu, I wonder if it's possible for him to get pregnant too." Tsunade thought aloud.

"No way in _HELL_ am I testing that." Naruto yelled.

About the only things that could be said as positives from this experience, were that they were going to be participating in the Chuunin exams, they'd learned that his jutsu was a complete, and functioning change, and that his chakra control was much better as a girl. This allowed him to use the medical jutsu he knew without activating the chakra dampening seal he normally had to. As a result, when he and Hinata volunteered at the hospital, Naruto used his new sexy form; much to the delight of certain perverted patients, and his further disturbed psyche. Of course, this wouldn't be until way after the Chuunin exams, when he had a chance to psychologically recover from this experience.

8888888888

One day after practice, Hinata, Naruto, Haku, and Tenten could be found headed to Hyuuga compound. After their initial meeting two months prior, Tenten had started to gravitate toward the three after being dismissed for the day by her sensei. None of the quartet could really explain why she'd started hanging out with them, but Hinata and Haku knew it was her and Naruto's shared love of things that went boom that kept her coming back. Some of their more intense conversations about blowing things up, and the resulting rain of deadly debris were rather disturbing to anyone who happened to overhear them.

All that aside, the group had to admit having her around was fun. She brought an interesting perspective, wit, and humor to the group that sometimes actually made Naruto's (and Hinata's to a small extent) sometimes twistedness seem normal.

Today, though, the younger two members of Team 11 were excited. It was finally time to fully indoctrinate Haku into their extended family, and Tenten had been allowed to tag along so long as she didn't get in the way. No offense had been meant, it was just that certain traditions...well, they were sacred. They were going to make a quick run to Hinata's to pick up her pranking supplies, then it was onward to the Academy. While Hinata didn't often use her supplies (she wasn't as into it as Naruto, and most of what she had done was psychological, and didn't need any materials but her brain and ability to speak), she still had them, usually as an emergency supply when Naruto was running low, or his mother found his stash. Today's mission was to remind the instructors that just because Naruto was gone, didn't mean they could relax. Konohamaru, Moegi, and Udon weren't quite the pranksters he'd been, and some of the instructors were getting a tad over-confident after dodging the youngsters' rookie attempts.

As they walked, Tenten decided to comment on something she'd noticed in the last few weeks.

"Hey Naruto-kun, how come you call Hinata neechan, and she calls you niichan?" Tenten asked.

"Actually, after the last couple weeks, wouldn't Naruto be neechan too?" Haku teased, finally happy to have his own gender confusion based teasing ammo against the blond. Naruto glared, but chose to ignore the jab.

"It really doesn't mean anything important." Naruto said, shrugging. "Just something we came up with to confuse people, but Hinata once came up with a pretty good reason. I just don't remember it."

"I think it was because Naruto is older, but I'm more mature." Hinata said.

"Oh, so what does that make me?" Haku asked.

"You're Haku-chan, the team eye candy." Naruto said, grinning.

"That's not funny." Haku balked, but the laughter of Tenten and Hinata leant credence to the opposite.

"Hey, you're the one who's only a few critical parts away from being the hottest girl in the village." Hinata said.

"Are you sure you're the more mature one between you two?" Tenten asked, slyly. Naruto burst out laughing, while Hinata pouted cutely.

"Burned." Naruto got out between guffaws. As he got his chuckling under control, he thought about it for a moment. "Hmm, I guess if you earn it today, we could start calling you niisan. Of course, you realize you can't call us anything but otouto and imouto."

"How come?" Haku asked, a little miffed he couldn't be in on the mind fuck.

"Because you're both older and more mature than both of us." Hinata answered. Haku's eye gave a small twitch.

"What about me?" Tenten asked.

"Probably neechan-in-law." Hinata said, causing both Naruto and Tenten to blush. No matter how much they tried to deny it, the two liked each other...both she and Haku could tell from the quick glances the two were always sneaking of each other. Hinata smirked...she couldn't wait until Hanabi found out about that.

When the group finally arrived, they were granted entrance by a Branch member. Passing the small courtyard where Neji was sitting, eyes closed, and Byakugan activated (and ignoring the internal glare the boy sent out the side of his head), the group continued to the main house. There they were met by Hanabi who was taking a break from her training with Haruna, a Branch Anbu who had been assigned as Hanabi's sparring partner when her parents had to deal with clan stuff. Because Naruto was currently the only non-relative boy allowed in Hinata's room, and Tenten wasn't such a familiar face as to be presumptuous, the elder two Genin were forced to wait outside. With a smile on her face, Hanabi eagerly volunteered to wait with them, and Naruto and Hinata entered. As soon as Naruto and Hinata were out of sight, the younger Hyuuga turned glaring eyes to Tenten.

"Look old lady, I don't know what your game is, but back off." The little girl said firmly.

"Come again?" Tenten asked, taken aback by the sudden vehemence in the child's tone.

"I saw you yesterday at Ichiraku's trying to get familiar with my man." The younger girl spat. "It took me long enough to get rid of Oneesan as competition, and I'm not about to have some fossil like you come along and ruin things for me." Hanabi walked right up to Tenten, and put on her most intimidating air; which was sadly lost given the massive size difference between the two, and the fact that her chibiness made the action seem more adorable than threatening. "Naruto-sama is mine, so keep your grubby hands away from my boyfriend." Haku and Haruna both sported wide, shocked eyes, before one groaned in exasperation, and the other gained an almost evil smirk.

"Okay, aren't you a little young for a boyfriend?" Tenten asked, now highly amused. "You can't be more than four, right?" Hanabi bristled, not knowing that Tenten had purposefully gotten her age wrong.

"I'm seven, and I'm plenty old for a boyfriend." Tenten let out a snort of laughter. Haku just stared at the scene, unsure how to take it, but highly amused nonetheless. Anko-san was definitely hearing about this. "Back off! I won't have you coming around trying to steal Naruto-sama away from me."

888

Inside Hinata's room, the pair of Hinata and Naruto were busy getting her equipment ready. Naruto was absentmindedly watching her gather and seal the supplies for her portion of the prank, while playing with her fox plushie and a Yondaime figurine. His, rather impossible, rendition of his great-uncle's fight with the Kyuubi, was interrupted when he heard a loud yell that drew his attention out Hinata's window.

"STAY AWAY FROM NARUTO-SAMA!"

"Okay, what was that?" Naruto asked, seeing the rude gesture that Hanabi gave to Tenten, before storming off.

"It would seem that Hanabi-chan has a crush on you Naruto-kun, and doesn't take kindly to the fact that Tenten-san is sniffing around her man." Hitomi said, suddenly appearing in the doorway, amusement written on her face. "Just what is it with you and my daughters? First Hinata, now Hanabi."

"Hey, at least I grew out of it." Hinata said pouting cutely.

"And how long ago was that, a couple days, a week at most." Hinata turned red.

"I'll have you know, I haven't had a crush on Naruto for months now."

If Hinata were honest though, had it not been for seeing Naruto's complete spaz out during that mission to Neck Country, she probably would have still been crushing on the blond. Being able to see Naruto just once without rose colored lenses had made her realize that calling him niisan was more than just an inside joke. Naruto really was like a brother to her. Unfortunately, Hinata had also had a moment of Hyuuga vanity that ruined the initial ideas of crushing on her other teammate. It would just be wrong to date a boy who was _prettier_ than she was, right?

'_Since when has Hinata or Hanabi liked me?_' Naruto thought. '_I always figured they thought of me as a brother._'

Naruto, who was watching the little girl storm into the training dojo, only hoped that whatever that had been about was only a onetime thing. Sadly, it was not. From that day on, Hanabi had started a one brat crusade on separating Tenten from Naruto. Anytime the two were together at the Hyuuga compound, she was right there to insert herself between the two. What made it worse was that Tenten thought having a six year old rival for Naruto was amusing, and made it a point to join Naruto whenever he visited the Hyuuga compound, just to set the younger girl off.

8888888888

The last five months had been very interesting for Naruto Namikaze, and with only one month left until the Chuunin Exams, he just knew it was going to get even more so.

For starters, in her rivalry to win Naruto's affection over the ancient- to her anyway- Tenten, Hanabi had stepped both her game and tenaciousness up. Anytime the girl was near Naruto, and Tenten was around, she made it her duty to stand/sit a little closer to Naruto, or find a reason to embrace him tightly. Each of the actions, especially when Naruto returned her affection (even though it was in a brotherly manner), was punctuated by the small girl giving her older rival a smug grin.

For her part, Tenten was still highly amused, and thought the whole thing was adorably cute and insanely hilarious. Much to Naruto's annoyance, Haku and Hinata had convinced her to pretend to go along with the rivalry. As such, Tenten would pretend to be offended by Hanabi's actions, and began initiating her own. The issue with this though, was that Naruto could actually entertain thoughts of a potential relationship with the elder girl, and as such his reactions to her were a lot different, and a lot more genuine. Panda-chan didn't know it either, but her actions were slowly becoming more real, and she had started to develop a small possessive streak when it came to Naruto. Any girl that gave Naruto any kind of appraising look, and wasn't Hinata, Hanabi, or one of the women that Naruto saw as family, earned themselves a glare from the weapons specialist.

888888

The last month before the Chuunin Exam also brought some specialized training lessons. Jiraiya had stepped up their sparring sessions, both individual and team. After spending the morning on training their individual abilities, or taking a few elemental training D-ranks, they'd spend the afternoon in a free for all, or teamed up against Zabuza or himself. That Zabuza actually had to take the trio seriously- though not the kind of serious from their very first meeting, of course- spoke volumes of their improvement and teamwork. The Sennin had also introduced them to a new chakra control exercise- kunai balancing. To say it was difficult, was an understatement. Had it not been for the Kyuubi or the fact that they all were fairly proficient with the Shousen, Naruto's hands would look like a pin cushion.

Another twist to the rigorous training regime was Jiraiya's insistence that they would each be learning a sneaky trump card jutsu. What surprised them the most was that he'd told them that they would have to separate, and figure out what jutsu to learn on their own. On top of that, they would not be able to seek help from their teammates in learning the jutsu, as it defeated the purpose of it being their trump card if too many people knew.

After a few days thought, Hinata had sought out Tsunade, and asked to learn the chakra scalpels. It would not only give her a nice unexpected trump card, but it also added another deadly aspect to the already formidable Jyuuken/Koshijutsu (3) combo style that she'd learned from her mother. Haku had begun putting actual work to a jutsu he'd been thinking on for awhile. In essence, he would use his control of his bloodline to freeze the liquids in an opponent's body whereever his skin made contact with theirs.

When Naruto came to him wanting to learn the Bunshin Bakuha, Jiraiya sighed. Given the brat's infatuation with things that exploded, his new girlfriend (regardless of the fact that both tried to deny the attraction), and the fact that he'd created an even more powerful explosive tag with the Kyuubi's chakra, Jiraiya knew he shouldn't have been surprised. Even still, he was just a bit. Still, he'd once said that Bunshin Bakuha in the gaki's hands would be, if nothing else, interesting, why not find out just how interesting. Today would be a day for working on these new little toys. First though, he had an announcement that he needed to get out of the way.

"Heads up, brats." Jiraiya called.

"Sir, yes sir!" All three called back, snapping to attention.

'_How the hell did Iruka manage to be such a good and bad influence on Naruto? And how the hell did Naruto manage to be an even worse one on Hinata and Haku?_' Jiraiya thought.

"Before we start working on your trump cards- and I must say that I am impressed with what you've all come up with- I wanted to let you know that Tsunade is coming a bit later to teach you one of the ninja basics." Jiraiya waited until they were on the edge of their seats. "She's going to teach you how to project real Killing Intent."

"But we learned out to do that in the academy." Naruto protested.

"Not that weak stuff any civilian could manage with enough motivation, I'm talking about full blown Killing Intent, like the kind that real shinobi use, the kind your mother has mastered." Naruto's eyes widened. "This will take the place of your afternoon sparring for the next few days. I expect you to still keep in shape outside of team meetings." The three Genin nodded. "Good, now let's get to work."

Later that afternoon found the three Genin staring intently at Tsunade with rapt attention. After all, who wouldn't love to learn to project an aura of death as potent (strong enough to cow a man with a flee on sight order) as hers.

"Killing Intent is a chakra enhanced projection of your aura, and your desire to kill your opponent." Tsunade said. "For those with high chakra levels, a strong Killing Intent is very easy to project, but having good chakra control can make it even more potent. Take for instance Jiraiya and myself. His chakra levels are much higher than mine, but my Killing Intent is stronger than his. By the time I'm done with you three, you'll be able to make Chuunin hesitate, and any Genin shit their pants. Let's begin."

What followed was an hour of absolute torture, as Tsunade demonstrated, and each Genin practiced producing the aura on each other. Many upper level shinobi, yes this means Anbu too, who passed by the grounds found themselves suddenly wishing they could take a different route in their patrols of the village.

8888888888

About a week before the Chuunin Exams were set to begin, Jiraiya dropped one final bombshell on his squad. A final test as it were to determine if they were truly ready for the Chuunin Exams.

"You want to say that again?" Naruto asked incredulously.

"I said you have a week to capture and incapacitate every rookie squad, then take a picture of it. How you do this is up to you, but this is your final test." It would also prepare them for the second portion of the Chuunin Exams, but they didn't need to know that. "You get extra points if you can get an older team as well." Naruto was already thinking about how they'd accomplish this.

"Restrictions?" Hinata asked, doing some preliminary planning as well.

"It can't interfere with team assignments and training."

"Sonova..." Naruto muttered.

"Don't worry, Naruto-kun." Haku said. "As a team we're capable of holding our own against all of our fathers, and even sensei." Naruto shrugged, knowing that the deck was always stacked against the older shinobi, but he did have something of a point.

"So pretty much anything else goes?" Hinata asked.

"You're not allowed to seriously hurt or injure the captured teams in any way that would prevent them from participating in the exams." Naruto perked up at this. Seemed they weren't the only rookies being entered. He wondered if Ero-nii was entering his team, as much as he complained about them. "Good luck brats, I await the blackmail material." Jiraiya then disappeared in a swirl of leaves.

"You know what this means, right?" Hinata asked, a devious smirk crossing her features. The males both shrugged. "We've been given a green-light to prank the pants off of our classmates." The look of glee that spread across Naruto's face actually frightened his teammates. Hinata almost regretted and felt sorry for what she'd just unleashed on the others...then thought better of it.

888

The Toad Sage could be found half an hour later, standing against the wall of the Hokage's office, next to his favorite entry window. In the office with him, were the Hokage who was shaking his head at his sensei's latest antics, the Hokage's assistant who also happened to be the adopted daughter of the Hokage's wife (this had made Tsunade and Minato's marrige awkward early on given that he had a step-daughter who was only seven years his junior), and three Jounin (Gai, Kurenai, and Asuma) who were wondering what they'd been summoned for. One of the latter, doesn't really matter who, decided to find out the answer to their shared quiery.

"My extremely childish sensei (he was certainly beginning to question Tsunade's early worry about who was being a bad influence on who in regards to their son), has decided to set a task upon his students as a final test for the Chuunin Exams. Once Kakashi arrives, everything will be explained. Ah, speak of the devil."

"Yo, sorry I'm late, but I had to stop Tetsuya from drawing the ire of Naruto."

"Why do I get the feeling that that wasn't just an excuse?" Minato groaned. Kakashi shrugged.

"That's going to make things a lot more interesting." Jiraiya said. "Now that we're all here, I guess I can tell you all about my little test." He had everyone's attention now. "As a final test for the Chuunin Exams, I've assigned them with the task of capturing each of the squads containing members of their graduating class, and producing a picture of the capture. They get extra points for taking on an older team as well. They've been instructed not to do anything that will result in injuries that will prevent the other squads from attending the exams in a week. Other than that, anything goes."

"Well that will be interesting." Asuma said. "I'm guessing you don't want us to interfere."

"I'd prefer if you didn't, but I don't mind." Jiraiya said. "It might give them another level of difficulty, and it'll remind them that things don't always go as planned."

"That doesn't explain why Gai is here." Kurenai said. "Sure he has an older squad, but that doesn't mean that they'll go after them."

"Actually, my team has gotten to know Gai's team fairly well over the past few months. If they were going to go after an older team, it would them." Jiraiya said thoughtfully. "Then again, since his little girlfriend is on Gai's team, they might choose someone else."

"I guess the question now, is whether or not we'll be telling our teams to be expecting an attack." Kakashi said.

"I think I'll tell my team." Asuma said. "I'd like to see how Naruto's masterful prank planning stacks up against Shikamaru's tactical genius. I'm also curious about seeing Naruto's rumored legendary improvisational skills in action."

"I'm going to tell my team to keep a heads up, but I won't tell them why." Kurenai said. "It'll be a good learning experience for them."

"I'll let my team be surprised." Gai said. "It would be a good way to remind them that one should never be complacent. It will also be a good warm-up for the exams, win or lose." All eyes turned to Kakashi.

"My team needs a good dose of humble pie, especially Tetsuya, so they're on their own on this one."

"I'd like to request the chance to shadow them when they make their attempts." Kurenai said. "It's been awhile since I've seen Naruto with a pranking green-light." It was when the Toad Sage paled that everyone realized he'd been less than careful with wording his restrictions.

888

Meanwhile...

"Team 7 is first!" Naruto growled, stomping into their training ground, where they were having their first meeting on their assigned task. Hinata gave a soft giggle.

"Sasuke or Tetsuya?" Haku asked.

"This is more of a 'Tetsuya's gonna get it' tantrum than a 'Sasuke's a bastard' fit." Hinata spoke sagely. "Now calm down, Naruto-nii, we need to think about this rationally. We can't just go and attack a team without a plan."

"She's right." Naruto continued to sulk at Haku's agreement, but eventually relented.

"Fine." Naruto grumbled as he mulled over their assignment. "I still think we should go after team seven first. They'll be the easiest to capture because they have a major, exploitable flaw."

"Flaw?" Haku asked, curious.

"The entire team is made up of arrogant bastards, major flaw." Naruto said. "This is why we should play to their pride."

"This should be interesting." Hinata said.

"I was thinking about this earlier." Naruto said. "We can set them up to take themselves out. First, we attack them after a practice or something; hit them hard and fast. Haku, you take Sasuke-teme, because he's the best one on their team. Not to mention you're probably the only one of the three of use that can outmaneuver the bastard's Sharingan at the moment. After the initial exchange, we badger, and make them give chase when we separate. Make sure you follow the tags like I show you. I'm going to have three clones setting them up tomorrow during our team training and stuff. Once you get them tied up, which the traps should do for you, put a sleep tag on them, and then the fun can start."

"How do we get sleep tags?" Hinata asked. "I know you can't make those yet."

"I'll ask my dad to make us some, and if he won't, I'm sure I can find someone who will."

888888

Twenty-six or so hours later found two members of Team 11 standing in a tree, watching the dysfunctional Team 7 being debriefed by their sensei. The third member was finalizing the preparations, and had yet to arrive. His teammates were wondering where he was, before a swirl of leaves announced his arrival.

"Sorry I'm late, but time flies, and I couldn't keep up." Hinata and Haku just glared, while with the adults, Kakashi could be seen writing on a notepad. Reaching into his pouch, he pulled out two tags, and handed one each to his teammates. "And I might have been adding something extra to Tetsuya's path of embarrassment."

"What are these?"

"Sleeping tags." Naruto explained. "Had dad make them for me. They work just like Explosive Tags, only these turn their victims into unconscious lumps rather than chunks of gore. Did you bring the stuff?" Hinata grinned, and patted a storage seal on her wrist, Haku just nodded.

"Yup." Naruto grinned as well.

"Operation capture the squad begins in 3...2...1..." Three simultaneous Shunshins signaled the start of the attack.

The only warning the Genin of Kakashi's squad had to the attack was Tetsuya letting out a girlish shriek upon receipt of an Atomic Wedgie. Hanako faired little better as she took a kick to the gut. Sasuke, easily the most skilled member of the team barely managed to avoid the attack on his person...but he still wasn't fast enough to completely dodge. Sharingan blazing, he reoriented himself, and faced his opponent.

"Attacking a Leaf Ninja, I should have known you couldn't be trusted." He spat, completely ignoring the presence of Naruto and Hinata- "I guess you're here to eliminate the last of the Uchiha then, and you brainwashed those to idiots into helping you." -or not.

"Actually, I was assigned the task of capturing, and photographing you in an embarrassing manner, it's nothing personal." Haku replied.

"Tch, we'll see about that." Sasuke sneered as he charged.

Tetsuya, after getting his underpants snatched halfway up his back, finally faced Naruto. "I'm going to enjoy kicking your ass, Namikaze." Naruto just grinned and shrugged.

"It's your move." Tetsuya smirked. No matter who the dobe's parents were, or who he had teaching him, he was still just average. This wouldn't take long.

Hanako stared the Hyuuga heiress down. She knew the girl was no pushover, not like Ino and Sakura. Still, the girl was a Hyuuga, and everyone knew that to beat a Hyuuga, you couldn't get within Taijutsu range. She was going to have to make sure to keep her distance. Luckily she had the reserves for Ninjutsu.

888

Sasuke was starting to get frustrated. Somehow, this...person was proving too fast for him to keep up with. It wasn't that his Sharingan couldn't predict his movements, it was that it didn't matter that he could. The boy was still moving too fast for him to react to. Not only that, but he hadn't been able to land a single hit on his opponent. It didn't make since. He was an Uchiha, the elite, why couldn't he defeat this commoner. Could Kakashi-san have been right about him relying too much on his Doujutsu? No, he just had to time his defense better, find an opening, and exploit it. He watched the boy, yes he was sure it was a boy now, take an offensive stance. Reading his movements without the help of his bloodline, and taking only a minute moment to confirm that he was correct, he dodged the punch aimed at his head. Using the opening created by his dodge, he went for a sharp knee to the boy's face. What he wasn't expecting, was for the boy to bend backwards, and dodge the attack.

"One of the most important rules of the shinobi." Haku said making a single handseal. "Never let an opponent get behind you."

888

Naruto was grinning like a loon as he dodged Tetsuya's attack. The boy really had a lot of nerve talking about others being average when he was only that himself. Not that he didn't have potential. It was that just like Sakura and Ino, he'd chosen to squander it with his arrogance in his clan status. Ducking a kick, Naruto placed his fingers into a rather memorable seal.

"You know, after Kakashi-nii used this on you, one would have thought you'd get the hint." Tetsuya paled.

888

Hanako had so far managed to keep her distance, but only because the Hyuuga girl didn't seem to be attacking her very much. The two jutsu she had aside from the academy three, an earth and fire, had also helped to keep the girl at bay. It was just as she figured. For a good Hyuuga, like that Neji boy, her jutsu wouldn't have helped at all, but for a slightly above average Hyuuga like Hinata, it was a great strategy. Suddenly, the white eyed girl charged, and went for a strike to her midsection. Hanako dodged backwards, smiling all the while. Next time, the girl charged, she was going to block, and end this little fight. She was brought out of her planning when she heard a voice behind her say.

"If you leave your backdoor open, there's no telling what might find its way in." Hinata formed a seal. Almost as if it had been choreographed, three Genin simultaneously called out the same jutsu.

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"SENNIN GOROSHI!" Moments, later, the three victims of the jutsu collided, and fell to the ground in a tangle of limbs.

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Several pairs of eyes stared in mutual shock at what they'd just witnessed. That they'd chosen to all use the same technique, and that specific one to boot, hadn't been too surprising. That they'd somehow managed to all use the jutsu at the same time...that was nothing short of amazing. Deciding to wait until they were finished to comment, the adults continued to watch, not wanting to miss anything.

A certain cycloptic Jounin, who had his left eye uncovered, gave a small smile. While he was wholly embarrassed for his team, he was also partially enjoying the small retribution from having to deal with three primadonnas. Their only real saving grace was Sasuke and Hanako's seeming serious attitudes towards their jobs. Shaking his head of stray thoughts, Kakashi once again concentrated on the exhibition.

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Team 11 stood facing off against Team 7- the latter of which were sporting sore rear ends. Phase one of the plan had gone perfectly, now it was time for phase two...taunt mercilessly until they gave chase.

"You know, aside from that last bit, you're quite talented, Sasuke-san." Haku said. "Though I must question why it sounded like you enjoyed that last Taijutsu technique I performed."

"I DID NOT!" "SASUKE-KUN ISN'T GAY!" Both Sasuke and Hanako yelled at the same time.

"Has he done anything to prove it?" Hinata asked Hanako. With that, Hanako charged. If there was any surefire way to get a Sasuke fangirl to attack without thinking, it was insulting Sasuke, and questioning his sexuality. Hinata, a grin on her face, jumped backwards, before taking to the trees. The game was afoot.

"I am not gay." Sasuke said through grit teeth.

"It is okay if you are." Haku said. "You have many girls who find you handsome, so I'm sure you can find a boy who feels the same. Personally I prefer girls, but I'm sure you'll find someone who would like to poke you in the rear just as much as you seemed to enjoy being poked." And with that, Sasuke charged, and again, the game was afoot. When it was just Naruto and Tetsuya, the Clan brat stared at Naruto suspiciously.

"What, no witty banter?" He asked. "Not like it would work. Something tells me you want me to chase you, but you're not going to trick me."

"First of all, it doesn't matter if you take the bait or not." Naruto gave a foxy grin. "I could probably capture you myself, I'd just get more entertainment out of the deal if you gave chase. As for the witty banter...you're not good enough to waste the one liner on." And just like that, the game was afoot for a third time.

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Over with the growed ups, Kakashi shook his head and sighed. He'd actually thought Tetsuya might impress him, but he just had to go and blow it. To think that he figured out the plan, then even told Naruto exactly what the plan likely was, only to still fall for it.

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Sasuke Uchiha was severely annoyed. When he'd first given chase, it had been with the intention of doing minor to mild harm to this androgynous boy who dared to mock him. Now, he was forced to continue the chase for fear of being left alone inside this maze of numerous traps he was being led through. He was able to avoid most of them using his Sharingan, and watching where that boy-girl went, but some of them were unavoidable. The orange, pink, and yellow splotches of paint on his clothes- he'd been blindsided by over a dozen paint filled balloons- was telling of that. These traps couldn't have been set up by anyone but Naruto, and if there was at least one thing he was good at, it was trap setting. Who would have thought all that time spent pranking would be good for something. Still, Hokage's son or not, that blond idiot was going to pay for this.

Sasuke continued to pace the boy-girl in front of him, watching where he landed, and mimicking those same places. When the boy ricochetted off a tree trunk much lower than where they'd been travelling, Sasuke again copied the boy, and was given a valuable lesson. Just because you have a bloodline that allows you to copy anything you see, doesn't mean it's a good idea to do so. As soon as his foot hit the tree, he felt something grab his leg. He barely had the time to look down and see what it was before several ropes deployed, and Sasuke found himself trussed up, and effectively incapacitated.

Just as he was about to start cursing, a familiar, amused face appeared in front of him.

"Naruto-kun is very good at this, no?" When the boy just glared, Haku decided to share a bit of wisdom. "If you think this is bad, try going through a lethal version of that without someone to guide you through it." Haku then slapped the tag on Sasuke, and the boy went limp.

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About a half a mile away from her teammate, Hanako was just short of ready to commit murder. When she got her hands on Hinata and Naruto, she was going to maim them both. Following Hinata had been a bad idea, but hindsight really didn't do her any good at the moment. What would do her some good was finding the younger girl, and wringing her pampered little neck, and then strangling her blond partner in crime. That quasi-evil little heiress had led her into a Naruto created, pranking hell. She was currently covered in orange and blue paint, she'd been pelted with over a dozen ink pellets, and that sludge bomb that had been dropped on her head was producing a very questionable odor. Yes, both Naruto and Hinata were going to pay when she got a hold of them.

Hanako continued racing through the trap filled forest, hoping that going straight would eventually lead her out of the set up, and allow her to find her way back home to clean up. As she landed on a branch, and found herself having to duck another paint balloon, Hanako saw a sight that made her grin evilly. Hinata had stopped, and seemed to be looking around for something. Using the tree climbing exercise, Hanako made her way to the ground to get a better look.

Upon reaching the forest floor, she indeed found her quarry. She could even hear the girl wondering where she'd gone, and if maybe she should have slowed down to make sure she could keep up. Using all the stealth she could muster, and hoping that Hinata wasn't using that thrice-damned bloodline, she crept to the edge of the clearing. Making sure to stay out of sight, she got within a decent ambush distance, and prepared to strike.

Suddenly, she leapt from her hiding space, leg reared back to deliver as strong a kick as she could make. The kick carried enough force that it would have doubled the girl over had she connected from the front. From the back, where she'd attacked, it would have definitely stunned the girl; possibly even left her 'incapacitated' for a bit. As she reached her target, Hanako swung her leg forward, and connected; her face forming a decidedly smug grin.

Her amusement was short lived as the evil blunette disappeared in a puff of smoke, and her momentum caused her to continue moving; into a forward roll, before colliding with a tree upside down. Barely a second, and a primed half roll of ninja wire later, Hanako found herself tied to the tree. A combination of embarrassment, rage, and the blood rushing to her head caused the girl's face to begin a rapid reddening. Emotions written on her face, and eyes screwed shut in frustration, Hanako Sushigawa let loose a loud shriek of rage that sent the small animals for nearly a mile running. The scream was abruptly cut off by the appearance of a smirking Hinata, who promptly slapped a certain tag on her forehead.

"Naruto's ability with traps is scary sometimes." Hinata muttered as she cut Hanako loose.

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As Naruto raced through the forest, he could hear the annoyed scream of Hanako ahead. He didn't hear Sasuke, but the bastard probably thought he was too cool to take offense. Once he reached the trapped area, he gave a grin, before calling out.

"Have fun Tetsuya." In the interest of sparing Tetsuya more embarrassment than the results already afforded him, lets just say that he hit nearly every trap that Naruto had set up for him. By the time Tetsuya was wrapped up and unconscious, he was sporting skin pigmentations of orange, blue, red, and green, resembling a walking lava lamp (had he been conscious and walking under his own power).

'_That was decidedly entertaining._' Naruto thought with a grin.

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Ten minutes later, the three trussed up Genin of Team 7 were laying side by side, unconscious. Naruto snapped a quick photo of the technicolor Squad 7 for remembrance. A quick Suiton jutsu later, and the water based paint had mostly been washed away from the prankees.

"Shall we?" Naruto said with a grin. Two nods later, and the three set to work.

Each Genin began to systematically strip their captives down to their undergarments. Once they were all in their underwear, they unsealed the toys, and began the process of redressing them for their new team photo.

Sasuke, once stripped, had a pink dress pulled over his head. The lacy frills, pink hairbow, and white, thigh high stockings added a dimension to the outfit that further confirmed Sasuke's inner femininity.

Hanako was slightly more difficult, only in that Naruto and Haku didn't want to overly violate her privacy. Unfortunately, Naruto's innate curiosity got the better of him, and he'd snuck a small peak, and found something that shocked him. His comment reflected said discovery.

"You know, I never noticed before, what with her bitchy attitude and all, but Hanako is actually kind of hot (4)." Naruto said tilting his head. Given that the girl was in nothing but her panties and breast bindings, Naruto's comment got him both a cuff in the head from Hinata, and a mumbled grunt of 'pervert'.

Hinata moved quickly to redress Hanako. Pulling a tank top over the girl's head, as well as a pair of boy's boxer briefs up her slim, toned legs, Hinata reached for the next part.Picking up the rather large banana, she stuffed it down the front of the briefs, and positioned it to look like a rather impressive bulge. Naruto, once getting the word that Hanako was covered, added the final piece of their prank. With a flourish, Naruto drew a rather fancy mustache and goatee on the young kunoichi's face.

"Well, we always said she was the most manly member of the team, now we have proof." He quipped. "Though now I find myself with feelings of inadequacy."

Finally the team turned to the final 'victim'. Naruto quickly stripped the boy bare, causing Hinata to pale, turn away, and glare at him through the back of her head. Feeling the familiar spike of chakra, Naruto teased.

"Haku, make sure she doesn't use her Byakugan to peek." Naruto then paused. "On second thought, never mind. She'd have done it already if she were so inclined to see him." Hinata's lurch and dry heave was all the answer they needed to that inquiry.

Taking Hinata's rather interesting contribution to the prank/capture, Naruto quickly dressed the boy in the lingerie. The lacy red garments clung to the boy in a way that made Naruto's stomach turn. Taking a pair of oranges from the pile of things, Naruto stuffed them into the cups of the bra, before performing a Henge to make them look like breasts. While he'd been tempted to use his upgraded Henge for the prank, his mother had forbidden it. There was no telling what would happen if someone other than him used it, and it was even more speculative on what would happen should it be used by him on someone else. Once Naruto had done this, he called for Hinata, who took out a make-up kit to add the finishing touches. The girl worked diligently, an almost evil grin on her face.

"And, done." She said, leaning back to gaze at her handy work.

"Eh?" Came Naruto's dumbfounded expression.

"Uh, Hinata-chan?" Haku asked.

"What?" Hinata asked at the questioning looks. "Just because I choose not to, doesn't mean that I don't know how to apply make-up."

"We know that." Naruto shot back. "But I just never figured you'd know how to do...hooker make-up."

"Just one of the many things we learn in the kunoichi classes." She said. "I told you that it wasn't just a waste of time." Naruto raised a brow. "Okay, it wasn't a complete waste of time." She and Naruto had spent many an afternoon heatedly discussing the stupidity of taking the girls away for special kunoichi lessons while the boys did physical exercises. Kunoichi classes should have been saved for after the regular school day ended so that the girls could also make use of the physical exercises. Hinata leveled the camera she had at the trio, when Naruto stopped her.

"Wait, I just got another idea on how to make this even better." Naruto said, grinning almost evilly.

When the trio of Genin finally snapped the final picture of their capture, the members of Squad 7- complete with their wardrobe and style changes- were positioned in a very interesting manner. Hanako was propped up in a sitting position against a tree. Tetsuya was perched on Hanako's left, with one leg draped into her lap. Her left arm was around him (hand clutching his behind), and his arm was draped across her chest (so that his hand was cupping the opposite side of her neck), with his head in the crook of her neck. Sasuke, in his purty little pink dress, was propped up sitting next to Hanako. Her left arm was wrapped around his waist (this hand under Sasuke's dress), with his head on her shoulder, and one hand on her 'bulge'.

Picture taken, the members of Team 11 set in motion the final part of the prank. Each took hold of a corner of the tags they'd placed. With a yank, they removed the tags, and escaped with a swift Shunshin. Several yards away, they heard a loud screech, and two rapid, back-to-back thwacks that signalled fist on flesh. All in all, a prank well played, and one part of their assignment done.

"Okay, that was the easy one." Naruto said.

"Yeah, they had easily exploitable quirks." Hinata added. "The others, not so much."

"I guess it's time to get serious, then?" Three nods occurred, and the planning for Team 8 began.

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Several hours later found Naruto nursing a huge knot on his head. Hinata, small statured as she was, was projecting an impressive KI, and standing over a forcefully seated Naruto.

"You want to try that again, Naruto-niisan." Hinata asked in a sickly sweet voice. For the first time since he'd met the two, Haku was actually looking at Hinata with a genuine fear not born from respect for her shinobi abilities.

"Sorry Hinata, but you have the best chance of taking Kiba on...especially if you wear a tight shirt." Just as he thought, Hinata glared at him. "While I wouldn't go so far as to say he thinks with his penis, he does seem to be a much younger toned down version of sensei." Seeing that Hinata was close to castrating Naruto, Haku decided to intervene- if only to prevent her turning her ire onto him should Naruto not prove enough to sate it.

"Unfortunately Hinata-san," Haku stated, calmly- Zabuza had always told him that when dealing with irate women, be very complimentary and as formal as possible. "From my rather unfortunate run in with him a few months ago, I must admit that Naruto-kun is right. Kiba-san will be too distracted by your physically pleasing aesthetics to really fight you, and you can take him down much faster that way."

"And even if he isn't, you're still the best choice." Naruto said, rubbing his head with a glowing green palm. "Inuzuka like to use their speed to fight up close. Your Taijutsu is the best of the three of us, and has the greatest chance of neutralizing him quickly. Don't worry, even if you are very pretty, I doubt that Kiba is dumb enough to ogle you like a piece of meat."

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Kurenai had to admit, she was highly impressed with Jiraiya's team. It was a well thought out plan, and flawlessly executed. Whoever had assigned the capture jobs had done a very good job of that as well. At first glance, one would look at the assignments, and think that the tactician had made a mistake, but a closer look revealed its brilliance. Playing on the shallow nature of girls that age, having a boy as beautiful as Haku for an assailant was quite the distraction for Sakura; especially when he smiled at her.

Hinata going after Kiba- with a snug shirt that accented her larger than average bust (especially for a girl that age)- had been a stroke of genius. The boy's clan was highly attuned with their canine companions, and as a result, the boy had some instinctual, animalistic tendencies that could be exploited. He was definitely going to be in resistance training for awhile once he made Chuunin.

Finally, having Naruto, whose chakra reserves were rumored to be greater than even his parents', going after Shino, whose primary offense was his chakra draining bugs, had been a good idea. From what Jiraiya had said, Shino's bugs could gorge themselves on the boy's chakra, and he'd still have more than enough to equal the average Jounin. All he'd have to do is wait out his fellow Genin until Hinata or Haku came to help him subdue Shino.

Asuma- having watched Kakashi's team so thoroughly decimated, and even his girlfriend's team taken surprisingly easily- was only more convinced about giving his team a heads up. Seeing this kind of planning up against Shikamaru's tactical genius would be, at the very least, entertaining.

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"What's wrong with Hinata?" Naruto asked Haku, putting the camera away, and glancing at his sulking best friend. Haku, who was removing the sleep tags from the captured Team 8, winced.

"You were right about Kiba." He said. "She didn't like that." Feeling very little remorse for the boy, Naruto turned to Sakura, and had to shake his head again. He still couldn't believe the drastic change that Sakura had gone through. Not only did she look like a kunoichi now (5), but she acted like one too. Hell, had Tenten not already gotten his attention- and if she wasn't still so hung up on the bastard- he could definitely see himself asking Sakura out.

She'd forgone her former attire, for something that would allow her to be taken seriously. Her top was a pale pink battle kimono, with an odd red trim design he couldn't describe- he'd have to ask Hinata or Haku later. A pair of snug, but not confining maroon shorts, and long, black, thigh high leggings covered her legs. Finally, her sandals were also a more formal style, but one he hadn't seen before.

"Mind explaining what that was all about?" Sakura asked, barely holding in her ire.

"A final test for the Chuunin Exams." Hinata answered. "Ero-sensei wants us to capture, and take a picture of all of the teams from our graduating class. Extra points if we can get Neji's team too."

"So that's why Kurenai-sensei told us to be on the lookout for you three." Kiba mumbled. "So have you gotten Squad Bastard yet?" Kiba was smacked in the head for the comment by Sakura.

"They were first." Naruto said with a grin. "Sasuke's in a dress, Hanako looks like a man, and Tetsuya is in women's lingerie." Sakura was torn between scowling on behalf of her crush, or laughing at the other two. She settled on feigning ignorance of Sasuke's plight.

"I have got to see that picture." The dog-nin said, his voice high and raspy, gaining a bark of agreement from his companion. Naruto noticed that he seemed to be recovering from Hinata's assault of Rightious Feminine Fury. Naruto winced at the frown that crossed Hinata's face at the dog-nin's voice, and decided to wait until the next day to discuss taking Team 10.

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Two days later found Naruto cursing under his breath. He'd known that going against Shikamaru's genius would be difficult, but this was a disaster from the opening move. The plan had been for Haku to use his speed to keep Shikamaru busy while Hinata used her much smaller size and greater speed against Chouji, and he exploited Ino's lack of any physical ability- compared to other ninja, anyway. Then they'd all take out Shikamaru, because one could never trust a mind that bright to a solo combatant. Almost as soon as they'd made their move, they'd found themselves the victims of a very intricate trap. Upon landing in the clearing, they'd found themselves caught by Shikamaru's shadow within seconds. Chouji had then captured them with his Baika no Jutsu, and Ino had begun the signs for Shintenshin no Jutsu.

Had it not been for the fact that Naruto had clones surrounding the area- to keep in reserve just in case Haku got caught by the shadow possession- they'd have been done for. One of his clones had used the Kawarimi no jutsu, and dispelled just as Ino had aimed her jutsu at him. The result had been her jutsu missing, and her soul being left in limbo outside her body. One of the major drawbacks of that jutsu, was that when it missed, there were several minutes before the soul found its way back to the body, leaving the user very vulnerable. After sacrificing two more clones to rescue Hinata and Haku, the three made a temporary retreat.

"What happened?" Hinata grumbled.

"They knew we were coming." Haku said. Naruto nodded in agreement.

"The only reason we got away that time, was because Haku was smart enough to advise me to keep some clones in reserve. Okay, new plan. Since Ino is practically out of the equation for the time being, Haku you'll use Shunshin to capture and hide her. Use the tag to keep her out once her soul returns. Hinata, you're still on Chouji. You've naturally got the advantage with speed, agility, and flexibility, so take his arms out of the fight as quickly as possible. I'll use the trees to my advantage and keep Shikamaru busy and out of Hinata's way. Haku, take care of Ino as quickly as possible, and come back. One of us is going to need your help." His tone clearly implied that he was talking about himself, but they were all aware that Chouji wasn't to be underestimated either.

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It took another twenty minutes to finally subdue both Chouji and Shikamaru, but eventually they'd gotten the capture and picture they needed to participate in the upcoming exams. When the sleeping Team 10 was awakened, Naruto immediately began to interrogate them.

"You knew." Naruto accused as soon as Shikamaru's eyes opened.

"Asuma-sensei told us you were going to try and capture us." Shikamaru agreed. "He didn't tell us why, but we knew you were coming."

"The only way that he'd have known, is if Ero-Sennin told him." Hinata said, her pretty features frowning.

"Right, so on top of planning for Team Gai's capture, we need to plan payback for sensei and Asuma-san." Five pairs of eyes stared at Haku in shock. Suddenly, two very evil grins formed, before the elder boy found himself glomped by his two teammates.

"Niisan!" They exclaimed, hugging him.

"Do you think we missed something?" Chouji asked.

"I'm not sure, but I do know that Asuma-sensei is going to have a very bad day, very soon."

"Should we warn him?" Ino asked.

"Considering that _his_ torture is a result of him informing _us_ of their plans...it would be too troublesome." For once, Chouji and Ino agreed with Shikamaru's lazy assessment.

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Days later, in fact three before the first day of the Chuunin Exams, Team 11 awoke at an ungodly hour. The trio knew that as an experienced team, they would need all three of them to take down the members of Gai's team, especially Lee or Neji. Sure, Haku could probably do it himself, and Hinata and Naruto could probably do it together, but really, why bother wasting the energy to take the hard road when this time the easier route was just as effecient, and would save them time and injuries.

It proved to be a good idea, as Lee turned out to be a tricky little bugger. While Haku could keep up with him, and Naruto to a lesser extent, his speed made him very difficult to catch. It didn't help that they couldn't go all out like they could against their sensei and Zabuza in training. In the end, it had taken Naruto and Hinata making gratuitous use of suiton jutsu that didn't require a major water source, and Haku using said water to trap Lee in his Ice Mirrors, then pelting him with senbon. After that, an application of the sleep tag, and he was out.

As embarrassing as it was, Team 11 decided not to go after Neji physically. If Lee was that difficult to capture, and Neji was the strongest member of the team, it wouldn't be in their best interest to try and fight him. That Neji was a Hyuuga- a prodigy at that- and they were well aware of the things that Hinata could do, well, it was downright foolish. Again, the major handicap of not giving them injuries that would prevent them from entering the Chuunin Exams, when the capturees had no such limitations, made things more difficult than they really had to be. In the end, it had been Hinata who had come up with the most effective method- a method, that had Naruto not already been interested in Tenten, would have resulted in him declaring his intent to marry Hinata. Such a prodigious prank, it was.

As Neji was heading towards the gates to the Hyuuga estate to meet his team, he found his cousin waiting nearby, head drooping. When she looked up and spotted him, she gave him a nervous smile, and approached.

"N-Neji-nii, I n-need your h-help." She said.

"What is it you want, Hinata-sama?" The honorific was spoken with such disdain that it was obvious what his feelings were regarding his cousin, helping her, and the way he was forced to address her.

She led him over to a bench next to a small garden that belonged to her mother. The water sculptures surrounded by the exotic flowers was actually quite tranquil, and Neji had to admit that the only person in the main family that he could stand was his aunt Hitomi. She had this presence about her that even his hatred of the Main Family couldn't penetrate. Had he bothered to give her a chance, he'd have realized that Hinata also had this presence, just in much smaller doses.

"I-I n-need-" Hinata found herself interrupted.

"Hinata-sama, stop stuttering." Neji spat coldly. "You haven't stuttered since you were nine, and being pathetic is not going to influence my desire to help you."

"S-sorry." She replied. "Anyway, I need your help explaining something to father. Something I know will make him very cross with me."

"In other words, you want me to be your meat shield against your father." Neji guessed.

"No, I just need help telling him." Hinata said, waving her hands. "I am prepared to face the consequences, but I just don't know how to tell him." Intrigued despite himself, Neji inquired.

"Tell him what?" Inwardly, Hinata grinned a devious grin. Outwardly, she began shaking, and poking her fingers together.

"Th-that I'm pregnant." And for the first time since the death of his father, Neji allowed an emotion other than anger to flash across his face. Pure, unadulterated shock was etched into his features, and his brain temporarily shut down to try and process the news. In the time it took for his brain to reboot, Hinata had leapt up from her seat, and placed the sleep tag on him.

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Minutes later, Team 11 had arrived at Team Gai's training grounds. There, they found Tenten waiting almost impatiently for the rest of her team.

"Hey guys, let me take this one." Naruto said. Grinning at the questioning looks, he answered. "I've got an idea that will either work or get me slapped. If the latter, then she should at least still be distracted enough for you to capture her."

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Tenten was sitting boredly waiting for the rest of her team, and it was starting to grate on her nerves. She could understand this from Neji given how much time he likely spent on his hair in the mornings, but Lee and Gai should have been there by now. Not that she was overly enthusiastic about the exposing herself to the 'youth', but Lee and Gai-sensei' boisterous antics were an entertainment in itself sometimes. Suddenly, her lonely tranquility was thankfully interrupted. Looking up she found deep blue eyes, and blond hair.

Naruto Namikaze, the current object of her Inner Fangirl's desires. Now one thing to realize is that everyone has an inner fanboy/girl, but most people are capable of suppressing such an embarrassing aspect of their personality. Tenten, unlike those Uchiha harpies, was able to suppress her Inner Fangirl enough that it didn't comprimise her job and integrity, or make her look like a joke amongst kunoichi. Now early on in her shinobi career, her Inner Fangirl had crushed hard on Neji, mostly because he was a Hyuuga, incredibly talented, and absolutely gorgeous. His cold, uncaring attitude quickly made her question him as boyfriend material, though. She could still crush on his Bishie cuteness, but that was about as far as that went.

Then she had met Naruto, and all thoughts of Neji in that manner just seemed to disappear. Not only was he the opposite of Neji personality-wise: open, caring, and liked to have fun, he was also very handsome in his own right. His resemblance to Godaime-sama- who every female in the village agreed was super hot- was a definite point in his favor. He may not have been as naturally talented as Neji, but he wasn't a slouch in the shinobi department either, and she liked that about him.

On top of that, he was her idol's son...that, along with all the aforementioned traits, was enough to make him boyfriend material. When she found out that he shared her love of all things splody...well, that put him in the category of almost husband material as far as her Inner Fangirl was concerned. Still, marriage was a long way off for her, so for right now, she'd take things slow, and hope that things progressed between them to the point where she would be willing to say 'I do' to him.

"Hey, Naruto-kun." She said, cheerfully.

"Heya gorgeous." Naruto said with a grin. "Whatcha' doin' out here sitting all by your lonesome?" Giggling at his silliness, she answered.

"I'm waiting on my most Youthful, yet unusually tardy, team to show up." She then tilted her head. "You haven't seen them by any chance, have you?"

"I saw Lee early this morning, and I ran into Neji on the way here, but I haven't seen Gai-sensei." Tenten frowned, then pouted, and Naruto couldn't help but admire how cute it made her.

"Want some company?" He asked. "We've got today off while sensei catches up on his research." Tenten smiled and nodded. Naruto sat down next to her, and the two spent a few moments teasingly nudging each other trying to knock one another over. Suddenly, Naruto reached behind him- into his equipment pouch, she guessed- and pulled something free as he said.

"Hey Ten-chan, I got a new toy I've been experimenting with." Her eyes went wide when she saw what it was. There, dangling from his fingers was the fattest explosive pouch she'd ever seen.

"Gimme." She said, lunging for it. Naruto rolled away from her, teasing her further. "Give it, or I'll take it." She said, pulling out her kunai scroll.

"Let's see you try." Naruto's grin was highly infectious, and Tenten couldn't help the one she sported as she attacked him with the purpose of liberating and detonating that pouch. Naruto's gratuitous use of Shadow Clones made that incredibly difficult.

After a few minutes of cat and mouse, Tenten finally found a way to get Naruto. Ironically enough, it was similar to the way that they'd captured Neji.

"You know, Naruto-kun, if you keep rubbing in my face the fact that you can create so many solid clones on a whim, I might just decide you're trying to tell me something, and rape you."

Naruto, who'd been about to spam another dozen clones froze as the implications of what Tenten had said produced a very interesting image in his mind that would forever change the way he looked at the kunoichi. Instead of the 'Female Friend That I'm Very Attracted To' category she'd been in, that comment had added her to the 'Potential Girlfriend' spot.

Still, the comment had done its job, and stalled Naruto long enough for Tenten to tackle him, and get the pouch away from him. She quickly attached it to a spare kunai, and launched it at a tree. Just as she was about to detonate it, she felt a presence right behind her...invading her personal space, at that.

"Don't you want to know how I made it before we make it explode first?" Naruto asked in her ear.

Tenten nodded, not trusting her voice at the moment. Naruto's whisper in her ear had a definite effect on the recently turned fourteen year old. When his arms wrapped around her torso, her first instinct was a typical kunoichi reaction when placed in this situation...one that usually led to whoever was behind her singing several octaves higher, and falling to the ground in severe pain. For some reason though, Naruto's arms felt comfortable, felt right. Her sudden docile reaction was also probably helped along by the fact that Naruto had started whispering the ingredients of the pouch to her. Her face, almost immediately, developed a deep flush. While most of them were standard, and things she'd already known would be in there, she let out a low moan when he mentioned the crushed shards of glass.

By the time Naruto got to detailing the preparation of the pouch, her breath had gotten heavy, and Tenten had started pressing her tight, firm, rear end back into him, leaving Naruto with a blush to match Tenten's. Her comment of, "Yeah, talk dirty to me," had as much effect on him as her grinding posterior. Tenten wouldn't know it, but she had just been upgraded, and was now both a member of the 'Potential Girlfriend' and the 'Girls Who Give Me Naughty Thoughts' clubs- the latter of which now contained Tenten, Hanako, and ironically enough Tenten's elder sister Lia. Still, he wasn't finished, not by a long shot...she was still awake after all. He needed her to faint, whether from embarrassment or arousal, he didn't care at the moment, he just hoped it was soon before she realized just what it was that was trying to make its presence known against her behind.

By the time Naruto began explaining in detail the results of detonating the pouch (an exhibition that left him smiling and glossy eyed for almost ten minutes), and the results to the victim of said pouch, Tenten's reaction was causing a very major reaction in him. When Naruto mentioned that it had twice the explosive power of the normal pouches, Tenten gave a slight shudder, then fainted in his arms. Looking down, Naruto noticed that the slightly older kunoichi had a slight nosebleed, a heavy blush, and a very happy grin on her face. Naruto suddenly felt several people appear behind him, two of which were expelling a very disturbing amount of Killing Intent.

"Naruto, what did you say to her?" The blond Genin easily noticed that Hinata's voice had a dark tint to it. One that meant he would be on the receiving end of RFF if he didn't have a good enough explanation.

"I just recited the ingredients, preparation, and detonation of an explosive pouch I was experimenting with." He said rapidly. Getting one of those lectures was always preferential to the physical abuse being a pervert garnered in his familial circle. "I _might_ have done it in what could be mistaken for a bedroom voice, but I swear I didn't say anything naughty." While the smaller of the two KI's diminished some, the much larger of the two only seemed to grow.

"And just where did you learn to talk in a bedroom voice?" Naruto winced at his mother's question and tone. Naruto knew there was only one way out of this.

"Ero-sensei taught us, said it might be useful." That's right, blame it on the guy who could take and survive the beating.

"So you just made her cream herself by talking about an explosive pouch in a bedroom voice?" Anko asked incredulously. After hearing about the first three captures, she'd tagged along to see how they handled this one. While she'd been a little disappointed at the lack of violence, the amusement factor had been more than worth it. "Not to criticize you Gai, but what the hell?"

While the other adults doubted the girl had orgasmed from whatever Naruto had done, they knew that trying to debate the point with the Special Jounin would be a waste of time. Still, the girl had had an unusually strong reaction to Naruto's plan, and when everyone looked at Gai, he gave an exasperated sigh.

"Tenten-chan has a very unyouthful...obsession...with things that explode."

"Seems she has just a bit more than an obsession." Jiraiya said. "Almost like a dangerous fetish."

"It would seem that way." Gai admitted. "Thankfully, she only seems to react in such an...interesting manner when your student is involved."

"Naruto-kun, we still need to get the picture." Haku reminded. Nodding, Naruto unsealed the camera, and after the odd trio was arranged, snapped the photo. Turning to his sensei, he grinned.

"I believe that's all of them." Taking the camera, Jiraiya said.

"Congratulations, brats, you're going to the Chuunin Exams." The Gama Sennin looked at the smug faces on his three Genin, and was tempted to add 'next year', but decided he'd done enough.

888888

The next afternoon, found Naruto hanging out with his favorite neechan, Anko. Since Hinata and Haku were doing other things, and Anko had the day off, they decided to spend it together, and catch up. Naruto always did like spending time with her...she was the most like him, and the most fun. Then again, given the thoughts she sometimes invoked in him with her teasing, he was starting to question whether to keep thinking of her as a sister. That thought though, got him to thinking about something that had been bothering him for awhile now. His neechan was hot...why was she still single?

"Ne, Anko-neechan, how come we never see you with a boyfriend?" Naruto asked. "Better yet, how come you're always perving on girls instead of guys."

"It's because I like girls." She said. "And you." She added after pulling his face into her chest, and giving a loud, highly exaggerated moan. "Ooh, Naru-kun you know just what I like." Naruto managed to free himself, but not until he'd spent a good minute smothered by the, admittedly nice, bosom of his neechan.

"I'm serious, neechan." Naruto said. "You're pretty hot, and funny, and smart, and a really good ninja. So how come you don't have guys lining up to be with you."

"It's because of my sensei." She said shrugging.

"Guys don't like you because of something that bastard did?" Naruto asked, disbelieving.

"Not because of what he did to the village or in general terms, at least not anymore, but because of what he did to me." She said, and rolled her eyes at Naruto's inquisitive look. "I've had quite a few guys express interest in me, Naru-chan. I've turned most of them away because I prefer the company of ladies, and some were unable to handle certain...facts about me."

"Not that I don't completely agree with you about your preferred company or anything, but how come?" Anko gave him a grin that told him he should have left well enough alone.

"Come here, gaki." Taking his hand in a firm grip, she guided it beneath her skirt, right between her legs. Naruto blushed, and struggled at first, until his hand landed on a lump; a fairly large, very much familiar lump, right where there was supposed to be something that felt like a second mouth. Naruto gave it a curious squeeze, and was shocked when Anko gave a half gasp/half moan, and the lump twitched in his hand. When his mind finally supplied what it was he was touching, he snatched his hand back as if it had been burned, and stared at Anko (6).

"You...you have a-a-" Naruto stammered.

"Yes, I have a dick," Anko said. "And a fairly large one at that."

"Whoa, that's...that's..." Naruto paused, not quite sure what he was trying to say.

"That's why I like girls." Anko supplied. Leaning down, and whispering in his ear she added. "And if you want, when you get older, I'll pop that Sex Change Jutsu's cherry for you." Blushing, Naruto muttered.

"Hentai." Now one may wonder why Naruto wasn't disturbed by the findings, but the answer is simple. First, he'd known Anko since he was little, and this didn't really change his opinion of the woman he knew, especially when it wasn't her fault she had one. Second, he'd experienced stranger things: like Haku being prettier than most of the girls he knew, and the fact that he himself, a boy, had had a period. Most importantly, was the fact that he'd created the jutsu that turned him into a woman, and resulted in said period.

"And don't you forget it." Naruto then gave her a curious look.

"Is it?"

"Yes, it's real, and fully functioning." She said. "From what I remember, he was trying to see if he could create the perfect vessel, whether he started from a male or female base. From the waist down, I'm practically wired just like you now. Unfortunatly, the guys I've found who are in to dickchicks in their porn, aren't into the real thing, and all of the lesbians I've tried to date are aversive, preferring toys to a girl with the real thing. This is why I'm still single; go figure, eh."

"I thought older kunoichi tended to be...you know, bisexual, or at the very least sexually less inhibited." Naruto questioned. "Since they sometimes have to seduce both men and women for information."

"You'd be surprised how prudish most ninja really are, all things considered." Anko joked. "Sure, they're less inclined to have many of the hang ups about sleeping around than civilians, but other than that, they're pretty damn tame. When it's work related they can categorize what they're doing as for the good of the mission, and put it out of their minds; otherwise, they're pretty repressed, sexually. You know, it's kind of funny, considering how many of them go running as soon as a new Icha Icha book comes out." Naruto snickered. He then got a thoughtful look on his face.

"Your sensei was a sick bastard." Naruto said firmly.

"You're preaching to the choir, otouto." She said, remembering when she'd learned of the extent to which her sensei had mutilated her body.

Instead of giving her the Curse Seal like he'd originally planned, he instead decided to test a procedure on Anko that made some...big...changes to her anatomy. During the rewiring that Orochimaru had performed on her, Anko lost all of her female reproductive organs, and had them replaced with a man's; complete with fully functioning, sperm producing testicles. It was fairly easily hidden, considering its size and her attire, so long as she didn't get arroused. Biker shorts or not, it was a severely difficult lump to hide in that condition.

It took more than a decade for Anko to fully come to terms with what that bastard had done, but eventually, Anko grew attached to her new equipment (being seduced by a tipsy fellow kunoichi, and shown just what kind of benefits having a penis offered, certainly helped change her mind about it). The lack of a period helped her cope some too; as well as the knowledge that even though she couldn't get pregnant anymore, she could still 'father' children. Being a war orphan, having a family was very important to the Jounin, and learning that it was still possible took some of the sting out of the change.

Just as Naruto was about to move onto a safer subject, like the prank he, Hinata, and Haku were planning for Asuma, they were interrupted by the arrival of Neko.

"Naruto-kun, your father wishes to see you." She said, plainly. "He has a special D-rank Mission for you and your team tomorrow." As soon as Naruto nodded that he got the message, she disappeared.

"Go see what your pops wants, then we can go get something to eat." Anko said, leaning back onto the couch.

888

Naruto strolled leisurely through the Hokage Tower, wondering why his dad had sent for him specifically; especially for a D-rank mission. Any Genin who wasn't a total waste of space could pull one of those.

"Hey pops, what's up?" Naruto asked, as he entered the Hokage's office.

"I've got a rather simple D-rank for you." Minato said. "While I meet with their sensei, I want you to escort Gaara, Temari, and Kankurou to their assigned hotel suite when they arrive tomorrow, as well as showing them their designated training grounds."

"Uh, any particular reason you chose us?" The blond asked.

"Aside from the fact that you're my son, Hinata's a clan heiress, and they're the Kazekage's children?" Minato answered, rubbing his chin, causing Naruto to roll his eyes. Political BS then, since anything less than a Jounin escorting them would be seen as an offense, unless it was a noble. Having a Genin, who just so happened to be the Hokage's son would both keep them humbled, but also placate them somewhat.

"So, if it's political crap, why's it a D-rank?" Naruto asked. "I thought that anything involving allied diplomats, especially a Kage's brats, was at the very least C."

"It's because you're only escorting them around our village." Minato said. "Had you left, then it would have been upgraded accordingly."

"Which grounds?"

"Nineteen." Minato answered. "Now, if you'll excuse me, the Yellow Flash has to prepare to go into battle with his strongest foe yet." Naruto nodded, deciding not to comment, and went to inform his teammates. "And Naruto?"

"Yeah?"

"Your mother was very disappointed in you for teaching Haku, Hinata, and especially Konohamaru's little gang that jutsu of yours." Naruto winced. That meant a lecture was coming...a very long, loud, full of KI lecture.

888888

The next day found the Genin of Team 11 waiting near the gate to the village. Haku spotted them first, pointing out the trio as they arrived. The Jounin of the group didn't even bother speaking, before disappearing via Shunshin. Deciding to be the spokesman, rather he was volunteered as the Hokage's son, Naruto approached the two Genin.

"Hello, I'm Naruto Namikaze, and these are my teammates Hinata Hyuuga and Haku Momochi, we were assigned with escorting you to your hotel, and showing you to training ground nineteen." The female of the group, an attractive older girl by a few years if he was correct, gave him an appraising look.

"So you're the brat that could end up being my future husband." Temari snarked. Naruto, well aware of the perils of being a Kage's child, and also detecting the slight insult in her tone, replied in a much less subtle manner.

"Yes, you'll have to forgive me if I'm not exactly looking forward to such an arrangement." Naruto said giving her a once over.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Temari growled, slightly offended by the perceived insult to her looks, among other things.

"Don't get me wrong, you're attractive and all, but I'm not looking forward to a forced marriage should our treaty weaken enough that one would be required." Naruto replied shrugging. "And no offense, but the first impression I got from your abrasive personality leaves much to be desired."

"And just how long have you been itching to use that word?" Haku asked. "And why were you reading the dictionary again?"

"Hmm, about a week now." Naruto blatantly ignored the angry look on Temari's face. "And because I was bored." Kankurou, despite his dislike of the soft village, found himself liking this kid. Being able to rile his sometimes arrogant sister up, piss her off, and get away with it was a point in his book.

888

The first stop was the training grounds, followed by Naruto showing them to the Academy where the first exam would take place, and then the fastest route to the hotel they were to be using. About a block from their destination, a small blur bolted around the corner they were nearing, and slammed right into Kankurou. Getting up, and apologizing swiftly, Konohamaru's face took on a look of relief.

A moment later, he jumped behind Naruto as an angry scream bellowed from the area the kid had come from. A second later, Hanako (who was covered in lime green paint) turned the corner, and began a predatory search for her prey. When she found him hiding, she looked up to see who he had chosen as a meat shield, and frowned when her eyes landed on Naruto who simply raised an eyebrow in curiosity. She only stared for a moment, before walking away with a huff.

Naruto was about to lay into Konohamaru about his prank (namely the fact that he'd gotten caught) when he heard a squeal of fear behind him. Turning, he found Hinata and Haku glaring at the make-up wearing clown in the cat suit.

"You brat, I aughta pound you for running into me." He growled. Naruto gave an annoyed sigh. He just knew that guy would be bad news, no decent person would wear something like that.

"You know, it's not very smart to enter a foreign village with a chip on your shoulder, even if it is an allied village." Naruto said, placing a hand on Kankurou's shoulder. "You're liable to do something stupid, like assault the Sandaime's grandson."

"Not to mention having the Kazekage's son assaulting a defenseless child reflects badly on your village as a whole." Haku added.

"Or is it your intention to cause an international incident that could spark a war between our villages that you're very likely to lose?" Hinata inquired.

"And what makes you think that we'll lose?" Temari asked, haughtily.

"How many S-rank shinobi does your village have that are still active?" Naruto asked. "How many of your shinobi can take out an entire battalion alone in less than a minute? Now if your friend is done blowing smoke out his ass, can we continue?" This time it was Temari who found herself impressed with her brother being made an ass of.

It wasn't until they had gotten to the hotel that they finally got to meet Gaara. Sure, his asking for Naruto's name, then declaring point blank that he was going to enjoy killing him was creepy, but at least he was honest. Ironically enough, Naruto also found that he was actually less of an asshole than either of his siblings.

888888

On the day of the Chuunin Exams, Jiraiya stood outside the examination room waiting on his team. He didn't know if they were truly ready, but they had overcome his obstacles, and he was a man of his word. Extending his senses, he found them coming up the stairs...but something was off in two of his pupils. As they reached the landing, and began the short trek to where he was standing, he understood what it was that was off. Instead of the single kunoichi he was expecting, there were two. What was more, they were still giving off much the same presence as Haku and Hinata, yet at the same time it had the unique feel of Naruto's Not-Henge. When they made it into hearing range, he asked.

"Do I even want to know?" Naruto shook his head. Jiraiya just sighed, knowing that if Naruto said he didn't want to know, then it was not his idea, and it would likely scar him both mentally and emotionally. From the clothing alone, he was sure that Anko had had a hand in this, and possibly Kurenai or Shizune given the fact that there was a level of modesty, no matter how small. After a short pep talk, the trio of Genin entered room 301.

As the trio entered, every eye turned to them. While normally the entering group would receive a glare, before being promptly ignored, this time, the looks lingered...and for good reason. There standing in the doorway was Naruto, and two women. One of which was the most beautiful woman many of the room's occupants had ever seen, and the other was a classically beautiful, extremely well endowed Hyuuga woman from what was likely the Main House.

The pair of ladies were outfitted in matching ensembles (7). Both were clad in vivid red kimonos that had a very deep v-neck, and came down to just below a pair of pert, round behinds. The sleeves (long enough to cover their hands) were separated above the shoulder, while still connecting beneath the arm pit. The figure flattering clothing was held in place by a deep blue obi that almost matched their teammates eyes, and the ensemble was completed by low platformed sandals, whose red straps crawled up their legs to their shapely calves. Underneath they were adorned with a sleeveless mesh top, and a pair of thigh length mesh shorts. They also had on a pair of black spandex shorts. Unlike Anko-nee, neither were bold enough to risk flashing something, even on accident.

No visible supplies could be seen, and many a blush formed as minds began to wonder about where they kept them. If that hadn't caught their attention, then the rather ridiculous conversation the two amazingly attractive women were having, did.

"So Hikari-chan (8), who do you think the cutest boy here is?" Hinomi asked.

"I'd have to say Neji-kun." Hikari replied. "Even though he does have the personality of a dead fish." Said boy stiffened, while his female teammate snickered. "The redhead with that make up-teme from Suna is cute too."

"I'd have thought you would say Sasuke." Naruto said, amused.

"On the contrary, Naruto-sama," Hinomi said. "Sasuke-chan fails to meet the requirements. As big a drama queen as he is, he'd have to be in the runnings for the cutest girl, and we all know Hikari fills that position by far." Naruto just knew that Sakura and Ino were raging inwardly.

"One does what she must." Hikari said, tossing her hair over her shoulder. "So, the choice for cutest boy is Neji-kun, correct."

"Yes, but being cute isn't everything." Hinomi said. "I'd still rather have my Naruto-sama...stamina is always preferential to being cute."

That comment sparked a nice round of blushes from a few of the kunoichi. As the two girls continued to banter, mostly extolling a blushing, yet snickering, Naruto's godly stamina, and making heavy innuendo about having experienced it firsthand (they might have failed to mention that they were sparring when they mentioned how easily Naruto was tossing Kage Bunshin around), an annoyed Sakura led her team over to the trio.

"You three are sick." Sakura said from nearby. "I just know this was your idea, Naruto." Three identical grins formed, two on exceptionally beautiful faces, before two puffs of smoke revealed the other two members of Team 11. "I can't believe you two managed to corrupt Haku-kun in only six months."

"What can I say? It's a gift." Naruto bragged. "And if you think that's bad, just wait until you see what I do with the Hokage's grandson. I only had six months with Haku, and two years with Hinata, just think about what I'll be capable of doing by getting them started during their formative years." Sakura's paling features were echoed by both Shino and Kiba. "By the way, it was Hinata's idea." There was no way they were getting him to use that jutsu again, even if his chakra control was boosted exponentially as a girl.

"Well look who decided to show up late." Kiba said suddenly, a few moments later.

"And not even fashionably late, either." Hinata criticized. Sasuke, Hanako, and Tetsuya all just scowled.

"Oh great, his attitude is contagious now." Kiba grumbled. While Naruto was normally all for ragging on Sasuke, this time he was more curious about the large bruise forming on the teme's chin. The banter between the friends continued for a bit longer, before another voice interrupted them.

"You should quiet down, you're attracting a lot of attention." A voice said. Turning to the voice, Naruto found a silver haired teen with classes dressed in more purple than Ino.

"So?" Naruto asked.

"I don't know if you noticed, but things are rather tense in here." Kabuto said silkily. "You wouldn't want anyone to lose control, would you?"

"If they're so tense that simple conversations between old friends bothers them, then they obviously aren't ready to take the exam." Naruto said. Kabuto found he couldn't deny that.

"Hmm, seems you've got a handle on things pretty well." Kabuto said. "But I should warn you that this exam is going to be tougher than you realize. This is my seventh time taking them."

"Ouch!" Naruto said. "Well, seven is a lucky number, so you'll probably pass it this time around."

"Thanks for the thought." Kabuto smiled, and for some reason, Naruto got the feeling that he'd just been violated. "How about I repay your kindness by giving you a bit of a heads up on the competition."

"How is that?" Haku asked, suddenly suspicious.

"I'll share some info with you rookies with my ninfo cards." Kabuto said, holding up the deck. "Just tell me what they look like, and I'll be able to tell you something about them."

"Show me Naruto Namikaze, Hinata Hyuuga, Haku Momochi, Rock Lee, and Gaara of the Desert." Sasuke suddenly ordered.

"Oh, you know their names, that makes it a lot easier. Let's see, Sabaku no Gaara." Naruto, off to the side, frowned as he listened to Kabuto ramble off Gaara's stats. He had worked hard to get his skills, and he didn't want some jerk off blabbing his or his teammates abilities out for anyone to hear. Making a discreet set of one handed seals, Naruto spit out a short stream of fire, and burned the cards. Kabuto let out a yelp as the cards ignited, and swiftly dropped them.

"You know, giving out information on your comrades makes you look awfully suspicious." Hinata, who had similar thoughts added her own.

"Like a traitor, or a spy." She said. Kabuto was admittedly nervous, and wondered if he'd been found out, but brushed the thought off. From the info he'd gleaned, the rookies were good, but not that good.

"Besides, the less these saps know about us, the easier it'll be to kick their asses."

"You should be careful, Naruto-kun." Kabuto said. "You wouldn't want to offend someone you might have to confront later."

At this comment, a wave of Killing Intent fell upon the group of rookies; nearly all of it foreign. Sadly, none of the rookies were affected. Given the sudden, massive waves of pure, unadulterated 'shit your pants' (Naruto had even sworn he'd felt the Kyuubi flinch once) that infrequently came from the Namikaze/formerly Senju home courtesy of his mother, it took a fairly potent killing intent to even get a flinch out of most Konoha shinobi anymore. Hell, it took a fairly strong Chunnin intent to get the civilians to react normally.

"Is that supposed to be Killing Intent?" Naruto asked. "I am highly unimpressed, although there is a decent one in the back that has a familiar taint to my furry indigestion problem."

"Do you think, Naruto-kun?" Hinata asked.

"Yah, there's another Jinchuuriki taking the exam...cool." Naruto said. "Always wanted to meet one. You know, let them know they've got at least one friend in the world, even if the people in their villages want to act like a bunch of assholes."

"You're too kind, Namikaze-kun." Kabuto spat dryly.

"Hey, no one else is looking out for them, so why shouldn't I; unless it's that one Suna guy. I don't like or trust guys that wear make-up and play with dolls." Naruto said. "But we're getting off topic. Killing Intent, I believe, is what we're critiquing. Okay, I'm going to show you amateurs what I learned from my kaasan. Now, mine is pretty tame compared to her's so don't worry too much."

Combining both his and the fox's aura, Naruto unleashed a wave of sinister nasty so bad, a couple people in back nearly passed out- though he noticed that almost none of the Konoha nin were affected, except Kabuto, which made him even more suspicious. It wasn't until Hinata tapped Naruto on the shoulder, that Naruto stopped and looked around.

"Heh heh, oops." Naruto said. "Still, if you thought that was bad, you should meet my mom when she's angry." Hinata giggled.

"I never thought I'd see the day when someone could actually make the Yellow Flash, the Toad Sage, and the God of Shinobi cower all at once." She said, giggling behind her hand.

"Hn, the only thing bigger than her KI is probably her tits." Kiba's voice suddenly popped up.

"Don't let my mom hear you say that." Naruto said.

"Why not, it's the truth." Kiba said, though he knew why not, and wasn't dumb enough to even think it in her presence. "It's because of her boobs that Konoha never has to worry about a food shortage."

"Yeah, well I hear your mom has gotten back in touch with her dog instincts." Naruto spat back. "Word around town is that she likes having Kuromaru lead _her_ around on a leash." Several older Konoha nin began to blush, and bleed slightly from their noses.

"Oh boy, here we go again." Hinata and Sakura both said at the same time. Several of the boys' former classmates gave sighs of trepidation. They knew where this was headed, and it wasn't going to end well for anyone. Although, Shikamaru reasoned that it could have the possibility of thinning out the numbers of participants; that would certainly be less troublesome than the conversation.

It didn't take long for Kiba and Naruto to really get into it. They were still going when the proctors of the first test showed up...and were quickly distracted by the ongoing verbal duel. The perverted insults- many of which would forever change the way people thought about both boys' moms, and land a few people in the hospital later for various reasons- flew until two final comments sealed many a fate.

"I bet your mom could breast feed the whole continent with her massive teats."

"Yeah, well I bet your mother licks herself clean like your dogs."

As stated before, Tsume Inuzuka and Tsunade Namikaze were world renowned MILFs- well in Konoha at least. Tsunade, however, was a member of the Densetsu no Sannin, and therefore was a very familiar addition to every Bingo Book. The image of Tsunade breast feeding the entirety of the elemental nations- and for some, imagining some of the more attractive women in their villages suckling from the blessed bosom (Yugito and Samui in Cloud; Tsume, Kurenai, and Anko in Konoha; Tayuya and Karin in Sound; Konan in Rain; a certain Mizukage in Mist; and a certain Jinchuuriki in Waterfall) caused many a blush and nosebleed.

While Tsume Inuzuka wasn't as famous worldwide as Tsunade, the mental image of any hot woman (again, many men were picturing their own village hotties) laying on her side, with her ankle pulled up to her head (or possibly behind it), with her head leaning forward, and her tongue moving expertly between her own legs was too much for even someone like Orochimaru to handle. An in disguise Tayuya could only look at her master, and think. '_He's not gay? Coulda fuckin fooled me._'

While everyone, namely the female members of each team, was trying to figure out what was going on, no one noticed that the only males awake besides Naruto and Kiba, were Neji and Sasuke. The former was too busy glaring at his cousin, and the latter was trying to figure out what was so special about being able to lick yourself.

"Damn, that was a good one." Kiba sulked. "Looks like you...win?" He'd just noticed the state of the room. "I take it back, that was a really good one."

As it would happen, when the proctor for the next exam arrived- much to Naruto's delight- she found a room full of combatants; nearly all unconscious with bloody faces. The exam got pushed back a day, but the devious grin on Anko's face meant pain for future participants of Konoha's exams. Little did the blond know, that his and Kiba's conversation would be used as the first exam- along with a few visuals- at the next Konoha hosted Chuunin Exam. No one would pass, because the kunoichi couldn't continue without their male comrades, and they were all unconscious.

888

As Naruto, Hinata, and Haku were leaving the building, Haku suddenly relayed to them his suspicions.

"Naruto-kun, I think you may have been right about that Kabuto." He said. "Something about him seemed fishy, and it was only just a few moments ago that I realized why."

"What's that?"

"Tell me, how is it that a Genin is able to get such information on foreign shinobi?" That question brought the two younger shinobi up short. "Sure he could have gotten some information about tendencies and some techniques from experience, especially about repeat test takers, but to have such extensive knowledge as mission logs for other villages; that's not information a foreign Genin should have access to."

"You're right." Hinata said. "Niisan, we should tell your dad." Naruto nodded, and the three headed off.

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1. The last apprentice of the guy who created the swords for the Seven Swordsmen, is Tenten's grandfather.

2. This is how my friends and I refer to sticking your foot in your mouth.

3. Koshijutsu- pressure point and muscle/joint tears and dislocations

4. I picture Hanako as looking something like a twelve year old version of Tamaki, the Elder Cat's granddaughter. If you're curious, check chapter 354: pages 9 and 10.

5. Sakura's new outfit: http :/ gelbooru . com / ?page=post&s=view&id=821099

6. Anko doesn't get the curse seal in this story, Orochi performed another type of experiment on her; something he'd planned on using on his new body if it worked.

7. This is what Hinata and Haku were wearing- http :/ gelbooru . com / ?page=post&s=view&id=33902

8. Hinomi-Hinata

Hikari-Haku

9. Naruto and Hinata will have Kawarimi and one jutsu sealless by the Chuunin Exam Finals. This is strictly because of having Kage Bunshin working on them at all times.

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Chapter 4 is now complete. Hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it. If you're wondering about the severe injection of humor in this chapter, it's because the upcoming ones won't really give the opportunity for much, so I had to get it in somewhere. And now for the real reason most of you even bother reading this fic.

**Non-Related Omake (Now with a title)**

For the Love of Ramen

The only warning that Pein had that he was about to be under attack was when a wall in his tower suddenly ceased to exist. A second later, a figure landed in the room, a body still stuck to his claw like fingers. Flicking the body off, Naruto calmly walked over to a table, picked up a napkin, and began wiping the blood off his claws. Once he'd cleaned what he could, he turned back to the other three in the room.

"You took my ramen, you must suffer." Naruto spat with a growl. Zetsu and Konan, who were also present were trying to figure out how the huge fucking chakra signature currently glaring at their leader had snuck up on them. When Naruto suddenly found himself surrounded by several men with piercings in their faces, he didn't even flinch.

"So nice of you to join us, Kyuubi." Pein said, apathetically. "It pains me to have to kill a fellow student, but you wouldn't be the first pupil sensei has lost, and I'm sure he will get over it eventually."

"You took away my ramen." Naruto repeated. Looking down at the used napkin in his hand, Naruto gave a devious grin. "I think I'll kill you with this."

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In a hollowed out cave, in the northern portion of a country between Rice Field and Waterfall countries, a group of five S-rank ninja were sitting around, all but two quite bored. At the moment, they were awaiting both the new orders on the remaining Jinchuuriki, as well as to see if the Leader's plan would bear fruit. Unfortunately, they were unaware of, and unprepared for, the kind of fruit the plan would bear.

The sudden explosion was all the warning the ninja had before they were blown backwards by a concussive blast and lots of debris. As the group got into an attack position, they saw a silhouette in the smoke. A silhouette that included spikey hair, and nine tails waving behind angrily.

"You took my ramen." Naruto growled.

"Well I'll be damned, it worked." Kisame said, grinning. Beside him, Itachi was glaring at the figure, Sharingan spinning wildly. He knew he wasn't seeing an illusion, and what he could see scared him.

"That's not Naruto." He said, stoically. "Or at least the one we're accustomed to dealing with." A swift, but surprisingly strong gust of wind erupted from within the smoke, revealing what it was Itachi was seeing.

"Heh, looks like the kid got an upgrade." Kisame said, smirking. "Maybe we'll get to have some fun with him." One person, however, immediately dropped his aggressive stance.

"Tobi knew this was going to happen." The mask wearing man said. "Tobi told you not to take the ramen. If you survive, Tobi will see you at the rendezvous, Tobi's out of here." And with that, and a swirl centered around his right eye, he was gone.

"Idiot." Kakuzu said. "You know, it's too bad you're a Jinchuuriki. As a pupil trained by Jiraiya would have had a pretty nice bounty in a few years."

"You took away the ramen, you must pay!" Naruto growled, before disappearing. For the members of Akatsuki, this was the signal for all hell to break loose.

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Konan could only stare in shock, and just a hint of lust, at the boy...no man, that had just decimated Pein as if he were nothing. It took her a moment to realize that the- panty soakingly hot- monster that had destroyed a God among men had turned his attention to her.

"You're actually quite pretty, it's a shame I have to kill you now." Naruto said. "Now let's see, I think I saw some pocky somewhere when I was dispatching that ramen thief."

"But you don't have to kill me." Konan said. "I'm sure that I can convince you otherwise, Naruto-sama." Naruto paused in his plans for swift dealing of death.

"Then by all means." Naruto said, his face taking on a fox-like persona that made everything Konan had pierced, and there were quite a few, tingle. "Convince me." While Konan was trying to entice Naruto, Zetsu took the chance to disappear into the ground, and made a break for it.

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Five men were now scattered about the Akatsuki base, fighting for their lives, and the boy that had attacked them hadn't a single scratch on him. Well, that's not true, Itachi had gotten a lucky hit, but the cut had already healed before Itachi's arm had even withdrawn from the attack. That hit had been when it was still five on one, before he'd scattered them with his clones. At the moment, Hidan was missing both his arms (though given the fact that he was dead, that really mattered little), Kakuzu was down to his last heart, Deidara had been incapacitated, all of his clay stuffed into his hands, and then had said hands sealed shut and his fingers broken while Naruto physically assaulted him (his statement of owing the older blond an ass kicking for Gaara made Deidara pale), Itachi was temporarily blinded from a sudden, massive flash of chakra that had nearly seared his retinas, and Kisame had numerous cuts and bruises of his own. Had it not been for Sameheda eating the brat's chakra, and healing him, he'd be in even worse shape than everyone else combined.

A sudden stroke of luck landed upon Kisame, likely one of his last, when his sword managed to actually connect with the clone he was fighting. Taking a moment to catch his breath, he went in search of his partner. It was obvious that they couldn't take the boy alone, and he worked rather well with Itachi. Not to mention, the young Uchiha was actually the closest thing the shark-man had to an actual friend. As he was heading down the hallway, he found Itachi slowly making his way towards the back exit, holding onto the wall to find his way. Taking the man by the arm, Kisame lead Itachi out, and the two bolted away from the base. The clone that had been following Itachi gave a smirk before giving chase. He'd wait until they stopped before dispelling, and letting the boss have them.

Back inside the Akatsuki base, Kakuzu was experiencing fear for the first time since he fought Hashirama Senju. This child had actually succeeded in killing Hidan (who unlike his own sneaky little trick, was actually immortal), and with a stick of chapstick no less. What the point of the peanut and spatula was, he couldn't really say, but whatever it was, it had effectively prevented the religious nutcase from moving a single muscle. As for himself, his Domu no Jutsu had proven useless, and he was down to his final heart. To make matters worse, the only heart he had left was the one that granted him Fuuton abilities, and the boy seemed to have that skill at a level that far exceeded his own...and worse yet, he'd lost track of the boy.

"Boo." Kakuzu heard suddenly from behind, before he felt a hand come out his stomach. Before he could even think to retaliate, a large fist full of his tendrils and been pulled from his stomach, and wrapped tightly around his throat. As the life slowly faded from him, he heard a voice say. "It's not your intestines, but it'll have to do."

Deidara was faring no better than either of the two supposed immortals, with the exception that he was alive. He'd drawn the joyous opportunity of engaging not a clone, but the real Naruto. The fight was made difficult by the fact that he couldn't use any of his bigger bombs without bringing the base down on his own head as well. Sure, he could have used the suicide bomb, and it wouldn't have mattered, but he was saving that one for Itachi. As a result, the fight had been exceedingly quick and one sided...and most certainly not in his favor.

"Don't worry blondie." Naruto said- far too calmly for the enraged monster that had attack them ten minutes ago- as he strapped explosive tags to Deidara. "You're going to get to be a part of the ultimate work of art...the destructive explosion of the Akatsuki base."

"Small favors, un?" Deidara muttered.

"Now, before I kill you, tell me something." Naruto spat. "Did you give yourself blowjobs with those mouths in your hands?"

"Do you fuck your clones with that Gender Bending Jutsu?" Deidara growled back offended.

"Touche." Naruto replied, before activating all 200 of the explosive tags attached to Deidara. Even at ground zero, the concussive blast, and searing hot flames just washed harmlessly over the blond. Oddly enough, Deidara was content with his death. He'd gotten to help create the ultimate work of art, you just couldn't beat that.

With the Akatsuki base destroyed, Naruto gave a grin at the memories he'd just received, before disappearing in a swirl of chakra.

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Kisame was getting highly annoyed. The brat had somehow found them, and was showing them no mercy. He'd thought that between himself and Itachi, they might be able to take this monster on, but he'd been wrong. Apparently it was only the five on one advantage they'd had earlier that had allowed Itachi to gain that one hit on him. None of the Genjutsu Itachi used were working, and he was plowing through their ninjutsu with either Taijutsu, his own ninjutsu, or pure chakra.

Kisame attacked again, swinging his sword with far more speed that one would think possible, but Naruto simply dodged, and knocked him away. The brat's reflexes were unrivaled, and so fluid it was like he'd been doing this for centuries. While Naruto's attention was on Kisame, Itachi switched to his more powerful version of the Sharingan. His right eye began to bleed, before the black flames of Amaterasu came forth, and bore down on the blond. Itachi watched ruefully as the black flames consumed the boy. He had nothing against Naruto, but fuck the Akatsuki and their plans, especially considering they were practically no more; this was about survival now.

Imagine his shock, when after a few seconds, the flames began to separate, and a certain Jinchuuriki stepped free of them. Imagine his greater shock when the flames gathered behind the boy, began to grow as Fuuton chakra was channeled into them, and then suddenly attacked their creator. Itachi screamed as his body was burned by the insanely hot fires.

Naruto frowned at the spectacle. Watching Itachi turn to dust via his own jutsu, while appealing, did not coincide with his plans. If he was going to keep his promise to Sakura, he was going to need Itachi alive. Naruto found and grabbed an area on Itachi that wasn't covered in flames, and began channeling Kyuubi's power into him. The result, he was being healed while the flames continued to try and consume him. It was a suffering most unimaginable.

Hoping to catch him off guard, Kisame attacked again while Naruto's concentration was on Itachi, but achieved the same results as last time. Thankfully, he was able to right himself before he collided with that same tree, and was able to use it as a springboard for a stronger, much faster attack. As he sped through the air, Kisame drew his arm back, and swung Sameheda with all his might...only for Naruto to catch it. While he was a little disturbed by the lack of the sound of shattering bones- his considerable strength and the momentum he'd gathered should have guaranteed that- Kisame give a shark like grin at the new situation that had been afforded him.

One of the things about Sameheda, it was even more dangerous to flesh than a normal sword because of the serrated teeth. He giddily pulled his sword back with a mighty yank, expecting a spray of blood as he shredded the brat's hand. The giant of a man was sent into a state of shock, when instead of tearing the boy's flesh from his bones, the teeth on his sword start peeling off.

"What the-" He looked up into the glaring purple eyes, only to see a cocked back fist. "Oh shit." He mutters as the fist slams forward, and smashed into his face. Kisame again had a rather painful meeting with that damnable tree.

Naruto turned his attention back to Itachi, and growled when he saw what had happened. The flames had gotten a bit out of control during Kisame's distraction, so Naruto was forced to snuff them instead of further enjoying Itachi's suffering. Looking down into the man's face, Naruto glared at the bastard he just knew had come up with the idea of taking his ramen. He'd been the only one who'd ever lived in Konoha, and he would have been the one to know about his love of ramen.

"My...plans...Sasuke...no." Itachi groaned out painfully, his left sharingan pinwheel began spinning rapidly. "Ts-Tsukiyomi."

Naruto started as when he found himself in the world of Tsukiyomi, and strapped to a cross. The black sun and clouds within red surroundings normally would have worried the blond, but were little more than an annoyance this time. Suddenly Sakura was standing next to Naruto with nothing on, causing Naruto to stare just a bit. Sakura had definitely grown into a very well built young woman, he noticed. His mind then began to wonder just how it was Itachi knew this, and his anger flared anew.

"For the next 72 hours, you will be stabbed repeatedly, while watching her get violated by them." Itachi said monotonously as he drew a ninjato, and several hundred blank faced, freakishly well hung, nude men appeard. Naruto's grin turned sinister.

"I have a better idea." And suddenly, Itachi was strapped to the cross, Sakura and the men disappeared, and Sasuke and Orochimaru appeared. "For the next 72 hours, you will watch your little brother paying Orochimaru's training fee." While Itachi knew that Naruto didn't have the power or control to make him suffer through it for hours while only a second of the overall time passed, he would still have to watch Sasuke being violated by Orochimaru for at least 72 hours. There was no greater torture for a man like Itachi.

"No, Orochimaru, your tongue doesn't go there!" Itachi yelled, before he started screaming, convulsing, and foaming at the mouth. Back in the real world, Naruto finally healed the worst of Itachi's burns one last time, before grinning deviously.

"Don't worry Itachi, I'm not going to kill you." Naruto said. "I've got something better planned for you." The next thing Itachi knew was blissful unconsciousness- well aside from the occasional nightmare of his brother and Orochimaru. Naruto began feeling around for Kisame, finding nothing but himself and Itachi in the clearing. "Aww, and I was looking forward to some sushi with my roasted weasel."

As Kisame ran to the Akatsuki rendevous spot, he could only hope that Itachi would forgive him for bailing on him. I mean really, for someone to turn the Tsukiyomi back on Itachi, and use such an evil torture...that was a disturbia that he wasn't very keen on encountering again. When next he saw the leader, he was going to be tindering his resignation.

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As Naruto arrived in a nearby town on the Taki border, he was startled by the sudden arrival of a massive swirl of paper butterflies. The butterflies then reformed into a very beautiful woman with blue hair. When he saw the Akatsuki cloak, he was immediately on his guard, until he saw who was with the woman.

"I think you need to explain what's going on here." In answer the Naruto clone popped. Once Naruto had taken a moment to peruse the memories, he turned his eyes to the woman. "So you belong to me now. Get rid of the cloak, it's a reminder of what your _former_ leader took from me."

"I don't know if that would be such a good idea." She said, opening the cloak.

Naruto raised his brow at what she was wearing underneath. Had this been last week, then the fact that she was clad in a black, semi-see through, skin tight top and pants, with formal sandals- as well as the fact that he could see her panties, as well as the fact that she wasn't wearing a bra or bindings- would have had his face redder than Sakura's shirt. Now certain instincts were telling him to bend this woman over, and make her bear his children.

"Fine, keep it on for the time being. We'll find you something to replace it once I take care of Itachi." She gave him a sultry smirk.

"I look forward to you peeling it off of me." Giving the woman a foxy grin, Naruto replied.

"I do as well." His face then turned hard. "Now, tell me where I can find the rest of Akatsuki."

"I'll take you there myself." She said.

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Since I couldn't decide which one I wanted to use, I decided to let you pick which ending to this chapter of the omake you want.

**1. Sasuke friendly ending**

Sasuke Uchiha was a simple man, with a simple plan. Get stronger, and kill Itachi. He was accustomed to getting his way both in Konoha and in Oto, but today was an odd day. No one could tell him what that huge surge of chakra he'd felt two days ago was, and the one person who could kept telling him that it wasn't anything he needed to concern himself with. Arriving back in his room after another day of training, he found a large box sitting in his room; with a card on top. Tearing it away, Sasuke read the card.

_Hey teme,_

_Akatsuki pissed me off, and now they are no more. I managed to save this one for you, however. Now do what you've been bitching about for four years, and bring your ass home, or I'm coming to get you, and this time, it will hurt badly._

_Naruto_

Eyes narrowed, Sasuke opened the box, and fell backwards in shock. Sitting in the box tied up with a giant red bow was THAT MAN. Sasuke felt a shiver go down his spine as he again read the note. He was well aware of the group Itachi had joined; and that all of the members were S-class ninja, some stronger than even Orochimaru. If the dobe had really killed them- and Naruto wasn't the type to just brag about something without having done it; embellish beyond reason, yes, but not take another's credit- then he was not someone to be crossed. As much as his pride was stung, Sasuke Uchiha's self preservation instincts had gotten pretty damn good. Forming a Chidori, Sasuke drove it into Itachi's heart, before destroying his eyes. He then removed the head, sealed it in a scroll, and burned the body. He pocketed the card as a reminder, still unsure of why. He then went to the throne room that Orochimaru used to smile down on his minions. Finding the man exactly where he thought he would, he spoke.

"I'm going home." The Sannin's eyes narrowed, before gaining an amused look.

"But Sasuke, don't you want to get strong enough to kill Itachi?" The Sannin asked.

"I just did." The Sannin's eyes widened. "Now that you have no further use to me, I'm going home." The last Uchiha felt a sudden presence behind him.

"What makes you think I'll let you leave, Sasuke-kun?" Orochimaru said. "You're supposed to be my new body so that I can destroy Konoha."

"It would be in your best interest to do so, as well as to leave Konoha alone." Sasuke said. "Itachi was delivered to me in a box from Naruto. Apparently, Akatsuki pissed him off, and now they cease to exist. While I will always consider him a dobe, even I can tell he's now a dangerous dobe. If I don't return, he's coming for me, and fighting Naruto doesn't sound as appealing as it once had. If you try to keep me here, he will kill you when he comes for me. Even if you were to take my body as you keep bragging, what good would it do you if he was able to defeat nine S-rank ninja alone at the same time; my brother and their leader among them. Both of whom have, or could have, defeated you with ease." Sasuke felt the grip on him go slack, and then a thud hit the ground. Turning, he found a shock faced Orochimaru, laying in a growing pool of blood.

"Shall we head to Konoha, and plead mercy, Sasuke-kun?" The purple clad Kabuto asked, smirking with blood on his hands and sleeves.

"Yeah, but we've got a stop to make." He said. "I promised Karin I'd bring her with me when I left to kill Itachi. Figure I might as well bring her along. "

"We should probably grab Juugo as well." Kabuto said. "With Orochimaru dead, that Curse Seal is going to start acting up, and he may hold the key to Tsunade and Jiraiya finding a way to remove it." With a nod, the two men left the Sound base.

**2. Anti-Sasuke ending**

Sasuke was in his room getting ready for his daily training, when Orochimaru burst in.

"Pack your things, and leave my base." He said, looking back over his shoulder, down each hallway as if he expected something horrible to appear. "Hurry up!"

"What do you mean I have to leave?" Sasuke growled. "You promised me power."

"That was before Naruto-kun went AWOL." The Snake said.

"What does that dobe have to do with anything?"

"That 'dobe' destroyed Akatsuki over some ramen." Orochimaru said incredulously. The man was paler than usual, Sasuke wasn't sure how that was possible. "I seduced his best friend into betraying the village, and killed one of the only people in that village that cared about him. If he decided that Akatsuki deserved to die because of ramen, what the fuck do you think he's going to do to me?"

"Uh, okay, what?"

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Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion to For the Love of Ramen...next chapter.


	5. An Explosive Second Test

**Disclaimer: I lost my mind in a card game, and am no longer responsible for the insanity that comes out of it.**

**AN: Who doesn't own Naruto...this guy right here.**

For those worried (or looking forward to something) because of the Anko thing, rest assured, it will have very, very little impact to the overall plot of the story (as it will play a very minor, implied role in the future). As I said, it was just to give a new twist on how fucking sick and twisted Orochimaru could be. Not to mention it'll allow me to make some kind of joke with the whole taking over a woman's body thing, and impersonating that kunoichi from Grass (the body he revealed he'd taken during the Chuunin Exams).

I don't much like this chapter. Some parts wrote themselves. Some parts had to be written. And some parts were kind of forced in places (IT WRITES ON THE STORY, OR ELSE IT GETS THE HOSE AGAIN!).

Also, fair warning, I ended up visibly insulting myself in the fic.

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Naruto sat watching his neechan give the instructions for the second phase of the Chuunin Exams. He was slightly bored, and very highly disappointed. The night before at dinner, his Anko-nee had said that she had a huge surprise for them planned for the Second Phase of the exams.

**Flashback Mechanism: Get Over Here!**

_Anko sat at the dinner table smirking at Naruto. Naruto was very familiar with that look. It was a look that meant that she was planning something vaguely sinister, or disturbingly embarrassing. The worst part about it, was that the latter usually was aimed at him. He was still recovering from the prank she'd played on him the night before the exams started._

_He'd been practicing with the Shousen, and had been in his Special Oiroke Henge, since his chakra control was for some reason better as a girl. After working for nearly an hour, he'd fallen asleep with the jutsu still activated. When he'd awaken the next morning, it was to the widely grinning face of Anko. Her teasing comments of having enjoyed herself the night before, being honored that he'd chosen her to take his girl-cherry, and not knowing he could be so frisky as a girl, made Naruto squeal like a small girl, and run from his room. No, that look wasn't fun at all. Still, the continuous smirk was hard to ignore, and damn it if he was curious._

_"What's got you all happy?" Naruto asked._

_"I've got something extra special planned for your second test." Anko boasted._

_"Really?" Naruto asked. "And what would that be?"_

_"It's a surprise." Anko teased. "You'll have to wait until tomorrow."_

**Flashback Mechanism: Away with you ruffian.**

This was the surprise Anko-nee was talking about? They got to spend five days in that giant deathtrap she was so fond of. Naruto stared at the woman, a look of utter disappointment on his face. All that anticipation wasted on nothing but a five day suicide run. As far as surprises go, this one was pretty lame.

Naruto was brought from his internal musings by a couple of Chuunin passing around the 'It's not my fault if you die' wavers, and Naruto just shook his head even more. After swiftly filling it out, Naruto glanced around at the other competition, and noticed that his team was getting a lot of stares. Sure, they were definitely targets, him being the Hokage's kid and all, but no more than Teme's team with him being the famous, surviving, genius last Uchiha. No, it was the other stares that they were getting...or rather that Haku was getting. Nearly every foreign, and a good number of domestic, kunoichi was looking at Haku and blushing. Naruto, never one to waste an opportunity, just had to tease him about it.

"We'd better be extra careful in there." Naruto whispered to his teammates. "Once we enter the forest, there are no rules. With all those shifty looks he's getting, if we're not cautious, Haku might end up getting gangraped by a bunch of kunoichi. And unlike me, he doesn't have the ability to rape Kage Bunshin no Jutsu as a distraction." At this both Hinata and Haku looked up, and noticed the stares...or rather noticed several heads rapidly turning away. Haku let out a resigned sigh as Naruto and Hinata got their seven chuckles in (1).

Several minutes later, with an Earth scroll sealed into the palm of Naruto's glove, Team Jiraiya was waiting at their gate, going over last minute strategy.

"Okay, so what's the plan?" Hinata asked of Naruto.

"What, why do I have to come up with the plan?" Naruto asked petulantly.

"Hello, prankmaster, you're good with planning."

"Yeah, planning traps and things." Naruto said. "I'm not so much a strategy guy. Besides, I thought we agreed that my role on this team was as the muscle/tank. Besides, Haku has more experience."

"I've always followed Zabuza-sama's orders, I don't have much experience being a leader." Haku said. "Sure, I did well enough on the Neck Country mission, but I was just their to keep you two in line, not actually lead the mission."

"Don't look at me." Hinata said. "You were the one that brought me out of my introverted shell, and I've technically been your sidekick since we were nine. Sure, I can take the lead if I have to, but I've pretty much followed you from the beginning."

"That is so not fair." Naruto said.

"You're out voted, niisan, deal with it." Hinata taunted.

"Fine, but I do so under protest." Naruto finally agreed. "Well, given how much Anko-neechan loves this place, it's pretty much a given that we don't want to spend anymore time in here than we have to. I say we get a scroll, and get the hell out of dodge. If we have a chance to get extras, then we take them, and trade them off if we can. The less time spent fighting, the less time we spend in this deathtrap."

"I couldn't agree more." A Chuunin said, coming up to the gate. "Get ready, the exam is about to start. Oh, and one more thing, I'd suggest stripping opponents of their equipment after you defeat them."

Moments later, the gate opened, and the second portion of the Chuunin Exams had begun.

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About an hour into the exam, Naruto, Hinata, and Haku decided to find a place to set some traps for another team. It was agreed that they shouldn't go hunting for teams, as that might bring unnecessary energy expenditure better used for getting the hell out of the forest once they had their scroll. Besides, with Naruto's traps, why go through the trouble? Naruto created several dozen clones, and they used the supplies available to set a nice trap-filled perimeter. It was layered so that they'd know how long they had before their opponents showed.

They barely had to wait twenty minutes before the sounds of Naruto's traps going off, and cursing reached them. A few minutes after that- I mean seriously, Naruto's traps are fucking sinister- two shinobi from Taki stumbled into the small clearing.

"What the hell was that green stuff you used on Kouga?" The supposed leader asked. Hinata giggled, despite the serious situation.

"That was something Hinata and I accidentally created a year ago." Naruto said, grinning. "Super glue, construction glue, and chakra. When mixed properly, creates the ultimate sticky. When not, it's corrosive."

"I'm still amazed at how a cup of that stuff destroyed three fairly large homes in a span of five minutes." Haku said, shaking his head. He'd been told the story behind the stuff when the two had given it to him to use for his first mass prank. "Lucky for you it was in the Uchiha District, and those places were already condemned."

"Enough about that, though." Naruto said. "You're obviously here for our scroll, we're not giving it up, and something tells me that you won't leave us alone even if we ask you nicely. So, I guess we fight."

In order to spare you the long, drawn out drabble that the bonehead author wrote, here's a summary of a small battle that really wasn't all that important. With the third member of their team incapacitated by Naruto's traps, Kegon and Houki were forced to take on the three Genin from Konoha.

Naruto created a small army of clones to keep the two busy, while Hinata used Mizurappa to give herself a nice water source. Once she'd done that, she turned that water into Water clones before the Taki Genin had the chance to make use of it. She repeated this a few times until she had a couple dozen water clones. It was at this point that things got really bad for Kegon and Houki. Hinata dispelled her Mizu Bunshin all at once, leaving a ring of water around area, which Haku quickly made use of. With a few rapid hand seals, Ice Mirrors- with a new escape proof barrier added with a couple extra handseals- shot up around four of the combatants. Having to defend against the attacking Naruto and Hinata, while Haku pelted them with senbon, and prevented them from making attacks of their own, the fight was over rather quickly.

After stripping the three older teens of all of their supplies, and being disappointed at all that work being wasted on an extra Earth Scroll, Hinata used a Genjutsu to protect the tied up enemy from the forest predators. After taking ten minutes to rest, Team 11 quickly vacated the area, just missing another team hoping to capitalize on their exhaustion by a few minutes.

888

At the same time as Team 11 was dealing with the team from Takigakure, Team 7 was having their own fated meeting with a team from Kusagakure. This in and of itself was good news, bad news, and a case of he just had to open his big mouth. The bad news was of course that Orochimaru was impersonating one of the Grass nin, and that he wanted Sasuke-kun's body. Interpret that any way that you want, it was a bad thing. The good news, was that Tetsuya showed a bit of usefulness, and recognized him for who he was as soon as the older nin giggled. When he made this fact known, he'd thankfully prevented his egocentric teammate from attacking, and inspired them to- for the first time ever- properly work together.

Of course, the way by which he informed his teammates of Orochimaru's presence left them thinking that they'd have been better off not knowing. For no sooner had Orochimaru let out his amused giggle, Tetsuya screamed.

"You're Orochimaru!" The snake of the Sannin was amusedly impressed that someone had been able to see through his disguise. When he inquired how the boy had known, Hanako and Sasuke wished he'd just declined to answer, but nothing ever was that easy with Tetsuya, for he immediately blurted out.

"My grandmother warned me about you." He said. "She said that if you hear a creepy giggle that sounds like it belongs to a pedophile, then run in the opposite direction because Orochimaru is near."

And just like that, Team 7's day went from not good, to all out bad.

888

As Tetsuya was getting slammed into a tree by a furious Orochimaru, Team 11 just so happened to be having an interesting run in with Team 8. Frustrated by how easily they'd acquired a completely useless- to them anyway- scroll, Kiba was itching for a fight, and didn't even bother trying to consider a more diplomatic option. Since they were fighting another Konoha team, they didn't have to worry about fighting to the death, and even if they did somehow lose to Naruto's team- funny how everyone, even the 2/3 of the members of the team not named Naruto, seemed to refer to them as such- they had an extra scroll.

"It's nothing personal, and I really hate to do this, but do you guys happen to have an Earth scroll?"

"I guess you're our Heaven Scroll then?" Naruto said with a sigh, before Kiba's comment really kicked in. "As if you could take our scroll. Remember, we just beat you guys less than a week ago."

"So what?" Kiba said, knowing that things would be different without the element of surprise.

"We were handicapped by the fact that we couldn't do anything that would prevent you guys from entering the exams." Naruto said. "Now that we're in the exams, we don't have such a handicap. We can do anything we want, short of killing or crippling you, and that's only because you're comrades, and you're not Sasuke, Neji, or Tetsuya."

"Cool it, baka." Sakura scolded Kiba. "Naruto's right, they've got the advantage."

"I concur." Shino said. "The only match up advantage we have is myself against Hinata, and even that is not guaranteed. This, however, will put both of you at a disadvantage as you will either be left to face Haku or Naruto."

"Maybe they'll be nice, and let us go?" Sakura tried to charm her fellow rookies, earning rolled eyes from Naruto.

"Sakura, I've already got someone I'm interested in." He said. "Besides, you've seen the women I grew up surrounded by. You've got a long way to go before anything short of active lewdness will affect me." Sakura glared, but couldn't really deny that. His mother had bigger boobs than every other woman in their extended family combined. Kiba, of course was thinking along similar, but far more lewd, lines.

'_Man, I don't know how Naruto can live around all that hotness without going insane, or rubbing himself raw._' He suddenly felt a hand collide with the back of his head. "Ow, what was that for?"

"Get your mind out of the gutter, you perverted mutt." Sakura growled. Before he could ask how she knew, she answered. "You were drooling, and your eyes were starting to glaze over." Deciding that he didn't want to know, think about, or even consider what kinds dirty things Kiba was thinking about his mother, and women he had come to see as sisters, Naruto spoke up.

"Man, I wish you guys just had an extra Heaven Scroll, and we could trade you our extra." When one thinks back on this, one could ask why they just didn't offer Team 8 their extra in the first place. Too bad I'm just the narrator. I'm not privy to that kind of information, and personally, I don't think the author is either. I bet it was a plot hole that the lazy bastard was too slothful to put in the effort to fix...but I digress.

"Wait, you have an extra Earth Scroll?" Kiba asked, pulling out a Heaven Scroll along with Sakura.

"Now that's pretty damn convenient." Naruto said as he and Haku both unsealed Earth Scrolls. Once the trade was complete, the six Genin sort of stared at each other, not sure what to do. An awkward silence commenced. "So, how about we get out of here. Anko-nee likes this place, and that's enough incentive for us to want out."

"Anko?" Sakura asked.

"Huh, she's pretty good friends with Kurenai-nee, I'm surprised you don't know her." Naruto looked contemplative.

"Wait, is that the sexy lady with purple hair, trench coat, fishnets-" Kiba said.

"And the creepy blood fetish?" Naruto finished. "Yup."

"And she likes this place." Sakura asked, to which Naruto nodded.

"It is imperative that we remove ourselve from these premises at once." Shino said in his monotone, though his apprehension showed through in his voice. With nothing else needing to be said, the sextet departed the clearing in the most direct route to the tower. Luckily, their route through the eastern tip of one of the more hazardous terrains of the forest helped them dodge most of the other teams, but it would also put them on a collison course with certain danger.

888

Team 8 and 11's decision to travel together for protection turned out to be a good one, considering they were headed towards a confrontation with another team. A team who already had a complete scroll set. A team who was hanging around the forest, just attacking unsuspecting teams for the sake of doing so, their excuse 'to shrink the numbers'. A team of Chuunin who really had no business in the exams. The group of six was heading straight into an ambush that had claimed at least two teams from every village that had multiple participants at this stage. Luckily, this group had something that the other victims lacked; something that would save them a similar fate.

They were leaping through the trees, making good time when Kiba, who was taking point, stopped on a branch.

"Hang on, I smell blood, and lots of it." Kiba said, followed by a growl and yip from his partner. "Akamaru smells it too."

"Probably an ambush." Naruto answered. "I had a feeling that there might be some jerks doing this. Attacking other teams just for the sake of reducing the numbers."

Sitting down to calm himself, Naruto began to draw on his chakra for a sensor trick that Kakashi taught him, and sent a light pulse outwards. The pulse rapidly raced from him, hitting his traveling companions immediately, and continuing out until it hit further ahead.

"I'm getting three signatures back." Naruto said. "Hinata?" The blunette activated her Byakugan, and looked.

"They're cloaking themselves very well, with a Chuunin level technique at that." She said. "But I'm getting three blips as well."

"There's only three, but that just means that they're obviously of a skill level that they shouldn't even be in these exams." Naruto said.

"We need a plan." Sakura said, right before five pairs of eyes turned to Naruto.

"What, why me?" Naruto complained.

"See, it's even obvious to other teams." Hinata teased him.

"Fine." Naruto grumbled, then paused to think. "Sakura with me, Hinata and Haku together, and Kiba and Shino take the last guy. Haku works with Hinata, because she can provide him with plenty of ammo for his jutsu at almost no cost. Kiba and Shino's fighting styles are different enough that it will keep their opponent off guard trying to defend against them. I can improvise with just about anyone, and having to randomly fend off your Genjutsu will make fighting me more difficult for our opponent, so long as you make sure to just target him."

"Are you sure?" Sakura asked.

"You know, it's not a good idea to ask someone to com up with an idea, and then second guess it as soon as he does." Naruto said, frowning. "Especially when it's a fairly good plan for such short notice."

"Naruto's strategy is sound." Shino said interrupted. "I would like to add that anyone capable should help the others if they finish quickly."

Five meters away from where the ambush was likely to happen, Naruto created a horde of Kage Bunshin, and sent them barreling in. The barage of clones caught the three ninja off guard, and wasted their perfectly executed ambush. When six Genin followed the clones, the three ninja were unprepared for the attack. Still, they weren't Jounin for nothing.

888

From the outset, the fight had been difficult. While they'd been able to pull off their trapped in the Ice Mirrors combo, even with the advantage they'd had, it was obvious they were not winning. They weren't losing either, but this Oto-nin was not merely a Chuunin, but quite possibly a Jounin. He was also a Jounin with a high pain threshold, as he was more peppered than that pervert had been several months back when he tried to jump him from behind (2). Hinata had several minor injuries that were starting to hamper her fighting ability.

'_Crap, I need an idea; something crazy that he wouldn't expect. What would Naruto do?_'

Suddenly, a sinister grin crossed his face, he began pulling explosive tags from his pouch, and began shifting through his mirrors. Once Haku was done, he pulled one final tag from his pouch, and waited for the perfect moment to strike. When it came, he launched himself from the mirror, and stabbed the man in the shoulder with a senbon. The man grabbed Haku by the wrist, and tossed him into the approaching Hinata. Hinata barely had time to brace for the attack, before Haku collided with her. As the two were untangling themselves, Haku whispered a set of instructions to his teammate and friend.

"As fun as this has been, I'm getting bored." The man said. "I think it's time I kill the two of you, and seal your remains for Orochimaru-sama."

"Sorry to disappoint you, but you're the one who is going to die." Haku said. "Now." The two teans closed their eyes seconds before the flash bomb pinned to the man's chest went off, blinding him. In the next half second, Haku had created another Ice Mirror, grabbed Hinata, and pulled them both through it, and out of the dome...a dome that was less than a second later destroyed as the explosive tags that had been inside the mirrors exploded. Flying ice rained down on the trapped Oto-nin, slicing into him in ways that he couldn't ignore the pain. His situation also wasn't helped by the concussive blasts from so many tags going off. If being sliced like a roast beef didn't kill him, the blasts did. High above in a nearby tree, Haku and Hinata emerged from a newly formed mirror. As Hinata gazed upon the rapidly fading enemy, she couldn't help commenting.

"And I thought Naruto-nii was the King of Overkill." Haku swatted her in the head, and gestured for her to go help Sakura and Naruto.

888

As Sakura watched Naruto do battle, supplementing him with Genjutsu, and looking for the right opportunities to strike long range, she couldn't help but blush and frown. With that look of severe determination, he looked so much like his father, that it was like a kick to the pants for the teen. Had she really been so crazy as to ignore how handsome the blond was? Had she really been so hard up on Sasuke, who was proving to be something of a jerk recently, that she'd passed up on him?

Seeing him now, she could see that he was definitely boyfriend material. How could she have let her rivalry with Ino cloud something like this? What made things worse, was that Tenten had actually swooped in and staked a very legitimate claim on him. Great, just her luck. She'd lost out on a great boyfriend before she even had a chance to really try, and all because of her rivalry with Ino over a jerk who didn't want her.

Shaking her head of such inappropriate thoughts- especially at a time like this- Sakura threw a kunai at the shinobi charging her comrade with a ninjato. Luck appeared to favor the two Genin, as it hit him in the leg, slowing him down. Too bad it didn't hit the femoral artery, that would have helped more. Still, it made the fight a bit more even, even though Naruto was still somewhat outclassed. From what she was seeing, this guy was either high Chuunin, or low Jounin.

Even though Naruto hadn't lost yet, he wasn't winning, or even close to it, either. Her heart nearly stopped when Naruto attacked, missed, and the enemy ninja turned to attack his unprotected back, capitalizing on his over-extension. As the man made to slice his back open, he was forced to abort the attack, and dodge a chakra coated palm to the heart.

Naruto regretted declining Tenten's offer of teaching him to use Kenjutsu. At the time, he had a viable reason, as he'd been trying to create his own jutsu so he could enter the exams. After that, though, he should have sought her out, and with Kage Bunshin it would have been easy to gain at least a decent basic grounding- enough of one that fighting this bastard would have been less difficult. Naruto ducked a swing of his sword, and took advantage of the man's opening, only realising after he was committed to the attack that it was a feint. A set up opening designed to draw the opponent in for an easy attack. As he felt the displaced air from the sword headed towards him, Naruto wished he was fast enough to Kawarimi before the man's attack hit.

Suddenly, there was a flash to his left, a curse, and the lack of an attack. Turning, Naruto found himself looking at the back of his best friend's head. Boy was he glad to see his oneechan. Fighting this guy had been hell, and he was sure that if it hadn't been for Sakura, he'd be dead by now. The man was very proficient with his sword, and that miss he'd just made would have spelled his end. With her here, things might actually turn out for the better.

Sakura looked on as the two gave each other a silent communication, before launching a coordinated attack at the man. She found herself amazed at how well the two worked together, and thankful that the pressure had lessened on Naruto. Studying the battle, she noticed that with the two of them attacking, the man had less time to attack or counter, and was spending more on defending. From what she had seen before, he was doing the same thing he'd done initially against Naruto; defending, analyzing, then attacking the weak spots. It wouldn't be long before he figured them out, and went on the attack, and that would not be good. As she saw another opening, Sakura's hand went for her pouch for a pair of shuriken, before pausing.

'_What if-_' Sakura didn't know if what she was thinking would work. After all, while she'd finished the jutsu, she'd been too insecure about her skills to actually try it out. She was also unsure whether or not the man would notice, or how quickly he'd dispel it if he did. Still, if it worked... Making her decision, Sakura ran through three seals, ending in the tiger seal.

The change was very subtle at first, but more and more, Naruto began noticing something odd going on. As he and Hinata backed up again to regroup, he asked her.

"Hey, does he seem a bit disoriented to you?"

"So I'm not just imagining things." Hinata replied. "I noticed he had two very wide openings that I thought he had thankfully missed. I saw Sakura going through some hand seals, you think she did something?"

"Only one way to find out." Naruto said, summoning a trio of Kage Bunshin. The result of the experiment made Naruto grin. "He's definitely out of it, but we should still be cautioust, cause there's no telling if he's really faking or if he isn't, how long it will last."

With that, the two renewed their attack, looking to hopefully end this fight.

888

The fight with Kiba and Shino had been going marginally better as they'd been fighting a Genjutsu specialist. Having a sensei who was such, as well as a teammate who was becoming one, they knew how to deal with this kind of shinobi. The major difference was the gap in skill level between Sakura and this woman. The woman's Genjutsu were a lot stronger than Sakura's were (their sensei hadn't exposed them to anything higher than B-rank Genjutsu yet), but thankfully, between their enhanced senses, and their animal partners, they were able to keep from succumbing to the kunoichi.

The fight soon became something of a game of cat and mouse. With the kunoichi trying to capture them in her Genjutsu, while Shino would try to capture her in his swarm while Kiba distracted her. All three combatants had been caught by the enemy, and had only just escaped, the elder nin finding more success than her younger counterparts. The fight had become a stalemate, with neither side gaining a real advantage, although it should be stated that one on one, both Kiba and Shino would be long dead by now.

Things continued in this vein until a Shunshin and having to dodge a hail of senbon startled the woman, and Kiba caught her with a Tsuuga. The addition of Haku to their side, soon turned the tide of the fight for Kiba and Shino. Haku's application of a pair of pressure points on the woman ended the threat of the kunoichi's Genjutsu. It wasn't a severe point, just one that caused enough irritation to the recipient that it couldn't be ignored, and had the rather beneficial side effect of disrupting the focus one needed to cast Genjutsu. In short order, the woman had been put into a death like state, and the trio of Genin went to help the other three.

They arrived just in time to see Naruto throw a kunai at the man's feet, red chakra leak out as it counted down, and the Jounin try to escape. The tag went off too soon, throwing him into a nearby tree at a very high velocity, and at a very uncomfortable angle. Unfortunately, the blast was a bit bigger than even Naruto expected, and the three fighting Genin got hit with the shockwave, sending them flying as well. Haku gave a smirk as Shino and Kiba stared at the damage dumbfounded.

"Shino, incapacitate the enemy, I'm going to go check on the others." Haku said. Shino nodded as he went about his assignment, while Haku joined the three downed Genin. When he came upon Hinata, who was closest, she was just sitting up with a groan.

"I take it back," She said. "Naruto is officially the undisputed King of Overkill." Sakura- who'd been blown from her perch into another tree- hopped down, and pointed to the small crater.

"What in the hell was that?" She asked.

"An experiment that needs more tweaking." Naruto groaned from his position a few feet away. He had yet to sit up, as everything seemed to hurt. He'd actually been closer to the blast than everyone else, and had gotten a bit more of the concussive force.

"Naruto, something is suspicious about those ninja." Haku whispered to him. "I think we should bring them with us."

It took a few more minutes for Naruto to reach a point where he could function again. He'd decided to let the Kyuubi heal his own wounds, and let Haku heal Hinata. Once he was up, Naruto nodded at Haku, telling him that he agreed with his suspicion and that he was right.

"Okay, I know that none of us want to do this, but we need to sterilize this site." Giving Haku a significant look, he added. "And I mean completely sterilize." Shino seemed to understand what he was saying, because he nodded at the same time the other members of Team 11 did.

"This one is dead." Shino said "The concussive force of that tag was enough to kill him immediately. Even if it didn't, the heat from the explosion, and the burns he suffered would have."

"The guy Hinata and I fought is probably dead by now, as well." Haku said. "Kiba-san can you help her? I'll deal with the kunoichi, and make sure she had no chance of escaping."

Once all three of the enemy had been recovered, Team 11 began the meticulous task, of stripping them of their equipment. In addition to the death like state that Haku had placed the woman in, Hinata had used half a dozen Jyuuken strikes to further paralyze her before starting.

"What are you guys doing?" Kiba asked. "That's like...violating the dead, isn't it."

"First of all, we're ninja, so that code doesn't apply to us." Naruto said bluntly. "Second, they were enemy shinobi, obviously Jounin level, in an exam preying on Genin. Whatever honor they had as ninja was negated by that alone. Besides, we're low on supplies, and they have extras they no longer need. Plus, if we turn these bodies into the IT Anbu, they can do whatever it is they do to glean secrets about the mysterious Oto nin. Not to mention, with a live captive we can learn even more."

Unable to bring themselves to do it, Team 8 watched as Naruto, Haku, and Hinata stripped the Sound ninja of their equipment.

There wasn't much they could really do with the first guy. He was torn to almost ribbons, and wouldn't provide much of anything as far as information. He did provide several kunai and shuriken they could use to replinish their own stashes with. After one last check, making sure he'd stripped him of all of his shinobi gear, Naruto backed away from the body.

"I'm done." He said, as he went to help Hinata.

Haku had taken Naruto's explosive victim. As the more experienced and sure handed of the three, he'd be able to salvage both the body and equipment with the least amount of contamination. After placing the equipment and the contents of his pouch to the side, Haku stripped the man to his underwear, and gave a secondary check. Once he had gleamed that nothing else could be gained, he prepped the body for sealing.

Hinata had the easiest job. She was checking the kunoichi's equipment, and as she was still alive, she also had the easiest time finding things as she didn't have to sift through blood and gore. As she checked the woman's equipment pouch, she found a storage scroll. Creating a Kage Bunshin, Naruto had it go aways away, and see what was in it. Once he'd done that, he went back to watching Hinata. When she came to the pouch on the woman's thigh, she made a startling discovery. Instead of kunai and shuriken, it was filled with senbon.

"Hey Haku, it's your lucky day. This chick has a shitload of senbon." Naruto said, reaching for one...at least he was until Kiba grabbed his wrist.

"Hang on a second, I smell something on them." Kiba leaned down and sniffed the pouch. "Just as I thought, they're coated with some kind of poison."

"I wonder why she didn't use them against us?" Shino asked, mostly to himself.

"We'll take the whole pouch, and we can give them to kaasan or Anko-nee." Naruto said. "They know a lot about poisons, and it might give us another advantage having an antidote to their poisons."

Hinata had already gone back to the dead woman, and began removing her clothing. Upon checking her removed clothing, she found three more small pouches of senbon, two of which were poison coated. Again Shino asked himself why she didn't use them. Once Hinata had finished, she'd placed the filched equipment off to the side, and prepped her for sealing.

While she was doing this, Naruto pulled a scroll out of his pouch. From this, he unsealed a bottle of ink, a brush, and a large scroll. Making sure there was sufficient space between them, Naruto began drawing storage seals of different strengths. Once Haku had carried his assignment over, Naruto began the job of sealing everything that needed to be, away. First was the dead body, followed by the kunoichi under a medical stasis. Once that was done, he moved the numerous senbon onto the third seal. A flash of chakra, and they were stored as well. The contents of the three ninja's equipment pouches- well the relavent stuff that needed to be passed on, anyway- were placed on the fourth seal, and stored in the scroll.

"Hey boss, I think we just hit the mother load." The clone said, reentering the clearing holding a Heaven and Earth Scroll, and the storage scroll. "There's five full sets of scrolls in this thing."

"So, what are we going to do with all of these extra scrolls?" Kiba asked. "We both already have a full set."

"I say we make our class look good by making sure all of the rookies pass." Hinata answered. "Sure it would mean that Tetsuya passes, but Hanako and Sasuke-teme shouldn't be held back because of him. As for the extras, we just take them with us, so that there's less teams that move on." She pouted cutely at the shocked looks on Team 8's faces. "What, I can be devious and underhanded too. I just usually never get the chance, because Naruto beats me to it."

Naruto and Haku shrugged. They couldn't deny her accusations after all.

"Hinata's idea is sound." Shino said. Naruto mentally took a tally of all of the teams from their class, and unsealed two more sets of the scroll. Creating two more Kage Bunshin, Naruto passed the scrolls over to them.

"Just how many of those can he make?" Sakura asked Hinata, remembering the sheer number he'd used to protect himself from their foe.

"Easily enough to make some naughty girl with a gangbang fetish a very lucky lady." Hinata giggled at Sakura's blush. "Perverted joking aside, he can repeatedly spam dozens of them without feeling a thing. One of the benefits of being a Jinchuuriki is reserves the size of Tetsuya's ego." Once the clones had been given a general direction of their targets via the 'Pulse', they henged into forest animals and scampered away. Turning back to the gathered weapons, Naruto found that Haku had already begun the division.

In the end, Naruto had taken the ninjato, vowing to get Tenten to teach him to use it once the exams were over. He'd also taken a refill on his projectile weapons, having used quite a few in the fight. Haku laid claim to the pouch of senbon, seeing as he was the only one in the group who actually used them consistently. The others all took a few of the shuriken and kunai to top off their supply, but they were mostly good on weapons. Once that was finished, Naruto and Haku turned back to the dead body. Taking a deep breath, Naruto ran through a few seals, and with a soft, "Endan.", he set the body on fire. Then both he and Haku sent chakra saturated wind into the fire to strengthen it. Within moments, the body was gone, and the group was ready to move on.

"Right, now that that bit of excitement is over, what say we get out of here before something else goes wrong." Sakura said. No one disagreed with the plan, and within a half hour, the sextet had arrived at the tower.

Elsewhere in the forest, a certain 'not squirrel' had stumbled upon a certain kunoichi who happened to wear her hair in a pair of buns that gave her the silhouette of a panda from the neck up. While she was very aware of her surroundings, she was also distracted enough by boredom that someone like Naruto could easily sneak up on her. Having found his target, the clone returned to its normal form, and began stalking the girl. Once it was in the perfect range and position, the clone pounced.

If one were to ask Tenten if she was bored, she'd have slapped them for asking a stupid question. Well, unless it was someone like Neji who had no sense of humor, or a superior officer, or...

'_Damn it, I hate being bored._' She thought.

She, Lee, and Neji had agreed to separate, and scout teams that would make for prime targets. Neji having expressed a desire to go after Naruto's team, and she had a feeling that he might have gone searching for them. They were to meet back here in an hour, but that had been fifteen minutes ago, and she'd gotten bored waiting after five.

Tenten picked at the grass next to her, her mind wandering just a bit, though not enough that she wasn't completely aware of any threats. Her thoughts, of course, drifted to what and how Naruto was doing, if he was okay, and if they had had any luck so far. Her cheeks tinted as she thought about how much the blond had been entering her thoughts lately, especially since that rather interesting altercation the week before. She made a mental note to talk to him about letting her detonate that little pouch. Little did she know, that she would soon be seeing the boy who so occupied her thoughts.

As she remembered how nice it felt being wrapped in Naruto's arms, she found herself tackled to the ground. Her first instinct was to escape, and turn whoever had attacked her into a pin cushion. However, when a familiar voice called her name, and gave her a cheek rasberry, that instinct went from murder, to mildly maim.

She tried to club the blond sitting on her chest, only to find that the much stronger boy was holding her down. It was also about this time that her mind decided to give her ideas pertaining to this position. Ideas she had to admit she was fully game for exploring a few years down the line.

"Na-ru-to!" She growled. "Let me up right this minute so I can throttle you." Not knowing why he was getting the 'you pervert' growl, Naruto did some quick thinking.

"Okay, I'll let you up, but you have to promise not to hit me." Naruto bargained.

"Give me one good reason." She haggled back, her face completely red from dirty thought embarrassment.

"Because I'm a Kage Bunshin, and I come bearing gifts." The clone pulled the two scrolls that he'd been given from his pouch, thankful that the shock had distracted her from the fact that her two hands could now overpower his one. "Boss said that he couldn't let a cutey like you be subjected to his neechan's favorite playpen for any longer than necessary." Naruto hadn't, but she didn't need to know that. Besides, the boss probably would have said it if he'd thought of it.

"Fine, I won't throttle you, but you owe me a new splody to play with." She smirked when he nodded, then pushed at his chest. "Now get offa of me, and gimme my splody."

"Would an explosive tag charged with Kyuubi's chakra make you happy?" Tenten raised an eyebrow, trying to hide the fact that it would indeed make her happy. "The real me has some on him, and he's already headed to the tower." As Tenten thought about what that would look like, the clone popped, leaving her with the pair of scrolls, and her pleasant thoughts.

"I think I might just love that baka." Tenten jokingly said, smiling at what awaited her. Ironically enough, both her teammates returned a few minutes later, both with a full scroll set. She grinned at Neji's disappointed countenance, deducing that he'd failed to find Naruto's team.

Meanwhile...

"Kukuku, well this has been fun." Orochimaru chuckled, having quite thoroughly amused himself with the members of Team 7 (though thankfully not in the way that you'd expect a potential pedophile to have done so). "Sasuke-kun is just as I thought you'd be. The Uchiha blood runs strongly within you." He then licked his lips in a way that made the three Genin feel just on the upper side of violated. "I was pleasantly surprised by your little girlfriend, Sasuke-kun. She was actually mildly impressive. The other boy, though, really, where did they find him?"

Growling, Tetsuya charged at the man, only to be smacked away negligently- again- almost as if he were merely an after thought.

"Now where was I?" He asked himself. "Oh yes, since you two impressed me, I'll give Sasuke-kun a little gift." With that, his neck extended, and he sank a pair of fangs into Sasuke's neck. Hanako ran to his side as Sasuke collapsed, and began screaming and twitching. As he sank into the tree, Orochimaru left one final comment on Hanako's mind. "Soon, he will come to me for power...such dark, delicious, power."

Hanako could only watch helplessly as her crush screamed, until finally, he let out a frightening shudder, and fell still. A few minutes later, after she'd recovered Tetsuya's unconscious form, a surprisingly nimble squirrel landed next to Hanako.

"What happened?" Naruto asked, turning back into himself in a puff of smoke.

"Some creepy guy with a long tongue named Orochimaru attacked us, smacked us around for awhile," Hanako explained. "And then bit Sasuke in the neck. He was screaming a while ago, but he suddenly went still right after."

'_Okay, so not only is he making fully finctioning futanari, now he's giving little boy's hickeys?_' Naruto thought. '_Anko-nee seriously understated how sick her former sensei was._'

"Naruto?" Hanako asked, seeing him stare off into space. Shaking his head, Naruto returned his attention to the girl.

"Alright, you grab the idiot, and I'll carry Sasuke." Naruto said. "We have to get him to the tower quickly."

"But the exam," Hanako said, angry at herself for even thinking of putting promotion ahead of her teammate. Luckily, Naruto saved the day.

"Don't worry, our team came upon some extras." Naruto said. "Boss sent a few of us out with a pair of scrolls each to every team from our class, and Tenten-chan's team." Hanako sighed in relief. She resolved to be nicer to the blond after this. "Come on, let's get going before someone tries to take advantage of the situation."

Elsewhere, Team 10 was retreating after losing their scroll to a trio of Genin from Sound, when the battered team found their path blocked by a certain blond.

"We don't have a scroll, Naruto." Ino spat. "And it's really shitty of you to take advantage of your comrades like this." Turning to the obvious leader of their team- even though he was the laziest and least motivated member- Naruto addressed him.

"I'm just going to pretend that your team's kunoichi is suffering from delusions and hallucinations brought on by an outbreak of her Uchiha Fangirlitis." He said. Then, reaching into his pouch, he handed a pair of scrolls to Shikamaru. "I'd suggest getting the hell out of here before she causes you all to lose these too."

Whatever else Ino was going to say, Naruto missed as his clone went poof.

888

As soon as Team Gai reached the tower, Tenten went looking for Naruto. She found him laying down on a couch in a lounge area. Grinning, she decided that turnabout was fair. Sneaking up, she jumped onto both the couch, and Naruto, straddling his stomach much the same way his clone had done her. Naruto opened his eyes to find Tenten grinning down at him.

"Not that I don't appreciate the view, but can I help you?" Naruto wheezed.

"Your clone promised me a Kyuubi powered splody." Searching his memories, he found that his clone had indeed done so.

"Right, you gonna let me up?" Tenten wiggled atop him a second.

"I dunno, you're kinda comfy."She said teasingly, before flicking his nose.

"Tenten-chan, I'm a boy, I'm not Sasuke, and a very pretty girl is sitting on top of me. I'm gonna react, and it's gonna be your fault." Her face flushing at what Naruto was saying, she scrambled up. Ten minutes later, amidst the backdrop of the detonation of a Kyuubi powered exploding tag, Naruto received his first- intentional- mouth to mouth kiss.

888888

The remaining days of the second exam were a blur for those involved. There had been mass speculation as to how it was possible for all four rookie teams to have arrived on the same day, all with a full scroll set, and all within a half hour of each other, but no one had an answer. At least, no one had an answer that anyone was willing to believe.

There was also much drama when it was revealed that Orochimaru had been spotted inside the forest. While he had tried to intimidate Hanako into keeping quiet about the mark he'd received, luckily for him, the girl was one of his more intelligent, and shinobi minded fangirls. Although given that Naruto was also aware of the mark, it wouldn't have mattered if she hadn't. Hickeys given by Orochimaru were serious business, especially when Anko recalled some things she'd seen while she'd been his apprentice. As soon as he arrived, he was taken away by the Hokage and Jiraiya, and the seal placed on him examined. By the time the final day came, Sasuke was back with a very strong suppression seal over the Curse Mark. It wouldn't hold indefinitely, but it would last long enough for them to get through the prelims, where they could further study it.

Team Jiraiya's gift for Naruto's neechan also caused quite a stir. Both a hunter style bounty for examination, as well as a live Oto-nin to interrogate- especially with the evidence Jiraiya's spy network had sent that implicated Orochimaru being involved with said village- it was the find of the century. Along with the added information gleaned from the excess junk in the equipment pouches, regardless of how he did in the exams, Haku was in line for a field promotion to Chuunin for his foresight.

Then came the final day, and jiji's speech about how the exams were an alternative for war. Being the Hokage's son, Naruto already knew this much, so had used this time to scout out his possible competition. Then Hayate- who he knew Yuugao-nee had a thing for- arrived and explained that too many teams had passed, and that because of this, there was going to be a set of preliminary matches. When he asked if anyone wanted to quit, the first person to do so was Kabuto. Naruto didn't need the nudge from Haku to realize how suspicious this was. A guy who had failed the exams six times, and then quits two thirds of the way through without even trying? Then when Anko busted him out for having done the same thing at all of the others he'd attended, Naruto wasn't having that.

"Oh come on, don't be a pussy." Naruto complained. "No wonder you're a six time failure if this is what happens every time you take the exams. If you're just going to quit, then why do you even bother taking the exams and embarrassing yourself and your village?" Little did Naruto know, his little rant had just cast a lot of suspicion onto the silver haired teen.

"Hehe, you're right, Naruto-san." Kabuto said chuckling. "I'll never get anywhere if I don't at least try. I've changed my mind, I'll stay and fight."

'_Besides, in thirty days, it's not like it will matter anyway._' The silver haired traitor thought.

All too soon, their attention was directed to the electric scoreboard. After a few seconds of waiting, the first two names came up.

Zaku Abumi vs. Sasuke Uchiha

"The two participants stay here, while the rest of you head up to the balcony." Hayate ordered through a small coughing fit.

Upon finding a place upstairs, Naruto leaned on the railing, eager for the match to start.

"I've been looking forward to proving that the Uchiha are more bark than bite." Zaku said, smirking.

While the banter went on for a bit more, Naruto missed it in favor of what was happening to him. Tenten had moved up behind him, and wrapped her arms around his waist and chest. Her head was leaning on his shoulder, and she seemed to be snuggling into him. Feeling her cheek rubbing against his made Naruto's own face heat up tremendously. Thankfully, the match started, and he was able to take his mind off of the pair of soft somethings pressing into his back.

Unfortunately for Naruto, the match didn't last very long. As it turned out, Zaku was pretty much a one trick pony, and while Sasuke seemed to suffer a near stroke everytime he tried to perform a jutsu, he still had his Sharingan at his disposal. In short order, Sasuke had found a way around Zaku's air vents, and used a Taijutsu attack he'd ripped off from Lee- if Tenten's angry exclamation was true, and he had no doubt it was- to finish his opponent.

Unfortunately, for Naruto, the next two matches were more of the same. The fight between Sabaku no Gaara and Dosu Kinuta was just as fast. Dosu's primary attack was the use of a device on his arm that amplified sound waves. Unfortunately for him, he had to get close enough to his opponent to use the device effectively. Not only would this prove difficult against Gaara's automatic defense, but even if he were to get past it, Gaara's chakra laced sand still buffeted the sound to the point that it was useless. For a group who bragged about definitely becoming Chuunin, they all seemed to be one trick ponies. There was a little shock and excitement when Gaara captured and crushed Dosu with his sand, but that was mostly from the Genin who had yet to be exposed to the gore of their profession: namely Teams 7 and 10.

The next match was Shikamaru against Kiba. Now one might think this would be an excellent example of brains versus brawn, and normally, one would be right, but not this time. Shikamaru, while a prodigiously intelligent young man, was also the laziest sonova Naruto had ever met. It would take Kiba doing something to really annoy him to get him to really fight. Kiba on the other hand, was a braggart, and had a tendency to underestimate his opponents, and overestimate himself. This was going to go for as long as it took for Shikamaru to figure out how to beat Kiba (which wouldn't take very long), and then to build up to motivation to do so.

Luckily for him, Tenten provided a most wonderful distraction. At some point between Gaara crushing Dosu, and the start of Kiba and Shikamaru's match, she'd begun absentmindedly nibbling- and nuzzling behind- his ear. Tenten's actions had Naruto's face red. Sure, she'd hugged him before, and even kissed him, but she'd never really been this deliberately affectionate before. It was really weird, yet Naruto found that he also liked it. What made matters worse, was that she was rubbing his chest, and snuggling into him in such a way as to even distract others who'd grown bored watching Shikamaru avoid Kiba's overzealous attacks. When the proctor finally announced Shikamaru the winner, most everyone was ready for the next fight.

Looking up at the board, the group waited for the next combatants to be announced.

Rock Lee vs. Chouji Akimichi

All in all, this match was an unfair advantage against Chouji. While both Lee and Chouji were taijutsu specialists, most of Chouji's taijutsu was based on his family's expansion ninjutsu. With the incredible gap in speed between the two, Chouji never really stood a chance. Even with a promise of barbeque, the rotund young ninja still fell short. In short order, Lee had won, and the next match was being decided.

Kin Tsuchi vs. Hanako Suchigawa

The match between the girl from sound, and Hanako was pretty interesting. As soon as the match started, Hanako was the aggressor. Using a combination of the taijutsu her father taught her, and the Academy style maneuvers that fit, Hanako went on the attack and had quite a bit of success. Still, the other girl was able to get a bit of distance between them, and proved to have a bit of skill with evasion.

"Pathetic." Kin called. "You Konoha shinobi make a lot of noise about being the best, and this is all you can do. I should have known that even though you had some taijutsu- mediocre as it was- you'd be a waste of my time. Stupid fangirls." That had been where Kin made her first mistake...bunching all of Sasuke's fangirls into one category. Sure there were a great many Sasuke obsessed girls in class- most of whom join to get closer to him, and who dropped out when he became a Genin and they didn't- but of the three that had become Genin, at least two of them had grown up and started taking the job seriously.

"I'll show you." Hanako growled, making handseals. Kin wasn't worried, as the information Kabuto had gotten on the girl said she was a fangirl, and most of them were only good for the Academy three. She got a shock when Hanako took a deep breath- "Goukakyuu on Jutsu!" -and blew a giant fireball at her. While Kin was dodging the fireball, Hanako began another series of seals, ending with a ram seal.

"Doton Bunshin no Jutsu!" She said, as she spat up a huge stream of mud, that became another copy of her. The two Hanako's then went on the attack. A moment of hesitation almost cost Hanako dearly. Not being accustomed to making the kill strike as more seasoned shinobi are, Hanako pulled one of her punches, giving her opponent an opening with which to retaliate.

Kin, as a shinobi of the Hidden Sound, had been taught from day one to take the kill shot if it presented itself. While it was severely frowned on, killing was a legitimate part of the final stages of the exam, and as that Sand guy Gaara had proven against Dosu, it was accepted. Still, seeing his teammate killed by one of their shinobi might harm her master's plans for the Uchiha. Taking out her specially prepared senbon, she tossed them at the girl, smirking when they sailed wide, and imbedded into the wall behind her.

"And you called me pathetic?" Hanako asked. "Point blank range, and you missed?"

"Did I miss, or did I just set you up for something better?" Hanako growled, and made to attack again, Kin flicked her pinky, and a bell sounded. That wasn't all, because suddenly Hanako found herself staring at three opponents.

"What did you do?"

"Oh, interested in my Genjutsu, are you?" Kin said. "Well, let's just say that I used sound waves to cast a genjutsu on you. I'd suggest you give up, because I will kill you if you don't." Kin growled as Hanako climbed to her feet, still ready to fight.

"I'm not going to forfeit." The blonde spat. "Not to the weak link of a team full of one trick ponies. Tetsuya, for once, was right. All any of you were good for is that one move, and once you figure out a way around it, you're not terribly tough."

"Oh yeah, well how do you plan to beat me, when you can't even see the real me?" Hanako grinned.

"Maybe I can't," Hanako ran through seals, creating half a dozen Doton Bunshin. "-but they can." Because they were made of mud, and didn't have the organs that a real human body had, they were unaffected by Kin's Genjutsu. The group of blonde preteens descended upon Kin, who soon found herself in a world of hurt, and it wasn't long before Hanako was being declared the winner. In the end, Hayate called the match when Kin proved unable to fight back.

Hanako rejoined her teammates, receiving a congratulations from Kakashi, and even a nod from her crush. Soon though, all eyes were turned back to the board to find out who the next participants were.

Tenten Satoshi vs. Tetsuya Utatane

Tenten almost squealed when it was her turn. Thankfully for Naruto's ears, she realized just where it was that her mouth was. Giving Naruto's earlobe one last nibble, and a whispered, "To be continued.", Tenten separated from the boy to whom she had a lot of explaining to do.

"I can't believe I'm fighting a girl." Tetsuya grumbled as he headed towards the stairs to the floor. "And what's worse, one that's probably not even worth my time. Girls like you belong on their backs, providing entertainment for real shinobi." Tenten didn't show any outward sign that her mood had changed, but her sensei could easily tell. As she was heading down to the arena floor, she could be seen shaking in rage, and muttering angrily to herself.

"Something wrong, Gai?" Kakashi asked, seeing his rival- not that he'd ever admit that aloud- frown.

"I'm in a dilemma." He said. "On the one hand, I never want to wish ill on a comrade, but on the other, such an unyouthful display of machismo cannot go unpunished."

"Even if fangirls are an insult to kunoichi everywhere, he really could have said that differently." Naruto said groaning. "And seriously, _Tenten_ is not a fangirl. Mixing her up with any of those useless banshees from the Academy...big mistake."

"I'll thank you not to remind me of my embarrassing past, Naruto." Sakura grumbled.

"I've tried to teach him to watch his mouth, but apparently he hasn't gotten the message, even after his run in with Orochimaru." Kakashi said. "Maybe your student can teach him some manners."

Back in the arena, Tenten had finally gotten her anger under control.

"You ready to lose, little girl?"

"You know, I wasn't going to use these until the finals, but you just had to go and piss me off." She pulled a black scroll from her pouch, and spun it between her fingers.

"Begin!" Hayate called. Tenten immediately leapt back, and ran through a set of seals.

"Sougu: Kurotora Kashou! (3)" And with that exclamation, the match virtually ended.

888

From the opening bell, well figuratively anyway, Tetsuya had been on the run. The small knives, thrown with pinpoint accuracy had nearly skewered the boy on more than a few occasions. What made it worse for the boy...BOOM! Every single one of those knives had been wrapped in an explosive tag. Tetsuya had gotten only a few seconds of respite at the beginning when the very first tag went off. Tenten's eyes had clouded with amazement and awe at the beautiful oranges and reds of the explosion. Currently her eyes were wide and glazed, her pupils dialated in an almost crazed fashion. The maniacal laughter that came from the girl as she hurled explosion after pointy explosion at the boy was just on the upper side of creepy. Naruto knew he was in love.

"Oh god, I thought her father and I told that shady equipment dealer man to never sell her explosive tags." Gai had cried as soon as the first weapon had exploded. "How the hell did she get a hold of them?" Lee was aware that profane language was unyouthful, but he also knew what Tenten was like with explosives.

"Uh, that might have been my bad." Naruto said. "I probably should have known when she told me you wouldn't let her have any, but I'm a sucker for pretty girls who like explosions."

"And Tenten is very much both." Haku said, nodding. "You never stood a chance."

"Stand still and take it like a man." Tenten's voice echoed up from the arena floor. BOOM! "Muahahahahaha!"

"I'm just glad I didn't give her any of my special tags." Naruto said, a sweatdrop on his forehead as he watched Tetsuya run in fear for his life. While he should be taking great joy in the boy's torment, for some reason he just couldn't. It didn't matter, because Sasuke was watching the entire thing with his Sharingan activated. He'd have to bargain with the teme, but having a Genjutsu put on him that showed this match in it's entirety would be well worth it.

"Special tags?" Gai asked fearfully.

"Yeah, with a little tweak of the array, I created a special tag." Naruto reached into his pouch, and pulled out a red scroll. "Haku, Hinata, and I all carry some of the special tags in a separate scroll."

"And just what's so special about these tags?" Neji spat disdainfully. Sure he was curious, but he couldn't give away that he was. BOOM! BOOM!

"Well, these are the ones that have been charged with Kyuubi's chakra, instead of my own." Naruto said, causing everyone to pale. "You'll know them, because I did those in red ink."

"You're not serious." Sakura said.

"You remember that tag I used in the forest?" Naruto asked, causing the girl's eyes to widen. "That was only half the chakra I normally use for one of those tags, which is only about a third of the chakra used in a normal tag." Jiraiya perked up at this, remembering an explosion three weeks before that had leveled a good deal of forested area in Training Ground 18. BOOM! BOOM!

"I'm guessing that those are the tags you used for your Collateral Damage no Jutsu." Naruto nodded.

"C-Collateral Damage no Jutsu." Sakura asked, paling. She remembered that exposion from the forest. If that was only half...Sakura was very sure she didn't want to ever see Collateral Damage no Jutsu.

"You and Tenten were made for each other." Neji agains spat his comment disdainfully. "You both have unnatural explosion fetishes."

"Aww, come on Neji-teme." Naruto said. "Don't be jealous because you didn't know what you had until I annexed it from you while you were too busy doing your hair. Not my fault my explosions leave such a big smile on her face." The obvious innuendo caused several people to blush.

"You have officially spent way too much time with Anko." Kurenai grumbled. BOOM!BOOM!BOOM!

"I think it is time for me to interfere, before my Youthful pupil actually hits him with one of those." Gai said, disappearing in a swirl of displaced air.

As Tenten was about to throw another tagged kunai at her finally cornered prey, she felt a hand grab her wrist. Looking up to see who dared to interrupt her fun, the young woman blushed when she found herself looking into the stern eyes of her sensei.

"Tenten, I think that's enough." Gai said.

"Aww, please Gai-sensei, just one more splody." She pleaded, trying to struggle free from her teacher's iron grip, then trying to toss the kunai with a wrist flick, only to have it snatched out of her hand. "Come on, we both know he so deserves it."

"No, and you and I will be having a discussion about how you got these." That caused the chastised girl to wince. "It's very unyouthful to use your womanly wiles on your comrades to get them to get you things you were banned from having. Proctor, this battle is over, Tenten forfeits."

"Noted." Hayate said, hiding a grin at the sulking girl's pout. He hated that she had to be disqualified. That had been the most entertaining match of the entire preliminary. The board moved again, and soon had the next match up. "The next match, is Hinata Hyuuga versus Neji Hyuuga."

As Hinata turned to head down for her match, she was stopped by Jiraiya who had a kunai in his hand. He motioned for her to turn around, before knicking his finger, raising the back of her shirt, and pressing his thumb against the seal on her back.

"Now you're ready." He said, smirking. "Show him what you can do." Smiling deviously, Hinata made her way down to the arena floor.

"Ready," Hayate said. Hinata nodded, taking a modified Jyuuken stance. Neji, however, just stood there, but he was ready as well. "Begin!"

"(*)Before we begin, I'd like to say something Hinata-sama." Neji started. "You don't make a good shinobi, forfeit now. You wish for harmony, and avoid conflict. You always agree with others without resisting." As Neji continued his anti-Hinata rant, the other rookies were looking at him like he was crazy.

"Um, am I missing something?" Kiba asked mostly to himself. "Hinata was pretty badass in the forest, and when they captured our team."

"It's been awhile since Neji has cared to really pay any attention to his cousin." Naruto said. "That guy is in for a rude awakening."

"(*) Hinata-sama, as I thought, you are a spoiled child of the Main House." Neji spat. "People cannot change themselves. Losers are losers, their personality and strength will not change. Just give up now and save yourself the trouble."

'_Gee Neji, drama queen much._' Hinata thought, before taking a breath. "A few years ago, that might have worked, but I've grown up since then. You have not paid me any attention since before Naruto-nii brought me out of my shell. You no longer know who I am, or what I'm capable of. I will not back down, Neji, just because you foolishly recommend I do so with outdated information."

"Very well." Neji said, taking the Jyuuken stance. "I shall have to prove your worthlessness." He suddenly shot forward, looking to take Hinata out in one shot, aiming straight for her stomach. To his complete shock, he connected with nothing as Hinata had moved.

"So you're not a complete waste of space." Neji spat. "It still changes nothing." Again he faced Hinata and charged, and again he missed, as well as a third time. "Still avoiding fights, nothing has changed."

When Neji turned to face his cousin again, she was settled into that defective stance again. With a smirk, Neji went on the attack. He aimed right for her lung, intending to non-lethally put her out of her misery, only to stumble when he found himself surprisingly parried, and a stinging sensation rocket up his arm. Looking down, he saw three bruises forming where Hinata had struck, and closed his chakra points.

'_How dare that embarrassment hit me?_' Neji mentally raged. '_I didn't want to kill her, but this insult must be met seriously._'

From that moment on, the action was fast and furious. Neji attacking with greater speed, intent, and vigor, while Hinata was forced into a more defensive role. Both had landed strikes, but nothing clean enough to do damage. It was when Hinata missed, that the match took a change of pace. With her Byakugan active, she could tell from the trajectory of his attack, as well as by the somewhat crazed look in her cousin's eyes, that he was aiming to kill. Bringing her hand up, she snapped off a set of one handed seals; disappearing just as Neji's attack went through the area her heart had just occupied.

"Killing me will not make your problems go away, Neji." Hinata said, calmly. "In fact, I'd suspect that they'd only increase."

"Still running away, Hinata-_sama_?" Neji asked, a mocking tone to the honorific. "Stand and fight me. Show me how much you've really grown."

"If that is your wish," Hinata said. "I will warn you, when this match first started, I had planned to use only Jyuuken, to prove to you that I was not the same little girl you remember. Since you have blatantly tried to kill me, I will hold nothing back."

Neji ignored her in favor of charging, only to be shocked as Hinata made handseals, took a deep breath, and a wave of water shot from her mouth and slammed into his chest. Neji hit the ground, and rolled a bit, before regaining his footing. He glared at her, fury written on his face.

"You dare use Ninjutsu on me?" He asked. "The heiress of the Hyuuga Clan using Ninjutsu? You have fallen far Hinata."

"A wise man once told me that a well rounded shinobi, is a shinobi who is better prepared for the unexpected." Taking another breath, she blew another jet at him, that he had to dodge.

After three more water jets, Hinata had to pause and catch her breath. While she was still good on chakra, that many Mizurappas was punishment on her lungs. It was this opening that Neji used to attack. Neji charged, murder in his eyes, and began striking his weezing cousin. Only a timely Shunshin saved her from Neji's over powered attack.

Even as she came out of the rapid relocation, Hinata was making more seals. She couldn't match Neji with Jyuuken, not really, so she'd have to use the one major advantage she did have. As she finished, she took a deep breath, as Neji turned to attack again.

'_Endan!_' She thought, spitting something from her mouth.

Neji dodged the bursts of fire that she aimed at him, and continued his charge, prompting her to again dodge an attack. One of the benefits of this, was that his anger was causing him to not be nearly as precise and focused as she knew he could be. Realizing that she wasn't going to hit him, and that she was just wasting chakra, she changed her tactics. As Neji came back around for another attack, Hinata ran through a new set of seals-

"Mizuame Nabara!" -and sprayed the area right in front of her, before jumping back to avoid Neji's next strike.

When Neji tried to press his attack, he found himself stuck to the floor. This was a blessing for Hinata, because at the moment she was standing very near the wall, and wouldn't have been able to completely dodge the next one. Easing her way around her cousin, Hinata got back into the open arena, then using the water around her created a dozen Mizu Bunshin, and sent them to attack Neji. Hopefully to pound him until the proctor was forced to call the match. Unfortunately for her, Neji truly was a prodigy with the clan techniques.

She watched in horrified frustration as he went into a rapid spin that not only destroyed her Bunshin, but freed him from the sticky, and removed it from the field. Thinking quickly, she went through another set of seals, and pushed her hands forward.

With a cry of "Reppushou!", Hinata blasted Neji in the chest with a gust of wind as he came out of his spin, knocking the air from his lungs. Still, he wasn't done, and he planned to make her suffer for revealing one of his trump cards for the finals. Still, it would be worth it to put the little princess in her place, and see the look on his uncle's face once he learned of this. Taking a few steps forward, Neji crouched down until he was in a very familiar stance to Hinata and Naruto, who had watched her father devastate a training dummy with the technique once.

"You are within my field of divination," Neji intoned emotionlessly. "Hakke Rokujuuyonshou!" As Neji charged, Hinata centered herself, and activated her Bykugan, meeting the attack head on.

With a declaration of "Shugo Hakke Rokujuuyonshou!", Hinata began moving her hands in a sweeping pattern, and blocked or parried most of his early strikes. When Neji got to 32 and 64 strikes in the series, this became more difficult, so she began deflecting the more debilitating strikes into minor injuries. As Neji went for his final strike to the midsection, she blocked it, but allowed herself to be pushed away with the momentum. All in all, she escaped relatively unharmed.

Neji was dumbfounded at what had happened. He was sure that would be enough, yet his reject cousin had created a counter to even the Hakke Rokujuuyonshou. Hinata, for her part, was now exceptionally glad that their sensei had made them create their own techniques as a condition for entering the exams. While her hands stung something horrible, and she could feel a couple of her Tenketsu were closed, it wasn't enough of them to cause her too many problems.

Hinata- knowing what her cousin was capable of, and now what he was willing to do- decided to press what little advantage she had. As she concentrated on the small puddles still scattered on the arena floor, she once again thanked her sensei for the training seals, as well as helping her finding her elemental affinity.

Just as Neji was preparing to mount another attack, he found himself restrained in a way that he'd never considered before. Tentacles made of water had shot from the ground, and wrapped around his arms, legs, and torso. His failure of a cousin was using the puddles of water that had been scattered around the arena floor to restrain him.

The sound of Tenten's giggling distracted the bluenette, and her comment almost made Hinata lose focus.

"Hinata-chan's got water tentacles." She said. "Now that's kinky." She was soon joined by a chuckling Jiraiya, and a wholly embarrassed Naruto.

"Oh, she's a keeper, gaki."

Using the distraction from Hinata's embarrassment after his teammate's comment, Neji began to try and break free from his restraints. It took some doing, but he managed to escape, incorporating localized chakra bursts to further weaken his restraints until he was able to get free. Not for nothing, Neji was considered a prodigy Genin. Still, he could not find a way to utilize his freedom, as Hinata kept using those damnable tentacles to keep him at bay.

Finally, Neji had had enough. His anger at Hinata for being able to keep up with him in the first place, the fact that she was utilizing tactics other than just the Jyuuken, and the fact that with those tactics she was actually winning, had reached its boiling point. In a fit of anger and desperation, Neji decides to take a page out of her book.

"Fine, if you want to use ninjutsu, I'll show you a special one." He said, running through a set of seals. Once he'd finished, he placed his hands in a position similar to the Yamanaka Shintenshin no Jutsu.

Recognizing the jutsu for was it was, Hinata immediately went into a Kaiten, expelling nearly all of her remaining chakra. While her deflection worked, it didn't completely stop the jutsu from connecting. The major ocular blood vessels that allowed the chakra enhanced blood to be pumped into the eyes making the Byakugan work, were about to undergo a steady necrosis. She now had about half an hour before she would be unable to activate her bloodline ever again.

Although he couldn't be punished for using the technique- given the setting it was used in- it was Forbidden to be used against another Hyuuga for a reason. The jutsu was used as a Hyuuga disinheritance for members who had well and truly shamed the clan, or namely done something unforgivable. In fact, if he weren't protected by the rules of the Chuunin Exams, Neji himself could be facing disinheritance for using it against Hinata.

Up in the stands Jiraiya had already sent a toad message to Minato explaining for him to bring Hiashi and Tsunade to the tower ASAP. He'd even used his personal code for emergency, knowing Minato would immediately recognize it, and act immediately.

"I don't get it." Tenten said confused. "What did he do that was so bad?"

"Basically, that jutsu does to a living hyuuga, what the caged bird does to a dead one." Tenten paled at the Sage's explanation, and found herself looking at her teammate in a much less favorable light.

"That," Lee started horrified. "Is very unyouthful."

"That it is, Lee," Gai agreed. "That it is."

"Proctor, I forfeit." Hinata said, deactivating her Doujutsu. "I could probably continue, but doing so will only cause the effects to happen more rapidly." She hoped that smoke she'd seen in the stands was her sensei using Kuchiyose. She really needed to get her eyes fixed before irreversable damage was done.

"Tch, it figures you would quit." Neji spat. "It would seem that even with your..._improvement_...you are still fated to be a failure."

"You know what's sad, Neji?" Hinata said, her pretty features frowning. "That even after all this time, you're still carrying around your hatred; still suffering in the destiny of the Main and Branch Houses." Neji let loose an enraged snarl, and charged her.

"I'll kill you." He growled, racing towards his cousin to deliver what was obviously a lethal strike against her.

"Hinata!" Naruto screamed, eyes flashing red, and hands-which were now clawed- gripping the railing. His body began glowing red, before something amazing happened. Just as Neji was about to reach his cousin, he found himself snatched up into the air by several thick vines. A particularly thick one slowly followed the others, and slowly wrapped itself around Neji's throat. For several seconds, no one moved, wondering what was going to happen next; most shocked at the possible reemergence of the Shodai's bloodline. Eventually, the tension was broken by a perverted, feminine snicker.

When several eyes turned to her, Tenten gave a look of complete innocence, before smiling. "Seems Naru-kun has some tentacles of his own." She said, giggling.

"Yeah, she's definitely a keeper." Jiraiya said to his student. Another moment of tension filled hush fell over the crowd when another vine sprouted from the one around his neck, pointed at the end, and hovered near Neji's heart. It was broken when Hinata's soft voice urged him to let Neji go.

As Hinata was carted to the medical on a stretcher, Naruto turned to Neji with a glare. He didn't notice, but there were several people giving Neji the evil eye, Hiashi especially looked displeased. To do such a thing to a comrade, let alone family...he had lost the respect of a lot of people with his last attack.

"Once again, the spoiled princess of the Main House gets special treatment." It was about this time that certain adult shinobi began questioning the boy's sanity, and wondering if another mandatory psyche evaluation should be in his immediate future.

Once the floor was cleared, and Neji returned to the balcony, attention was once again directed towards the board.

"The next match will be Haku Momochi vs. Yoroi Akado." Hayate announced.

There's something to be said for the phrase, if you had blinked, you'd have missed it. The exchange between Haku and Yoroi happened in the blink of an eye, and when all was said and done, Haku was standing behind him in a throwing pose, and Yoroi was falling face first to the floor. Hayate approached the fallen Genin, and checked his pulse, before paling, and staring at Haku with harsh eyes. Haku returned the stare with a smile.

"He's not dead, I just put him in a death-like state." The boy informed him.

"Tch, what's the difference," Kankurou asked.

"Well, the former is a bit permanent," Haku lectured. "While with the latter, he'll wake up in about an hour feeling what my father calls a shitload of pain." Did I mention before that Hinata, and especially Naruto, had been a horrible influence on the boy?

Again, the board whirled, and when it stopped, it landed on a rather interesting contest.

"Will Sakura Haruno and Ino Yamanaka report to the arena." Hayate intoned.

The fight between Sakura and Ino was a one sided joke. While Sakura- under Kurenai- had been broken of her embodiment of the pathetic fangirl, Asuma had not taken as much time to do the same with Ino. As such, while Sakura had made a drastic improvement, Ino was still much the same girl she'd been when she'd graduated.

This was evident right from the start, when Ino engaged Sakura in a battle of Taijutsu, and found herself knocked to the ground after a few blocked strikes, and a vicious torso combo. When Ino cut her hair in an attempt to trap Sakura for her Shintenshin no Jutsu, Sakura easily evaded the chakra string trap, and began going through a familiar set of seals.

"Magen: Gokan Sakusou!(4)" Sakura thought to herself. The confusing thing to everyone watching, and even moreso to Ino, was that two Bunshin appeared, and the three Sakura's attacked Ino.

"So she finally used it, then." Kurenai muttered, both impressed and proud of her student.

"What is it?" Jiraiya asked. "All I see is blondie trying to hit her, and missing by a mile. Not that she was really making any headway from the beginning."

"It's a Genjutsu that dulls and confuses the opponent's senses. With the senses dulled, it has the added benefit of slowing their reaction time as well. Unless I'm mistaken, she masked casting the Genjutsu by creating those Bunshin."

"Now that was clever."

"It's one of her own design. I helped her some with the mechanics, but it was all her idea." Jiraiya found himself impressed. He was also glad that brat had grown up. Seeing a child of Kushina's acting like a useless fangirl had been very painful to watch.

'_So that's what she used on that guy in the forest._' Naruto thought to himself. '_Wish I could actually use Genjutsu. I'd so trade teaching her any jutsu in my arsenal to learn that._'

By the time Sakura decided to end the match, and try to save Ino as much dignity as she had left, Ino was definitely looking the worse for wear. Funny thing, if Ino had been able to accept defeat graciously, she'd have likely come out of the match with what dignity she had left after her beating in tact. Unfortunately, Ino had always considered herself a step above Sakura. Even when she'd told the pinkette that she'd blossom into a beautiful flower, she had done so with the confidence that she'd still be the superior of the two. As such, she just couldn't keep her pride from rearing its head.

"You know, Forehead, it doesn't matter what happens here." Ino called to her rival. "Even if you do beat me, I'm sure Sasuke-kun would much rather have a dainty girl like me, not some butch girl like you." Sakura's eyes narrowed as Ino spoke. Any thoughts of giving Ino a dignified defeat flew from her mind. She wasn't going to beat Ino to prove to Sasuke that she was better, she was going to humble Ino in the worst way possible.

Taking advantage of Ino's dulled senses, Sakura drew, and launched a hail of kunai and shuriken at Ino. As Ino leapt to the side to dodge the straight forward attack, Sakura used the time to quickly make another set of handseals, while whispering.

"Magen • Narakumi no Jutsu!" Standing from where she'd dodged Sakura's attack, Ino smirked at her rival.

"Is that all you got forehead?" What ever else Ino was going to say was broken off, as a fight broke out on the balcony.

"I said I was fine, and didn't need any help!" A voice that she recognized as Sasuke yelled out.

"Calm down kid, she was just trying to help." The strong voice of Jiraiya replied. Ino craned her neck to see what was going on. She wasn't worried about Sakura attacking, because if it involved Sasuke-kun, then she was likely just as interested.

"I said back off!" Sasuke yelled, before a massive fireball came into existence. Seconds later, there was a flash, several thuds, and a massive spray of blood. Mere moments after that, Sasuke's broken body toppled over the railing, and fell to the arena floor with a loud crunch.

Shock over what had just happened filled Ino, causing her to freeze. It faded rapidly in the face of her dying crush. She ran over, and knelt by his side, taking his shuriken riddled arm, and clutching it to her chest.

"Sasuke-kun, no, don't die!" Sasuke struggeled to turn to her his Sharingan blazing, and spinning.

"I-Ino...too late...l-l-love you...av-avenge...avenge-" His arm went slack in hers, and Sasuke was still.

"Sasuke-kun! Sasuke-kun! SASUKE-KUN!" Ino cried out his name, getting progressively louder, shaking the boy who just wouldn't respond. "NOOO!" Ino screamed, before her eyes rolled up and she fainted, foaming at the mouth.

Outside of the Genjutsu, Naruto had a wide grin on his face. "Casting a Genjutsu on an Uchiha fangirl to make her think she's seeing Sasuke get killed." Naruto said, grinning. "Now that's a great prank. That's almost up there with Hinata asking for Neji's help explaining to her father that she was pregnant." A few feet away, said boy again bristled at another time his cousin got one over on him.

"Winner, Sakura Haruno." Hayate announced, and once again the board began to spin.

The next match was Shino Aburame vs. Misumi Tsurugi. Not much was known about the older Genin, except that like his teammate Kabuto, he had failed the exam several times. Unlike his teammate, however, it was due to his losing with a poor showing during the third portion of the exam. Unfortunately for him, there would be no difference between the last seven times, and this one. Another sad fact about the match, was that it would be Misumi's quickest loss yet.

The match of course started with the usual threat dished out by the older, more experienced Genin trying to get into the younger ones' heads.

"Unlike Yoroi, I won't go easy." Misumi boasted. "I don't show mercy, even for little punks like you. I'm going to end this quickly."

"You will do what you must, as will I." Shino intoned with zero emotion.

Misumi started the match by charging Shino, and attempting a back fist. When Shino went to block the attack, he found himself shocked by what happened next. Instead of the opponent's fist colliding with his, the man's arm twisted as if it was completely without bones. All too soon, Shino found himself wrapped in the mans boneless limbs; one of the man's arms wrapped around his neck.

"I have you trapped now." He said. "Give up or I will break your neck, and end your shinobi career." Shino, not being cowed in the least gave him a simple reply.

"Accepting defeat would be illogical."

"If that is your choice." With a wrench of his arm, Misumi snapped Shino's neck...only to gasp when the Aburame heir turned into bugs which began to rapidly drain him of chakra. Before long, Shino was being declared the winner, and Misumi had once again failed the Chuunin Exams.

As Hanako watched the match, her mind was on something completely different than the outcome. She was more focused on the technique that the boy Misumi was using.

"Kakashi-sensei?" When the Jounin turned questioning eyes to her, she continued. "That thing that he did, stretching his body out, that's the same kind of technique that Orochimaru was using against us when we fought in the forest."

Now, as an Elite Jounin, Kakashi wasn't one to just jump to conclusions, but that was not a technique indiginous to Konoha as far as he knew. He would have to bring this to the attention of both his former sensei, Jiraiya, and the Sandaime. Between the three, they would know if this was a Konoha technique, or if Misumi was now a person of interest.

"I'll take care of it, Hanako." Kakashi said. "And good job on recognizing that."

The next match was another between family members, as well as another quick ending one. This one had the benefit of being amusing though. Sabaku no Temari vs. Sabaku no Kankuro had an interesting dynamic, as certain common things from their home life ended up having an effect on the match. Before the match even started, Temari had opened her fan completely, and was prepared to fight. Right from the start, she went with one of her better attacks.

With a massive wave of her fan, Temari called out "Kamaitachi!", and blew Kankurou away into the wall. Hearing the clank of wood when it hit, she narrowed her eyes at the bundle on the floor. Without any hesitation, she ran over, closing her fan as she did, and swung, wacking her brother Kankurou with her fan.

Kankurou, who had had experience dealing with Temari swinging her fan, usually in a fit of rightious feminine rage for something he'd done, fell back on learned habits.

"I give. I give." He said, covering his head. "Stop it, Temari, I'm sorry, just stop hitting me."

With an amused smirk on his face, Hayate announced."Winner Temari."

Kankurou, finally realizing what happened- and where he was- tried to protest, but it was already too late. "Wait, but...aw crud."

"You weakling, I only hit you once." Temari grumbled.

"With a solid iron fan!" Kankurou yelled back. "Besides, it's your fault. Surrendering is a conditioned response when you start swinging that thing back home. What did you expect me to do?" Rolling her eyes, Temari swatted her brother in the head- this time with just her hand thankfully- as they made their way back up to the balcony.

As there were only two combatants left, the board was not needed for Hayate to announce.

"The final match will be between Naruto Namikaze and Kabuto Yakushi."

Brimming with energy, Naruto hopped the railing, causing Tenten to scowl when her snuggly suddenly wasn't there, and she almost stumbled.

"Sorry Tenten-chan." Naruto called up to the pouting girl. Kabuto took his time going down, taking a form of amusement at Naruto's boundless energy and enthusiasm. Had he not been a spy for Orochimaru, he had little doubt that he'd have been just as enthralled as everyone else by the blond's charismatic personality.

Once Kabuto had arrived, he found his opponent grinning widely. "You're awfully excited, Naruto-kun."

"Of course I am." Naruto said. "How can I not be after watching everyone else go? I hope you're ready, Kabuto-san, because I'm not holding back."

"Ready?" Hayate asked, to which Naruto held up his hand.

"Actually, I kinda wanted to apologize for what I said earlier." Naruto said. "I shouldn't have called you a pussy, I just couldn't understand why you'd want to quit when you finally made it this far, and you were in good condition to actually compete."

"That's all right." Kabuto said, smiling. "It was something I needed to hear so I could stop second guessing myself." At that, both ninja dropped into fighting stances.

Kabuto had to fight to keep the look of surprise off his face, when he saw the boy's stance. It wasn't one he was familiar with, and actually didn't match what he'd had in his cards before they were destroyed. Maybe this would be interesting after all. He'd have to make sure he fought long enough to get an idea of the boy's style, since it seemed his information was wrong.

"Hajime!" Hayate said, before hopping away.

Kabuto stared at the narrow eyed smirk on his opponent's face. The narrowed eyes gave credence to the fact that Naruto was being serious, but the smirk was one he was familiar with right before one of Naruto's pranks went off. Feeling a disturbance in the air, Kabuto ducked just as a foot went sailing over his head. He then threw up a block to negate the follow up punch.

'_It seems I really underestimated him._' The elder nin thought. '_Either he prepared beforehand, or he can create clones without moving._'

Kabuto, using a sweeping kick, struck the clone in the leg hard enought to dispel it. To his shock, the 'clone' used the momentum of his fall, to kick him from a one handed hand plant. The shot to the jaw made him stumble back, just in time to get a jumping knee from what he had thought was Naruto. Almost as soon as the clone's hit connected, the clone dispelled, obscuring his vision, and giving Naruto an opening.

Naruto darted through the smoke, landing a punch to Kabuto's stomach, following up with a punch to the face that Kabuto was able to block. This was just a set up for the next attack, as it left Kabuto open for the kick to his mid-section. Kabuto flew backwards, but rolled back to his feet as soon as he landed.

After another brief, but intense taijutsu exchange, Kabuto had to admit that the young Namikaze was good- almost Chuunin level- and had he actually been a Genin, the match probably would have been over by now. Stumbling back, the elder Genin gave Naruto a sinister smile.

"It seems I underestimated you, Naruto-san." Kabuto said.

"Don't feel bad, you wouldn't be the first." Naruto teased.

In response to this, Kabuto went on the attack. Deciding to take a page from Hinata's book, Naruto used a Shunshin to escape. As soon as he came out of his retreat, he made a seal, took a deep breath, and blew out a jet of flames. Kabuto dodged, smirking at the young man.

"Impressive strategy." Kabuto teased. "Nice to see that you're not totally dependant on your clones."

"Hey, it worked, didn't it." Naruto shot back, as be made more seals. "And I'm not a one trick pony."

"Let's try this again, shall we." Running through some hand seals, Kabuto's hands suddenly began to glow. Naruto balked.

"Chakra Scapals, are you serious?" Naruto asked in frustration. "That's almost as bad as the Jyuuken."

Creating a bunch of Kage Bunshin, Naruto sent them after his opponent. He watched in frustration as all of his clones were systematically destroyed by the boy's taijutsu and scapels.

"Looks like I'm going to have to go long range." Making a single seal, Naruto thust his hands forward, sending a strong gust of wind at Kabuto.

And so it went, Kabuto trying to attack with his chakra scapels, while Naruto kept him at bay with the Reppushou. Occasionally, Kabuto would get close, but Naruto would dodge away. Realizing that the match would drag on if it kept like this- although in hindsight, Naruto would figure out that such a fight favored him- Naruto decided to end things with a bang...literally. Creating a squad of clones, Naruto charged Kabuto, preparing to take him head on- or so it seemed.

As the blond neared, Kabuto couldn't help wondering what kind of strategy the boy was trying to pull. There were four Naruto's attacking, and one hanging back. Normally, he'd guess that this one was the one that was the real person, but his opponent had proven already that he was willing to lead the charge. Deciding not to take any chances, he waited for his moment, and went to work as soon as they were close enough. A scapel to the heart ended two clones in a poof, and a third fell to a leg strike, going poof when struck. The last he aimed a strike to the left lung, weakening his strike so as not to kill the blond. There would be plenty of time for that later, and with the Hokage present, he didn't want to raise suspicion. To his shock, when he struck the clone, and it went poof, it did not disappear. Kabuto realized that he'd attacked the real Naruto, and that the blond had used a Kawarimi to replace himself with the straggling clone.

While this was a fairly good, and accurate deduction, it wasn't the whole story- as evidenced by the smirk on Naruto's face, as well as the clone.

"Krakka." The clone groaned, grabbing Kabuto's wrist with both hands.

"Krakka?" Kabuto repeated, confusedly. It was then that he saw the blues of Naruto's eyes turn yellow, before they began to glow ominously. Kabuto cursed, before exerting his full strength, and yanking himself free. He was able to jump away just as the clone exploded, but still didn't escape the blast fully, and found himself thrown back first into the wall.

"What!" Sakura balked incredulously. "His clones explode too! Just how much of his arsenal explodes?"

"You probably don't want to know the answer to that question." Haku said, gaining a persistent look from Sakura. "Sakura, Naruto could probably create a fighting style around things that explode."

Sakura paled. Haku was right; she really didn't want to know.

888

In a rundown building near Earth Country, a certain blond haired, new member of Akatsuki felt a jolt go up his spine. For some reason, he felt as if he was missing out on the ultimate apprentice.

888

Eyes glazed, and somewhat drooling, Tenten made a declaration that had several people rolling their eyes. "I think I just found my future husband."

"Oh dear Kami." Haku said, gasping and paling. "I just had a horrible thought."

"What is it?" Jiraiya asked, just knowing that this would be bad.

"Sensei, exploding clones take about the same amount of chakra as a normal Kage Bunshin, right?" Jiraiya nodded. "Well, I was just thinking. Does anyone really know how many Kage Bunshin Naruto is capable of making? We stopped at a thousand, because we ran out of space in the training grounds."

Jiraiya thought back to the month long test to find out how many Kage Bunshin Naruto could make before he was effected by the chakra drain. As Haku said, they'd stopped at an even thousand due to lack of space, and he'd only just started to feel the dip in his reserves. Oh Kami, he was going to have to keep a very close eye on his godson, or Konoha could end up a smoking crater between his tags and clones.

Minato, who'd returned to watch his son's match after making sure that Hinata would be okay, turned horrified eyes to his former teacher. "Jiraiya, you get to explain this to his mother."

888

Kabuto struggled to his feet, wincing at his aggravated ribs. While it wouldn't take any time to heal them if he chose, to do so now would bring attention to his special ability.

"Huh, didn't think you'd still be awake after that." Naruto said.

"You should never think that an attack will finish an opponent, just because it's particularly strong." Kabuto chided teasingly.

"Oh, I know that." Naruto said, reaching into his weapons pouch. "But you were awfully close to that explosion, so I kinda hoped. Still, I've got something special for you that I was planning to save for the finals, but I think you'd appreciate it more."

With a smirk on his face, he pulled out a single kunai. A very special kunai. A kunai that had three prongs. With a evil grin on his face, Naruto threw the kunai, aiming for the space right betweem his opponent's feet. Needless to say, there was bedlam in the audience.

888

"Are you kidding me, Naruto knows the Hiraishin?" Kiba- who'd returned from the medical area- yelled.

"When did he figure it out?" Minato asked Jiraiya. "Better yet, how did he figure it out?"

"Your guess is as good as mine." Jiraiya replied stunned.

888

On the other side, Orochimaru was staring in shock. To think one so young could have achieved such greatness. Maybe he had marked the wrong boy. No, with the Kyuubi sealed inside, the mark wouldn't have taken. This boy had just become a serious threat, and would have to be eliminated.

The Sand shinobi stared in undisguised horror. The Hokage knowing the technique they were aware of, and had planned for. This boy being able to use it was not in the plans. Baki made a note to himself to send a message to the Kazekage as soon as possible.

888

Down in the arena, Kabuto was frozen in shock. How could he have possibly missed such a critical piece of information about the blond while he was info gathering as a spy? In the confusion, Naruto made a single seal, and Shunshined the distance between himself and Kabuto, delivering a solid kick to the older boy's sternum, further aggravating the ribs injured during the clone blast. Naruto followed this up by creating half a dozen Shadow Clones, all of which jumped the silver haired Genin, and held him down.

Kabuto struggled in the grasp of the group of blonds. He had to admit that he was very impressed with the fake out. Having the son of the Yellow Flash using that particular kunai would lead to automatic assumptions, and his little spiel beforehand had really helped to sell the trick. Looks like he was going to have to pay a bit more attention to the young Namikaze for the rest of his spying term. But first things first...finishing this match.

Seeing that his clones had the other boy tightly held, Naruto began channeling chakra to his leg, as he raced towards his foe.

While he was expecting a rather easy to break child's grip- one that he'd have to really sell if he was going to fool several S rank shinobi- he was shocked to find that Naruto's grip was solid, and that he'd actually have to reveal his true strength to break it. Smirking inwardly at how easy the blond was making this deception, Kabuto prepared himself for Naruto's knockout blow. Discreetly sending chakra to his torso and face, Kabuto braced for the kick that Naruto was winding up. While it would still hurt like a bitch, with his special ability, the damage would be dropped to a minimum.

With a cry of "Ninpou: Panto Kikku! (5)", Naruto gave Kabuto a chakra powered kick to the groin. It was in that moment that Kabuto vowed that the next time he fought Naruto, he would kill him. Seconds later, he blacked out from the pain.

"Winner, Naruto." Hayate announced with a cough.

888

Twenty minutes later found Naruto, Haku, and Jiraiya headed to the hospital's recovery wing where Hinata had been transported once she'd been no longer in danger.

As soon as they'd gotten dismissed, Naruto began planning for first his opponent in the finals. Remembering the technique that Neji had used on Hinata, Naruto felt a bit of payback was in order. Looking at his sensei, Naruto asked a question that brought Jiraiya up short for a moment.

"Sensei, is it possible to learn the bloodline sealing jutsu in a month?" Jiraiya raised a single brow.

"Knowing you, you probably could if I taught it to you." Jiraiya said, gaining a hopeful look from the blond. "But much as I'm tempted, gaki, knowing what you're liable to do with it, your parents would kill me if I did."

Naruto frowned at that, but didn't deny it. Soon, they found themselves in front of Hinata's door. Jiraiya peeked in to make sure that she was decent and awake, and found she was. As soon as Naruto entered, he asked the question that had been in the back of his mind since her match.

"I know he's your cousin, Hinata, but why didn't you use your chakra scapels?"

"I didn't want to hurt him, nor did I want to antagonize him any further than he believes I have." She said.

"I guess," Naruto agreed with a frown. "But I still say you should have hit him with it at least once. Let him know that you could have hurt him a lot more than you did."

"But that's what you're for, niisan." She teased. "To protect the sweet, innocent princess from the big, bad bully."

"You, innocent?" Haku taunted. "Not likely."

"I am so." Hinata argued back, pouting. Suddenly, an ominous grin adorned her features. "Now what was that about me having tentacles?"

Grinning, Jiraiya explained about Tenten's comments, to the blunette's amusement. Much teasing of Naruto- and his perverted girlfriend- ensued, and the teammates had an enjoyable visit...well with the exception that it was necessary, of course. As he was heading home that evening, Naruto vowed that he would find a way to make Neji regret hurting his best friend/sister.

8888888888

1. from Kat Williams' special, It's Pimpin Pimpin, I think

2. Thinking he was a girl, some pervert tried to grope Haku, and Haku reacted viciously.

3. Sougu • Kurotora Kashou- Burning Black Tiger: Similar to the Twin rising dragon, only with a single scroll, and the scroll containing her explosive note wrapped kunai.

4. this is a ninjutsu from movie 3, but since the name fit, and the effect was what I was going for, I used it. Magen: Gokan Sakusou - Five Senses Confusion Disorder

5. punt kick [rugby]

* mostly right from canon

I know some of you may disagree with the way I portrayed the Hinata and Neji fight. The way I see it, is that Neji came into the match with a preconception of what to expect from Hinata. The fact is, she was much better than he was expecting, and it caught him off guard that she could actually keep up with him. No, she couldn't beat him in a straight Jyuuken fight, but she could hold her own for a time. The next thing is, he wasn't expecting her to use anything other than the Jyuuken against him, so when she started using ninjutsu, he was again thrown for a loop. Neji also seems the type to not be able to handle his beliefs being challenged, and reacts badly to that. There's also the fact that with Tsunade in the village, Hinata's mother survived whatever caused her to not be there in canon. Because of this, Hiashi never became the uber cold person he was in the series. Neji sees Hinata having a nice family life, something he feels he's been denied no matter how much his uncles family reaches out to him, and again jealousy makes him act rashly towards Hinata.

For those of you who feel the same about the Naruto/Kabuto fight, remember that Kabuto was throwing the match. Sure, he was pretending to put up a fight, but he wasn't planning on winning. When I said Kabuto would only get close before Naruto dodged, Kabuto was never really trying to hit Naruto. Had he wanted to, he could have but he had a cover to keep. Also, to those that may nitpick that Naruto couldn't create 1000 Kage Bunshin pre timeskip, I'll direct your attention to page 16 of chapter 133 (and aren't all those reactions just comical), as well as the technique on page six of chapter 134. If those are wrong, then the actual page is close to it. The technique is the **Uzumaki Naruto Nisen Rendan - Uzumaki Naruto 2,000 Hit Combo**, and he used it against Gaara during the invasion. And this after all of the clones he made during his match with Neji, and previously during that fight.

By the way, the next chapter will likely be just a short burst going over the month long wait. Unless people don't mind if I just wait and put it in with the finals.

By the way, these are the match ups, and I have a reason for each.

1. Naruto v Neji

2. Gaara v Temari

3. Hanako v Sakura

4. Shikamaru v Shino

5. Haku v Lee

6. Sasuke v Tetsuya

**Questions for you to consider... **

* Are the fights believable, or should I have done more/less?

* The part with the three sound ninja in the forest, is that believable?

* Do you think they'd have really known to do that after the fight?

* Should I add the month between onto the finals chapter since not much happens, or should I make it its own? Fair warning, it'll be kind of like the Post Wave chapter. Basically humor and hijinks of Team 11, with some training and other stuff added in.

*Should I stop writing this, and let someone sane adopt it?

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**Before we begin the Unrelated Omake, I would like to apologize to you, the readers. I have no excuse for what this last portion of the tale contains, and I can only hope you will forgive me for the insanity you are about to expose yourself to. My muse has agreed pay half the therapy bills for the first ten reviewers, and we can only hope that you have a good therapist. By the way, for those of you who have seen the Southpark movie- which I also do not own any part of- I again apologize for when you get to the *. I just couldn't help myself, it was too crazy an idea to pass up.**

_Previously on For The Love of Ramen, Akatsuki's leader came up with a plan to get the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki to come to them. The plan, outlaw ramen. The plan worked, but not in any way that the members could have imagined. An apoplectic Naruto stormed their base and the Hidden Rain village, killing several members, before hunting down the ones who managed to escape._

_"Hidan is dead too." Tobi answered to the shock of his comrades._

_"How the hell did he kill an immortal?" Kisame asked._

_"With a peanut, a spatula, and a stick of chapstic." A menacing voice answered. The three turned to find a certain blond with nine tails of the same color waving behind him dangerously, poised to strike at a moments notice. A blue haired woman with an origami flower in her hair stood next to him, wearing a kimono so tight, it was obvious she wasn't wearing anything beneath it. The next word uttered by Tobi was very fitting._

_"Mommy."_

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And this we find ourselves back at the Akatsuki Rendevous.

"Hmm, now what should I do with you, plantman?" Naruto asked rhetorically. "Wait, I think I have some toothpicks and floss in my pack. That should be fun."

As the screams began, Kisame and Tobi looked on in horror, and struggled even harder against the clones holding them captive. While this was going on, they were also trying to figure out why the clones weren't dispelling when hit or stabbed like they were supposed to- even more frightening was the fact that their pointies ended up bent at the tip. Kisame- feeling that momentarily surviving was worth the chakra drain on his already low reserves- created a water clone, and switched with it. Once free, he made a bee line for Kirigakure, leaving his sword, which was still sitting next to the clone, behind. If he had to choose between execution in Mist for killing the Daimyo, or execution by the blond for outlawing ramen, he'd choose Kiri's barbaric customs any day. The things he did to Zetsu with a couple of toothpicks and a roll of floss just shouldn't be possible.

As Naruto finished with the plantman- after having reduced him to several kilos of pipe, blunt, and bong filling- he turned his venomous gaze on the orange masked man. He'd just grabbed the man by the throat when he was interrupted.

"You know Naruto-sama, you should let Tobi live...or at least have a chance to argue his case." Konan said softly into his ear, before nibbling on the shell. Naruto purred; he really liked when she did that. "He's the one that sent you that note about the ramen." Naruto turned to her, raised an eyebrow, then nodded at the nod of confirmation she gave to him.

"Fine, let's hear your reason for informing me," Tobi sighed in relief. "And it better be good. I have a certain...less than fondness for traitors." Tobi thought about saying something just to placate the uber ninja in front of him, but decided against it.

"Tobi may have been loyal to Akatsuki, but they weren't good boys like Tobi." The man choked out. "Taking away ramen is a crime against humanity, so Tobi had to choose good ramen over bad Leader-sama's inhumane plan." Naruto narrowed his eyes, before releasing his grip, and letting the man fall to the ground.

"Then Tobi is a good boy." Naruto said. Tobi beamed. Having what he'd been saying all along finally confirmed by someone else...well that was just damn swell, wasn't it?

"Uh, Naruto-sama, can Tobi come back to Konoha with you?" The man asked, sheepishly scratching the back of his head in a very familiar manner. "Tobi's home village was destroyed a long time ago, and he doesn't have anywhere else to go."

"Sure, there's a great ramen stand in Konoha too, once we get this law revoked." Snapping a salute, the orange masked man blurted.

"You just leave that to Tobi." He said, as he began swirling out of existence. "The ramen will be back before Naruto-sama returns home."

"Yeah, that guy's not weird at all." Naruto drawled.

"Shall we head home then, Naruto-sama?" Konan asked. "I think it's about time you claimed me properly."

"Not yet, we have to pay a visit to a certain snake." Naruto replied, ending the water clone, and picking up the discarded Sameheda. "And I'm thinking I'd like to go fishing in Water Country."

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Kirigakure two days later...

"To what do we owe the pleasure, Kisame-kun?" Mei Terumii asked. Her seductive voice sending shivers up the man's spine...and not the good kind. No matter how sexy she was, she was scary. She was even more so when she was being sexy, because you didn't know whether she was about to seduce/rape you, kill you in cruel and unusual ways, or if you were truly unlucky, some fucked up combination of both.

Remembering that she rather liked bluntness, Kisame decided to be just that.

"I joined an organization that ran afowl of the wrong person." He said. "I decided it would be better to face execution here than let him catch up to me."

"Oh, and who is so powerful that they would make even you quake?" She asked with mocking interest. After all, a man that powerful would likely make a good husband.

"That would be me." A voice said.

Kisame gave a squeak, and wet his pants, before hiding behind the Mizukage's chair. The Mizukage elect looked at the doorway to her office to find a woman with blue hair, and amused eyes, dressed in a very form fitting kimono (and doubtfully anything underneath it). Next to the, admittedly beautiful, woman stood a man. Not just any man, but the most beautiful man she had ever seen. A man that was currently radiating a power that made her skin tingle; and this on top of the other indecent reactions from her body.

'_The hell with this job, I'm getting married, and having his babies._' Mei thought, then grinned. '_That will teach those bastards to put me on a 90 day probation; one that not only restricts my movements, but resulted in me not even getting paid for doing this thankless job. Sure, the standard Jounin stipend is pretty nice, but it doesn't compensate for the stress being a frikkin Kage puts on a girl._'

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"So, will you share, or are we going to have to fight over him?" Mei asked a bit later as they watched Kisame get brutally beaten- and considering that Mei had grown up in Kiri, that was saying something. That the delicious looking young man was somehow making Kisame's wounds heal within seconds of creating them, prolonging the torture...Mei shivered. She'd need a change of underpants before long.

"Considering that he made a Shadow Clone that killed the Akatsuki Leader," Konan said, wincing at a particularly vicious sounding snap. "I doubt handling multiple women will be an issue for him. As a matter of fact, we'll probably need more help."

After several hours, and three changes of underpants for Mei, Naruto finally grew bored of torturing Kisame. Making a single hand seal, Naruto used his special Henge on the man. Noticing he was done, Konan sidled up to him, and draped herself onto his right side.

"Are we heading home now so that you can ruin us?" She asked in a sultry voice. Naruto nodded back towards Mei, and received a minute nod.

"Sorry girls, we've got one more stop to make." Naruto said, earning a pout.

"But Naruto-sama-" Mei said, taking up position on his left side.

"Don't worry, this is the last one." Naruto said. "Then we'll go home, and you won't be able to walk for a week by the time I'm finished, I promise."

Both women shivered in anticipation, though they were now even more annoyed at the wait.

"So where to, Naruto-sama?" Mei asked.

"Oto." Was his simple answer, as he walked away. Staring at his back, Konan just shrugged.

"Well, I've heard there are some seriously horny girls in Oto." She said. "This might be a good chance for us to recruit a willing red shirt."

"Red shirt?" Mei asked.

"You know, the sacrifice for the good of the whole." Konan explained before she started following her master. "The girl we toss at Naruto-sama when he gets horny, and we're in no condition to tackle his tackle."

"You really think we'll need one?" Mei inquired.

"Given what our spies pegged is stamina level was before he got like that," Konan said looking thoughtful. "We'll probably need two or three."

Little did Naruto know, that he'd just activated the Uzumaki Promise Bloodline. When the Uzumaki made sincere promises, they were always kept. One reason for this, was that the fates seemed unable to control this bloodline, and enough small- yet fundamental- changes got made to the world to make the conditions just right for the Uzumaki's promise to come true.

The only thing as powerful as the Uzumaki Promise Bloodline, was the Uchiha Bloodline of Succumbing to Idiocy/Psychosis/Revenge. It was also the only bloodline that could provide a negative enough charge to the positive nature of the Uzumaki Promise Bloodline, that it made it possible for things to get left to chance- hence why Sasuke escaped at the VotE. Fortunately for the sake of this story, with Naruto in uber mode, not even the Uchiha's special bloodline could hope to stand up to the Uzumaki bloodline at the moment.

"First though, we'll have to let the Council know that I'm resigning my post." Mei said. "I'm not worried about our chances of success, but I don't think they'll be too happy about it either."

As the trio left an hour later, Mei didn't know whether to be happy, or disgusted with her former village. She was happy that she was free to leave with Mr. Uber Yummy, but the way they'd discarded her was a downright painful blow to a person's self-worth. Sure they'd made a nice, proper stink about her leaving at first, which did warm her heart a bit, but as soon as Naruto had offered them the Sameheda in exchange, they'd ignored her completely, and decided it was a more than fair trade. Sure it was a rare sword, and a village heirloom, but to say that it was so easily worth more than your future Kage- who just so happened to be the last carrier in the village of two very powerful bloodlines- was just ridiculous. Hell, from some of the looks those old pervs were giving that sword, she suspected the poor blade was going to find itself molested later.

Oh well, at least Choujuurou would miss her. Maybe she could get a new Swordsmen group started in Konoha, and invite him to stay. She'd have to make sure he understood her intentions though. He wouldn't stand a chance against a wrathful Naruto-sama, and she'd feel really guilty if he got himself flayed because he got the wrong idea, and tried something by mistake.

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The next morning, a blue goldfish with sharp teeth could be found swimming around a bowl in a little girl's room.

'_I guess this is better than what it could have been._' Kisame thought snacking on the fish flakes being dumped into his bowl. Kisame the fish would spend the rest of his days as a child's pet, but considering the fates of some of his former colleagues, he was content with his punisment.

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*The prisoners were screaming. Orochimaru was scheming. Kabuto was performing sick experiments on people too. Manda was doodling (don't ask). Sasuke was brooding...about killing his big brother; sad, but true. It's super, thanks for asking; would be the answer for asking Oto nin about their day- okay, probably not. You're more likely to get a kunai to the chest as a reply. Moving on.

Karin felt sorry, for poor gentle Juugo. And the sick things Kabuto was doing to him right now. But she wasn't the one laying on the table, so even Juugo's fate couldn't bring her down. Besides, Sasuke-kun had said that she looked cute in her top, her little shorts, her matching boots she got at Merves. No one need hurt her feelings by telling her he'd only said it so she'd go away. Yes, the denizens of Otogakure were having an absolutely super day.

That is, until there was a harsh knock, and an entire section of the secret compound's ceiling ceased to exist. It didn't blow up. It didn't disentegrate. It didn't implode, crumble, or even fall. It just suddenly had a bout of extreme notthereness. Even if it was the second time she'd seen it, Konan was still amazed- and more than just a bit turned on- at the spectacle. As for Mei, a blush was the least embarrassing of her visible reactions.

The ninja of the village assembled with speed that would make the Great Five envious- though if the other villages gave their ninja the option of dying swiftly from invaders, or slowly by experimentation for cowardice, they might have the same rapid response. Sadly, or not, the only thing to be met was a silhouette that would spell their doom. Within moments, all of the defenders contracted a severe case of epidemic level nonliving. Against Naruto alone it was a lesson in eventuality, but with Konan and Mei picking off stragglers, it was like the Alamo...a sad, but really foregone conclusion.

Naruto walked calmly through the halls of Orochimaru's base, dispatching anyone stupid enough to get in his way...and even a rather unfortunate cat whose only crime was hissing at him, and looking a little too much like Tora. As he passed a corridor, Naruto heard the sinister chuckling of a familiar asshole. With barely a blink, a Kage Bunshin was formed, and sent down the hallway. Several minutes later, once it found the traitor it was looking for, the clone exploded, taking Kabuto and Orochimaru's lab with it. The little lab assistant was very lucky that Konan had followed, taken pity on her, and shielded her from the blast. Without another word, the redhead followed the older woman obediently.

Little did Karin know the real reason Konan spared her. For Konan, she knew the instant that she saw the girl, that she'd make a perfect first red shirt. The slim redhead's aura just seemed to scream 'for the right boy, I'll gladly bend over and take it like a champ'.

Inside the throne room, Orochimaru amused himself by watching two Genin fight to the death in the hopes of becoming one of his new Sound Four. Neither would be chosen, of course, but it was entertainment all the same. He'd been informed earlier of his base being attacked, but since he hadn't heard anything since, he'd ignored it. There were only a few people he knew that could penetrate his base far enough to reach him, and they'd have been here long before now. He was suddenly on alert when the doors burst open. Seeing who was in the doorway, however, he relaxed.

"Ah, Naruto-kun, so nice of you to join us." Orochimaru said silkily. "And Mei, I remember when you were just a little thing. Haven't you grown up just beautifully?"

"I don't have the time for any of your semi-perverted overtures." Naruto said coolly. "Where's the bastard?"

"Now, now, Naruto-kun," Orochimaru said, his voice gaining a threatening lilt. "I can't just let you come and take Sasuke-kun away from me. I need his body, and those delicious eyes."

"I don't really care about his eyes." Naruto said. "You can take them out and keep them for all I care. I came for the broody bastard."

"But without his body, his eyes are useless to me." Orochimaru said.

"Look, either you take me to Sasuke, or I'll shove your sword up your ass, and find him myself." The Sannin's snake master drew narrowed eyes before summoning his Kusanagi.

"I tried to be cordial, but it would seem as if you only understand suffering." Orochimaru sneered. "No matter, I've been wanting to pick you apart for a long time."

The fight- if one could really call it that- didn't last very long, and didn't end in the elder nin's favor. I mean really, after what he did to the Akatsuki Leader...with a Shadow Clone...didn't even break a sweat- much to Mei's frustration. When Konan and Karin arrived several minutes after Naruto had left in search of Sasuke, it was to a rather startling sight. Orochimaru was face down on the floor with his ass in the air. The legendary sword of Kusanagi was shoved halfway into the upturned backside of its former owner like the Excalibur of Arthurian legend.

"Mizukage-sama?" Karin said, shocked. Ignoring her fellow redhead, Mei addressed the blue haired kunoichi.

"Naruto-sama went in search of the Uchiha." She said, walking over and wrenching the sword free (no use letting a perfectly good blade go to waste). "The snake wouldn't tell him where he was, so our master made him talk, then did...that."

Karin stared at her former leader, fear and excitement flashing through her. Fear considering that she was an Oto shinobi...although it was odd that the blue haired lady had both protected her from the exploding clone, and had drug her along instead of killing her. The excitement came as a result of someone who was strong enough to kill Orochimaru. She just knew that this Naruto-sama had a huge chakra, and was curious what it might feel like to her bloodline, especially up close. Sure she could search for him now, but it would be so much more worth it to wait until she could actually see him. She was also just a bit worried considering that this unknown man had gone after her Sasuke-kun.

When they got to battle site, however, her tune changed rather quickly. Not only was he so much yummier looking than Sasuke, but he felt so much better too.

"So what's a girl have to do to be consumed by his delicious chakra?" Karin asked the two elder kunoichi as they watched Sasuke get the thrashing he'd had coming for so long. I mean sure, Karin had an omega crush on the Uchiha, but sometimes he could be a hurtful jerk.

"Get naked, and do anything thing he wants." Mei answered. "Maybe bend over, present your lubed and readied fuck holes, and pray to Kami you can still walk straight after he's done probing and injecting them with his cream filling."

"Sacrifice yourself for the good of the family should Naruto-sama become too aroused for us to handle, and none of his other lovers have the will or strength to provide him with relief. You know, spirit is willing, but the body is brittle kind of thing. Your mind will probably end up broken from all the pleasure, but I'd say it's a small price to pay."

"Done." Karin said, shocking the older women. By now, she was panting, and both pairs of her lips were drooling uncontrollably.

Her mother had always told her that when it came to chakras, when you found the one, you gave yourself to it, and did whatever it took to be kept close. She also said that if you find the 'Pure Master Chakra', you should latch onto it anyway you could, and pray that your mind was still intact when the gooey yummy ride was over. Karin knew this was the one, she just hoped she was still coherent, and that there was enough of her mind left to enjoy a second ride later.

Meanwhile...well actually, just a bit before the girls arrived

"Still think you can talk me into returning to Konoha, dobe?" Sasuke taunted.

"No, you lost that chance the last time you tried to kill me." Naruto answered. "Now, I'm going to disable you, and drag your ass back."

"You still don't get it, do you dobe." Sasuke then went on a rather long rant about his superiority, how Naruto was nothing back then, and was an ant compared to him now.

It wasn't until he saw Naruto standing next to him, and felt a fist buried in his gut did he realize that the Naruto he was talking to was just an after-image. And thus the rather one-sided beating began.

Now don't take this the wrong way. Sasuke Uchiha still had every right to be an arrogant prick. Training under Orochimaru had increased his abilities exponentially, and he'd only grown further since they last met. The reason why this meeting of the former teammates was so different than the last, however, was Naruto.

The last time, Naruto had been a shinobi of high Chuunin, maybe low Jounin quality, and hadn't been prepared for just how much Sasuke had grown. This time, Naruto was as close to being a half-demon as you could get without actually being one (i.e. having a demon and human for parents). Not only was Naruto stronger and had more stamina than Sasuke, but unlike last time, his speed surpassed the Uchiha's by a Gamabunta sized margin as well. Last time, Naruto had been willing to try talking sense into his wayward friend. This time, he was fully committed to doing whatever it took to bring Sasuke back, and that included fucking Sasuke's shit all the way up, back down, and up again.

Sasuke, realizing that the possiblity of losing to the Dobe was actually high this time, and unwilling to accept it, decided it was time to end the fight in grand fashion. That pale, creepy bastard wouldn't let him use it last time, but no one was here to stop him from destroying the Dobe. Running through the proper seals, Sasuke shot a massive fireball up into the heavens.

Raising his hand to the sky, Sasuke gave a nice little spiel about how Naruto would finally meet his doom. Aside from the numerous- and overused- injections of dobe, loser, and Uchihas are superior, Naruto had to admit that it was actually a pretty good speech...well, a good speech for Sasuke, anyway. Not wanting to take any chances, as soon as Sasuke brought his arm down, Naruto flared his chakra to very interesting results.

Sasuke was shocked, floored, startled, awed, and about seven other like words at the sheer force of the Dobe's power. Konan began pinching her nipples and rubbing her thighs together, while Mei had a small, yet strangely sturdy climax- unlike Konan who'd been exposed to it when he fought Nagato, Mei hadn't been exposed to what Konan called 'The Tidal Flare'. Both Konan and Mei would need a change of clothes, as they'd soaked themselves.

As for poor Karin...well she climaxed seventeen times simultaneously, and collaped to the ground unconscious. For those wondering why, the answer is quite simple. You see, as soon as the ladies had arrived, Konan used her sensing gift on Naruto. From the moment she'd solidified her place in the stable, she'd been standing there, swaying back and forth- drooling, of course- as she basked in the all consuming chakra of the man she was now convinced would destroy her mind in a delicious fashion. When the flare came, she got a sensory overload of deliciousness that she wasn't prepared to handle, and the results spoke for themselves.

Then there was the lightening bolt that had been summoned from the sky. As the lightening bolt raced towards Naruto, it began panicking. If it hit its current target, well, it wouldn't end well for him. It just wasn't fair, he hadn't volunteered for this. He'd been at home watching old Bleach reruns, when he'd been snatched by the collar, and hurled at the uber brat. Just from the smug look on his face, he knew exactly who had done it. Like seriously, who the hell would be dumb enough to give a demented brat with brother issues any kind of control of _lightening_. That would be like giving a complete moron with inhuman chakra reserves- and horrible chakra control- actual control over the very thing that a good number of living things cannot live without. One experimental mistake and everybody suffocates. It was with this stream of consciousness- please don't ask how- that the bolt of lightening began searching for a new target.

He first thought that the smug emo would be a good target, but given he was responsible for this, the person that gave him lightening to control in the first place wouldn't allow that to work. There were the girls, but something told him that that plan would result in an even more brutal demise than hitting uber blondie. He wasn't quite sure how, but he was sure the tailed blond could, and would manage it. Just as he was about to face his demise upon the blond, he sensed two new targets. Perfect, he knew that nobody liked those two, and that neither would be missed. Five feet away from the uber blond, the lightening bolt suddenly veered sharply to the left, and struck the two people trying to stay hidden.

The two in question just so happened to be Orochimaru and Kabuto. Yes, even after the monumental devastation they faced at Naruto's hands, they were still alive. How you ask, well let's take a small trip back a few minutes ago, shall we.

Five minutes ago...

Orochimaru climbed out of the abused and mutilated husk that was his body. He knew he shouldn't, but he couldn't help it. Peering at his former body, he gave a sharp shudder. And here he thought Itachi and the Akatsuki leader were scary. Shaking his head of those thoughts, he looked at his body again, and sighed. It was the dilemma of dilemmas. On the one hand, he was angered that they'd had the nerve to filch his sword. On the other hand, he was also thankful they hadn't left it shoved up his ass, and run the risk of someone coming and finding him like that.

"Orochimaru-sama?" A voice said from behind him.

"What is it, Kabuto?" The Snake master asked...after disposing of the signs of his defeat, of course. Tuning, he found that Kabuto looked like he'd been thoroughly thrashed.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, Kabuto." He snapped, even if he did have several bruises that were showing up quite nicely on his pale skin. "You, however, don't look so good."

"I was visited by Naruto-kun." Kabuto said, a smirk on his face. "Apparently, he's undergone a huge upgrade, and if it hadn't been for the Cliche Evil Villian Death Escape no Jutsu that you taught me, I'd be dead. He would make an excellent experiment, don't you think?"

"If we can catch him." Orochimaru muttered. "He's got two S-rank kunoichi with him, one with two formidable bloodlines, and one who controls paper and was taught by my perverted former teammate."

Left unsaid, but acknowledged by both, was the fact that even without the two women, they were unlikely to succeed.

Silently, the two made their way to the place where they could hear the sounds of what they were fairly sure was a one-sided fight. The flare that preceeded their arrival gave both an ominous chill that made them think thoughts they'd never have considered before- thoughts about trying to make nice with their former home. They arrived just in time to see a bolt of lightening- most likely from Sasuke's ultimate jutsu, Kirin- veer sharply away from Naruto, and head towards them.

Now, there was one major drawback about those super death escape jutsu. They used so much chakra, and put such a strain on the body that they could only be used once per arc...unless you're a non-aging geriatric with a bullshit bloodline, and delusions of grandeur that the series creator seems to enjoy giving new power-ups everytime you see him just for shits and giggles. But that's another story all in itself, let us get back to the current one, shall we. As the bolt struck them both, had they been capable of thought, it would have went along the lines of, "Maybe we should have just stayed dead the first time the brat killed us."

His job done, the lightening bolt found himself dropped back onto his couch. Checking his surroundings, he found everything just as he'd left it. Even better, he glanced up at the screen, and saw he was just in time to enjoy the delicious, bouncy goodness that was Rangiku Matsumoto. Now while the author perfers the sexy neko, her petite potential lesbian lover, Halibel, grown up Neliel, Nanao, and Nemu, he does not begrudge Mr. Bolt his fantasies. After all, he could also appreciate the delicious, bouncy goodies attatched to Rangiku and Orihime.

Meanwhile...

"Tch, and to think I was going to give you the chance to kill your brother." Naruto said, glaring; while Sasuke paled. "Oh well, since you want to be a pissy little teme, I've changed my mind."

And so, the violent humbling of Sasuke Uchiha resumed. I won't go into too many details, just know that over the course of the beating, Mei and Konan messed themselves again. It was an experience that Sasuke would never forget...mostly because he wasn't allowed to forget it. Through sheer force of will- or some uber power granted by his power up, whatever floats your boat- Naruto forced Sasuke's Sharingan to stay active throughout the entire beating, and made the Uchiha remember every moment of it.

He also orchestrated such a huge mindfuck on the young Uchiha, that his elder brother would have been envious. After severely, judiciously- and I must admit brutally- incapacitating Sasuke, Naruto pulled a scroll from his pocket, and unsealed its contents.

Onto the ground fell the battered, unconscious form of Itachi Uchiha. Sasuke was forced to watch in horror as his chance for revenge was stolen from him right before his eyes. Ironically enough, Sasuke reacted to that the same way Sakura reacted to Kakashi's Genjutsu during the Bell Test.

Sasuke's final defeat was rather anti-climactic, considering Naruto just sealed his Sharingan away, and applied enough chakra draining seals on the boy, that if he farted, he'd have wasted half his available chakra. He was already unconscious, so that wasn't a needed step. Still, Naruto wacked him in the head with one of his tails just to be on the safe side.

Once everything was all said and done, Naruto calmly walked over, and picked up the unconscious, still slightly spasming Karin bridal style. As he lifted her, a very familiar feminine scent hit his nose, and Naruto sighed. It would seem he'd aqcuired another one.

"I'll carry the nympho, you two can take turns dragging the teme back." The two women frowned, before a rather devious grin lighted upon Konan's face.

Deciding to take their Master/Husband/Baby Daddy/Mmm Yummy's words quite literally, the two women smirked as they took turns dragging the unconscious Uchiha along the road back to Konoha. Things really got bad for the traitor when they reached the thickly forested areas of Fire country, and took to the trees to cut down on time.


End file.
